Question for second plus time Moms delivery question

mimiwarner · January 2014

Since I have never been through this as a first timer, I was wanting advice on what to do with birth... I am having a c section so I assume it will be scheduled ahead of time, I am high risk and may have some pretty sever complications after surgery. I personally want my hubby and I to have some time alone not to mention I may be pretty sick/ drained after. He wants his whole family in the waiting room and wants people in with us right after... My family is coming in from out I town and I planned on people coming 3-4 hours later to meet our monster. I am so worried that I'm going to be miserable or in the ICU post op and just want some time to bond before a rush of the friends and family he wants there come in, this includes my OWN family as well. Am I being a sensitive/ bitchy first timer or is this reasonable? What have others done that works?

SuperTinkerham · January 2014

FTM - but you need to do what is best for you. C/S is a BFD to me, and you call the shots after having your innards scooped out like a pumpkin.

TurtleMonsters · January 2014

I like agreeing with DH, fortunately we're on the same page- no ppl until well after- if not the next day. Absolutely not waiting in a waiting room..does he get what is going to happen...it's not just pulling a baby out- my husband has seen all of me now- literally inside and out. He knows what I really look like on the inside- it's not sexy, he's trying to forget. "innards scooped out like a pumpkin" about sums it up I like that @SuperTinkerham

It's not just a little procedure. It's major surgery. While you won't be exhausted from labor, it's not a party day after. I will say my asslaws came in no time after I got ds for the first time and I hate them for that- snapping pics of my first attempt at BFing. but I wasn't fond of them anyway. I wouldn't recommend that to anyone, take the time to heal for you and baby, and DH needs to get that- you'll have a long few months after this, of sleepless nights, not so fun to heal with. If mine pulled that, he'd have a long night entertaining said ppl out in the waiting room. our hosp also didn't prefer it, I think they purposely kept the waiting room tiny. They suggested we tell everyone to (get a clue and) wait;) I feel sort of strongly;)

You won't be ready to see ppl likely until hours after- your meds have to wear off and such. IDK if it will be the same, but what they gave me had me in post op a couple of hours, barely conscious. I did have a full spinal (ECS).

i don't mean to scare you about the procedure, now thinking about it, it was the easiest part of my labor, and they will give you meds and you get a baby at the end, so that is wonderful...and you'll likely not remember too much of it all...they put up a screen so you will miss the part where they move your guts around. But instil in your DH that he needs to let you have the space you need, he really should have very little say in the matter, unless he'd like to carry a child and have a CS.

cookieinva · January 2014

I think whatever kind of delivery you have, it is reasonable if you want some time after before having visitors. I had a vaginal delivery last time, and my parents were in from out of town (scheduled induction); they came in to see baby when I said I was ready for visitors and it was NBD.

aimeepigott · January 2014

No offense to your DH,but mine understood that I was the one who carried and birthed this amazing miracle so I was the one who called the shots! I did not have a c/s, but I do have friends who did and emotionally your still just as drained! DH needs to realize there's a lot more going on and it's you and baby that call the shots...not him!

alyss0nl · January 2014

For us, family came in after cord was cut, DS cleaned up and weighed and the OB was finished stitching me up. In all about 30 minutes afterwards. I didn't feel super drained or tired yet, since they had to wake me up to push (hooray epidurals!). It's whatever works for you though. I imagine a CS is a little different.

AnotherPreggo · January 2014

I did not allow visitors until the next day.

iris427 · January 2014

I would not have wanted visitors so soon after my c/s. You will need time for the immediate recovery, to feed your baby, transfer to a postpartum room, eat, rest, etc. I know people are excited to see the baby, but they need to understand you are also having surgery. Would they demand to see someone so soon after any other surgery?

shanaynerz · January 2014

I had a totally natural birth, but we still had no one come visit us until we were all cleaned up and in a different room. DD was born @ 2:39am and I don't think the doula left until 6am, and my folks (the first visitors) didn't come by until 8ish I think. I had an episiotomy and it took like an hour just to get me stitched up, and I needed a quick shower and change, and we were moved to a different room anyways b/c the room I delivered in was a huge mess! I say, as PPs said, you're the one doing the delivering and everything, so I think it's up to you when family comes to visit. Definitely not right away though!

allardr · January 2014

I'm one to always listen to what DH's want too but in this case you should get "say". You're the one that'll feel spent & a little gross probably. Last time no family was around this time in-laws will be in to watch DD. I plan to not have them come though for 3-4 hours after. I want the epi to wear off and me to be able to get cleaned up. No c/s experience but still thinking you'll want to feel a little rested & more alert.

