February 2014 Moms

DH leaving for a week :(

2

Re: DH leaving for a week :(

  • @zig yes to both of these! TP to the doctor who is giving false/guessing reassurance. TP to DH because 9-10 hours could be hours too late.
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  • With my first, I was checked on a Wednesday and was fully closed and not effaced at all. My FFN test even came back negative. By Friday I was in labor. I was dilating and effacing very quickly. 

    You have stated how you feel if he misses the birth of your child, which I think is very valid, but I would also ask him how he would feel. There will be plenty of opportunities to go hunting, but this child will only be born once. 

    I would not be OK with this and my mom lives a mile down the road from me. 

    chaseandchristian again

     

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  • I'm so angry about this. Really. What kind of man picks hunting over his wife on bed rest?


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  • @rondackhiker I am hearing everything you're saying. I couldn't agree more- I'm just trying to get him to realize these things. I truly think he's in denial that anything could happen. But... As you've said- and as I've tried to get him to realize... Even if NOTHING else happens, leaving me right now isn't fair or worth it.

    I feel like a fighting a losing battle. I'm about to go shread his hunting license.
  • I'm so angry about this. Really. What kind of man picks hunting over his wife on bed rest?

    I don't think that's fair. It doesn't sound like he is choosing hunting over her. It sounds like she is telling him she is ok with him leaving (even though she maybe isn't?). If the doctor told my husband I probably have 2 wks to go, he would also take it as a green light. I would be defensive if someone said he is choosing hunting (or whatever) over me/our family. You can't sit around and put life on hold, just in case. Anything could happen to any of us, at any point, pregnant or not. As I stated earlier, you have to weigh the pros and cons. If she is truely on strict bed rest and has no one to help, and it would be unhealthy for her to be alone, then yes, he should absolutely stay home. If she is on modified bed rest, then they have to decide what is best for them.
  • I agree with most of the PP...it's not ok that he's leaving you to go on a hunting trip.

    My hubs and FIL were planning to go to a race (6 hours away) while I was pregnant with DD. I would have been 37 weeks and had no complications. I told him that I wasn't comfortable with it and he didn't go, THANKFULLY because I went into labor at 3 in the morning and had to have an unplanned c-section. If I wouldn't have told him that I wasn't comfortable with him going then he would have missed her birth.

    Tell him that you need him to stay!

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  • Currently laying here bawling as he packs. Getting myself worked up only gives me tightening/Braxton hicks. I've said everything I could... Tried to ask how he would feel? Exclaimed that I'm petrified about having to be alone, not to mention potentially drive myself to the hospital if need-be. He is truly in denial and "I've got a month left until my due date." ...because all babies come on their due dates, right?

    He said he called my mom and she would be able to come for the weekend. I tried to explain it was about having HIM here, not to mention that's 3-4 days away and a 6 hour drive for her.

    At this point, it's not worth it. I've never in my life seen him act so selfish. I know he loves to hunt... But my lord.

    I've got to focus on LO and myself now and try to stay relaxed and calm for the week. The hospital is 12 miles away, I've got a house full of food, and lots of books and bump buddies to try to keep myself occupied.

    Thank you all for your thoughts. Positivity at this point! He has to live with this one- not me.
  • Did you show him this thread?

    I'm sorry @peachlove25.

    I don't know if I could feel the same way about my husband if he left me alone on bed rest so he could go on vacation.


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  • ShePersistedShePersisted member
    edited January 2014
    Aw honey I am so sorry! This really blows!

    You are absolutely right, it's fruitless to waste your energy on him anymore. Concentrate on your self, relax and think about calming yourself down. Is there a friend close by who could possibly drive you to the hospital if at all need be?

  • ras26 said:



    DC2011 said:


    Too funny! We toured there and had friends who had wonderful experiences there. I was high risk to begin with so they were hesitant about accepting me and we decided just to go the safe route with a hospital.

    Have you ever been to Greenberries in Columbia? It's my favorite "high end thrift store." I've gotten so many maternity and baby clothes as well as gently used gear there!


    Oh, good!   Yeah, I've been running into people who've had nice experiences there too.  Ho. Co. General is great too!  My supervisor just had her baby there a year ago, and she said it was perfect.  : )  No, I haven't heard of Greenberries!  Thank you for the heads up!  Where in Columbia?  (I grew up there and go back a lot to visit, but they've been building so much recently.)
    Oh man- you've got to go. It's like crack for pregnant women! I've gotten almost all of my maternity clothes there- gently used and amazingly priced. They have so many clothes for LO and tons of gear/strollers, etc. They only accept things to sell in excellent condition!

