I might finally be able to get tested!!

bocaburger · January 2014

I won't be able to reach DH for a couple of hours and I had to share the good news with someone. After months of waiting and frustration and not being able to do ANYTHING, even diagnose the cause of my fertility, I finally found a way to get tested!!

We started TTC in October 2012. I have a number of PCOS symptoms so after 6 unsuccessful months (and 3 months of charting without being able to confirm ovulation) I decided to talk to a GYN. She sent me for an ultrasound which showed multiple follicles. Unfortunately she was a horrible insensitive lady, so at our follow up she basically said "You probably have PCOS and you don't ovulate and that's why you can't get pregnant, I'll put you on Clomid" and then walked out of the room and ended the appointment after 5 minutes. She didn't answer any of my questions or give me any support emotionally. Thank God I knew enough from this board to not just jump into Clomid, so I found a new GYN. Of course, that takes time, and by the time I could get in with someone I was about to go away for the whole summer and then move out of the country for a year... Not to mention my insurance was ending in about a week. So I decided to postpone testing (big mistake).

In September we moved to Israel temporarily (we're here until May). I knew that the student insurance doesn't cover pre-existing conditions, but I expected to pay extra for a plan that would cover fertility testing and treatment. Unfortunately, when we went to sign up for insurance we were told there is no such plan and we would have to pay out-of-pocket for anything fertility related. We have no work visas here and are paying all our rent and expenses from our meager savings, so this is a tough year to be fronting those sort of costs. Still, I tried to set up appointments, but the system here is different and I couldn't work out how to navigate it. I would call a gynecology department, who would transfer me to the fertility clinic, who would transfer me back to gyn, over and over again.

Thus started like 3 months of complete denial. I basically ignored the fact that I am infertile and pretended it wasn't happening. I stopped trying to schedule appointments. I decided I would get tested next summer when I go back to the states. I stopped charting. I think that honestly I was using the money and the fact that we're in a foreign country as excuses to postpone testing, because I'm so terrified that testing will discover even more problems. I didn't want to deal with the guilt and the shame that it's my fault, I'm the one with the problem, I'm not a "real" woman and my body doesn't do what women's bodies were created to do.

My husband finally approached me and told me how hard my denial is on him. He told me that the inactivity, the waiting without working towards any sort of solution, was killing him. I realized how selfish I had been and that it was finally time to get my head back into the game. Not only did I start charting again, but I took a HUGE step and contacted a few people here who I thought might have resources - including a relative who happens to be a midwife, the first person from my family who I have told. Unfortunately, although they all responded incredibly thoughtfully, none of them had any real answers for me. My midwife relative contacted multiple people but told me that none would take me without an insurance plan. My mentor-of-sorts did send me the name of a doctor she knew, but I assumed he would have the same answer. I thought I had taken this step, bared my soul to all these people, and nothing was going to come from it. I was now back to thinking about fertility constantly, but without the ability to do anything other than wait.

Today, I sent that doctor an email asking him if he had any ideas for me to access care. He just wrote back - 15 minutes later! - to tell me that if I come to see him he can bill everything as a "general gyn consultation" rather than infertility, which would no longer be considered a pre-existing condition. He thinks I can get 80% of costs covered!! I am SO EXCITED to feel like I can finally do something. This board is amazing for support and information but it's been very difficult seeing everyone else in the midst of their treatment when I don't even have a full diagnosis. I feel like new life has been breathed into me. Maybe, just maybe, I can get somewhere!

Thanks for all who read this whole rant... I'm sure it was quite boring for you, but I just needed to share and get it out of my system. Have a great day!