Daughter afraid being left out

hdchafin · January 2014

My dd is 8yrs old. She is constantly worrying/ needing reassurances that dh and I wont ignore her or have no time for her after ds is born. Her friends at school are def not helping our case when we try to reassure her. I have tried everything I can think of to help her understand that having a baby brother will not cause her to be cast aside and forgotten. So, does anyone have some advice? BTW, I am an only child so I really have no personal experience to offer to her. TIA!! :-)

crhein26 · January 2014

Hmmm...I was 12 when my siblings were born. My suggestion, have her be as involved as possible with the baby. Let her be there for your ultrasound so she can see baby brother. Let her help in some small decisions (let her help pick the colors for the room, help with getting outfits, etc.) Also, make sure that even once baby comes, you plan a day that's just you and her. Mommy daughter dates. Leave baby brother at home with daddy. And tell her this now. You will have play dates just the two of you. Let her help with baby brother once he comes. It's hard for any only child to accept that there is going to be a sibling. Just keep her involved and she will love baby brother. I promise!

GolfWidow001 · January 2014

I agree with both PP. I was 8 when my brother was born. My parents were great with making sure I was included in helping take care of him or making decisions with him (smaller ones of course). Just make her feel like she's part of the entire process and let her help as much as she can when LO gets here. I loved every second of it but that's because I took on more of a little "mom" role.

hdchafin · January 2014

Thats exactly what we have being doing/saying. Thank you all so much, it really helps just "hearing" from others who have been through it. Thank you all!

rileymiller · January 2014

The ladies have great ideas. I have not been in your position, but I have a student at school who the counselor gave his parents some great kid friendly books about a new baby to help him since he is 6 and the only child...for a few more weeks. Try that maybe too?!

Shineoncrazy · January 2014

What a sweet little one! I'm sure she's had a lot of fun having a lot of time with you, so the apprehension makes sense.

I was 13 when my little bro was born, and my parents did a pretty good job of including me in the process. I would also make sure that she gets her own time with you guys as well. I'm sure it will be tough with a LO; however, I always appreciated that my Dad would take me out (just the two of us) on Wednesday nights and make an effort to talk about my interests/school/etc.

Also, I know this is going to sound weird, but make sure you give somewhat equal air time. I have a family member who recently had a baby, and she posts daily pics/brags of her son but it's been months since she posted anything about her older daughters. Even if kids don't see it, they pick up on it.

Puka99 · January 2014

definitely let her help in some "decisions." Maybe let her help pick out a coming home outfit and let her know how much help you'll need with the baby. Our oldest was 4.5 so he was younger than your dd so he couldn't do a lot but he loved to help feed him or get him a new outfit.

Also check with your hospital to see if they have a "sibling" tour that the kids can do. We never did it with my oldest because it was during flu season and they canceled them because so many people were sick. But during April/May/June, that shouldn't be an issue. A lot of people by us say it helps them see where their sibling is going to be born, and taken care of and where mom will be and it helps them feel important for learning about this information.

oh and we also got our son a small big brother present. (It was some potato head things he wanted at the time.) He loved it and thought it was super cool to get a big brother present.

Puka99 · January 2014

oh and I wanted to say that I am the oldest of 5 (I am 32 and the youngest is 25 now) and I honestly cannot remember what it was like to not have some baby somewhere crying. and my mom relied on me a lot to help take care of them. I do know I felt left out in terms of when we were older since my next two brothers hung out (they are 31 and 29 now) and then my sister and youngest brother hung out (they are 27 and 25). I was the odd man out. But it helped me be independent I think and not rely on people for help. which is good and bad. And now I am rambling so I will stop.

Sareynoo · January 2014

DD is asking us if we are going to get rid of her after the baby is born, we've just been reassuring her that we would never do that. She's three so she's having a difficult time understanding.

Valie18 · January 2014

I think she will just have to wait and see. The truth is that you will not have as much time for her after the baby is born, but that she will not be cast aside and forgotten. Make a real effort to make time for her.

I'm the oldest of three and the youngest has special needs. I grew up feeling like I never got any alone time with my parents. I have been forgotten literally. Try to not do that - it sucks.

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