I'm big into no one in hospital waiting room, we'll call to announce birth (only if you trust they will respect your wishes and not come rush at that point), and again later when we're up for visitors.

BBColt78 · January 2014

We also did not allow visitors until day two. I think everyone would understand if you expressed your concerns. Your DH needs to get on that page too though.

Ylvelill · January 2014

I want no one at the hospital period

once we are home and I am able get out of bed by myself then people can come

TallMomma29 · January 2014

I think you totally get to call the shots on this one! Asking people to wait a few hours after is TOTALLY reasonable. I feel "lucky" only in this instance that both of our families are plane flights away. I don't want anyone at the hospital at all besides me and DH, and since it's not really feasible for them to be there anyway, I don't have to worry about upsetting anyone. I love my mom and MIL but I want to bond with just the baby and DH first!

violet615 · January 2014

I'm a FTM but I have to agree with what everyone else has said. When my sister in law had her baby she directly told her mom that she did not want her in the delivery room but her mother ignored what she said and kept talking about how she was going to be there. Then when my SiL was delivering her mother left the waiting room and stood outside of the door of the delivery room to listen to the birth and was in the room as soon as she was able to weasel her way in. This wasn't my birth experience but I was very upset that my MiL did that to my SIL! Bc of this I've been telling everyone that no one will be invited to the hospital until after baby is born. And I'm opting not to even tell my MIL when I go into labor bc she has no boundaries. It might not sound like a huge deal but not respecting people's boundaries is a huge problem with my Mil and has always been. She also loves to try to be in the spotlight at all times and I can just picture her rushing into my room post-delivery and snatching the baby out of my arms and refusing to leave. so I'm hoping to prevent her from having an opportunity to cause any ill feelings by not letting her know until after the baby is born.

Ylvelill · January 2014

If my mother was the type of person who would totally ignore my wishes, then I would just not tell her when I was in labor.

seells · January 2014

I had my daughter at 10:30pm so people came the next day in like the early afternoon. It was nice to have that alone time with DD before people came to see us. This time we live a lot closer to our families so depending on what time the baby is born we will see about visitors. I do want at least 4 hours alone to breastfeed and bond and recover. (And shower! After my csection I was DYING for a shower)

allardr · January 2014

violet615 said:

I'm a FTM but I have to agree with what everyone else has said. When my sister in law had her baby she directly told her mom that she did not want her in the delivery room but her mother ignored what she said and kept talking about how she was going to be there. Then when my SiL was delivering her mother left the waiting room and stood outside of the door of the delivery room to listen to the birth and was in the room as soon as she was able to weasel her way in. This wasn't my birth experience but I was very upset that my MiL did that to my SIL! Bc of this I've been telling everyone that no one will be invited to the hospital until after baby is born. And I'm opting not to even tell my MIL when I go into labor bc she has no boundaries. It might not sound like a huge deal but not respecting people's boundaries is a huge problem with my Mil and has always been. She also loves to try to be in the spotlight at all times and I can just picture her rushing into my room post-delivery and snatching the baby out of my arms and refusing to leave. so I'm hoping to prevent her from having an opportunity to cause any ill feelings by not letting her know until after the baby is born.

If I were SIL, I'd be pissed at hospital staff! Our hospital has locked doors between waiting room and patient rooms and will not allow visitors in without our ok.

nola 1017 · January 2014

Do what you want. DH and I held our daughter for about an hour before we invited our families to come in and meet her. They were in the waiting room. But I didn't want to be rushed just because they decided to sit at the hospital. Before I had her, I thought I would have wanted more time alone, but after an hour I was ready to show her off and celebrate her arrival. I will always treasure that first hour though.

