Terrible THREE's are just that...TERRIBLE!!

LindseyG2010 · January 2014

I am so stressed - my son is driving me insane. First off, his dad and I are separated but we are civil and can talk about things like how we parent him, how he behaves at each others houses, etc. But ever since he hit his third birthday, it's the worst roller coaster ride I've ever been on and I want OFF!!

For example, this morning - I got him dressed while he was still sleeping (which I normally do, because he fights me to get dressed, so it's just easier) and once he was dressed, I gently woke him up. He is almost always grouchy when he wakes up, so I'm kind of used to it, although it is still frustrating. He was OK this morning - took his vitamins, cuddled a little, played with the cat. But lately when he wakes up on the weekdays he asks where we are going - the answer is always to school, because he goes to daycare during the week while his dad and I both work. This is nothing new, but as soon as I say school he freaks. He seems to like school, I think he would just rather stay home (and drive me crazy). I don't know what to tell him to make him not freak out about going to school (he doesn't always freak and somedays he is even happy when I drop him off in the morning). Then he won't put his coat and hat on and when I go ahead and do it for him he just takes it off. If I put it on and make it a point that he cannot take it off again, he does the wet noodle, says his legs are broken, etc. anything he can to make my life more difficult. I don't want to fight with a screaming, crying three year old every morning, it's just miserable

So we get in the car and on our way to school, a very quiet ride compared to most mornings, and when I go to get him out of the car at daycare (5 minutes from the house) he has taken his socks and shoes off!! It's -2 degress here today with a -18 wind chill! I was just done at that point. He won't stay in his classroom when I take him into school. I have to carry him in there kicking and screaming....

I mean, this is just one of many mornings and many occurrences...he is so dramatic and so challenging. I often feel like nothing will make him happy. I end up threatening to take things away and when I do, it's an even bigger fit. I just cannot win and I'm so over it. I told his dad that he can have him on the other day this week that I normally have him, because apparently he doesn't do this to his dad.....wtf is wrong with me? What am I doing wrong that he loves to push me and push me. Being nice doesn't work, being mean doesn't work. I'm just out of options!! HELP!!!!!!!!

angelashly · January 2014

Welcome to 3! <:-P

No advice really. Right now he is still figuring out things plus dealing with a change. Just stay consistent and know it to shall pass.

Oh and drink like I do now.

LindseyG2010 · January 2014

sometimes it helps to tell him that I'm going to leave and go to work and leave him home alone but it feels so mean!! is it wrong to do that even if I don't actually leave him...but like, if I went to the car and sat down to cool off for a minute, then went back in to get him....I feel like that's just an empty threat but I obviously wouldn't really leave....what actually works?!

Smootchy · January 2014

you can do it. once they hit 4 it's all smooth sailing 8-}

taggiecb · January 2014

Three year olds are the devil's work. I am on my third three year old, and I have been dreading it. He hasn't let me down yet.

missymo · January 2014

I am shocked you can get your 3 year old dressed while he is sleeping. Holy shit! That's pretty awesome.

I've always used props to help with fears like that. My DD went through about a week of school fear (she only goes two mornings a week), and I picked up the book Llama Llama Misses Mama. It really helped her.

There are a ton of other books about going to school, missing your parents, etc. I suggest picking a few up. It helped me create a conversation about her feelings and work through them.

Good luck!

angelashly · January 2014

@missymo Daniel Tiger helped with school for us. Adults always come back!

Reagan1010 · January 2014

I have no advice except to hunker down with lots of booze! DS went from being fairly laid back to Satan's Spawn when he turned 3. Good news is that in the last month, I have seen him exhibiting more rational behavior. He turns 4 the beginning of April.

Good luck! You have all my sorries!

LindseyG2010 · January 2014

Today he is seriously making me re-consider whether I want more kids!!!! agh!!

Books are a good idea - I know what I'm about to do...thanks for the suggestion!

missymo · January 2014

I can't believe I forgot about bribery! My favorite parenting technique.

ReeseFox · January 2014

My nearly 2 year old has started putting up a fight in the mornings in the last month or so. She fights getting dressed, fights getting her teeth brushed, fights shoes, fights the hairbrush (that's a real showdown every morning), and when I put her coat on will fight, then take it right back off once I do get it on. I've found that it (sometimes) helps if we talk about all the people she loves that she'll see at school. It goes like this:

Me: "E, we have to put on shoes so we can go to school."

