I never thought I would have to go through this..(Kind of long and TMI) — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

I never thought I would have to go through this..(Kind of long and TMI)

ksz_3ksz_3 member
edited January 2014 in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
I am so devastated. I never saw this coming. I ended up in the ER on Saturday because I started bleeding. It was a bad day to start with. DH and I had been arguing all day, lots of crying on my end, so I took a drive to my parents house to remove myself for the situation for a little while. When I came back home, I went to use the bathroom upstairs and there was some blood on my underwear and when I wiped. After that, it was gone. I started crying even more out of fear, went a laid down to calm down a bit. I debated about 5 min if I should go to the ER or not and decided to go. 
My BP was pretty high which very unusual...it's normally pretty low...but they did a transvaginal and transabdominal ultrasound on me only because I hadn't had one at the OB yet. I should have been 9w and 6d. They told me I only measured 6w and 2d, he didn't tell me if there was a heartbeat (which I know can be hard to find that early) or fetus, BUT everything looked fine. I tried telling the ER doc that I should be one day from 10w based on my LMP and he just told me to follow up with my OB. At that point I was relieved that he said everything looked okay but still had a feeling that something wasn't right...which lead to more crying all weekend anytime I thought about my baby. 

Today, I get to work and tried to move my OB appt from 01/28 to today and they didn't seem the least bit concerned that I had been bleeding on the weekend and was told to keep my appt for Tuesday afternoon. I know that it's only one day but I just needed to know what was going on. Fast forward through the office meeting, my coworker (who is 22 weeks pregnant) says to me "OMG what's wrong with your baby?!" which immediately started the water works. I'm assuming my manager mentioned something to her to say some "encouraging" words because she's had miscarriages before. I just couldn't stop crying, so I locked myself in the bathroom until I could get it together. I used the bathroom and saw that I started bleeding again. Que the tears. I call my OB again and told them that I needed to be seen ASAP and I wasn't going back to the ER which the lady suggested. I pretty much had to harass them to get my appt today. If I get pregnant again, I will not be returning to their office. Anywho, I get to my appt, the tech does a TVUS and says that she's measuring the same as the ER and the fetus never developed. So I had a missed MC. I hate that I'm still having some of the pregnancy symptoms. The only ones that I've noticed have changed are my boobs fit in my bra again and my back doesn't hurt anymore. 

The dr gave me the option to do a 3rd ultrasound on Friday, which we chose. But DH and I started thinking that if there hasn't been a difference between Saturday and today and there's no fetus or heartbeat, it's best to just let go and move on the best we can so I'll be cancelling my appt. The bleeding only seems to start when my BP is up and I've been crying which have been the two cases. He also gave me the options to do a D&C, pill, or naturally miscarry which we have yet to decide. I'm thinking of going with letting my body let go on it's own. 

I've been a complete mess today mess and I really need T&Ps right now ladies. I deeply sympathize with each and every one of you ladies and this is something that no one should ever have to go through. As long as I'm keeping myself distracting, I'm not crying. I'm somewhat thankful that I wasn't further along or I would have be a emotional wreck for a while.

ETA: Sorry if some of this doesn't make since. My head hurts right now.

BFP #1 12.12.2013 | EDD 08.24.2014 | MMC 01.27.13 @ 10w 1d, Baby measured 6w 2d | Natural MC 02.01.14

Currently NTNP

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Re: I never thought I would have to go through this..(Kind of long and TMI)

  • Sweetie, I'm so sorry to hear this.  I remember you from the August board and I'd saddened to see you over here.

    I opted to allow my MMC to happen naturally and I'm glad I did.  From the sound of it, you may be starting naturally as well.  In addition to the lesser financials, it felt as if it were the right thing to do and made the experience of having been pregnant feel more real (this is not to knock people who chose D&C or miso, I am simply stating my own experience), as well as being able to have the remains to bury, which was important to me.  Whatever choice you make, we are here to support you.
    Current pregnancy -
    First BFP on 2/14/20.  Due date 10/22/20.

    Previous losses - 
    Ultrasound at 10w on 1/8/14 showed no heartbeat and stopped growth at 7w5d.  Actual miscarriage on 1/19/14.
    Ultrasound at 10w on 12/6/19 showed yolk sac but no fetus.  Stopped growth confirmed at second ultrasound a week later; used misoprostol to finish the miscarriage.
    ksz_3
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  • I'm so sorry that you are going through this. What a traumatic weekend. You have my thoughts and prayers! I'll be praying for strength for you while you endure this. I'm there with you as I also found out yesterday that I miscarried. It's an aweful feeling. We can all support each other. ❤️

    Me: 28 
    DH: 34

    IUD out 8/29/13 and TTC since then.
    BFP 12/29/13
    Bleeding 1/17/14 with LO showing 10 days smaller.
    NMC 1/26/14

    Continued trying every month. Began seeing RE 7/2014.