Jbosarge85 · January 2014

allardr said:

violet615 said:

I'm a FTM but I have to agree with what everyone else has said. When my sister in law had her baby she directly told her mom that she did not want her in the delivery room but her mother ignored what she said and kept talking about how she was going to be there. Then when my SiL was delivering her mother left the waiting room and stood outside of the door of the delivery room to listen to the birth and was in the room as soon as she was able to weasel her way in. This wasn't my birth experience but I was very upset that my MiL did that to my SIL! Bc of this I've been telling everyone that no one will be invited to the hospital until after baby is born. And I'm opting not to even tell my MIL when I go into labor bc she has no boundaries. It might not sound like a huge deal but not respecting people's boundaries is a huge problem with my Mil and has always been. She also loves to try to be in the spotlight at all times and I can just picture her rushing into my room post-delivery and snatching the baby out of my arms and refusing to leave. so I'm hoping to prevent her from having an opportunity to cause any ill feelings by not letting her know until after the baby is born.

If I were SIL, I'd be pissed at hospital staff! Our hospital has locked doors between waiting room and patient rooms and will not allow visitors in without our ok.

The hospital I delivered in you had to have a code to get past the waiting room where the delivery rooms were, and it changed every day. That is ridiculous, I would have made her get out. Tell your nurses if you don't want anyone there, they will be the "bad guys" for you

Jbosarge85 · January 2014

I had a natural birth not a c/s, but MIL/SIL/Mom/and stepdad waited in the waiting room the whole time I labored (30 hours). And then once I was decent they came back to see the baby. I told DH that this time I don't want people waiting around, I want to call them after the baby is there and we've had an hour or two alone, well I don't know how to work that with DD, cause I want her to be there for the bonding, but not the delivery. I'll figure it out I guess. I can understand wanting a few hours especially after a c/s. You'll probably be groggy because of all the meds.

singingirl96 · January 2014

I think your DH is being very inconsiderate. You will be having major surgery. You'll need time to recuperate and you'll want alone time with your child before everyone else is over there. Recuperating from a c-section is no joke. It is nothing like a vaginal birth, and even so, you'd still want some time to recoup.

EllaSmella · January 2014

I would leave yourself the option of having time with just you, DH and the baby. You may want people there right away or you may want to wait, but I would rather have to wait even if I wanted people there than have them there when I didn't want them there. DS was born at 2am and we had our first visitors around 9am. It was nice to have that down time, even though we were sleeping for some of it. I wouldn't have wanted people there right afterwards as you're just sort of discombobulated after delivery of any sort.

VanessaNC09 · January 2014

I didn't have a c-section, but I had a very hard labor and it took me a year to heal from it. Even though I had no idea what I was in for and wasn't expecting what I went through, I still didn't want visitors. I had my mom and my husband there and that was it. We waited until the next day. You need to do what's best for you. If it was me going in for a c-section, I'd say no visitors waiting, ect. I think you'll need a little bit of time. I know your husband is excited, but maybe he's not understanding what you're going to go through. Maybe sit down and talk to him about it. It's a major thing no matter how you bring a baby into this world, but I think a c-section is more intense in most circumstances. Do what makes you comfortable and happy!

marathonmom823 · January 2014

We didn't even call our parents to let them know I was having the baby until I was transferred to the actual L&D room. DS was born just before midnight, and we had no visitors until 9am. Of course, our parents/families are all a 3-hr drive away, so there was no threat of an invasion of unwanted people pacing the waiting room.
We also told people no visitors when we went home until DH went back to work when DS was 2 weeks old. We wanted that time as a family to bond and figure things out. We were very fortunate in that our family respected all of our wishes.

jennifermathews88 · January 2014

I had a csection first time around and both families came in immediately after. I held the baby I had just been in labor with for 34 hours about 20 minutes to nurse and I didn't hold him again until he was about 4 hours old. Part of that was a visit to the NICU but most was me watching my family hold him. I am definitely asking visitors this time around to wait. Immediate family at least a few hours, others at least next day. I am trying for a VBAC as of now but if I have another csection I would be delighted if no one visited while we were in the hospital.

violet615 · January 2014

allardr said:

violet615 said:

I'm a FTM but I have to agree with what everyone else has said. When my sister in law had her baby she directly told her mom that she did not want her in the delivery room but her mother ignored what she said and kept talking about how she was going to be there. Then when my SiL was delivering her mother left the waiting room and stood outside of the door of the delivery room to listen to the birth and was in the room as soon as she was able to weasel her way in. This wasn't my birth experience but I was very upset that my MiL did that to my SIL! Bc of this I've been telling everyone that no one will be invited to the hospital until after baby is born. And I'm opting not to even tell my MIL when I go into labor bc she has no boundaries. It might not sound like a huge deal but not respecting people's boundaries is a huge problem with my Mil and has always been. She also loves to try to be in the spotlight at all times and I can just picture her rushing into my room post-delivery and snatching the baby out of my arms and refusing to leave. so I'm hoping to prevent her from having an opportunity to cause any ill feelings by not letting her know until after the baby is born.

