Most of you have read my bitching and venting about our housing situation, I know, but for those who haven't, here's the gist: Husband and I moved into my FIL's home over a year ago. The plan was to do a rent-to-own on this home so FIL and BIL could move into a different house. The house we're in now needs a lot of work, a lot of repair and a LOT of love. It's a big home and would be perfect for our family. It's been hard because FIL has basically moved out into a friend's vacant home and hasn't "lived" here in months (He comes home about once a month to stay the night and then leaves again). BIL is still living in basement. He has no job, goes to "school" supposedly, but he never leaves the house, and has his friends and girlfriend practically living with him.
This month, the house was supposed to be ours. FIL was going to deed it over to us, we were going to take over payments and start fixing things up.
When we told him we were pregnant in November, we asked him if January was still on the table for the house to be ours. He said yes, but he still needed the master bedroom because his current living situation wasn't "permanent" and BIL still gets to live in the basement.
So basically, we would be paying the mortgage, all utilities and keeping up this house while BIL and FIL live in it for free.
Fuck that noise.
Husband said nevermind and we decided we would just rent a house before the baby came and give up on this dream. Then, husband started thinking about building a house. We agreed on this plan and we should find out this month if we can get financing or not.
Here's the shitty part: The house, if we build it, will not be done by the time the baby gets here. At the rate we're going, and with his work schedule, it probably won't be done until November or so. Which means we will have to continue living in this house, with all of its drama and shit, for almost another year, but this time? We'll have a newborn who has no bedroom in a house that's already filled with crap because FIL never got rid of his stuff to make room for our stuff.
I'm fine with building a house. I love this idea. But I want to rent a house WHILE we're building. We can rent a home for the same amount we pay here, but we'll have our own place. I won't have to worry about food disappearing from the fridge. I won't have to worry about people waking my kids up. I won't have to worry about the partying, the asshole friends or my baby being handled by BIL's girlfriend who "JUST LOOOOOVES BABIES". My husband won't have to hear me bitch every single day, which means our relationship won't be quite as bitchy as it's been these last few weeks.
But this also means we'll have to move our kids for a third time in three years. We'll have to get settled in the rental and, in a year, pack up and move again. But when we move again, we'll be moving into our final, perfect dream home...
I'm convinced we should move. I tried talking to him last night and he doesn't like the idea, but I didn't think to mention that we could still save a ton of money AND work on building the house while we were renting. Plus, I'm ready to do a nursery and "nest". I can't "nest" here.
So tell me... what would you do? What would your husband do?
(I also know if I throw a big enough fit, he'll do whatever... but I'd like us to both be happy and not resenting each other. Because, honestly, some days I am super resentful of him because he doesn't do/say anything to his BIL for fear of his dad getting pissed off at him. That's more dramaz for another day.)
Also, I love you all for reading my novel. Please to be having a cookie.
“When the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a
thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the
beginning of fairies.” - J.M. Barrie Peter Pan
I have died every day waiting for you. Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years. And all along I believed I would find you, time has brought your heart to me. I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you a thousand more.
Thanks guys. I actually called my MIL to see what she thinks, and she agrees that we should rent somewhere else while building the house. She guessed that his biggest problem would be moving again, but I just think it's worth it. Also, she'll probably end up talking to him herself because I mentioned the word stress and she ran with it. "You don't need to be stressing, that's awful on the baby!", etc.
I think I can get somewhere with all of this tonight. Thanks again, ladies.
“When the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a
thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the
beginning of fairies.” - J.M. Barrie Peter Pan
I have died every day waiting for you. Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years. And all along I believed I would find you, time has brought your heart to me. I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you a thousand more.
I agree. I would definitely want to rent somewhere else while you build. That sounds like too much stress right now, not to mention adding in a newborn. Moving a bunch of times is stressful, but I think worth it. I also think it'll be easier on your kids to move more, than be around the tension the current situation is causing. As long as you talk up their new house, they'll probably be super excited for the final move.
I agree with someone else, rent - and as soon as possible! You're kids are young, they will adjust. We moved a bunch when I was a kid and it didn't bother me (until I got older, like over 10). Also it just sounds like your whole family will be so much happier together in a rental. Tell your DH - happy wife = happy life. Hopefully he gets on board.
I agree with previous posters, in the last 8 years H and I have moved 8 times so I HATE the idea of moving, but I hate the idea of not having my own space even more. I would suggest packing non-essential items in storage so then you don't have to worry about the hassle of repacking when your home is ready for you to move in. Moving is a few days of chaos, while your current situation would be days upon days of unpleasantness...I'd be all for finding a new place to rent.
I would not be able to tolerate that living situation, so I would rent. Well, if it were me, I wouldn't go to the hassle of trying to build my own house if I could possibly buy something already existing that met my needs, but I understand that you guys want to build. Regardless, I would need to have my own space when baby comes, whether or not it's a rental. Good luck, hope it works out!
Married since 8.2.08 DS born 8.11.14 BFP #2: 9.14.16, EDD: 5.24.17
You guys are awesome. Thank you for all of your input! Talked to him last night and he agreed to move! I've already got showings scheduled! Feeling super grateful today and relaxed for the first time in foreverrrr.
“When the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a
thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the
beginning of fairies.” - J.M. Barrie Peter Pan
I have died every day waiting for you. Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years. And all along I believed I would find you, time has brought your heart to me. I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you a thousand more.
Great news! I would def move into your own space for right now. Plus, you don't have to unpack EVERYTHING, just take out what you need until your dream house is finished.
I could not handle that situation with a baby coming, that's too much for you to handle!
"Your truth is different from my truth, and we're both right."
TTC since March 2013. BFP 4/13/13, blighted ovum discovered 6/6/13, m/c 6/8/13.
Re: nbr: I need house advice, you guys.
I think I can get somewhere with all of this tonight. Thanks again, ladies.
“When the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies.”
- J.M. Barrie Peter Pan
married on the sweetest day 10.20.12
Chicken - 07.08.06 | Bubsy - 02.24.09 | Sunshine - 07.16.14
I'm another for rent a new house while you're building.
No way I'd want to live in that situation for another year with a new baby on top of it.
son#1 born 6/2010
son#2 born 4/2012
son#3 born 7/2014
TTC #1 since 10/2012.
BFP#1 11/28/12, MC, BFP #2 CP
BFP #3 10/21/2013, EDD 7/3/2014
Beta #1 (4W6D): 1768 Beta #2 (5W1D): 5255
1st US at 6W4D HB of 112 BPM!
1/20/2014: IT'S A GIRL!
6/30/2014: Happy birthday baby M!
DS born 8.11.14
BFP #2: 9.14.16, EDD: 5.24.17
We're leaving this shit hole!
“When the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies.”
- J.M. Barrie Peter Pan
married on the sweetest day 10.20.12
Chicken - 07.08.06 | Bubsy - 02.24.09 | Sunshine - 07.16.14
Great news! I would def move into your own space for right now. Plus, you don't have to unpack EVERYTHING, just take out what you need until your dream house is finished.
I could not handle that situation with a baby coming, that's too much for you to handle!
"Your truth is different from my truth, and we're both right."
TTC since March 2013. BFP 4/13/13, blighted ovum discovered 6/6/13, m/c 6/8/13.
BFP 11/10/13, EDD 7/25/13 - stick little owlet!