Depressed husband... Need advice from those experiencing this also

summermedic · January 2014

I never post on here, but I am wondering if there is anyone else who is going through what I am going through. I am currently 21 weeks pregnant with our second child. Our first is a boy and he is 20 months old. Just recently, my husband was diagnosed with seasonally affected depression. This pregnancy has been rough, we just moved, and my husband just started a new job over the summer (which he loves). All of that combined leads to a lot of stress. I am finally feeling better so I have been working like crazy to make this house a home and reduce some of the stress on my husband. He is now at the point where he is a recluse, he won't talk to me or anyone else (he and I have always had wonderful communication), he complains about everything and anything, and he just wants to sleep all the time. I am worried about him. But all I can do at this point is pray. I am wondering if there is anyone else who is pregnant and going through a similar situation? I want my husband and best friend back...

sunflowermama42212 · January 2014

I know you want your husband back but this isn't a quick fix. I always suggest people do individual counseling and after making progress then married couples should do couples counseling. I have pregnancy depression and as much as it hurts my husband he just lets me run our communication and doesn't act bothered when I don't want to talk. If he were to act sad or upset it would just make my depression worst because then it adds guilt. if he is already seeing a professional then I would say to just be patient until he works things out. Listen to his cues and make the best decisions you can to help him. I'm sorry you probably feel helpless but this is something he can only change. I hope that it gets betters soon.

awc1986 · January 2014

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know what It's like, as my husband has suffered from depression since his mother died in 2001. I've been with him for 10 years, so have had been living with his depression for 10 years. He refuses to take medication (or as he calls it "happy pills") and he only went into counselling last year, because i threatened to leave if he didn't. We're slowly getting there and working through his issues (abandonment issues with his dad, his mum dying etc), but it's a rocky road. I totally get what you mean when you say he doesn't want to talk. Many men don't want to talk about their depression. Don't push him. Just be there when he's ready to talk.

I would suggest he tries counselling because then he HAS to talk. It will be a long road and it won't be easy. It's certainly not a quick fix. You just need to have patience with him and be there for him. My husband is getting a lot better now that he's getting excited for the baby. One of his big lines is that "there's no point in life" and "he has no purpose". Now he's felt his little lady's kicks and we've started buying her things, he's actually looking forward to her being here.

With it being SADs, once the weather starts to get better you should see a change in his mood. Have you bought one of those special SADs lamps? You put them in the bedroom and they begin to light up gradually, so you're not waking up in the dark. It's been shown to help. Worth a shot?

Good luck!

awc1986 · January 2014

I agree with @LuckyNumbers. His depression is not your fault, so don't feel like you have to fix it. He has to make that decision himself and you'll just need to be there for him when he does. The fact that he has a diagnosis shows that he's made the step to see someone about it. That's an enormous achievement. Like I said, my DH took 12 years to make that step. Men can be very proud and see seeking professional help for depression as weak. Just be patient with him.

summermedic · January 2014

Thank you ladies. I appreciate the helpful advice. When I feel he might be open to talking a bit, I might mention the idea of seeing a professional to talk to. We eat insanely healthy, so that is good. He and I both take extra Vit D in the winter (we live in Canada), and multi vits. I was actually looking at those lights just today actually. I think I will look into that a bit more also. Unfortunetly, it just sounds like I have to be super patient with him as we don't know how long it will last. And no, he is not on any pills, and his doctor doesn't want to give him any anyways. So that is good. I just really hope and pray that he is back to himself before the new baby comes...

Depressed husband... Need advice from those experiencing this also

Re: Depressed husband... Need advice from those experiencing this also

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