Faith Friday

schulme2 · January 2014

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Do you find you are able to trust God now or do you struggle with this?

What one word would you use to describe your relationship with God before your loss? After your loss?

Any new struggles/revelations this week?

angelsnight · January 2014

ticker warning (rainbow mentioned)

I've never participated in this, but here goes nothing.

Do you find you are able to trust God now or do you struggle with this? I struggle with this. I've never really believed that God makes bad things happen. I just cannot believe in a God that would actually make all of the horrible things that happen in the world take place. But since losing our angel, I don't really believe he makes good things happen either. If He does, I don't understand why he would give one couple a baby, especially a couple that doesn't deserve that baby, but not us. I feel blessed and lucky to be pregnant again, but I don't really feel like He gave her to us.

What one word would you use to describe your relationship with God before your loss? After your loss? Before-content, after-rocky.

Any new struggles/revelations this week? Every now and then I struggle with the fact that our angel was stillborn, as opposed to living for a few minutes. She was born too early due to my incompetent cervix, I felt her kicking even just 30 minutes before birth so I know it was the trauma of the birth that killed her. But then I hear of other babies born even earlier, and smaller that lived for a little while. When she was first born, MH and I were thankful that she didn't suffer at all. But in the months after, I longed to have a memory of her alive, even if it were just a few minutes.

I longed to feel her warmth, maybe hear her cry, or feel her tiny hand try to wrap around my finger. I know it's hard to say what you would want when you didn't experience it. Maybe parents who had their angel with them for a little while wish they didn't have to go through the heartbreak of losing them, maybe we were right to be thankful she didn't have to suffer at all. But I'll always wonder what if, and I'll always wonder why some babies, but not her?

jonahsma · January 2014

Do you find you are able to trust God now or do you struggle with this? Yes, I trust God through all of my trials, it is HE who sustains me.
What one word would you use to describe your relationship with God before your loss?Weak
After your loss? Strong Any new struggles/revelations this week? My Edd is getting closer and im trying to imagine how she would have looked. I have been doing the "what if, this what if that?" and its driving me nuts.

stefuge · January 2014

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do you find you are able to trust God now or do you struggle with this?
I actually feel like I trust Him more. I have felt His comfort and peace, and His assurance that He has a plan, and I can trust that.

What one word would you use to describe your relationship with God before your loss? After your loss?
Before- somewhat stagnant. After - life saving. I feel like the part of the verse above "in all your ways acknowledge Him" was a big struggle before our loss, and now things are in a different perspective, and my faith is what gets me through the day.

Any new struggles/revelations this week?
I am trying to see Gods desire. I have been blogging all though my pregnancy and then our loss, but have kept it set to private and only allowed certain people access to what i have been writing. I feel like He might be asking me to make it public and allow others a glimpse into our journey, but I'm not there yet, and haven't done it. Trying to decide if I want to be open and vulnerable with potential strangers, and then whether I take this step and trust God if it is His desire for me to do this.

Noethola · January 2014

***Siggy warning***

Do you find you are able to trust God now or do you struggle with this? Yes I can trust him to hold us close through this. I know in the original world he created, there would be no pain or death. The part that has been hard is trusting with this current pregnancy. I had to work through "I trusted him with Elsie, and we lost her." But I also know that if I had to experience it again, there is no where else I could go for comfort.

What one word would you use to describe your relationship with God before your loss? After your loss? Before: sustained. After: Dependent.

Any new struggles/revelations this week? Just keep praying through one day at a time. I pray that God lets us bring this one home alive and gives him a long and healthy life.

diamante1181 · January 2014

schulme2 said:

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do you find you are able to trust God now or do you struggle with this?

Unfortunately, I find that I trust Him less and less. If I had faith before, and everything came crashing, how is faith supposed to help me going forward?

What one word would you use to describe your relationship with God before your loss? Strong.
After your loss?
Crisis.

Any new struggles/revelations this week? These are all new struggles. I think I have delayed reaction with my faith and the loss of my little ones. I feel less and less connected to Him as time moves on. It seems my prayers are hollow and my words fall to the shadows. I am so angry! I just want to rage because I felt like I was regaining my trust in God but it is not going so well right now. My grief will never go away, and I believe that fact is only just starting to sink in.

stefuge · January 2014

@diamante1181 - I'm so sorry things have been so difficult lately. God can handle your anger, so let it out. I hope you don't mind if I pray for you and that you will feel Gods comfort and peace. ((Hugs))

diamante1181 · January 2014

@stefuge I appreciate that. Thank you.

schulme2 · January 2014

Do you find you are able to trust God now or do you struggle with this?

I am struggling with this much more than before! Every day is a challenge.

What one word would you use to describe your relationship with God before your loss? After your loss?
Before: Growing Now: lost

Any new struggles/revelations this week? Just now accepting that my plans don't mean anything. Through ttc struggles the first time, losing my daughter and now ttc now... It doesn't matter what I plan because God's plan will always trump mine.

Thank you ladies for being so candid. I really appreciate you sharing honestly where you are in this journey. I think we all cover the whole spectrum and it is so helpful to see that evey day when I have my ups and downs in this, I'm not alone.

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