Advice on nanny

raguggenmos · January 2014

I need some advice. Being a first time mom I'm not sure what's normal and what's not. We hired a nanny to look after our daughter while we work. My husband and I work strange ours and so we only needed 2 half days and 2 full days of child care. We've had our nanny since the beginning of November and installed cameras that she's aware of since we didn't know her prior to hiring her.
Here our our issues:
- We've told her we want limited technology around our daughter because we don't want her to be one of those kids that's always on a tablet or playing video games -- but the majority of time I look on the nanny cam she's either on her phone or computer. I would like her to be more hands on - reading books, singing songs, etc.
- We have two dogs and are finding accidents from her not letting them out enough
- We've asked at least twice that she only eats in the dining room as this is one of our house rules. We've seen her eat multiple times in the living room and I've found stains on our tufted ottoman.
- We've asked her to put our daughter down for naps in her crib. She insists on letting her fall asleep in her swing and keeping her there. We don't want her to need the rocking motion in order to sleep.
- Then today I found her water bottle next to the bed in our spare bedroom, which would lead me to believe she's taking naps on the job. Should we have to request that naps not be taken?

I don't want it to sound like we hate her. Here are her pros:
- she's been flexible with changing her schedule when ours have changed due to work
- our daughter seems to like her

First off - being a first time parent are we worrying about things that we shouldn't be? And how would you go about addressing these problems without it turning out to be some big thing? I really don't like confrontation, but I would like her to start listening to our rules and requests. Lastly, would you consider finding someone else?

RachieTK · January 2014

How old is your daughter? What is she doing while the nanny is on the phone/ computer? I'd mention the dog accidents and give a schedule for letting them out. You can mention the ottoman stain and say something about the eating if it parts you, but given the other things you're going to mention I might wait on that. What did you ask the nanny to do while DD is sleeping? I think taking a nap in a guest bed is odd behavior, and I'd want to change the sheets... But if you didn't ask her to do other chores or prep, she might not feel she is out of line...

mommaoftrips · January 2014

It really comes down to your gut feeling in a sense. We are one our 3rd nanny. The first left for a FT with pension/benefits job, which we couldn't offer. Our second, was great in the beginning and than started to do a few things like yours - watching too much TV, being on her phone always and not really paying attention to the kids. I didn't feel right and started to question if we should let her go (luckily she quit before I had to fire her). The one we have now if perfect. GL, trust your gut, she is looking after the most precious thing in your life and will, on the long run, shape your child's life.
I do allow my nanny to nap while my LOs are napping (this is her only break in an otherwise busy day) but she gets all her chore done, so I don't sweat it.

raguggenmos · January 2014

Thanks for responding! My daughter is five months old. A lot of times she'll have her in the swing or on her playmat while she's on the phone/computer. Other times she'll be sitting in her lap while she's doing those things. I've even seen her on her phone while she's feeding her the bottle.

As far as chores - we pretty much just told her to clean up after herself and the baby. What kind of responsibilities do you give your nanny? Would it be out of line to ask her to do things now that she's already in the position? Trust me I could use help around the house - it's hard working full time and trying to get all the cleaning done (something I'm sure I don't have to tell you). I just didn't want her to feel like a maid either. Since this is our first time we really didn't know what the basic requirements typically are -- so I'd be really appreciative to hear what you expect!

@mommaoftrips - sounds like you were lucky she quit. I'm really not looking forward to sitting her down. I was hoping there would be enough respect that she'd listen to what we ask of her.

lindseyb624 · January 2014

I just started back to work 2 weeks ago so I'm new to the nanny thing. Our nanny's chores are only related to the baby (laundry, bottles, taking out the diaper trash) but she did empty the dishwasher for us once so far. It's hard when they are so little because there is only so much to do. I will say our nanny is super interactive and takes DD out a lot. I told her I don't mind if she's on her phone or the internet or doing homework (she takes evening and weekend courses) when the baby sleeps. I do expect her to pay attention to DD if she's awake. We do not have a camera so I'm not sure if she listens but if I knew she wasn't I would definitely say something and I hate confrontation. Maybe you can just have a quick review of how things are going and mention it. It's weird that she just does it knowing you have a camera. Makes me think she doesn't realize what she is doing is wrong so maybe you do need to bring it up. I would definitely say something about the dog accidents. Taking a nap when the baby naps wouldn't really bother me but it's weird she does it in the bed and not just sitting on the couch. If bring them up in the nicest way possible assuming she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong. If she gets defensive or confrontational with you then I'd consider someone else.

shannm · January 2014

Does she really know those are the rules?

If yes, then the biggest problem is that she is blatantly not respecting your wishes. Much bigger problem over all of the things that you have listed. Also, if she is blatantly disregarding your wishes and in front of cameras that she knows about then she is dumb too. Also a problem.

I wouldn't have a problem with a nanny on the phone or computer as long as the baby was getting attention and was being engaged. But during naps, let her surf.

As for napping in the crib, if you want her in the crib, that is where she should be.

If letting out the dogs, not eating in the living room and staying awake are clearly part of her job, then she should be doing those as well.

VOR · January 2014

As your DD is 5 months old, I wouldn't expect the nanny to be reading/singing to her 100% of the time. I know I didn't when DS was that old. Babies can entertain themselves to a degree. BUT - what % of the time is she on her phone/computer? If it's here and there and not really THAT much time, I'd probably let it go. If it's truly predominantly most of the time, then that's an issue.

My thoughts on your other issues:

- Dogs - be more clear of how often they should go out. ANd if she's not letting them out, I actually feel SHE needs to be cleaning up their accidents.
- Food - reiterate that food needs to be in the dining room only. And if there are stains, show them to her. Tell her this needs to not happen again.
- Crib - um, yeah, she needs to follow your rules on this. Absolutely.
- Naps - eh, if the baby is asleep and everything else is done, I don't see the big deal. EXCEPT if she tries to claim (w/ the technology) that she has stuff she "has" to do during the day. If there is work she has to do- then that needs to be done when your baby is asleep. But outside of that... if everything else is taken care of, why does it matter if she catches a little sleep?

I'd have a talk w/ her to review the rules. I'd stress what you do like about her, but explain that you've seen some things that are specifically the opposite of what you've asked her to do.

raguggenmos · January 2014

Thank you so much for the feedback! We've brought up all the topics to her at least once, except the napping thing. It wasn't something I had ever thought of before because I would never think about sleeping on the job. I didn't know it was something that had to be discussed. We are going to talk with her today and see how she reacts. It sounds like we should have laid out clearer guidelines from the beginning and that's something we'll make sure to do if we end up hiring someone else. Thanks again! I really appreciate you taking the time to respond!

emberlee3 · January 2014

On the phone while feeding LO????? I think I would look for a new nanny. This woman sounds inexperienced and immature. I had a great nanny, but we still put specific rules in the contract.

JessAnnJ · January 2014

emberlee3 said:
On the phone while feeding LO????? I think I would look for a new nanny. This woman sounds inexperienced and immature. I had a great nanny, but we still put specific rules in the contract.

I don't have a nanny so my opinion carries little value on this topic, but this would make me very upset. This makes me think that caring for your LO is not her priority if she can't even put her phone down during feeding time.

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