Thanks but that's not a compliment!!

AnnieA75 · January 2014

DH and I went out of town this weekend for a friend's wedding. I found a super cute maternity dress from the Motherhood outlet that clearly showed off my bump.

Not one, but two ladies at the wedding kept commenting to me how they just couldn't believe I'm pregnant! They went on and on and on. So here's my issue - I've gained about 23 pounds, all in my stomach. I have a giant bump and think I clearly looked pregnant. If these ladies didn't think I was pregnant then they must've just thought I was fat. Awesome. They both acted like they were paying me such a great compliment by saying they couldn't tell I'm pregnant, but now all I feel is fatter than I already felt. Ugh! Haha just my luck. I would've had much more fun staying home and keeping up with the weekend drama on our board.

candrew05 · January 2014

I think most people when talking to a pregnant woman are just wrong no matter what they say lol. They can't win but I'm sure they had good intentions with their comments.

keeumm · January 2014

Ugh, I hate when people say this, too! I am a teacher, and when I told my kids that I am pregnant, one said "Good! We thought you were just eating a lot of cake."

I mean, I am, so I laughed because it was true.

AnnieA75 · January 2014

Oh yeah, I'm sure they meant well. They we're super nice, but in my head I just kept thinking, helloooo I look like I have a volleyball under my dress!

momthatlifts · January 2014

This happened to me yesterday when we met up with some of DHs co workers, first thing out of two of these girls mouths were "you don't even look pregnant!!!" . Well not only do I feel like the party pooper pregnant lady crashing the party, but now everyone is probably just looking at me like I'm a bore and not "oh she's just pregnant"

spacepotatoes · January 2014

candrew05 said:

I think most people when talking to a pregnant woman are just wrong no matter what they say lol. They can't win but I'm sure they had good intentions with their comments.

This has been my experience so far. If someone tells me my bump is small, it annoys me because it feels like it's a normal/large enough size to me and I want people to notice it. Plus, it makes me worry that it's not big enough for the baby. But if they were to comment that it was big, then I wonder what means too. And if they dare make a comment about my face...well, they just shouldn't do that. It won't end well.

OP, I'm sorry those ladies made you feel bad. I'm sure they did have good intentions!

AnnieA75 · January 2014

DH told me that in all fairness to the ladies, there's just no winning in that situation, like you're saying above @ spacepotatoes. DH told me to start wearing tighter clothes so it's more obvious I'm pregnant. Love him and thanks for the suggestion, but I'd probably just feel like a sausage if I wore tighter clothes.

Letayloreo · January 2014

I agree with all of this! I do think that people just get awkward around pregnant women and panic about what to say. But I also HATE it when I get told that I don't look pregnant! I'm with you OP, I've gained 24 fucking pounds! That's noticeable no matter how unobservant you are! So you just think I'm fatter? Thanks. :-w

momthatlifts · January 2014

AnnieA75 said:

DH told me that in all fairness to the ladies, there's just no winning in that situation, like you're saying above @ spacepotatoes. DH told me to start wearing tighter clothes so it's more obvious I'm pregnant. Love him and thanks for the suggestion, but I'd probably just feel like a sausage if I wore tighter clothes.

that's exactly what I do. I purposely wear tighter clothes. I thought my bump was pretty damn noticeable until I was told otherwise. I just felt like I was extremely out of shape and that's what everyone thought

eliak · January 2014

Well, i have been receiving comments like: "your face looks better now that you've put on some weight" and "see, you dont have to go back to being skinny.. You look good now". Thanks people, not only you're telling me i look fat everywhere now you also tell me that i was ugly before? Lucky me

IBackBevo · January 2014

Honestly, people are going to comment on your bump size whether it is large or small and whether you are large or small. Even when I was measuring small with DS (literally a month behind), I got comments both to how small I was and how huge I was...often in the same day. I honestly don't think 99 percent of people are trying to be rude. They just don't realize. I was the exact same way before I got pregnant. I thought telling a lady her stomach was so big or saying "you are all baby" was a compliment. I was stupid. I think it is just one of those things that goes with being pregnant unfortunately.

awc1986 · January 2014

I'm getting a lot of "oh that's gonna be a big bump!" and "you look like you're gonna get really big". Well I'm 26 weeks and have gained 10lbs so far so kindly STFU unless you're my midwife.

Letayloreo · January 2014

eliak said:

Well, i have been receiving comments like: "your face looks better now that you've put on some weight" and "see, you dont have to go back to being skinny.. You look good now". Thanks people, not only you're telling me i look fat everywhere now you also tell me that i was ugly before? Lucky me

Oh my goodness, I get this too! If I hear "You look good with some weight on you" one more time I swear I'll throat punch the asshole who says it!

Edit because mad typing= typos

shaunamw · January 2014

Way can't people say "you look great, congrats" and leave it at that. That has been my standard line for pregnant women ever since I had DS.

theoryofwhat · January 2014

I agree with @shaunamw.

The other day, some lady asked how far along I was. I told her. She then said, "Oh, wow, you're so big! Almost 3rd trimester- things get so much worse then. SO MUCH." I just stared at her in shock. What do you even say to that?

Letayloreo · January 2014

yayglitter said:
I agree with @shaunamw.
The other day, some lady asked how far along I was. I told her. She then said, "Oh, wow, you're so big! Almost 3rd trimester- things get so much worse then. SO MUCH." I just stared at her in shock. What do you even say to that?

