*LrCg*

Re: *LrCg*

• *LrCg* member

  January 2014

  Google the Melissa & Doug Responsibility Chart- that's what we have always used and still use for all our kids.  My oldest just turned 5 so my memory is pretty good on things (wink wink).  The chart is always a gift for their 1 year birthdays (and child #2 & 3 were excited with their rite of passage).  But my first child loved it and did so well with it so it was a no brainer to keep doing it.
  
  Like I said we really just started out small!  Simple tasks like brushing teeth- obviously this is a give in and a simple sticker and it excites them at the end of the night to put one there!  As is feeding the dog.  So right off the bat our child is guaranteed a 50% "success" day. The other 2 for her are listening- this is when she's climbing up the stairs, opening cabinets she's not suppose to, or pulling cords or any endless thing she finds fun that she's not suppose to be doing.  If she doesn't listen more than then 3 times she looses her sticker.  However if she's climbing the stairs and I say stop and she listens I don't dock her.  Obviously this sticker is a toss up from day to day.  The picking up toys- well I'm neurotic when it comes to cleaning.  My kids have different bins for different things: dinosaur bins, car bin, food bin, etc.  Each child can have only 1 bin out at time.  When they're done they put the stuff away and get out another (I also make them clean up prior to us doing a project, eating lunch, nap time or eating dinner).  You have to remember all my kids have been born back to back so if I let every child just grab and go you could barely walk when going to the bathroom!!!  lol  And I certainly don't expect my 13 month old to pick up EVERYTHING she's played with.  However if she's making a good effort I'm happy with that at this age.  I don't stack the cards against her either so to speak.  For instance- I haven't put on "no temper tantrums" on her chart because frankly she'd fail them at this point.  However, in a few months it will be there for sure!! 
  
  At the end of the day I can assure you she get's very excited when she puts stickers up.  And if she gets a 4 day sticker I sing the "I'm proud of you song" (they all get it).  Does she fully understand the concept- no she's 13 months old but she's grasping and the foundations are being laid for when she's 18 months she'll understand a lot more and when she's 2 years old (this is when I do the full 7 responsibilities- there's a wide range of them to helping out with chores, saying please & thank you, setting the table, etc).  Allowances and consequences start being used at 2 years old.  Consequences are generally if they have 5 or less stickers for a day they are not allowed to watch their 30 minute show at the end of the day- the only time they get TV.  Allowance is anywhere from 50 cent to $1 to a slumber party with Mom & Dad, etc if they have a 42 sticker week.  They understand it very well.  Right now at 13 months she's just happy that Mom & Dad make a big deal about her chart and she wants to please us.  And as they age, you add more.  When my daughter was 18 months she thought she was big stuff loading the dish washer (all 20 lbs of her!!). 
  
  I've never read books or had family to ask advise on I just did what felt right and I found that our kids at a young age just wanted to be like us and they want respect and they felt like we respect them because we trust them with these responsibilities.  You are constantly telling them "no" from on thing to another so of course being clapped at while they feed the dog or pick up toys is SUPER exciting!  And that approval is enough for them at this age.  I also found that they are a lot smarter than people think and are capable of so much more!!  They're just amazing and sponges to everything! 
  

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• kjsmith9 member

  January 2014

  I want this!  I never thought to use something like this since she's still a "baby" in my eyes, but she would totally be into it... and $20 on amazon makes me happy.

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• raraavis28 member

  January 2014

  I think I'll get one of those for DH.... kidding, kidding....
  )

   
  

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• JessAnnJ member

  January 2014

  Thank you for the reply. It's hard for me to imagine explaining what her responsibilities are and that she gets a sticker for being successful, but she has surprised me before. Plus even if she doesn't really get it now atleast we will have something in place for when she starts to understand.

  

  
  

  
  
  
  

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• JessAnnJ member

  January 2014

  @marchesa28 I'm actually a little nervous that when I discuss this with DH he will suggest one for me
  
  :-SS

  

  
  

  
  
  
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  January 2014

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• *LrCg* member

  January 2014

  I think some people hear the word "chore" or "responsibility" and they are repulsed by it.  But honestly all kids do at this age is mimic their parents.  My 13 month old now stands in front of her kitchen and puts food in pans and stirs it up- she sees me doing it at least 3 times a day!  My son when he was 1 would drag his ride on tractor in the middle of the room and lay under it and bang on it!  DH always took him out whenever he worked on the tractor.  So when I shout its time to feed the dog, she seriously comes walking/running to grab the bowl!  She's just mimicking us.  I realize people think its strange to do it so young and although I never sat down and explained the chart she's grasping that she's getting a lot of praise throughout the day doing things (which when you're 13 months you hear a lot of "no").  People have often asked how our kids were such great listeners at young ages (I'm taking around 20 months- 2 years old) and I honestly think this has a lot to do with it (and trust me I have a passive child, wild child and one in between!).  At that stage is when the power struggles hit and their claim for independence and for our kids they'd been doing a lot of big people things by that time (loading the dishwasher, setting the table, making beds (which at 2 consists of laying their blanket flat on their bed!- lol) etc.) and so for me, its us showing our kids a lot of respect that we trust them with this and they're giving it to us in return.  They're contributing to the household and they know it.  I realize that a 2 year old has NO CLUE what respect means but they know what it feels like.  You're 13 month old isn't going to fully understand it but they will grasp it and you're only laying the foundation for it when they understand more in @5 months.  Kinda like now you're probably saying look at this red car- granted they have no clue what red means but your setting the foundation to learn colors.  I also like that there's consequences (for when their a bit older- @20months- 2 years, plus) because in my house we don't spank/smack/slap. 
  
  I'm just one parent who has never read parenting books, took classes or anything and just went with my own flow and it worked for me.  It's CERTAINLY not the only option to get your kids to listen or learn respect- I'm sure many parents have great and even greater ideas to accomplish that.  I guess I just felt the need to explain better because again, I think people get turned off by the word "chore" chart.  I didn't want anyone thinking I'm some crazy parent that treats her kids like Cinderella!! 
  

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• JessAnnJ member

  January 2014

  @LrCR I don't think you are crazy at all. My comment was more trying to wrap my mind around getting something like this started in my house. I think I tend to wait a little too long to start things because I underestimate her capabilities. Your suggestions have me thinking ahead and I appreciate it. I hope I didn't give the impression I thought you were a crazy mom because what you are doing sounds pretty awesome.

  

  
  

  
  
  
  

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• *LrCg* member

  January 2014

  JessAnnJ said:

  @LrCR I don't think you are crazy at all. My comment was more trying to wrap my mind around getting something like this started in my house. I think I tend to wait a little too long to start things because I underestimate her capabilities. Your suggestions have me thinking ahead and I appreciate it. I hope I didn't give the impression I thought you were a crazy mom because what you are doing sounds pretty awesome.

  Thanks! I can tell you that I'm the only one who thinks my children are genius, to everyone else they're normal. My friends would say the same thing to me that they didn't think their child was capable and I tell them your child is very much capable and so smart that they having you believing they can't do it when they already know they can!! And my friends always tell me that yes they did underestimate their child!! Believe in your little one, they are all special and capable of wonderful things!!!

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