Confusion and Vent

jodyen · January 2014

So I have just been told I am the worst and most useless mother on the face of the earth from my mom T_T. She asked me if I was ready for this baby, I told her that we are getting there, I am currently 35 weeks. My MIL that I adore told my DH to use the money we have been saving up to catch up on bills and to spend on our soon to be 13 year daughter for her surprise bday and that her and my FIL was going to take care of all the big items and she is throwing us a baby shower. My DH family is great and want it to be as easy on us with this little then it was for our 13 yr old. My 13 yr old is not biologlicy his but she it, he is DAD to her no matter what but his parents know that it was not the easist for me with my first daughter. But so right now all we have is some cute outfits we got when we went to our trip in Arizona and some baby wipes and diapers we have bought for now, other then that we don't have anything for baby. Now my family is asking what if she comes early and what kind of mother am I to spend our money on bills and not the baby and how can I be selfish....etc, etc, etc. Also they can't believe one my MIL is throwing me a second baby shower, (I don't deserve a second one) and plus it is very late and just around my DD it is going to happen. My mom got mad at me when I told her to choose if it was cause I was getting another one or the date, she said both and that I was taking advantage of being pregnant and my OB is a moron because he doesn't want me working at my Fast-food job as Asst mgr due to going in and out and we have alot of ice in our area. And just a whold bunch of stuff, don't know what to do. Really sorry this is so long but just needed to tell someone without felling like I was complaining or being selfish, If I sound like I am, sorry again.

Jules5611 · January 2014

I agree with @ Leftie22. Shame on your mother for cutting you down at a time when you need her support the most. I would distance yourself from the negativity and concentrate on your immediate family. I would only get necessities at this point; such as a pack and play and a car seat. I bought a pack and play that came with a bouncer and a changing table, maybe this would be a possibility for you. Good luck and take care.

jessib10 · January 2014

If it were my mom I'd tell her to take a hike. You don't deserve all that noise.

Chichigo · January 2014

I agree with the cars eat. Installing it in the car can be tricky, and you can't leave the hospital without it. If needed, someone can pick up a bassinet or pack n play at a second hand shop until you get the sleep solution you want. Or you can have bby sleep with you, if you are comfortable with it and research how to do it safely.

magentawarped · January 2014

While I think that maybe you should have a few more of the necessities, paying down bills is always a plus and will allow you more spending money once baby is here. Your mom sounds like kind of a twat...sorry.

jodyen · January 2014

Thank you for all your support!

My DH says not to worry about it all and if the baby comes early he said him and his parents will just double time it and they will get the stuff and LO will just be at her own baby shower, heck my oldest was at her own baby shower. It just felt like I was being selfish because I accepted the baby shower from my MIL and I actually belong to a family now that cares and not use to it I guess...:)

SouthRNComfort · January 2014

If baby comes early, all you need is a car seat, some onesies, boobs/bottles, and a crib. You can get the rest later.

PrimRoseMama · January 2014

Your mom needs to STFU.
A baby shower is usually reserved for first time moms. It's a bonus that you are getting another & not a requirement. I'd take some money aside for the very basics though.

Car seat
Something to wear
Somewhere to sleep
Butt coverings

Bills are always going to exist. I don't think you are a horrible mother for being practical.

The only thing I side-eye here is the disregard for your safety with work/ice/driving. Your doctor doesn't express reservation for fun. However, I know $ has to be made.

Good luck. Generally, I like to have 3-4K in savings before TTC. Then again, BC fails & surprises happen.

jodyen · January 2014

No I am adopted and I love the rest of my family. But, if I don't get along with my mom then all contact with other family members is off and I don't want that. Also I always owe her for adopting me. I know that is not true but yea, lately it's been hard. My DH family is great and help me get through all this. Plus we live very close to his family and that kinda of makes my mom mom. We like the school district here where we are not, we told her that we don't want our daughter going to the same school as me for the fact it is out in the country and is mostly white farm kids and if you are anything else then you'll have a hard school life. Well, we don't want that for her and the schools here has several types of religion and race here so she learns alot from other cultures. It's pretty good. But yea been working through it.

jodyen · January 2014

Oh and DH has assured me that if she does arrive early then we will be fine, no matter what and told me not to stress that.

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