new this board. hi there.

dreamingofdimples · January 2014

I just found out that my two IVF banking cycles at CCRM failed. We got 4 embryos from the first IVF and 3 from the second. Only 2 embryos made it to blastocyst and CCS testing. They were both abnormal. It's devastating to have spent over $50k for nothing. Nothing to transfer.

I'm grieving the loss of ever having my own biological child but considering other options. Does anyone have any recommendations for blogs or websites about egg donation? I'm not sure if it's the right path for us but need to do some research.

Mrs.McIrish · January 2014

I'm so sorry about your embryos. I did 4 OE IVFs to no avail. Donor eggs is not a sure thing so that's my first bit of advice. Do your research. Check out PVEDhttps://www.parentsviaeggdonation.org/, https://www.network54.com/Forum/57451/, google donor egg blogs. There are a ton of ways to do DE: dedicated cycles, shared/split cycles, agency donor, in house donor pool, frozen eggs, guarantee programs. Lots to consider.

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2MamazInSeattle · January 2014

First, I'm so sorry you find yourself here.

I used an egg donor right out of the gate as an OE cycle wasn't really an option. The first thing I'd suggest is talking to your RE if you have one you are attached to because they may have rules you'll need to consider. My RE required we use in-house donors or myeggbank.com which they are associated with.

There is an overwhelming amount to consider, but figuring out what's most of a priority to you is a good first step. If its cost, you might want to consider RBA in Atlanta for a frozen cycle, or a shared cycle with a fresh donor at your clinic. If it's success rate and money is no object, head over to sart.com and find stats. There's an incredible place in Oregon with tremendous success, adult donor photos, etc, but the cost was outrageous compared to our clinic here in Seattle. I let go of adult donor photos and a few higher points in terms of success to save $10k.

There are lots of donor egg moms and IPs here. Our weekly checkin (I just posted it) has "D-EG" after the names of donor egg peeps.

Good luck on your next steps.

brooklynesque · January 2014

Just wanted to say welcome. Not being able to use your own genetics is a big adjustment and takes a period of mourning, I think. But donor eggs can be an amazing solution. After much OE heartbreak I am now pg with donor eggs and couldn't imagine being happier even if I had used my own eggs.

I second McIrish's recommendation to look at PVED. They have some good info write-ups on the site, plus message boards full of knowledgeable people. There's a lot of knowledge on this site as well -- if you have questions, ask away. The big choices are: fresh or frozen eggs, guarantee program or not, in-house or agency donor, shared or exclusive cycle. Here is PVED's FAQ page that addresses some of these issues: https://pved.org/faq.php The ladies here can give you feedback on these choices as well. Good luck!

LittleLady77 · January 2014

Grieving the loss of the biological link was the most difficult part for me. ((Hugs)) it's a really difficult time. I don't remember which blogs I looked at but I remember starting to feel good about DE when I first did a google search on "epigenetics donor egg".

lincoln79 · January 2014

PP have given great info and I don't have any to add except to say "welcome"!

dreamingofdimples · January 2014

thank you ladies. it is all so overwhelming and a lot to take in. but i appreciate all of the awesome information. guess its time to pick myself up by the bootstraps and start doing some research.

liz4paws · January 2014

Hi friend, and welcome. I'm so sorry you're in this difficult spot, but I can tell you that things do get easier with time. You hit the nail on the head - what you are feeling is GRIEF. It's being forced to let go of the dreams that come with a genetic child. But as with any other grief, moving through the process and allowing yourself to feel everything as it comes to you will help. Take good care of yourself in the process.

One thing that really helped me was talking to a counselor that specialized in donor gametes. She talked to me about the concept of epi-genetics. There is a lot of research that supports the idea that the DNA of a baby is only a part of the makeup of a child. Many other factors are determined by the mother the baby is gestating inside of. Environmental factors play a big part in how the child develops and certain DNA traits are triggered or not triggered based on that mother.

Also, if you think of your baby as a beautiful house, the DNA is just the blueprints. Everything else that builds this child comes from you - The framing, the pipes, the finishing touches....he/she is from your blood and tissue. There is a strong connection to a baby born of donor genes because of this alone. These concepts really helped me embrace using donor genes.

I pray that you are able to find strength as you move forward and you'll have a great support group here to come to as you walk through the stages. I think of you often and hope that you'll find comfort and peace in your next steps.

MrsT4 · January 2014

I also wanted to welcome you, but I'm sorry that you find yourself here.

While many of the ladies here have had success, some of us have not (at least not yet). As @MrsMcIrish pointed out, it's important to know that TPR isn't always a quick fix and sometimes takes multiple times to work and sometimes just doesn't work. However, that said, it does provide a wonderful alternative especially if you know you don't have great eggs (or sperm) to work with.

(Hugs) and welcome!

Km672 · January 2014

So very sorry for your troubles. Welcome to the board and best of luck in your next attempt!!

NamasteBaby · February 2014

Sorry to hear what you're going through. We are in the process of using DS after failed ivf/icsi attempts. It took me 3 + years to come around to this - this is what our RE suggested the instant we got the results of our testing back then. If I could I would go back and have used a donor then and hopefully been on baby #2 by now. I turned into a bitter person, angry, hurt, for awhile and tried to hide my feelings with work, or staying busy for awhile. It's been a long road to acceptance - I don't want anyone to suffer in infertility silence.

This isn't where I ever imagined we would be either.

Grief sucks. I went to therapy. Therapy helped me process enough to become wiling to go through ivf... and ultimately now ds.

The bump helps when I need somewhere to retreat with other women who understand (I don't have any in my personal life at this time). Keep posting

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