October 2013 Moms

just coasting

Anyone else feel this way? I feel like I have zero time to myself to relax, absolutely zero time with Dh, nor enough time with LO. Our. Days are so rushed getting up to go to work, being at work, 1&1/2 hr commute home, eat, clean up, prep pump for next day, and bed since LO is still up several times a night...

I feel like I'm coasting, not like in getting chance to kick back and enjoy anything. Could this be ppd? I just feel miserable right now :( I don't know where to find time in the day to do anything, and then our weekends are chock a block filed with laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, feeding.

Maybe I'm just being a miserable cow.

Re: just coasting

  • You are definitely not alone! I sympathize and feel the same way. It sucks!

    I feel that my mornings with LO are rushed getting him ready for daycare and myself ready for work. Then when we get home 9 hours later, the cleaning of bottles/pump, dinner, bath, his colic and screaming. Then still getting up at least 3 times a night. And repeat. Sometimes I also feel that there isn't much joy during these hours with him. :( Yet this is supposed to be such a happy time in our lives.

    I'm sorry you are going through this! No advice, just know you aren't alone!
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  • I wouldn't say I am miserable, but I feel like there isn't enough time during the week. I feel like we are in survival mode. I worry I don't spend enough quality time with the baby. Basically what everyone else said!
  • Same here. I work 3 12s every week and come home exhausted. I have to put LO to bed and also my toddler. I don't get to "relax" until 1030 at night and I just pass out. When I'm home DH does next to nothing. We have argued non stop for as long as I can think back. If I'm not doing stuff related to the kids I'm doing laundry, cleaning something or struggling to stay awake. ;-(
    You are not alone. I also feel like I'm coasting and have no time to do fun things.

    I know with my daughter things eventually got easier closer to 6 months. Here's hoping.
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  • MosyMama said:

    I can relate to what everyone has said. My repeated conversations with MH about me needing help and feeling lonely apparently fall on deaf ears because he does nothing to change things. My social interaction is online. I love spending the days with LO, but I wish that MH acted like he wants to spend time with us, too.

    I feel like I'm just getting through the days, trying and failing to do everything, and focusing on LO so I'm not completely miserable thinking about my current relationship with MH.

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  • I was feeling the same way before the holidays. Baby was becoming a mother lover and daddy felt like her could do nothing right by her so he did nothing. Then he had time off and the artic vortex, dicey wx and power outages forced him to stay home. Suddenly DD started warming up to him and now he's turned a corner. It warms my heart to see them together. And even warms it more when he got up with her early yesterday and told me to stay in bed. Before the holidays I was totally a bitter Betty and was feeling stabby. Now despite us being in the 3 month gs and she has totally forgotten how to sleep, I'm not so bitter. Here's hoping it DH continues here and things get better for you ladies.
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  • I totally feel the same way. And each day this weekend, LO is refusing to nap unless she is attached to a boob. Our house is wrecked, I'm already behind t work, and DH is taking care of dd1 by himself.

    I don't know bout you guys, but we're stuck in this polar vortex thing, so going out much isn't really an option. Maybe life will get a little easier when the weather improves?
  • I know the feeling as well. I am doing better now that DH and I are living together again, but when he had relocated and I was staying behind in our old house it was dreadful. I felt completely alone and would cry for no reason some days. Even though he works 12 he shifts and so doesn't really help with anything, it's nice to know at least that he is here. Being a mother is hard though and there is no shame in admitting that. I love DS to death, but I had no idea what it would be like to be a mother before he was born. It is a huge adjustment that doesn't just happen in a few months. I hope we all start to feel better as our LOs get older.

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  • Add me to everything everyone has said.

    And I'm sick again. BF'ing might be great for DS but its killing me
    Daniel ~ October 21, 2013
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  • MosyMama said:

    I can relate to what everyone has said. My repeated conversations with MH about me needing help and feeling lonely apparently fall on deaf ears because he does nothing to change things. My social interaction is online. I love spending the days with LO, but I wish that MH acted like he wants to spend time with us, too.

    I feel like I'm just getting through the days, trying and failing to do everything, and focusing on LO so I'm not completely miserable thinking about my current relationship with MH.

    Same here!
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  • I totally feel the same way. And each day this weekend, LO is refusing to nap unless she is attached to a boob. Our house is wrecked, I'm already behind t work, and DH is taking care of dd1 by himself.

    I don't know bout you guys, but we're stuck in this polar vortex thing, so going out much isn't really an option. Maybe life will get a little easier when the weather improves?

    Agree on the weather thing. This winter has BLOWN!

     

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  • Today she did slightly better when I left her home with daddy. But when she woke up, it was instant hysterics......
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  • This has been a rubbish day, am Sat here crying, trying not to ugly cry and wake LO with my jiggling belly.
  • This is normal. It sucks, but it is normal.
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  • I feel like I don't have the right to feel the same way as you OP because I SAH and I can't imagine working on top of everything else.
    All of you working mommas are fucking heroic.
    But yes I understand the coasting.
    I look at the clock and wonder how it got to be 2 o'clock and I've yet to do anything of substance.

    I have been on TB a little less though because I've been really trying to make some IRL mom friends. I've found it helps me feel like a real person and more confidence in my handle on this new life.

    :::hugs:::
    Hang in the everyone!
    ALL of this is temporary!
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  • Add me to the coasting group, I can't even bump some days because things are so bad. I have turned into a lurker at best because I fall asleep while I wait for threads to open.

