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NBR: Help- I overreacted..maybe

MirandaHobbesMirandaHobbes member
in Babies: 9 - 12 Months

Holiday stress just got to me and I don't know whether I should drop it, apologize, or stand my ground. Sorry this is long.

My mom and dad are coming to my house tomorrow and spending 4 nights with us. They live 3 hours away and we see them every couple months or so. I had planned on cleaning, etc tonight & tomorrow morning. My mom just left me a voicemail saying they had just come from my house, they let themselves in, dropped off all their stuff, and are going to stay with another relative tonight. Also, she said she found a coat she had been looking for in my closet. Okay the coat is not hers, she would have had to hunt through ALL of my closets to find it, and she basically guessed that it was this person's coat and took it.

I was so mad that they arrived unannounced at our house and let themselves in without even calling me and telling me they were here early. I'm even more mad that my mom dug through all my stuff looking for something that wasn't hers. I called her and asked her why she hadn't called me first and she just claimed it was a "last minute thing" and I asked her how she even knew if she has the right coat to which she said she "just assumed." She is a pretty sarcastic person so she just gave me a sarcastic apology and laughed at me because I was "overreacting" which of course made me even more mad.. I didn't yell at her or swear or really say anything other than repeat over and over- why didnt' you call? why didn't you call? Then she pulled the classic- why? Are you trying to HIDE something? Like I'm 13 years old or something..

The whole thing makes me so sad. Here we are fighting first thing over the holidays. She is treating me like a kid and thinks I'm acting like a kid when she isn't respecting my privacy. It's just a tough situation. Any advice? Should I ignore the situation? Apologize for overreacting? Or none of the above?

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Re: NBR: Help- I overreacted..maybe

  • JessibellJessibell

    I would be livid. That is all sorts of inappropriate.

    I don't know what you should do.... Try to make nice for the sake of Christmas and then sit her down later?

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  • KKMKKM

    I would be upset about them arriving early and not telling you.  If anything they had 3 hours in the car that they could have called.  Not sure what to tell you thougg.  You could maybe be the bigger person and suck it up (not apologize, but drop it) and try to enjoy Christmas. 

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  • twopeasinapodtwopeasinapod
    Does she have a key to get into your house? Take it back.

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  • CalifloridaCaliflorida member
    well, everyone in my family is pretty sarcastic so i can relate. i would just drop it and if you hear one remark about your house not being clean or not being prepared then i would throw it right back at her for catching you unprepared. all in all though, it doesn't seem significant enough to ruin your holiday.
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  • CrazycrustaceanCrazycrustacean

    I would be extremely pissed off. I don't think you over-reacted. You're not 13 and even if you did have something to hide, it's none of her business.?

    It's not their house & they overstepped their boundaries. My ils do this with their other son & dil and we made it quite clear that if they were coming by our house, they were to call us first & not just let themselves in.

    You need to make it quite clear that while they don't see it as a big deal, you do and they should respect that. And then change the locks and not give them a key. ?

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  • Swannja1Swannja1

    Um... wow! My mother DOES have a twin sister! Everything you just typed sounds like something out of my mother's book of antics.

    I totally know what you're going through and I am sorry you have to deal with this during the Holidays. I would just let it go, and try to enjoy the Holidays. If it were any other time, I would hold my groud, but for the sake of Christmas and her having to sleep there for the next 4 days I would just choose my battles and retreat on this one.

    Good luck!

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  • texasgurltexasgurl
    I would be pissed. I think what they did was inappropriate. Both my parents and Dh's parents treat us like children and say things like "the kids" when referring to us. I think its a generational thing and it pisses us off all the time.
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  • MirandaHobbesMirandaHobbes member
    Ok this is exactly what I needed. Thank you for validating my feelings, but also for agreeing with my gut feeling which is that I should be the better person and let it go over the holidays. I know she will apologize to me again when I see her tomorrow but I hope I can just blow it off and not start the argument again- because I know the apology will be really fake and annoying. Anyway. 'Rents. What do you do? Smile
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  • Michelle110Michelle110 member

    I don't think you overreacted because I'd be mad too, but I'd try to get over it quickly so you have a nice time with them over the next few days. Maybe just a quick conversation between the two of you while you're making dinner or at another time when it would be more casual? My mom lives 15 minutes away and tries to do stuff like this all the time - she still has a key to our house in case we lose ours. I politely told her that I wouldn't do that to her so please don't do it to me. I'm not a kid anymore and need some privacy with my own family.

    My MIL also lives 3 hours away and used to do this to DH before we met. He used to get really pissed off about it and told her to just call ahead of time to let him know she was coming. Telling her one time was all it took.

    Good luck and hope you have a better Christmas with them.

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  • NewlywednOhioNewlywednOhio
    No, you aren't.
    Your mother invaded your privacy, and went through your house looking at all your things without you home. That to me is something she needs to apologize to you for.
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  • vanillacouragevanillacourage member
    How was she able to let herself back in?  Frankly if you had given her a key I would take it back.  They've proven that they can't respect your (completely reasonable!) boundaries.
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  • renogawrenogaw
    I would talk to her in person.  If they don't see that coming over unannounced and looking through your stuff is unacceptable, I'd ask for the key back.  If she tries to treat you like a 13 year old (are you trying to hide something?) I'd tell her, why yes, there are certain, let's say "items", that you might be better off not seeing.  Let her imagination fill in the blanks ;)
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  • pamela-mattpamela-matt

    Personally, this is what I would say at this point :

    I am sorry YOU feel I am overreacting, but as an adult, I expect a certain amount of privacy.  I have no problem that you arrived early it just would have been respectful of you to call and let me know you were here and letting yourself into my home.

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