E: "No mommy, don't want shoes!"

Me: "Well, don't you want to go see Miss Layla?"

E: "Layla?"

Me: "Yes, and Miss Jen..."

E: "I see Jen!"

Me: "Do you want to see your friends?"

E: "Yes, I play with friends."

By the time we name off all her classmates, whatever task is usually done and we're out the door.

shadypines · January 2014

Three-year olds seem to know just enough to push their own agenda and test their parents. Hang in there....And wine wine wine!!! ((hugs))) Keep hope alive..

LindseyG2010 · January 2014

fredalina said:

Do you want suggestions or just sympathy? (Because sometimes I just want sympathy and suggestions piss me off, haha)

LOL! Thank you for asking....both really, although suggestions will be more helpful...then I won't need the sympathy haha!

ByeBabyBunting · January 2014

Sometimes it works if I tell him his teachers will be sad if they don't see him.

Sometimes I talk about all the fun things he gets to do at school.

And then sometimes I just carry a screaming toddler out the door with no coat or shoes and hope for the best. 3 year olds are the worst.

LindseyG2010 · January 2014

I appreciate all the comments, support, suggestions, etc! It still makes me want to cry thinking about what I know I have to face but at least I have some things I can try to make our mornings (and life in general) a little easier!!

Keep em coming! A mother can never have to many options when it comes to reasoning with a three year old!!!!!

and PS - I'm sorry to all the others who are going thru this!! obviously, I feel your pain!

Cam1027 · January 2014

I have nothing to add, because I feel like you are writing this about me! This is exactly the same situation I go through, morning after morning. It's brutal, and you feel like your day should be over before you even get to work!

I will add, as I am a single mom too, that I struggle with the fact that DS's dad always says he never acts like that for him. It might be one of the biggest issues we have with each other, because he is completely clueless about what a normal day to day routine is like. He only gets him every other weekend, when he doesn't have to enforce a bedtime or get him out of his pjs, or be to work on time! I don't know what your status is with placement, but please don't feel like you are doing something wrong. I have just learned that this age is really, really tough.

Hang in there!

robyn2201 · January 2014

Oh my... 3 year olds are horrible! Seriously so much worse than 2. Bribery works well. With DD I found talking, lots of talking to help. Telling them what you are doing, like a play by play. Telling them that you are going to get dressed, then eat breakfast and then go here. Even if you are doing the same thing that you do everyday. Warning them about up coming change, such as.. you have a few more minutes to play then we have to leave. DD1 is now 3.5 and it's getting better.

EVA116 · January 2014

My almost three year old will just sit and repeat the same damn thing over and over again until I say it back. WTH why do I need to say what you said!

LindseyG2010 · January 2014

CTGirl30 said:

One thing I thought of - what about using a timer for tasks? "Let's see if you can put on all your clothes before it buzzes!" Or "When the timer buzzes, it's time to stop playing and get in the car." That way YOU are not the bad guy ending fun - the timer is.

I did this last night actually. I told him that I was counting to 10 and when I got to 10 he had to have his jammies on, or teeth brushed, or whatever he was supposed to be doing but wasn't.

Why is parenting so EXHAUSTING!! I seriously don't know if I could go thru this again with a second child! lol UGH

MrsWindyCity · January 2014

Three year olds are jerks.

ASmallWonder · January 2014

Yes, they suck. The good people at Honeydew provide a donut hole on the way to school every day he doesn't piss me straight off. I also appeal to his dramatic and competitive side. He pitches a fit every morning about going pee before getting dressed. He swears he doesn't have to go. I've had to make it into a game. I don't think pee will come out. Do you? No? Do you think we'll win or the pee will win?? I'm with you - I think we're right but let's see what happens. Oh MAN, we LOST! Can you believe it??" He ends up laughing because he loves a competition.

nancy30005 · January 2014

One thing I thought of - what about using a timer for tasks? "Let's see if you can put on all your clothes before it buzzes!" Or "When the timer buzzes, it's time to stop playing and get in the car." That way YOU are not the bad guy ending fun - the timer is.

Yes! I use the shit out of our timer.