    The only thing I look forward to some days is bedtime.
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  • This is one of the saddest threads, but seriously, have hope. It does get better.
    If you really think you have PPD, talk to a professional, seriously.
    And talk to your DH about all of it. Acknowledge that it is a huge life change for both of you. It's just tough for men to relate to what is now your reality. Ironically and coincidentally, H's tend to experience a different isolation because they don't have the same bond as mom with LO. And they don't necessarily appreciate the isolation of the constant demands of LO. They will figure it out though. Sometimes it takes hearing it from someone else to realize you're not making stuff up.
    You really have to communicate as much as possible. People tend to get in their own groove and disregard each other's reality because they are too caught up to care.
    The good news is that (hopefully) the more isolated you feel, the more motivated you'll feel to break out of that isolation. Figuring out how to do that, for you and your family, is the hard part.
    No doubt, your commute sucks and
    takes up a huge chunk of your day. But you'll find your way.
    You've shared with this board. Don't be afraid to share with other resources you have or may not even know you have. You never know.
    The daily grind is tough stuff but it will become more of a groove. It all takes practice. Then you'll be like "I got this. Let's have another." Hard to believe but that's how people have multiple kids.
    Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat.
  • Just today I was thinking "I can't do this anymore. This is my last one...I'm too fucking old for this". My LO, who is 18 weeks, has gone from being an angel who was sttn by two months, to a crying and sleepless wreck. Between working and taking care if my 3 kids I barely have time to take a shit let alone exercise and I feel like my world is crumbling all around me. My fiancé tried to take the baby the other night because I have a sinus infection and all the baby did was scream. I ended up having to intervene. I was so discouraged. I know it'll get better soon...it always does, but I'm spent. My body is giving out. Third time is a charm...no more babies for me lol!
  • I feel this way sometimes and get pretty down because I feel like I'm failing, but it really does make me feel better that I know I am not the only one feeling this way (not that I want anyone to feel bad) but by hearing other people have these feelings I know it MUST be NORMAL and things will get better. try to stay positive!
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  • I'm feeling the same way. I intro'd a week or so ago but quick recap. I'm a 33 yr old FTM to my DS born 10/23. I teach at a community college in MA and started back last week for the start of the spring semester. My first baby is my mini Doxie Lowla.

    I know that my little boy is thriving and happy so that's what makes me feel guilty for feeling the way I do. I haven't talked to my friends in about 2 years (they basically said we were only friends because we were stuck working together. Whatever, d-bags). We have talked to my husbands family in 3 years which is great (they are mean assholes hahaha). In my family I only talk to my mom and one cousin, the rest only talk to me when they want something.

    I sometimes feel like I'm on my own even though my husband is beyond helpful and a great dad. He works alot and owns his own business so when it's busy he's not really home. I had a hard time after my csection because he was in the middle of a crazy workload and I was at home trying to recover, take care of a baby and insecure dog.

    Some days I sit and cry when I think that my little boy doesn't have cousins to grow up with or loving grandparents around. I'm an only child and even though my parents are together they shouldn't be. They stress me out to be around and I never take my DS over to see them.

    I know this is all just temporary and once he gets older or into activities things will change. I'm glad my cousin mentioned this website. I feel like I'm not alone.

    Good luck ladies!!
  • Hugs, you are a great momma and totally not alone!

    I had a full on cry fest this morning after I finally got LO down for a nap. She is at this awful stage where she is tired but hates to nap because the world is so damn interesting. She didn't nap enough yesterday and spent all evening screaming, too upset to eat and nothing was calming her down. When does this baby stuff get any easier? I'm in the boat with everyone else, it's lonely, DH doesn't really get it and I feel like I'm in replay mode each day. I'm not even back to work yet, 2 more weeks until that fun begins.

    Glad to hear people saying it gets better at 6 months. I'd been told 3 months and that shit just isn't true, she's harder now then when she was a newborn. Hang in there, we can do this!
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  •  Glad to hear people saying it gets better at 6 months. I'd been told 3 months and that shit just isn't true, she's harder now then when she was a newborn. Hang in there, we can do this!
    Preach
    Daniel ~ October 21, 2013
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  • EmJ&B said:



     Glad to hear people saying it gets better at 6 months. I'd been told 3 months and that shit just isn't true, she's harder now then when she was a newborn. Hang in there, we can do this!

    Preach


    I agree! Harder now than when she was a newborn!!
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  • Add me to the list of coasting mommas.  Being at work, I stay busy, but spend the whole time wondering what DS is doing and wishing I was with him. I also feel alone at work because I spend my breaks pumping instead of socializing with co-workers. I almost feel ostrasized because of it.

    Forget keeping in touch with friends. None live nearby and I just don't have the extra minutes in the day or mental energy to take time right now and call them up. The weekends are all about errands and catch up time with DH & DS.

    By the time I pick up DS during the week and get home it's around 6pm. DH is great getting dinner around and cleaning up(I pre-cook on the weekends), but I am rushing around washing pumping parts and getting stuff ready for the next day. I like to spend the evening focusing on DS, but we both are usually worn out and it isn't the same playing together. He falls asleep by 8pm, so the time is also limited. The weekends are awesome and I feel like all is well with life again...and then Monday it starts all over. I just miss him so much and can't imagine keeping this routine up for another how many years. Phyically I can do it (barely); but emotionally I am not so sure. Trying to figure something out so I can be with him more....

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