To continue BF or not, that is the question...

Bamgal25 · January 2014

I am having a hard time deciding if I should continue to try to pursue breastfeeding, or if I should stop due to the struggles I've had. Particularly if you are someone who has struggled with breastfeeding and stopped, I would like your input. What were the deciding factors that helped you make the decision to stop BF? I understand this is a very personal issue, but I think having some different perspectives would help me decide what I should do.

If you don't want to comment on your own situation but want to offer advice on mine, here is some info about my situation at this point:
I think most of my problems come from a low supply. I realized there was a problem around DD's 6 week mark, and I've tried a lot of things since then to boost supply. I've tried fenugreek, lactation cookies, oatmeal, and all the other galactagogues I know of. I drink a lot of water and for a while I pumped after every feeding to try to increase supply. Then all that pumping was driving me crazy so I scaled back on that some. I had to start supplementing with formula around 2.5 months. I finally got a system that was working and things were going fairly well for a few weeks there, but over the past few days my supply has dropped to almost nothing. Before this week, I was probably doing 60% formula/40% bm, with some of the breast milk coming from pumping instead of nursing. Over the past few days, the percentages are more like 75% formula/ 25% bm. At each nursing session I only get about 1.5 ounces of bm. Part of me knows that any breast milk is better than none, but it is becoming very time consuming to nurse for 30+ minutes just for 1.5 ounces, then to have to give a bottle afterwards. I have had a few dips in supply before, but none as bad as this one. I almost feel like my body is drying up and may make the decision for me.
So, anyone want to encourage me to keep up with the breastfeeding until I am just getting nothing from nursing, or should I just throw in the towel at this point and be done with it? This struggle is really taking a toll on my mental health and I feel like I would be a happier and more productive mom if I just switched to all formula. But then I would feel guilty for stopping when I could still get some breast milk. UGH!
Sorry for the ramblings... if you read all this thank you and TIA for any input!!

sunshine2929 · January 2014

I am not in a similar situation but I just wanted to let you know that I think you are doing a great job in trying to do what you think is best for your LO. I think being a happy mom is what's best at this point for your LO and if that means stopping then I would do that. It sounds like You have done all you can and I think you are a great mom for making it this far.

VitaLuna · January 2014

How do you know LO is only getting 1.5oz at breast?

I think you have to do what's best for you. If you're not happy and not being the best mom you can be (and could be with formula), then I think formula might be best in your situation.

Bamgal25 · January 2014

VitaLuna said:

How do you know LO is only getting 1.5oz at breast? I think you have to do what's best for you. If you're not happy and not being the best mom you can be (and could be with formula), then I think formula might be best in your situation.

I weigh her before and after each nursing session to see how much she consumes to know about how much formula to supplement with.

VitaLuna · January 2014

Bamgal25 said:

VitaLuna said:

How do you know LO is only getting 1.5oz at breast?

I think you have to do what's best for you. If you're not happy and not being the best mom you can be (and could be with formula), then I think formula might be best in your situation.

I weigh her before and after each nursing session to see how much she consumes to know about how much formula to supplement with.

I was hoping that was the case. I didn't want you to decide yet if you weren't 100% sure of what she was getting at breast.

eyris · January 2014

Honestly, you're going to feel bad about quitting no matter if you do it now or sometime in the future if you had a goal to go longer than that. I would do what's best for your sanity.

I stopped at 7 weeks and I felt terrible about it. My milk never came in. I had to start supplementing at 4 days and DS had bad jaundice and had to be hospitalized for it for a night. I nursed and pumped every two hours around the clock for weeks. By seven weeks I was exhausted from basically feeding the baby or pumping 24/7.

Like you, I would nurse for 30-45 minutes for E to only get 2 oz of BM max, and he was taking about 4 at that point. So I'd leave my screaming baby to make a bottle, feed him, then ignore him for another 15-20 minutes while I pumped to try to promote my supply. It just wasn't worth it for either of us at that point and I knew it. But that didn't stop me from feeling guilty and like a failure.

I think it hurts no matter what when we don't live up to our own expectations. It's been almost three months and I still get a pang of guilt about it sometimes. But E is healthy and happy and I am rested and sane, so maybe that's all that matters now.

Good luck with whatever you decide and just know that you are far from alone. And also, congrats for making it this far! I would have loved to get as far as you have with breast feeding.

kailet · January 2014

I had chronic low supply and threw in the towel at 6 weeks because it was making me miserable. I was spending so much money on supplements and drugs to boost supply, renting a hospital pump and pumping after feeds. But still was feeding mostly formula. It was a personal decision that I had a lot of guilt with for a while. But it was the right decision for me.

That being said, I think you should weigh your options. If you are miserable trying to nurse/supplement/pump, and think you will be happier just feeding formula, then by all means go for it. I did struggle with feeling guilty, but you have to realize that you have done so much for your baby already and a happy mommy is important for your baby too. I feel like I've been able to bond with my baby so much more because I don't have to worry about all of the pumping and pills anymore.

Every situation is different though, and I don't want you to give up just because I did. Weigh your options carefully and know that you are a good mom regardless of what decision you come to.

Tally879 · January 2014

I think if it's taking that much of a toll on your mental health then maybe it's time to wean. You gave your baby antibodies and other breastfeeding benefits when they needed it most and you should feel proud that you work so hard on it and got to where you are. Maybe since LO is still latching you can just let her nurse for comfort and if she gets a little bit of breast milk great but not think of it as her food supply and just formula feed. I'm a ftm so I don't really know how weaning goes, but I know my LO does enjoy suckling when he's tired.

