How do you tell the difference?

cerad5 · January 2014

So I am sitting here waiting for AF to start our first medicated TTC cycle. Also our first post-loss TTC cycle. I am feeling lots of feelings. Fear. Anxiety. Excitement. Worried we might have another loss. My BFF asked me if I was really ready and it got me thinking. How can you ever be 100% ready when you've been on this 2IF train? I feel like the loss stole so much from me. I don't know what my point is really. I guess I want to know if you get to a point where you are 100% prepared, no matter the risk. Or if you are always a little reserved, a little, scared.

Jen071407 · January 2014

((hugs)) I would say that after my loss I was angry, sad, scared, and more angry. I was also then 110% committed to doing anything and everything we possibly could to try to get our take home baby - hence our upcoming IVF. I think so much, if not everything, about SIF is awful that there are always going to be the yucky feelings that go along with it.

KC1212 · January 2014

First, I want to give you big hugs and wish you luck.

I am will be in your shoes in 2 cycles. Right now, I am thankful for the time "off" because, I am more scared than anything.

Blackvelvet · January 2014

(HUGS) I think it is only natural to have fear after all we go though. It is a roller coaster of emotions but hopefully we all end on the high with a baby. I know the two week waits after my loss have been much harder then before because I didn't have fear.

GraceyandTroy · January 2014

The whole process is terrifying for me. I admire your resolve and commitment and wiliness to take the financial and emotional risks. You're braver than me! I can't imagine being 100% ready and sure that it's the right thing to do. But I can imagine doing it anyway.

Acegoat · January 2014

Just wanted to send hugs and happy thoughts your way.

Momarazzi007 · January 2014

I said in a post yesterday that the loss and failures of SIF is a pain that kills a lot of Miracle believing. My last FET in November I felt so distressed I told my husband I didn't think I could go through it all again. But then you realize what you are fighting to get and all the meds and procedures will be all worth it in the end. Our daughter was jumping up and down under blanket and playing peekaboo with us and hubs and I both looked at each other and were like- yep! We're still scared, that is why we are doing the delivery promise with our next IVF- bc there are no guarantees. But you have to look at all your options and pick the best route and know that your actions- no matter the outcome- that you tried! No regrets there. Lots of hugs! We all have been there and that is why we are here- to support each other and give support and share so we know we are not alone. Personally- I'm always scared- always reserved. But it is despite that fear that great things will happen, after the storm comes the rainbow.

cerad5 · January 2014

Thank you so much for all of your kind words ladies. I may not be the most frequent poster, but I am so thankful for the support I have found here. Crying at my desk reading your responses.

designer303 · January 2014

Sorry that I am late to the party, but yes I have all the same emotions. This is our first cycle that we could try again and I'm terrified for so many reasons. We will be on our own this cycle, because I didnt call my RE the second I got my period to get in for baseline testing and so I'm shit our of luck for this cycle. I think I'm ok with the break and I feel like the next time(if it ever happens) I see a BFP, sheer terror is all that is going to wash over me. Ovi that is not the emotion that I would want to feel at that moment, but I'm scared of going through another loss and putting my family through another loss. Then there is the part of me that sat at our son's friend's brithday party on Saturday with all the other moms and there was only me and one other mom wasn't KU and left that party like I need my other baby, I can do this. So basically, I'm all over the place and I dont see it changing anytime soon. So ((hugs)) sorry that we are here and dealing with this shit.

lucky7wife · January 2014

Yes, we are all scared. It is scary, you will never be totally ready. You will never stop worrying, stop hoping, stop wondering what if. You just have to forge ahead.

Take a step back and look at everything you are doing. The appointments, the research, the medications, the costs - it's staggering. But you are doing it!

Someone once told me that bravery isn't the absence of fear. It is being afraid and doing it anyway. That is what this is. You know the reward is great.

That, and "Just keep swimming" from Finding Nemo (of all places) are two things I tell myself all the time.

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