I dislike when people try to scare me by telling me how miserable I'm going to get or how much the birth is going to hurt... In what way would you like me to respond, "oh my goodness, I had no clue! Do you know where I can get a second tri abortion??"

ho11yday · January 2014

I love when people stare at my stomach then shift their eyes to my face and don't say anything.

cchild101010 · January 2014

My friend's mom told me the other night "you don't even look pregnant, you just look like you need to loose 10 pounds". She is always saying awkward things so I sort of laughed it off. But last night I looked in the mirror and I started to cry because I feel so big (I will be 24 weeks this week). DH just kept telling me that I am pregnant and that he thinks I look great but then all I could think about was that I look like I need to loose 10 pounds. I still feel like I am in awkward stage. The dr told me I need to gain more weight and its just a funky stage for me.

OP - don't feel bad, but I know how those "nice" comments can sting. I do think that people probably can't win with our hormones right now

(

AnnieA75 · January 2014

@ cchild101010 I totally understand how you feel. I would've cried too at that comment. People seriously need to think about what they say to pregnant hormonal women!

I was thinking about those women at the wedding last night and realize it could've been worse. At least they didn't say I had a big a$$. Then I really would've lost it!

MrsT2008 · January 2014

Outsiders are basically damned if they do, damned if they don't when it comes to talking to a pregnant woman. You know they meant well, so I would try not to read much into it.

talkthewholetime · January 2014

That happened to me today. It rubbed me the wrong way ... Because if I don't look pregnant I just look fat as all hell. I get she was trying to be nice(?) but it was strange and uncomfortable.

hfooter · January 2014

I wear tight clothes whenever possible. It makes my stomach more noticeable and makes me feel less fat.

Cupcakes89 · January 2014

My MIL and other people when I was still working kept asking me "when are you going to start showing, you should be showing by now!" That would drive me crazy. My doctor tells me the past two months when I go in "People are going to say you are having twins!" I actually like being called bigger then I actually am, then being called smaller! So I feel ya on this topic! I started off at 87lbs and im now almost 110lbs. For me I feel like im showing a lot and when people tell me im not showing I go crazy.

reneewhite90 · January 2014

I was only 18 with my first and fresh out of high school. I grew up in a very strict Catholic household so the entire situation was just very uncomfortable. I did everything I could to hide that belly.

With my second, I was older and in a steady relationship with my now husband. We still were not married, though, and that was very frowned upon. I think I still had many left over feelings from the awkwardness of being pregnant with DD that those just carried over and I tried to hide it as much as possible again. Luckily I didn't get too big with him at all.

This time we are married, older, and much more established. I have been so excited to finally "be pregnant" and proud. It's been wonderful to finally want to and enjoy showing this belly and this pregnancy off as a proud Catholic married mother and wife (hahahaaa). My dad can be a little overkill at times. But overall, it's been a completely different experience.

Although I still despise being pregnant with every bone in my damn body.

MerryLove · January 2014

ho11yday said:
I love when people stare at my stomach then shift their eyes to my face and don't say anything.

Yes! It's so awkward...it makes me feel like they can't tell if I'm pregnant or fat and are afraid to say anything just in case I'm fat! And I wear tighter tops just so it will be clear that this is a pregnancy belly, not a food belly! In a way I feel bad for them because they are probably feeling awkward about asking, but at the same time I feel too awkward to call them out on their shifty eyes and tell them, yes, the belly they can't take their eyes off of does, indeed, have a baby inside...just in case they were wondering.

annabeanybee · January 2014

When I was pregnant with DS, I got the best comment ever. I remembered it so that I could pass it along, because it made me feel so good: "Wow! Congratulations! Your doctor must be so proud of you." That. That is what you say to pregnant women.

singing_lyn · January 2014

My husband just told me about a mutual acquaintance that is 7 months pregnant and was just at a baby shower (not hers) and the aunt of the pregnant woman asked her to help lift the heavy stuff because the pregnant lady shouldn't be lifting (the one the shower was for). She was telling my husband how offended she was like she doesn't look pregnant just fat evidently. And she didn't say anything and just helped. I on the other hand probably would have said something, but I don't have much of a filter in person.

reneewhite90 · January 2014

MerryLove said:

ho11yday said:
I love when people stare at my stomach then shift their eyes to my face and don't say anything.
Yes! It's so awkward...it makes me feel like they can't tell if I'm pregnant or fat and are afraid to say anything just in case I'm fat! And I wear tighter tops just so it will be clear that this is a pregnancy belly, not a food belly! In a way I feel bad for them because they are probably feeling awkward about asking, but at the same time I feel too awkward to call them out on their shifty eyes and tell them, yes, the belly they can't take their eyes off of does, indeed, have a baby inside...just in case they were wondering.

Or you have the people that are the exact opposite. I was a manager at an Arby's and I hired this woman in who was a bit overweight but nothing to extreme at all, at least I thought so. One of my main employees proceeded to ask the newbie when introduced to one another, "Oh when are you due?!" When the new employee blushed and said she wasn't pregnant, the other employee made it a million times worse by responding, "You're kidding me right?" My jaw dropped to the floor. It was one of the most awkward and horrible situations I've ever witnessed.

That's probably a good reason people don't say anything or just assume. To try and avoid something like that happening... Hahaa

awc1986 · January 2014

Oh I remember when I was 13 weeks, my DH's gran said I'd put weight on in my face. Well shit. That's amazing considering I hadn't eaten a full meal for about 2 months at that point. I'd actually lost weight at that point. People need to learn tact.

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