Intro (Kinda long and living child mentioned)

MaBe · January 2014

Well here I am. In the process of losing my baby. Ugh. This is the worst. Our story is we went in for our first prenatal appointment at what we thought was 8 weeks. The baby only measured 5 1/2 weeks and no heartbeat. The R.N. pretty much prepared us for the possibility of a miscarriage, but sent us a home with a small spark of hope that my dates were wrong and the baby was just small. Well, went in a week later for another U/S and there was no growth and still no heartbeat. That was one of the hardest weeks of my life. Still feeling pregnant, but also freaking out over every cramp or twinge of pain. We didn't know how to feel. Hope, grief, anger, sadness, frustration. Our R.N. prescribed us Cytotech on Thursday to move things along. but I got called in to work Friday and tomorrow so I decided to wait until Sunday to start the medication. Around 4am today (Friday morning) woke up to annoying cramps and bled a little. My husband woke up too and waited it out a little with me. I just had no idea what to expect next. So we watched Zoolander at 4am! I probably haven't watched a movie that late/early since college. Made the serious moment at least a little lighter. Now I've done the day and feel no real progression. The waiting is just so hard. I'm ready to start moving on, but that just isn't possible till this little baby moves on first.

What I'm struggling with is what to do with the U/S picture and the little outfit I bought. Sidenote: we had bought a newborn outfit for our toddler to open at Christmas in front of our families. I'm thinking of just keeping it tucked away. I don't want to just feel like I forgot about this baby but I want to honor it in some way.

Also, what support have your significant others received from friends and family? I felt I was on the phone all day, but my husband didn't really have anyone to talk to about it.

gabbagal · January 2014

I am so sorry you're going through this. The uncertainty, the grief which comes with the realization, and then the waiting. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I wanted to keep everything from both of my miscarriages to remember that it was real and that I was actually pregnant. I specifically asked for a copy of the u/s even though there was no heartbeat. I keep everything filed away in a folder b/c it hurts too much to look at, but I'd rather have it and never look at it, then toss everything and regret it later.

As for my husband, he, like a lot of men, grieves differently than I do. I need to talk, share, vent, cry and he needs to compartmentalize and tuck things away until he can deal with it at another time. Ask your husband how he feels, if he wants to talk. Encourage him to share if it will make him feel better, but accept and understand if he doesn't. My husband told a couple of friends we were pregnant, and I think he eventually talked to one of them about it, but it took him some time. Sending hugs and hoping your awful waiting game ends soon!

redheadscu1 · January 2014

I am so sorry for your loss. My husband had taken down most of the ultrasound photos (we had healthy ones up from about 6.5 weeks with the due date) from off our fridge when I wasn't looking. He was trying to be helpful. But I still had one US photo and I keep it in my purse. We also have US photos on a jump drive from our doctor along with a folder of pregnancy info still tucked off to the side on our kitchen counter. No one has moved it or talked about it since Nov. My husband received support from his family, but mostly he just buried himself into work. I also have a toddler, but he didn't know he was going to have a little brother or sister. My DH and I had names picked out, but I don't think we will use them anymore. This is a very supportive group, and I hope you will find what you need here. If you decide to try again, I wish you luck with future pregnancies!

MaBe · January 2014

Thank you very much ladies for responding and I'm so sorry for your losses as well. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

This just feels so weird. It's like one minute I'm fine and accepting what is happening and the next I am overcome with grief. I waited two days for my body to do this naturally and nothing happened. Now this morning I took the Cytotech and am just waiting around. I've had cramping and a little bleeding so far this morning. I sent my husband off with our daughter, because I am just not good company. I want to bury my head in chick flicks and novels and just forget this is even happening, otherwise I just start crying. I think the finality of this is getting to me. I was anxious to take the medication because it truly meant the beginning of the end. I felt before taking the medication that even though the baby is no longer alive it was at least still with me, but now it is truly leaving me and that's a really hard thing to deal with.

We do want more children and we will try again. Our daughter is a little extrovert and I know she would love a sibling. She isn't quite 2 so she doesn't know what's going on, but it was fun to ask her if mommy should have a baby. She said we should name it Brock, but she wavered on whether it was a boy or a girl.

Sorry, kind of rambled there. I guess it was therapeutic to type it all out. Thank for reading if you made it through all that.

IfMamaAintHappy · January 2014

I'm sorry for your loss and please keep us updated on your progression and how you are feeling when you are ready. I found just posting here was a huge part of my grieving process. The sadness and crying does just randomly come and go , but it will get better little by little. In the meantime, just know it is normal and we are all here for you.

aezimmerman · January 2014

Sorry you are here, but I hope you find as much empathy and support as I did. I did not get an u/s picture and I did not buy anything for the baby. All I had purchased was some maternity clothes. I decided to keep the clothes I really liked and return the others. I think tucking away the outfit doesn't mean you are forgetting the baby. I think it means you are putting away something that is a painful reminder. In my experience, you won't forget; the pain just lessens.

As for support, I only had my husband and my mom. I hadn't told anyone else I was pregnant. The plan was to wait until I was 13 weeks along. I never made it. My husband did not seem to need much support outside of what me. I, however, sought out this discussion board. I just wanted to talk to people who had been in a similar situation. Too many of my friends had a successful first pregnancy and now have a beautiful baby. They just wouldn't get it.

Intro (Kinda long and living child mentioned)

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