That being said, we kick and scream all the way to school, so...

msdrdg · January 2014

My child has become something the Devil himself would fear. 3 is not a good year.
The meltdowns, the tantrums, the repeating repeating repeating. OMG I want to crawl into a corner and cry.

My only advice is don't give in to their demands. Don't let them win. If you let them win every time they whine/cry/whatever they will continue to whine/cry/whatever to get what they want.

FalconCrest · January 2014

I am having a very rough week with my 3 year old (and my 6 year old). His teachers just told me that he is not behaving at school, either. I am at my wit's end, since nothing works with this child and I find myself screaming and yelling, which I hate. My older two have never both gone through a tough behavior phase at the same time until now. I feel like I want to run away...

LindseyG2010 · January 2014

FalconCrest said:

I am having a very rough week with my 3 year old (and my 6 year old). His teachers just told me that he is not behaving at school, either. I am at my wit's end, since nothing works with this child and I find myself screaming and yelling, which I hate. My older two have never both gone through a tough behavior phase at the same time until now. I feel like I want to run away...

Yes, this is me too (although I only have one) - he is not being very good at school either. The teacher said that she has to separate him from the other kids and sit him next to her to get him to pay attention. He says bad words (nothing super bad, just poopy, booty, etc.) and calls names (butthead, etc.) but unfortunately for them, that's the last thing on my mind because when he sees me, he gives me my own problems to deal with! I end up yelling and screaming as well and I hate that because I don't want him to become a yeller and screamer

I definitely feel like running away!

FalconCrest · January 2014

babywacker said:

FalconCrest said:

I am having a very rough week with my 3 year old (and my 6 year old). His teachers just told me that he is not behaving at school, either. I am at my wit's end, since nothing works with this child and I find myself screaming and yelling, which I hate. My older two have never both gone through a tough behavior phase at the same time until now. I feel like I want to run away...

Yes, this is me too (although I only have one) - he is not being very good at school either. The teacher said that she has to separate him from the other kids and sit him next to her to get him to pay attention. He says bad words (nothing super bad, just poopy, booty, etc.) and calls names (butthead, etc.) but unfortunately for them, that's the last thing on my mind because when he sees me, he gives me my own problems to deal with! I end up yelling and screaming as well and I hate that because I don't want him to become a yeller and screamer

I definitely feel like running away!

what is it with 3 year old boys being obsessed with words like poop, butt, booty, etc?! it drives me insane!

shadypines · January 2014

FalconCrest said:

babywacker said:

FalconCrest said:

I am having a very rough week with my 3 year old (and my 6 year old). His teachers just told me that he is not behaving at school, either. I am at my wit's end, since nothing works with this child and I find myself screaming and yelling, which I hate. My older two have never both gone through a tough behavior phase at the same time until now. I feel like I want to run away...
Yes, this is me too (although I only have one) - he is not being very good at school either. The teacher said that she has to separate him from the other kids and sit him next to her to get him to pay attention. He says bad words (nothing super bad, just poopy, booty, etc.) and calls names (butthead, etc.) but unfortunately for them, that's the last thing on my mind because when he sees me, he gives me my own problems to deal with! I end up yelling and screaming as well and I hate that because I don't want him to become a yeller and screamer

I definitely feel like running away!
what is it with 3 year old boys being obsessed with words like poop, butt, booty, etc?! it drives me insane!

This is our DS2.. He is 5. He wants to show his underwear at school. For some strange reason he wants to showcase the character on his underwear...lolol I can'T

FalconCrest · January 2014

I still think there should be a boarding school for 3 year olds on a desert island somewhere.

LindseyG2010 · January 2014

CTGirl30 said:

This morning DD had a fit in the car over a sticker. She wanted it on her shirt but we had to wear jackets into the building because, you know , it's 8 degrees here? So I tell her once she hangs up her jacket in her cubby we can put the sticker on her shirt instead. Wouldn't you know the gd sticker got lost between the car & jacket removal at cubby. FML. Ensuing meltdown. But hey, I got to leave and go to work at least!

