BTDT moms---when does it get easier?

RedDDD · January 2014

I am wondering when this roller coaster we chose to get on will get a little easier?

Like when the youngest is one or two? I guess Im looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. Right now my husband and I are just having a hell of a time. Its really hard. DS is 21 months and DD is 4.5 months. We currently live far from family and friends and are in the process of a move at the end of the month which will put us closer to family. So for the last few months we have had no breaks and only the occasional babysitter. DS has been sick all winter and just got his 2nd set of tubes so I feel like we are just trading one crying baby for another crying baby. We get no time alone, no time on our own (with the exception of me going to work)...we almost never get a moment to talk and catch our breath. I remember moms on this board saying in the past that the first year is the hardest and then it gets easier. Is that true? what is your experience? How do you nurture your marriage when its working, feeding, bathing, crying, playing, screaming then everyone passes out and then you wake up and do it all over again?

jf198400 · January 2014

It definitely sounds like you have a lot going on right now, so don't be too hard on yourself. It got much easier for me when DS turned 1. (Mine are 18months apart). Being done with BFing and bottles helps a lot, and getting both kids on the same nap schedule. It will also get easier before that when your baby starts consistently STTN. Having both kids asleep by day 8:00, means there is time to hang out with DH.
Now my kids are 3.5 and almost 2, and I would say it's pretty easy. They play together and entertain each other. Although they do fight over toys and stuff. Now DD goes to bed later and has stopped napping, so that's a little tough, but she's also pretty independent. We may be crazy, but we are trying for a 3rd baby.
I think once you move and get settled, things will get better for you. And having family nearby to babysit is key.

ebp913 · January 2014

Our second is almost 1 and he is still a crazy little handful so I'm not sure when our break is coming, IF EVER. That said, I do think things got easier around 6 months, then easier at 9 and they continue to get easier now. I think when the youngest one gets to around 1, things seem to let up a bit, especially if you can get them on the same schedule.

They go to bed earlier now which is great for us. Most nights, both kids are down by 8:30 which gives us time to unwind and hang out. I'd see if you can try to get them down earlier to free up some time. Tackle chores for 15-30 mins after bedtime then relax. That's our plan of attack most days and it makes us feel like we still have a functioning house and we have time for ourselves and each other.

mjcleve · January 2014

Usually around a year for us we can start breathing and having time to ourselves again. Then bam, another baby is on the way. Weird how that works.

Don't beat yourself up too much. Look for the good, sweet moments each day. It isn't always easy to do and it might only be a minute of sweetness among hours of whining and chaos but focus on that minute. Best wishes!

RedDDD · January 2014

thanks all!

moonfaerie · January 2014

You're in the thick of it right now. It gets easier bit by bit. as the baby gets older, you'll find a groove that works for your family. I hope the new tubes work out for your DS btw.

It sucks when there's no time to nurture your marriage, but unfortunately it has to go on the back burner when you have two babies and very little outside help. My H and I have only gone out alone three times since DD3 was born, but we do hang out when the kids are in bed and occasionally take only one kid out with us which feels like a vacation. You'll find a way to reconnect as things get easier with yojr kids, so don't put extra pressure on yourselves right now. It will work itself out. :-)

LovelyLou23 · January 2014

That is all so tough and sounds a little bit like our first few months. For us, I can't pinpoint exactly when it got easier because it's so gradual, but somewhere between the youngest being 6mo to a year, things started become more normal and "easy"

When you move and are closer to family, it will be SO much better (as you can probably guess) (also, that is assuming your family will want to help you out).

As far as your marriage, something that DH and I did right around that time was start date night at home. I wrote a bunch of at-home date night ideas on pieces of papers, put them in a jar, and each Wednesday, we would draw one and do it after the kids went to bed. Cheap, no babysitter involved, and still somewhat flexible in case a LO needs tended to. It helped us to put aside whatever else we were doing, once a week, and focus on reconnecting, which we needed desperately. I would highly recommend it.

Hoping things get easier for you soon!

Also, @mjcleve - that is exactly what happened to us in regard to the third baby.

Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha · January 2014

I think it depends on the children.

My first rounf od 2u2 wasn't so bad, but this time really kicked my butt.

Baby Boy is 9 months now and is starting to STTN - And DD2's crazy sleep regression also seems to be a thing of the past.

So in other words: it gets better when you start being able to sleep again. Or so it was for me anyway.

One thing's for sure, though: it WILL get better. You just gotta hang in there until then.

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