Also, have you started AF yet? when mine was starting back up I took a huge supply drop but it got back up after a week or two

Bamgal25 · January 2014

@eyris I think you are right about feeling guilty about not living up to my own expectations. You never know ahead of time if you will have problems BF, and originally I hoped to make it to a year. I do think if I stop before that I am going to feel somewhat guilty, even if logistically I know it makes sense to stop.

@jdoud77 I know you've had similar struggles. It is so upsetting to pump and not get enough, and I know my stress about it is probably making it worse. Hugs to you!

@Tally879 That's a good idea about comfort nursing. And I haven't started AF, but I've had cyclical supply drops around times that I've had other AF symptoms, so it's like my body was trying to start. I am taking mini pill so maybe that's why. The other drops I've had around those times weren't like the one this week though.

@dhaueisen Oh yeah, I forgot to mention I've been renting the Medela Symphony for 1.5 months now. At first it seemed to help, but not really anymore. I work in the office one day/week and I seem to get more from pumping on those days when I use my Ameda Purely Yours. I'm with you on some being better than none... but at some point it seems like it's too much work for just a few ounces.

Thanks everyone for your responses! I may just ride it out and see what happens with my supply in the next few days. If it happens to rebound, then great, if not I guess I can start to wean until I just have nothing left.

Af1004 · January 2014

What settings do you use your pump on? I have the APY and I thought you were supposed to use the highest and fastest suction you can stand. Early on I was playing with different settings and got way, way more by using a lower suction. I could stand it all the way up but that's not what my body needed. Now I set my speed all the way and set the suction to the lowest on the dial. Then when my letdown starts I turn the speed down half way. Hope this helps. It really sounds like you're doing everything you can for your LO and sometimes you time with them is more important than where their nutrition comes from. I know I'd have a hard time in your shoes but if I couldn't give my DD the attention I'd like then I'm sure I'd make the switch.

JamieWM · January 2014

When I was pg I couldn't wait to bf....LO arrived and I lasted 1 week! I was unhappy and LO could feel my anxiety. I decided to quit cold turkey and after a lactose allergy, LO is thriving off formula!! He is almost 19 lbs, 27.5 inches and HAPPY. I am HAPPY. I look at it like I didn't fail but that I did give him a great start, even for that week. I am a good mom and so are you for whatever YOU feel is best for your LO...and you.

thedash · January 2014

If you are nursing for 30 minutes or more and only transferring 1.5 oz then I would stop. At this age LO should be much more efficient. I pumped but supplemented for DS until almost 6 months old and was in a much better place mentally and emotionally when I stopped. DD is getting mostly BM (one bottle of formula per day usually) and we're still going strong at nearly 5 months with no plans to stop soon because she's nursing great. Every experience is different so you really need to do what is best for your family.

Albertsgirl1982 · January 2014

sunshine2929 said:
I am not in a similar situation but I just wanted to let you know that I think you are doing a great job in trying to do what you think is best for your LO. I think being a happy mom is what's best at this point for your LO and if that means stopping then I would do that. It sounds like You have done all you can and I think you are a great mom for making it this far.

This.

Pockety · January 2014

I am currently successfully nursing DD, but I was not so successful with DS, 2.5 years ago. He never latched well, so I EP'd. He also had MSPI, so I had to change my diet entirely. Every time I ate out, no matter how good I tried to be, and no matter what I told the waiters, etc., something always went wrong and he'd have a bad reaction. The time that it took to pump, plus the stress from the MSPI, took a real toll on my mental health, and I felt like I wasn't enjoying being a mom, and I wasn't being as good a mom as I could be. I quit at 3 months.

I felt guilty for about half a day, and then I felt great! It was such a relief, and it was the right thing for us.

My son, like most formula babies, is thriving now! I think he got more out of me being mentally present and involved than he would've from getting the extra BM!

imakeeff0rts · January 2014

I didn't read any of these other replies, so sorry if I repeat something.

I've had a lot of issues BFing since day 1. My supply has never been awesome, and we just figured out BFing within the last month and a half well enough to where I have minimal to no pain.

As far as supply goes, have you tried domperidone? It's a safer alternative to Reglan and can be purchased from inhousepharmacy.biz. I've also heard a lot of great things about this. I plan on ordering the liquid tomorrow.

I EPd for a month and was having similar issues - I started out getting 5+ ounces per session (sometimes per side), but then dropped to about nothing. It's take a LOT of time, money, effort, and tears to get to the point where I can do one side feeds. I'm even starting to build a freezer stash and I EBF now. We haven't had to supplement in well over a month which is a huge deal for me.

I can't really tell you whether or not you should quit, but I wish you luck in whatever you do.

Zmommy2 · January 2014

From my experience with DD1, the anxieties about low supply, supplementing, trying to increase supply, and then ultimately making the decision of when to quit was way more stressful than actually quitting. I stuck with it until 9 months with her, but ultimately was probably only pumping 3 oz total all day at work and then nursing her morning and night. The rest was formula (and solids at that point). I stressed about quitting for a few months before I finally did, and of course there's always guilt (get used to it, you're a parent and will feel guilty about a ton of things!) the fact is you have given your child a great start and all of the stress will take a toll as well. Not saying to just throw in the towe if you're not ready, but if you think you'd be happier then maybe even slowly wean him. Try to nurse him after a bottle so he's not frustrated with the low supply and then you'll still get the bonding aspect of it for a little while until you're ready. Weaning was hard for me emotionally, even though I have never even enjoyed BFing (and DD2 is still EBF) for me I think it was just the whole, you're not my tiny baby anymore and don't "need" me as much, it was hard to come to terms with that part of weaning. But the fact is they DO need you, and a happier, more present you is the best in the long run.

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