We go thru similar things - a dropped fruit snack that I say I will get when we get out of the car, then I can't find it and its a meltdown. dropped food is a big one for us, even though when I want him to eat, he is not interested! grrrrrrr

Soxgirl07 · January 2014

I NEVER give in when he's whining. I tell him to calm down and use his words because I don't understand whining/screeching/screening and then I walk away. I just keep repeating myself and otherwise ignoring him (while making sure he's safe at least). He chases me around screaming hysterically for awhile then he usually calms down. We hug it out and if he can ask me calmly I'll help him or redirect depending on the situation.

I find it goes in cycles, he'll learn that fits get him nowhere, and they'll dramatically decrease. Then a week or so later, it's like he forgets and the fits start up. I work really hard at being consistent in how I deal with them.

And I don't make fights out of anything I don't have to. It's really cold here, but I start/heat my car before we go out and only have to walk like 5 feet from the door. He hates his coat, so when he fights it in the morning, I just say, are you sure, it's really cold! Then when I pick him up to walk out the door, I sort of wrap the coat around him in my arms. Sometimes he argues that and I tell him he's not wearing it, mommy is carrying it. When that doesn't work, I just carry him screaming.

Good luck!

FrickandFrack · January 2014

3 fucking sucks and 4 isn't all that great either but a little better. I have high hopes for 5.

ReeseFox · January 2014

kfrix13 said:

3 fucking sucks and 4 isn't all that great either but a little better. I have high hopes for 5.

I found 5-7 to be the sweet spot with my oldest. Then she turned 8 and things slowly started to deteriorate when the hormones started kicking in. Now she's almost 12 and all drama and angst. I hear it gets good again once they move out of the house.

LindseyG2010 · June 2014

I wanted to come back to this because I was thinking about this the other day. We are now going through a hitting phase and I was trying to remember what it was that put me over the edge earlier this year...and this is it

It kind of made me laugh looking back and reading everything, since we are past it now...and on to something else!! (ugh lol)

So I thought I'd check in and see if any of the other frustrated moms of 3 year olds have gotten any relief?!

Fingers crossed!!

LindseyG2010 · June 2014

I keep telling everyone that "Terrible Twos" is a LIE!!! Three is WAY worse...we're about half way through now and it has calmed down a little bit but it's still not much fun!! Like I said, we're going through a hitting phase now...he punched me in the nose at the park the other day..yes, it was on purpose! he was mad because I told him we were leaving because he was still throwing dirt after I told him to stop (and he had already gotten some in his eye!)

Happy Threes!! (NOT)

TNChick · June 2014

You are not alone. My 3.5 yo can be amazingly sweet and the biggest asshole you have ever met in the same 5 minute timespan. Everything is just so difficult with him. I just stay consistent and I have seen minor improvements. When I see him "shift" into his mean persona, I tell him I will talk to him when he can be sweet again and sometimes I send him to his room to "feel better." We are almost through it. This too shall pass.

Rainovertx · June 2014

My 3 yo daughter is not so much the fit throwing type, but is suuuper melodramatic. If she doesn't get her way she says "I guess you just don't want me to be happy anymore. I guess you just don't want to be my
Mama anymore" or some variation, and then stalk off and slam the door. And go listen to The Smiths? Idk.

SpaceGirlSpiff · June 2014

Ugh...my DS is already starting the 3's and he's still a few months off. Not feelin' it. You have all my sorries.

Rainovertx · June 2014

Basically she can be a real b*tch.

SpaceGirlSpiff · June 2014

I think "Threenager" is a pretty accurate term too.. He's getting such an attitude lately. His new favorite phrase is "Leave me alone!"

Ohhhh how I would love to kid. But we all know you wouldn't let me ACTUALLY leave you alone.

LindseyG2010 · June 2014

My guy's thing is "If you don't let me (fill in the blank), then I'm not going to be your best friend/give you a surprise/etc." I'm like, are you threatening me?! LOL really kid?!

slednecksmomma · June 2014

MrsButt said:

ScoutNumbers05 said:

Threenagers are life ruiners. It is known. I send you booze.

Seriously. In three weeks, we are going to Canada without her dad. Just the two of us. I am terrified for the whole trip. I fear I'm going to be in the Canadian newspaper after some disastrous incident in customs when she throws a shit fit and tries to kick the border guard. THIS IS A REAL POSSIBILITY.

What happened to my sweet baby?

But if you just apologize to the nice Canadian Border Patrol all will be forgiven.

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Terrible THREE's are just that...TERRIBLE!!

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