Loss check in

shandorfml2 · January 2014

Welcome to the checkin! I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: If you have been through your baby(ies) first angelversary, what did you do to honor them that day? If not, have you thought of how you would like to spend that day?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

stefuge · January 2014

**DS mentioned**

Hi ladies, I hope everyone is doing okay this week.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
Continuing to stick to my news years resolutions and get healthier.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
To get through Tuesday, the 28th. It will be 5 months, which is always hard, the 28th of every month. But I also have a dentist appointment that day, the first one since our loss, and they all knew I was pregnant and that the baby should be here now, so I am dreading having that conversation over and over. I think this will be the first time that I will have to tell someone face to face about losing him. I'm not looking forward to it.

QOTW: If you have been through your baby(ies) first angelversary, what did you do to honor them that day? If not, have you thought of how you would like to spend that day?
We haven't been there yet, but I think I would like to do something that day as a family to make the day special, and to help DS understand what and who we are celebrating. We might send Colton a balloon, maybe bake cupcakes since that is what we do on birthdays with DS, maybe take a family trip, I don't know. We still have a few months. Whatever we do, I want it to become a tradition, same as celebrating the other birthdays in our family.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
It's hard to believe so much time has passed already, some days I feel like we just lost him. I have been very emotional the last couple of days, the 28th approaching is always hard, and I just miss him and want him here. So much. I find myself praying and begging God to give him back to me, which is pointless, I know, but I just don't know how else to express my heartache and I know God understands.

kflynn81 · January 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I'm trying to not let my mood overtake me. I had some ragey issues yesterday, just out of nowhere.... which is common for me but moreso lately. Normally I would have made a big deal about being upset even though there was no real reason for being upset. I decided to just talk myself out of it and calm myself down.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Our counselor thinks I need less alone time....so I'm going to work on being more social. I dont have a real plan for that, ::sigh:::

QOTW: If you have been through your baby(ies) first angelversary, what did you do to honor them that day? If not, have you thought of how you would like to spend that day? We definitely have a lot of time to think about it. However, as its the day before xmas eve, I'm not sure how that will work out. We have been thinking about how to celebrate Jack's EDD which is Mothers Day. We told the IL's we would not be attending their usual BBQ.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Not much, I'm feeling a little down and out... maybe that is on my mind

shandorfml2 · January 2014

stefuge said:

**DS mentioned**

Hi ladies, I hope everyone is doing okay this week.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
Continuing to stick to my news years resolutions and get healthier.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
To get through Tuesday, the 28th. It will be 5 months, which is always hard, the 28th of every month. But I also have a dentist appointment that day, the first one since our loss, and they all knew I was pregnant and that the baby should be here now, so I am dreading having that conversation over and over. I think this will be the first time that I will have to tell someone face to face about losing him. I'm not looking forward to it.

QOTW: If you have been through your baby(ies) first angelversary, what did you do to honor them that day? If not, have you thought of how you would like to spend that day?
We haven't been there yet, but I think I would like to do something that day as a family to make the day special, and to help DS understand what and who we are celebrating. We might send Colton a balloon, maybe bake cupcakes since that is what we do on birthdays with DS, maybe take a family trip, I don't know. We still have a few months. Whatever we do, I want it to become a tradition, same as celebrating the other birthdays in our family.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
It's hard to believe so much time has passed already, some days I feel like we just lost him. I have been very emotional the last couple of days, the 28th approaching is always hard, and I just miss him and want him here. So much. I find myself praying and begging God to give him back to me, which is pointless, I know, but I just don't know how else to express my heartache and I know God understands.

As time goes on, that day of the month will get a bit easier. Some months stick out more than others...I had trouble with the 6th month. Seemed to be a big milestone for me. I like your idea of making it family tradition like the other birthdays. I want to do that too.

shandorfml2 · January 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I'm taking an extra day off this week which I think will be helpful, I need it

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? figure out what I want to do for Ana's birthday, March 2nd.

QOTW: If you have been through your baby(ies) first angelversary, what did you do to honor them that day? If not, have you thought of how you would like to spend that day?
We've started to think what we'd like to do. I want to do a balloon release, and a cake. I was to see my family and make it more a celebration.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?That it's almost been a year. This is insane. I've been thinking a lot, ok last year she was alive inside me...and the amount of time I can say that is running out. Kind of a weird thought. Totally sucks. I can't believe it's been this long...I feel like it has been a blur, and I'm not fully in my body.

**big hugs for all us mommies***

neptunebljc · January 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
Not really. My writing has really slacked off, that might explain the lack of mood lately.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I have to been trying to lose a bit a weight, that always seems to help me get pregnant. Each three times I was pregnant was after I had loss a bit of weight. So I am buckled down to tighten up what I am eating and exercise EVERYDAY.