If I were SIL, I'd be pissed at hospital staff! Our hospital has locked doors between waiting room and patient rooms and will not allow visitors in without our ok.

You know, I've def wondered about how she got away with just standing outside of the L&D room like that...it seemed odd that no one questioned her or anything? But it's def something I'm going to ask about at the hospital tour.

TwizzyG · January 2014

To be honest, I didn't read many replies before responding, so sorry if I repeat a bunch of stuff.
I can't speak as a STM, but as a labor and delivery nurse, I can tell you some things that may or may not impact your decisions.

First, a c/s is a major surgery. At my hospital, only one other person can be in the OR with you and you have at least a 2 hour post-op recovery time where only one other person can be with you.

Second, for our c/s, the NICU is present at all of them to evaluate the baby once it is born. Then, shortly after letting you and DH look at LO, they whisk it away to do a complete assessment and give the baby its bath (unless you demand the baby stay in the OR, but it is very cold in there and I wouldn't really recommend that). Usually, as long as baby looks okay, it rejoins the mom & DH about an hour into the post-op recovery period.

Third, you are going to be in pain. A lot of soreness goes with a c/s. I personally wouldn't want to entertain a boatload of visitors while I'm trying to recover. You'll also likely have a Foley catheter to drain your urine and that will be hanging off your bed for the world to see. And, the staff most likely will not be letting you eat yet because during the operation, it really irritates your GI system, so they have to go slow with ice then liquids, then solids or you'll probably throw up (and with your incision...that would HURT).
So, in summary, you'll be sore, hungry, and have drains/IV/etc. I would ask any visitors to wait until at least the next day, if not the day after that.

kmawb · January 2014

I had an unplanned c/s and my DH, with my ok, called my mom to come to the hospital while they were quickly preping me for the surgery because we wanted her there for support just in case things went badly (my DDs heart rate was very low and she wasn't tolerating the pushing well - which is what forced the decision for a c/s). My mom was actually allowed into the recovery room (the nurse let her come back even though it is against hospital policy) to see me and DD. She was also visiting in the hospital quite a bit until we were discharged (she had come in from OOT and stayed with us for the first 3 weeks). The rest of the family came in from OOT once DD was a few weeks old to see her.

This time around we will probably have some family in from OOT soon after delivery (I'm hoping for VBAC) if not before, it all depends on how things go (and we have to figure out what to do with DD when I do have to head to the hospital). And then either DH or whichever family members are in town will bring DD to the hospital to meet the new baby within the first few hours after birth.

Do whatever works best for you.

katiem1025 · January 2014

I agree with PP that a CS is a major surgery, and I wouldn't want anyone around to take away time from me resting/healing, or taking me away from the baby. I had a vaginal delivery and my husband kept wanting to invite people to the hospital and I was firm that it was not an option. I was so exhausted from a long labor and didn't want to have to get dressed or made up for people to come see us (I was looking horrid!!). Do what is right for YOU...don't be pressured by family to turn your surgery into a party.

coasties_girl · January 2014

After my c-section I was so drugged up I couldn't have told you my name. Plus I was sleeping and in Recovery for an hour or two afterwards I believe.

I would suggest just immediate family/people you wouldn't mind seeing you a little loopy, if anyone.

BW1088 · January 2014

I delivered vaginally, but I remember how our "plans" kind of went out the window when DD arrived. She was so beautiful and the experience was so magical that it felt like time stood still. I know at some point the nurse asked if the grandpas could come see her (DH and the grandmas were already in there for the birth), but I don't know how long after her birth that was. Play it by ear, but as other PPs have said, it's up to YOU to decide what you are comfortable with at the time!

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