How much time is enough playing with your kids?

SparkySharky · January 2014

My DS is 14 months and I'm 35 wks with DD. For both of my children, my first priority is for them to be independent and so I've focused on always giving DS time to play alone and tried not to "rescue" him. There's absolutely no shortage of love. He gets 100 kisses everyday, we snuggle and love him when he's in distress, and with everything we do, we speak so lovingly to him and are always caressing him and hugging him.

But I wonder if I'm playing with him enough. I spend probably 2-3 hours playing with him on Sat and Sun each. Outside of that, we're still spending time with him running errands, taking trips. I also get all day Monday to hang out with him, although it's usually pretty busy b/c I also do all of my appts then. He gets hauled around a lot on Mondays. Tues through Fri, I am so busy that I have to get up a half hour early in order to play with him before breakfast. Otherwise, it's breakfast, then a nap, then I whisk him off to DC and I go to work from 1pm to 11pm.

Sometimes (especially lately) I am too tired and uncomfortable to do much more than sit on the couch with him while he plays with his toys. I don't count this as playtime, b/c I'm not actively down there playing with him, although he'll bring me toys and we'll play. Or he'll bring me a book and we'll read. Or he'll crawl up on my lap and dash around the couch. It's during these times that he gets into more "trouble," i.e., he tends to go for the TV, DVD, and wires which lands him in "baby jail." Is this a sign I'm not paying enough attention to him - or just that I'm not paying as much attention to him as I usually do?

I also don't do a bunch of activities with him - like drawing or painting. It's so cold and snowy outside that we don't spend much time outside. I think the closest we get to an activity is when he fingerpaints with his food and throws it on the floor.

My DH also plays with him, so add a few hours a week there, too.

So is this enough? I know everybody is going to vary based on their circumstances and demands, but what's a good baseline? What is really "enough?" Or is this just your basic baby guilt?

jwthoms1 · January 2014

There is no magic number. Every family is different. Don't beat yourself up.

iverske9 · January 2014

It sounds like your LO is happy so I wouldn't worry about it, I am 36 weeks pregnant to and definitely not as active with LO. We watch alot of movies and have tons of snuggles. LO is only 2 years old so he wont remember, LOL. DH does alot more play with him and he goes to daycare so I know he is having tons of fun.

emberlee3 · January 2014

Oh, goodness, do whatever it takes to survive at this point. I can't remember my coping strategies when I was that pregnant with DD, but DS was at least old enough for me to explain why I couldn't sit on the floor. Overall, I do think it's important to play with your children and get on the floor with them, but certainly when you're 35 weeks pregnant, don't sweat it.

SparkySharky · January 2014

wife07mom09 said:

it changes with whats going on. however if you are with your child until 1 pm I guess I wonder why there is not more time to play? can't his dad catch up on laundry and dishes after your child goes to bed?

ps pregnancy does change things and thats only temporary. good luck with the new baby

He sleeps for a pretty good clip in the am - about 2-3 hours. Sometimes I get a half hour on one side or the other.

DiveFrog · January 2014

I just wanted to say that I consider it playing with my child if either of us initiate. Meaning If she brings her box of Duplo, or mega blocks over to me on the couch and I start building with her and talking with her, I consider that playtime with her just as much as if I bring the box over to the carpet and ask her to play with me.

However, I am not a huge believer that the importance needs to be on "playing" with your children, it needs to be engaging with your children. Listening to them, and involving them in the daily routine and activities of the household accomplishes the same thing as playing with toys on the floor. For example, DD at 20months, already helps me do the laundry putting items into/out of the washer and dryer. She loves helping to put her plastic dishes and sippy cups away when I unload the dishwasher, or carrying spoons or napkins to set the table for dinner. All of these things are tasks I could easily do without her "help", but they are "playing/games" to her. She is getting one on one interaction from me of her Dad when we involve her in these tasks which is what she needs.

laurakaz13 · January 2014

DiveFrog said:

I just wanted to say that I consider it playing with my child if either of us initiate. Meaning If she brings her box of Duplo, or mega blocks over to me on the couch and I start building with her and talking with her, I consider that playtime with her just as much as if I bring the box over to the carpet and ask her to play with me.
However, I am not a huge believer that the importance needs to be on "playing" with your children, it needs to be engaging with your children. Listening to them, and involving them in the daily routine and activities of the household accomplishes the same thing as playing with toys on the floor. For example, DD at 20months, already helps me do the laundry putting items into/out of the washer and dryer. She loves helping to put her plastic dishes and sippy cups away when I unload the dishwasher, or carrying spoons or napkins to set the table for dinner. All of these things are tasks I could easily do without her "help", but they are "playing/games" to her. She is getting one on one interaction from me of her Dad when we involve her in these tasks which is what she needs.

This is exactly how I feel. DD "helps" me with things around the house. She helps with the laundry. She sets the table for mealtime. She helps me carry things upstairs and helps get the mail. I talk to her constantly.

No, we are not always playing games or with her toys, books or puzzles, but we are constantly hanging out doing things. I would not worry about playing non-stop with your 15 month old. Especially considering how pregnant you are.

I have to say I could not imagine having a toddler during my pregnancy. I had HG and was sick as a dog for 7 months, only able to function if I popped Zofran constantly. If I am lucky enough to get pregnant again this year, I will definitely be in survival mode if I go through that type of sickness again. Hang in there! I am sure you're doing a great job.

itsmevkb · January 2014

Honestly, I'm not a big get down on the floor and play with my kids kind of a mom and my kids have turned out happy, healthy and the older ones seem relatively bright so I think so far so good. Like some other posters have said, I do include them in my everyday activities a lot. Each has learned how to make a cup of coffee, help with dishes, go to Target, etc. but they are also very good at going and playing independently which I think is important. We also spend a lot of time reading to our children which interestingly enough, I just read a study that says that is more important than playing with them, especially if you are the type of parent who directs the play vs letting your kid direct the play, which I'm not saying you are but I certainly am.

thedash · January 2014

Don't stress this! Pay attention to your kids, sure, but you have to live your life too. I try to play with DS at least a little everyday, read a book or two everyday, and generally talk to him whenever we're near each other. But I also have to care for an infant, cook, clean, dress myself daily, etc.

I worry more about whether he is getting enough activity daily and less about exactly how many minutes or hours we play together.

nosoup4u · February 2014

Parents have really not been expected to play w kids until recently, IMO. I don't play w mine, when they were younger, yes, I'd participate in whatever toy they were playing w while I did my thing, but anymore I leave them alone. I think kids really need that time apart from adults, so they can get into their own play.

Don't stress about making art w your toddler, either! Finger paint and play doh are great things to begin with, but he might still be in the eating phase for those

.

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