    It's on Snowden River Parkway.


    You can see it from Snowden, but you actually have to access it from Oakland Mills.  :-)  I'll be delivering at HoCo too.  I had a great experience the first time!!


    I did not know that we had so many MD ladies -- and esp ladies familiar with the "Colum-bubble" here on TB! : D Cozy
  • Currently laying here bawling as he packs. Getting myself worked up only gives me tightening/Braxton hicks. I've said everything I could... Tried to ask how he would feel? Exclaimed that I'm petrified about having to be alone, not to mention potentially drive myself to the hospital if need-be. He is truly in denial and "I've got a month left until my due date." ...because all babies come on their due dates, right?

    He said he called my mom and she would be able to come for the weekend. I tried to explain it was about having HIM here, not to mention that's 3-4 days away and a 6 hour drive for her.

    At this point, it's not worth it. I've never in my life seen him act so selfish. I know he loves to hunt... But my lord.

    I've got to focus on LO and myself now and try to stay relaxed and calm for the week. The hospital is 12 miles away, I've got a house full of food, and lots of books and bump buddies to try to keep myself occupied.

    Thank you all for your thoughts. Positivity at this point! He has to live with this one- not me.

    @PeachLove25, I'm so, so sorry. :( This is just sooo wrong. ((Hugs)) I hope it helps, having your mom there for you.
  • I can't stay away from this thread. I'm shocked he'd risk it. A baby could be born in 9-10 hours. Fingertip dilated means shit. I've had friends walk around at 3cm for weeks and friends go from closed tight to baby in arms in less than 8 hours.

    You need to tell him that going means there is a very real chance he'll miss the birth and that you'll never forgive him.

    I'm actually a bit disgusted that he'd leave his wife alone, on bed rest, with a high risk pregnancy for a recreational trip. This isn't a business trip or something he can't get out of. This isn't work. This isn't a deployment. This is him, choosing to go have fun, while you sit home alone on bed rest. That's not okay. Not okay at all.

    Leave the possibly missing the birth alone. You're on bed rest. You're at the end of your pregnancy. You've had ptl and are high risk. Those are all the reasons he shouldn't go. It doesn't matter if baby doesn't come for two weeks. He shouldn't go on a VACATION and leave you alone right now. That would be wrong. That shouldn't even be an option. He shouldn't leave you alone to go have fun. That's terrible and unfair and irresponsible and unkind. You are his priority, not hunting. He is not acting like that right now.

    This is essentially what I said as well. He should under no circumstances be leaving you right now, no matter what the doctor "guessed." He still needs to be home with you, whether baby comes or not. How does he not see this??
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  • Sorry, posted before I read your updates. I'm so sorry. (((PeachLove25)))

    I'm pretty pissed at him right now and I don't even know him. What he is doing is so completely wrong.

    (((Hugs)))
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  • I agree with pp. Change the locks! J/K or maybe not. I hope he doesn't expect you to cook the meat he brings back. I would "accidentally" unplug the freezer or whatever it's kept in. J/K...or maybe not.
    He's a turd and it would be a very cold house when he came home.

    I'm sorry Peach!
  • (((Peach))) I'm so sorry you are going through this. Right now just try to relax and focus on yourself and LO. I hope the next week is uneventful and flys by.
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  • Sorry to hear that Peachlove- it sucks. But prob hard hearing people give out about your husband aswell so ill refrain and just say that I hope u use the week to concentrate on yourself, have loads of me time and if u happen to come across his credit card put it to good use!!!! Good luck x
  • I'm sorry. It's a really effed up situation.

    I have to agree with SgrRay though. Maybe take this time apart to think about whether this is truly an isolated incident or reflective of his actual personality. There are so many big events in a family's life, is this the first of many his is going to miss selfishly?

    Big Hugs. I hope it is a very uneventful week. On the flip side, if it is that doesn't prove him right. He shouldn't feel vindicated when he gets home. I'm not saying lay it on thick but there needs to be a serious talk about being a parent and priorities.
    Yes!! While I truly hope you have an uneventful week, that should NOT be an excuse for him to say "see I was right" and brush it under the rug.


    Question for you, OP -- how has he been, in general, about supporting you during this pregnancy? Is this unusual behavior for him, or something new? It's just baffling my mind that he could be so selfish and insensitive to your feelings...and so ridiculously unwilling to change his plans. 
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  • I'm sorry Peach that he is putting you in this situation. (((((((Hugs ))))))))
  • Thank you ladies so much. I'm tearing up reading your posts.

