OB vent (sorry so long)

Kalidawn523 · January 2014

So I'm really unhappy with my OB right now and my DH has heard it and wants me to just get over it. Anyways I'm still mad and need to vent it out for a second. I've been seeing and talking to my OB a lot the last two weeks with the problems I was having with the pregnancy. I went to see her last weds after I had been seen in triage for bleeding. The bedside us was inconclusive so she cancelled my appt for yesterday saying that she would rather have me get a high res us and then we could just talk on the phone. So all weekend I have crazy cramping and wait patiently for my appt. yesterday. I went in for a repeat beta and got the ultrasound. My beta dropped and the us showed a completely empty uterus. So the us tech had the radiologist call my OB to make sure I shouldn't wait to see her. She tells that radiologist to have me go home and she would call me. That was at 1:30. At 4 I called and left a message to make sure she called me. No call. Today I called and left another message asking her to please call me. Two hours later she calls and says she never got the messages. Bull crap. And anyway she had told the radiologist she would call me so she knew the results. I was so mad. On top of all of that she told me today that she prefers I wait two cycles before beginning to TTC. I am not happy with this advise as I wanted to try right away. My friend had a D&C with another OB in that office and he told her only to wait one cycle. I'm so confused and frustrated and really not happy with her. And that in turn makes me more sad about the fact that I'm not pregnant and that my angel is gone. It's a mess. Sorry to vent your ears off. I'm just so upset.

ksz_3 · January 2014

I understand your frustration with the OB. Not the same situation on my end but I had to repeatedly call them to be seen yesterday after I had started bleeding again yesterday, and they wanted me to keep my appt for today. They told me to go to the ER after I had already been on Saturday. They weren't the least bit concerned. I would switch to another office, which I will be doing if I get pregnant again.

aezimmerman · January 2014

You have every right to be frustrated. However, being advised to wait 2 cycles is pretty common. Previous posts have had numbers ranging from 2 cycles, 3 cycles, up to a whole year. I was also told to wait 2 cycles.

There is no need to apologize for the way you are feeling. The grieving process can include a range of emotions, including sad, frustrated, angry, jealous, bitter, etc. Try to keep the focus on yourself. You cannot change what your OB did and you cannot change that you lost your baby (sorry for your loss), but do have some control over what you do for yourself. You need to take care of you and let yourself heal. That way you will be in a good place when you decided to TTC again.

Kalidawn523 · January 2014

Thanks ladies. This whole process is so frustrating and I'm only at the beginning. I don't have to tell you how much we wanted that baby and how sad we are. So trying to pick up the pieces and look forward. I'm going to try to find something to help occupy my mind during this wait. So glad I have you girls who understand what I'm going through. There's nothing like it

MissErika16 · January 2014

A Dr who isn't numb to the fact that they deal with loss everyday is so important. My first pregnancy was an ectopic. 23 years old first baby...I started bleeding. I go in and my female OB says "yep it's a missed abortion." Now I get at the ripe age of 38 that this is infact the technical term for a miscarriage. However, to me the term "abortion" indicted a choice and I certainly wanted my baby. Now, I could get over that but then she proceeded to tell me I was probably going to have fertility issues." WHAT THE?!?! So, I was to come the following week for a follow up to see what was going on. About 2 hours before my appt, I called and said I would absolutely NOT going to see that Dr again. Even IF everything she said was the truth...she sucks as a person/OB. So, they were understanding and have me an appt with a wonder OB, my first male OB. He was fantastic! I've been with him ever since and if anything good could come from a bad situation, he was it for me. Sadly he is retiring in Nov and I was hoping to sneak this baby in before he left.

Moral of the story: I can't think of any more important role for a dr than those who take care of both mother and baby. If you don't feel taken care of or a bond, switch. Plain and simple because then you just don't have that trust you need next time. My OB responds within minutes to a few hours to my emails no matter how rational or irrational. He takes care of me emotionally and make me laugh. As horrific as this experience was (my first miscarriage) I felt so much better after seeing him yesterday and having him just allow me to ask the questions I needed to ask and some were admittedly stupid lol Hopefully that was helpful.

Daisy0524 · January 2014

I was bleeding for 2 weeks kept calling they would either say take it easy or we will call you back... No calls back ever! I would always have to call back. Well then I got my ultrasound and it was bad news the tech said the doc would call me right Way guess what nope had to call the next day in the evening to figure out what I am supposed to do doesn't seem like a big deal but when your having your first miscarriage and have no IDEa what is happening to you and your body you want to talk to someone! I can understand your frustration especially during a time like this!

Kalidawn523 · January 2014

Thanks guys. My DH wasn't understanding why I was so upset but I'm glad you do. I had an OB whom I loved who went on leave and I'm hoping by the next time I'm pregnant he will be back. Otherwise I'll be on the search. I just think that as an OB you should recognize when things aren't going well and provide that mom with a lot of support. She just seemed to make excuses. Hopefully the next OB will be much better. Glad I have you girls!

HokieLaw · January 2014

I would definitely find a new OB.

As for waiting, you hear so many different things from different doctors. I think the big reason they tell people to wait has nothing to do with your body but everything to do with your mental state - they don't want you to have a second miscarriage so close to the first that you can't handle it/go into a depression because, unfortunately miscarriages are so common.

My OB recommended 2-3 cycles. His PA said we could start immediately if I thought I was up for it.

Kalidawn523 · January 2014

That's what I seem to be hearing as well. I'm considering following up with a different OB or CNM and asking them as well. They want to trend my betas until the are <5 anyways so we will see.

KJKNAJ · January 2014

Wow, I am so surprised at all these stories. I can't believe there are that many OBs with such bad bedside manner! Yes, I would be moving on if I were you. I have loved both my OBs and felt like my bad news on Monday was handled with true care and concern by them. You need that too!

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