QOTW: If you have been through your baby(ies) first angelversary, what did you do to honor them that day? If not, have you thought of how you would like to spend that day?
I like the idea of having a little party. Just close family and maybe some friends, and just do something nice.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Not a lot. Trying to balance this new job. I though the split shift would be easier but it just seems to make me feel exhausted even though I get nothing done during the day. If it was closer to home it would a bit nicer, but the drive is just too far. At least if I got into school, then it will give me something to do.

bunnybun4 · January 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? no real big steps forward but also no big steps back...I'll take that. My hormones have been off of the chain all weekend (I am attributing it to AF coming this week). I have been a crazy person.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? What plans do you have to achieve that goal?I am still working on my couch to 10k program...Saturday I had to run 2 miles straight with no walking which I was very intimidated by but it wasn't bad at all. It's nice to have a goal and have structure to work towards it.

QOTW: We lit a candle for her and went through her baby book and talked about her and how much we missed her. We had planned to go out to dinner to celebrate her but I was too wiped out (we were able to do that on her EDD and it was nice...i just wasn't up to it that day)

What's on your mind this week? I am so used to getting baby stuff in the mail but it threw me on Saturday when I got samples for toddler transition formula (insert knife in gut). I can normally toss them in the trash but the reminder that she should be a toddler now was really hard. I hate the reminders. In other news, AF is due this week and I will hopefully be burning the bench (once again). last month she was super early so I am praying each day that she will hold off until at least cd24.

Bgirma · January 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? My husband and I went to a infant loss support group last night. I was very nervous about attending (I almost cancelled but my husband convinced me to go) and I'm so glad that I went. The other women there were amazing and so supportive. I haven't been cleared for exercise yet but I've been taking short walks each day, I want to continue doing that this week.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I'm back to work part time this week and I'm just trying to make it through the week.

QOTW: If you have been through your baby(ies) first angelversary, what did you do to honor them that day? If not, have you thought of how you would like to spend that day?

Wesley was born almost five weeks ago, on Christmas Day (two days before his due date). We usually visit family in Seattle on Christmas so we'll have to decide if we want to travel or stay in Milwaukee. Either way, we will do something special to celebrate Christmas and his birth.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I've been feeling so strongly that I just want to be pregnant again. I know that when I go in for my 6 week check up my OB is going to recommend that we wait 6 months- it makes sense because I know that I need to heal physically and emotionally but it's hard. And of course what I really want is have our son with us and rationally I know that being pregnant again won't erase the pain we feel.

mingaling2 · January 2014

-- warning: DD mentioned--

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

No. I stopped writing. I don't know if I'm just depressed or am really moving on. I did have one breakdown last week, but sometimes I just feel dead inside.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

Trying to eat healthier and be kinder to myself.

QOTW: If you have been through your baby(ies) first angelversary, what did you do to honor them that day? If not, have you thought of how you would like to spend that day?

I think a balloon release would be nice. I know DD would love it and she loves talking about "her baby."

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

I'm filling out applications for DD to go to pre-k this week and all I can think about is whether we will have any more children or if this is my complete family. I know I should be grateful and feel guilty for being sad, but my thoughts are all over the place right now.

angelsnight · January 2014

Ticker warning (rainbow mentioned)

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Not really....it's been too cold and snowy to go to the cemetery. I'm looking forward to spring when I can go more.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I don't really have one. Just one day at a time.

QOTW: If you have been through your baby(ies) first angelversary, what did you do to honor them that day? If not, have you thought of how you would like to spend that day? I'm not sure we'll get to do it on the day....our rainbow should be born less than a week before so I'm not sure if I'll be feeling up to going out, and taking LO out. But I'd like to get a cake, and go to the cemetery just the 3 of us and do a balloon release. I also want to adopt a grave, so we'd find an old baby grave that hasn't been tended to in a while, clean it up and leave flowers. Much of this will also depend on the weather.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Just hoping we have Kayla's blessing to have another baby. I feel guilty a lot, like we're replacing her.

GymSpaz26 · January 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? This week and really the last couple weeks seem to be getting progressively harder and harder, not better. (It has been almost three months.) I guess my step toward healing this week would be recognizing that I'm not doing okay, moving in the wrong direction, and realizing that I need to do something.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Try and get some counseling set up. I've wanted to since the beginning, but have just been so overwhelmed with trying to figure out how to find the right person that I haven't been able to make it happen. Also, try and decide if that will be enough or if I need some extra help from medicine or some more natural option.

QOTW: If you have been through your baby(ies) first angelversary, what did you do to honor them that day? If not, have you thought of how you would like to spend that day? I've got a long ways to go. I know it will be very hard. Besides it being the day Z died, it is also my 2 year-old nephew's birthday. I hope to do something to celebrate Z's birthday though, maybe a cake or something that can become a tradition, especially once we have more kids. It might just be too hard this year though.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I'm just really struggling this week. I think I'd been telling myself and everyone else that I'm doing well, moving forward, etc. and I finally just took the mask off and realized that I'm a mess.

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