Working Moms

Sick leave and WM

I work for a quickly growing company and am the first WM hired/only WM there. I have a finite amount of sick leave (like everyone), 2 small children whom daycare will not keep if they're sick (like all daycares), no family or friends to come pick them up if I can't, and a chronic health issue of my own that requires about 3 days a year total of my own sick leave for appointments and tests.

 Our company policy is VERY anti-telework - we're not even supposed to look at email if we're not in the office (we all do).

This means I had to come to work this week, with a sore throat so I could save my sick days for my own medical care plus my kids' sick time. The angry backlash from a certain (vocal, well-liked, high-performing, but can be very snotty) group of coworkers was amazing. One person angrily ordered me out of the kitchen because they didn't want me "breathing around where other people might eat"; another I understand spent the morning going around asking "Aren't you so pissed at Alter for coming in when she's sick? It's her fault X got a cold" type thing.

Upper management are nice people, but the type where if I go to them for assistance, I'll be the one to get in trouble.

Advice on how to manage this? I feel badly exposing other people to germs, but really, my husband travels a lot and 9 times out of 10, I'm it for getting the sick kid.

My only other options are 1 - burn all my vacation and never leave this horrible city or see my parents; 2 - take unpaid leave;  and in both cases my work (on tight deadlines) wouldn't get done if I were following the "no telework" rule.

WWWMD?

Re: Sick leave and WM

  • No advice here, but I can sympathize. Where I work we are required to use vacation time (not sick) for sick kids. It makes it hard to ever have enough time for a vacation.
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  • I go to work sick all of the time. I had a sinus infection that lasted weeks. I would have to had to take weeks off of work if I only went when I felt good. Your coworkers sound like a-holes. How did they know you have a sore throat? Next time, dobt tell them. If you are sneezing and coughing, be sure to do it into your elbow or Kleenex and immediately wash your hands. Hopefully they will see that you aren't that much of a risk. If not, try to ignore them. They sound neither high performing or likable. I only take sick days for myself if I have a fever so high that I am bed ridden or If i am puking on the toilet. And I actually don't really have a shortage of days, it is more about not falling behind at work.
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  • shannm said:
      How did they know you have a sore throat? Next time, dobt tell them.


    I didn't share that I was feeling sick. People figured it out because I was coughing (which  of course I do into my sleeve or hand)  and because I had lost my voice, was congested, and was apparently very pale. Maybe it was more a sinus infection. I never did make it to the doctor.

    Now there is a cold going around - NOT what I had - and I'm being blamed.

    I'm not 100% sure why the company is anti-telework, but it sounds like they might have been burned in the past by people "working" from home rather than working from home.

    Falling behind is a concern, but this job has limited personal leave compared to my past companies, so that is an issue too.

     

     

  • I burn through my sick time as quickly as I earn it because DS has been constantly sick or having Dr appointments, plus I'm going through fertility treatments.  So when I'm sick, like last week, I usually suck it up and come to work but keep to myself.  If people here are going to talk, I let them!  If I'm that sick that I might spread it to other people here, I would take unpaid time.  I can't work from home either, but it is what it is. 

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  • laurakaz13laurakaz13 member
    edited January 2014
    Well I'd never stay home for a sore throat and no other symptoms. I get just 2 weeks pto no other sick leave. If I'm not feeling well I keep to myself and don't mention it.

    This.  Colds and sore throats with no fever or other symptoms do not merit a sick day to me.  I also keep it to myself and if I'm feeling kind of sickly I will stay in my office and avoid other people. 

    As for sick kids, DD's first year and a half in daycare was tougher and we would have to take the occasional sick day off with her.  I also have two amazing SAHM sitters who will stay with her when she's sick if I can't stay home.  You need to get some sitters for these cases. 

    At this point, DD is 2 yrs and 9 months old and has not been sick once in a year.  Not even a sniffle.  Her immune system is clearly becoming stronger and we're likely just very lucky for this. 

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  • Sorry. I think this is one of those situations where all your options are going to suck. The best advice I can give is to remind yourself that this situation is temporary. You and the kids will be sick less often in the summer, and the kids will be sick less as they get older. You mentioned 2 options, using vacation time and unpaid leave. You could also pay a bunch of money for someone to provide backup care when the kids are sick. But I don't know anyone who does this and doesn't have it paid by their company. You could change your childcare situation so the kids are exposed to fewer germs. If my DH traveled a lot I would want a nanny anyway just to make my life easier. Is it an option to work nights and weekends (in the office, not from home) to make up time or get ahead when your DH is around? Can your DH control his travel to have more trips in the summer and fewer in the winter? Can he take a hit and turn down some trips? Your job is taking a hit now with you taking the brunt of the kid illnesses.

    If the company culture is against coming to work sick, I would stay away from people as much as possible and exaggerate the whole "I'm trying super hard to avoid getting you sick because I'm so nice" thing. Close your door and put up a sign saying you have a cold and they should enter at their own risk. Offer hand sanitizer to everyone you see. Dial in to meetings, even if they are just down the hall from your office. Wear a mask. I get discouraged this time of year as well after back-to-back illnesses, but then cold season is over and it doesn't seem so bad.
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  • I agree w/ms. mittens.  Unfortunately there are no great options.  When DS was in DC the first year he was sick a lot.  We switched to a nanny when he was about 9 months and it got a lot better.  But I used so much sick time staying home with him when he was sick that I usually went in when I was sick, unless I had the flu or was throwing up.

    Your C/W's sound like jerks but I think your only option is to really play up how much you are trying to avoid getting others sick - keep to yourself, sanitize, etc.  I would not stay home every time i had a cough either.

     

  • VORVOR member
    If you generally like where you work - one thought from the perspective of it being a quickly growing company - perhaps do some research of similar companies in your area and what they offer as far as leave, and what their work/live balance is like. 

    Then start a conversation w/ management about making certain changes to their policies.  in the light of "if we want to attract good talent, this is what our competitors offer.... " (of course, this is assuming your competitors offer something better!).  And even talk about how right now you're the only WM at the moment.  But if they want to get other skilled workers, offering better work/life balance could be a good thing.

    Past that - honestly, I think I'd be possibly looking for a new job.  Evne w/ what I said - it can be hard to change company culture/ ideals of management.  I would want to find a more family friendly company to work for.
  • I think you should try to find some backup care options. Obviously you would still have to stay home with your kids sometimes, but maybe a few less days. I know there are a bunch of times when my kids get ear infections and get antibiotics but have to stay home b/c daycare rule is 24hrs fever free. They are not that sick and could have a SAHM watch them. Look into joining a local moms group (I found one on Facebook), there are frequently moms of school age kids who are looking for occasional babysitting.
    Aside from that, your coworkers are jerks. I would never take a sick day for a cold, even before kids- especially if you can't telework.
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