    I've ran though my mind time and time again what it will be like when he's back- either with me in the hospital or me at home. The whole "I knew you'd be fine thing" makes me cringe.

    He's been so supportive the whole pregnancy. Before this week, it would have been easy to say he's just as/if not MORE excited than I am. He has gotten so excited putting her nursery together and talks all the time about holding our peanut for the first time, and all the things he wants to teach her. In May 2012 I had a brain tumor and had surgery to remove it at Hopkins. He didn't leave my side for over a month. I'm truly baffled by how much this stupid hunting trip with the guys means to him and how it's reflecting in his shitty (insert worst expletives you can think of) choice of priorities.

    That being said, the choice has been made and day 1 of 6 has begun. My mom lives near Buffalo NY where it's negative temps and awful snow. There's no way I'd even want her to try and come in this weather.

    Netflix, books, my big comfy bed, and 911 in case of emergencies. I've got this.

    Thank you all, again.
  • Thank you ladies so much. I'm tearing up reading your posts.

    I've ran though my mind time and time again what it will be like when he's back- either with me in the hospital or me at home. The whole "I knew you'd be fine thing" makes me cringe.

    He's been so supportive the whole pregnancy. Before this week, it would have been easy to say he's just as/if not MORE excited than I am. He has gotten so excited putting her nursery together and talks all the time about holding our peanut for the first time, and all the things he wants to teach her. In May 2012 I had a brain tumor and had surgery to remove it at Hopkins. He didn't leave my side for over a month. I'm truly baffled by how much this stupid hunting trip with the guys means to him and how it's reflecting in his shitty (insert worst expletives you can think of) choice of priorities.

    That being said, the choice has been made and day 1 of 6 has begun. My mom lives near Buffalo NY where it's negative temps and awful snow. There's no way I'd even want her to try and come in this weather.

    Netflix, books, my big comfy bed, and 911 in case of emergencies. I've got this.

    Thank you all, again.

    What an awesome attitude to have! Good luck with your 6 days, and when he gets back, make sure he pampers the heck out of you!

  • I can't stay away from this thread either. I know my comment will only echo what past posters have said, but I absolutely have to lend my support as well!! I would be a hot mess if my DH was leaving for any reason right now, whether it was for something urgent or a frickin' hunting vacay.

    I think the number of women commenting here and sharing their feelings speaks volumes about how wrong it is that your husband is taking off right now. The masses have spoken!! We're all in your corner, and I pray that nothing goes down while he's gone.

    I can't help but think about a man whose wife could go into PTL (or any man who has a pregnant wife in her third tri for that matter) hunkered down in some bushes waiting to shoot something, and wtf would be going through his mind. Could he really be having a grand old time? How could he not be thinking of you constantly, fretting over the fact that he's so far removed from you and his baby, at such a sensitive time, with no way of checking in or knowing what's going on. I just. Don't. Get. It.

    I hope I don't sound like I'm outrightly bashing him here, but.. Oh hell, maybe I am. It's like they forget that it's their kid too. We just have to do all the serious work to get them here.

    Hugs, OP. Update us over the week, try to stay relaxed, I'll be checking in!
  • Ohhhh, don't forget about shopping on-line!! Baby stuff, cute stuff to wear after LO is born ... ;)
    Definitely shop online! Big hugs, Peachlove.
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  • I have been meaning to ask- who are these so call 'guys' he is going with? Do they know the situation? And aren't any of them minutely guilty or concerned? I think you mentioned family and if so I don't think they deserve being called. Men succumb very strongly to peer pressure, of course still not an excuse for him but if they were wee but considerate maybe just maybe he would get sone sense into him.
  • I think he deserved it!
  • Just seeing this now- I'm so sorry @PeachLove25 that he's putting you through this. But I'm so glad you stuck up for yourself and baby! Like others have said, take this time to treat yourself. If he gets a vacation, then you do too for putting up with his bs! I just wanted to say I can empathize as my husband has not been very supportive. It's not worth the stress. He is a grown man and if he wants to make shitty decisions then he needs to own up to their shitty consequences. 

    I hope your mom has a safe trip, and know that everyone here will give you the support you need!
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  • I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and my fingers are crossed all is well in the next 6 days.  As others have said and you know, you deserve support during this time and I am sad with you that he is not there. 
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