Question for adoptees

whse13kittens · January 2014

So I found out very recently that I have an older half brother that I knew nothing about. He was born before my father met my mother; for my dad's own selfish reasons he basically chose to abandon my brother and only very recently was I told that it was even a possibility he existed. My father did confirm his existence for me, but told me he has not spoken to my brother since my brother was 1 1/2.

I want to reach out to my brother via letter, to let him know that I now know about him and would like to get to know him, if he is willing/able to do that. I keep sitting down to write the letter, though, and nothing comes out right. It seems so awkward to try and tell a 32-almost-33 year old man that his 26 year old sister JUST found out about him.

I guess my question is, if you recieved a letter from your bio-family-member whom you've never met/knew existed, what would you want it to say? Would you be interested in hearing about their life/seeing a photo, or would you rather it was just a straight forward "Hi, I am X, here is where you can reach me if you'd like to talk"?

Any suggestions/opinions/experiences would be so helpful!

whse13kittens · January 2014

Thanks very much for your advice, @Spooko. I sat down and wrote my letter last night and mailed it on the way to work this morning. I have been dragging my feet for too long.

It ended up being a straightforward letter with just a little bit of personal information - I told him who I was, my age, how we were related (through our father), that we have a younger sister. I told him I was married and that he has step-nephews/a new nephew on the way. And then I gave my contact information and said if/when you are ever ready to reach out, even if you just want our family medical information, please get in touch with me.

And now, it's his choice. I hope he contacts me. And if he doesn't, that's okay too. At the very least, I let him know that if he wants, the door on my end will be open.

Dr.Loretta · January 2014

It sounds like you struck a good balance between sharing everything and sharing just the basics. Keep us posted on whether you hear from him.

plus12012 · January 2014

Good luck! I hope everything turns out well for you. I'm an adoptee and while I think I'd be a little shocked at first if I received a letter from a Bio-Sibling, I think I'd also be really excited and thrilled to know that they cared enough to reach out to me.

whse13kittens · January 2014

Thanks ladies. From what I understand from my pieced-together story, he did try to contact us up through and including his high school graduation. I never knew he existed and I'm really hoping he understands that if I did, I would have reached back.

My father is an @$$ for rejecting him -- I say this only after having spoken to my dad about the things he did and reasons. And his reasons were basically "I didn't feel like it." Grrrrrr.

whse13kittens · January 2014

Hi ladies. I wanted to reach out again and say thank you. My brother emailed me today and he is interested in having a relationship with me. I can't even begin to describe how happy I am.

Dr.Loretta · February 2014

That is very exciting! I hope you'll be able to have a relationship that benefits you both.

lorifromwi · February 2014

Yay! I'm a little late to this party, but wanted to say how happy I am for you. The advice I have to give from my reunion story is go in without expectations...accept what the other person can give and what they can't. You will probably find amazing things you do thesame even though you never met before...at least that was my exexperience. Happy to share any of my story or thoughts if that would help

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