    12/2/14 got first Rx for Clomid for following cycle.
    12/3/14 BFP!!!
    No heartbeat at 8w4d. D&C scheduled for Jan 7, 14 

    ksz_3KJKNAJ
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  • ksz_3ksz_3 member
    edited January 2014
    Thank you ladies for your support! It means alot. Thoughts and prayer for you all.

    BFP #1 12.12.2013 | EDD 08.24.2014 | MMC 01.27.13 @ 10w 1d, Baby measured 6w 2d | Natural MC 02.01.14

    Currently NTNP

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  • ksz_3ksz_3 member
    edited January 2014
    @kboydbowman  We've decided to give body a chance to miscarry naturally, but if I haven't by Sunday, we'll schedule the D&C. I want to try to move on as quickly as I can. I'm not sure that my body is going to let go on it's own being that I only start bleeding when I'm stressed. My job is closed for a snow day tomorrow and possibly Thursday...so I'm hoping it will happen in the comfort of my home and not at work.

    BFP #1 12.12.2013 | EDD 08.24.2014 | MMC 01.27.13 @ 10w 1d, Baby measured 6w 2d | Natural MC 02.01.14

    Currently NTNP

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  • I remember you from August as well and I'm so sorry you are going through this.  I just found out today that I've had a second MMC.  This just sucks.  Big hugs to you and take care of yourself.  Good luck in the future!

    Me 34 DH 31, Together since 2003, Married August 20, 2011,  TTC since May 2013
    BFP #1 August 24, 2013! MMC discovered Oct. 3, 2013, D&C Oct. 4, 2013
    BFP #2 December 17, 2013! MMC discovered Jan. 28, 2014, D&C Jan. 30, 2014
    Testing done: male with complete Trisomy 16, not hereditary. Tested me for clotting disorders, all normal.
    Feb. 2014 all clear again to TTC!  Will start progesterone supplementation with the next BFP just in case.       Oct. 2014 more testing just because, thyroid and autoimmune panels = normal.  Diagnostic U/S = no abnormalities.  Will keep trying for 3-6 more months, doctor still optimistic!

    BFP #3 December 11, 2014!  Beta #1 14DPO = 122.4 Beta #2 17DPO = 296.8 Please stick little one and be our Rainbow!

            Perfect little heartbeat of 156 seen 1/7/15 :)

    ***Everybody Welcomed***  :)  

    EDD 8/21/2015 Team Green!

    IAmPregnant Tickerrainbows                

     photo Multiple4_zps436a50cc.jpg photo April3_zps882432ab.jpg August 2 

    August 2015 Siggy Challenge: Favorite mean girl from a movie or show:  Kathy Bates in "Misery"

  • ksz_3ksz_3 member
    edited January 2014
    Hi @dawnstar898 I had just finished reading your post. I'm so sorry you are going through this again. You're right, it's a sucky thing to have to go through. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family! Btw, I love your GIF. It made me smile!

    BFP #1 12.12.2013 | EDD 08.24.2014 | MMC 01.27.13 @ 10w 1d, Baby measured 6w 2d | Natural MC 02.01.14

    Currently NTNP

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  • aezimmermanaezimmerman member
    edited January 2014
    Sorry for your loss. I also had a missed miscarriage. I started spotting on a Saturday. I called the advice nurse hotline and they said it wasn't an issue unless it lasted more than a day. I was still spotting on that Monday so I went to the ER. They checked my HCG levels, which were fine, did a physical exam, my cervix was closed, and they did an u/s. The baby was measuring only 6 weeks. The doctor told me everything looked fine and that my due date was probably wrong. Three days later I have bright red bleeding and severe cramping. I go back to the ER and I am officially having a miscarriage. 

    I think the worst part is the false hope. Why don't doctors listen when you tell them what you think your due date is?

    I know you are having a tough time right now. I pretty much bawled my eyes out for a day or two. I just let myself be sad. You will find a way to help yourself heal, whether that is posting here, eating lots of ice cream, crying, etc. Hang in there.
  • @aezimmerman I'm so sorry for your loss as well. It's even harder when you were actively TTC so you know around the time your due date would have been. I'm at a weird sense of peace with God's decision and I've accepted it. I've done good today, was able to update my coworkers with what happened without crying...probably because I've cried all I can for now, but I know I'll have moments. They saw me at my absolute worst yesterday. 

    BFP #1 12.12.2013 | EDD 08.24.2014 | MMC 01.27.13 @ 10w 1d, Baby measured 6w 2d | Natural MC 02.01.14

    Currently NTNP

    Blog 

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

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