Bed sharing

lafsalot · January 2014

I'll give a quick intro first, we have a beautiful happy little girl who is 9 weeks old. Out of necessity, so I slept, she and I have been sleeping in the recliner since week 2 because she wouldn't sleep on her back in a bassinet or crib. She is naturally a tummy sleeper. She will cat nap in her rnp. (Not more than an hour.) this evening I was exhausted so I decided to try laying in bed for a while type give my back a rest, let DH know to bring up the rnp when he went to bed. He woke me up trying to get me to get her out of the bed, I let him know it was almost time for her to nurse and rather than disturb her I wanted to wait. He fussed about not wanting her in bed, neither of us want to make it a habit for her to sleep with us. But I was finally getting real sleep, no pillows near her, covers below the waist but sleeping with my arms around her while she nuzzled my breast. When he was out of town a couple nights we slept in the bed together and it was nice to give my body a break. I purposely went to bed early because I was worn out and so was she. We both were able to stretch out. So how do you ladies get rest if DH isn't keen on a bed mate?

TiffanyBerry · January 2014

Please, please, PLEASE do not sleep with her in the recliner any more. That is a very unsafe cosleeping practice. Make your bed a safe space instead, and cosleep safely.

If he doesn't want a baby in the bed for his own sake, that's one thing. (Get another bed to put on the floor and sleep on that with her? We did that after DD turned 1.) If he doesn't want her to form a bad habit... well, he needs to read up on natural sleep in infants and realize that habits aren't the important part - getting sufficient sleep is!

lafsalot · January 2014

Thank you TiffanyBerry.

Momarazzi007 · January 2014

We've been bed sharing since 3 months. Wish we had started sooner bc we breastfed (which is so easy when bed sharing!) and at first DH was not on board, but after a week or two getting more and better sleep he loved it. Dd is almost 2 1/2 and sometimes hubs is afraid he is too tired or took pain meds and will sleep in other room for her protection and his peace of mind. But for me, I remember losing my mind back and forth between nursing and trying to get a few minutes of sleep between getting her to stay asleep- it was a nightmare. I agree w TiffanyBerry, and would add that sleep habits are made through actually sleeping. Once she was with us she slept longer and better! So did we! Other than that, we really didn't get much sleep. Nap when she napped/ that was easier said than done for us.

lafsalot · January 2014

Thank you Momarazzi007, I started sleeping in the recliner with her early because I was afraid of rolling on her and couldn't get the knack of side feeding. We definately sleep better together, she stays asleep, and I only have to half wake to feed her. I am more rested, the biggest challenge is my back is tired, between the recliner, wearing her and carrying her it just wants a break. Lying in bed helps. I going to get DH to clean up the stuff he put on the bed in the guest room and the nursery, I think we will be able to sleep in the guest room easier because the mattress is firm.

Momarazzi007 · January 2014

Side feeding was awkward for me for about 4 months, especially the "top side" if you will, I always felt I was going to roll over on her if I fell asleep! But instincts always own and it got to be second nature. I never took any kinds of med that would make me drowsy, I was just that paranoid! I get the back issue, broke my neck in army and had two surgeries to repair, finding the right carrier helps! What kind do you have? I wish I had found my current one sooner, it is an ERGObaby and all the weight is on the hips really.

lafsalot · January 2014

I am using a Moby right now but I don't think she's fond of it anymore. She wants to be carried so she can see over my shoulder. She will sleep when I can get the Moby right. I have gotten better at side nursing, and am a sound sleeper but I track her breathing, sounds and movements in my subconscious and wake just before she does for nursing. I am not a medicine taker usually so no sleep aides. We had daytime cold medicine for me when both of us had sniffles. Thank you very much! I want to transition her to her space when she starts sleeping a couple more hours at night. Sometimes she acts like she's ready but other times she is so restless in her space. She is learning to nap independently so I can work and get things done around the house, I still let her tell me if it's time to snuggle or time for space. Funny how they communicate without words. I would love advice on baby carrying as I never thought I would wear my infant or bed share.

kelli&dave · January 2014

I found that the moby worked really well for us at first and now i am kind of in the same boat. my son doesn't find it comfortable anymore now that he likes to be upright and move around a bit more. We use a ring sling now and that works better sometimes, but mostly, he doesn't like to be worn at the moment.

As far as the sleeping thing goes, my son and I have the most restful nights when we bedshare. My husband isn't comfortable with it and for the first 3 months, he slept on the couch. I thought this was a good idea since it wasn't really necessary for him to wake up with LO at night. Figured one of us should get a solid night's sleep. About a week ago, we moved baby to his crib. It is not going well so far. He wakes much more often and once i get out of bed to get him and put him back to sleep, it's tough for me to fall asleep before he wakes again. I actually just posted about this. It's frustrating. I know that's not much help, just thought i would share my experience. Using the bed in the guestroom may be your best bet.

ncbelle · January 2014

TiffanyBerry said:

Please, please, PLEASE do not sleep with her in the recliner any more. That is a very unsafe cosleeping practice. Make your bed a safe space instead, and cosleep safely.

If he doesn't want a baby in the bed for his own sake, that's one thing. (Get another bed to put on the floor and sleep on that with her? We did that after DD turned 1.) If he doesn't want her to form a bad habit... well, he needs to read up on natural sleep in infants and realize that habits aren't the important part - getting sufficient sleep is!

Ditto this!! I know the recliner seems safer but that really is the sort of sleeping situation in which accidents happen, not sharing a safely prepared bed. The link in my siggy is to Dr. McKenna's website which might be worth sharing with your DH. You could also explore options such as using a co-sleeper or side carring the crib. We just used a bed rail on my side of the bed so baby was always between me and the bed and not by DH.

sugarbear0524 · January 2014

I didn't bedshare, so I'll let the others help you there. But, I will address your main question--your DH. All I can say is that you need to respect his feelings about this. Don't make yourself the "parent in charge of all decision making" and leave him out. He is just as much a parent as you are. Talk to him and really listen to his concerns.

veetveet · January 2014

sugarbear0524 said:
I didn't bedshare, so I'll let the others help you there. But, I will address your main question--your DH. All I can say is that you need to respect his feelings about this. Don't make yourself the "parent in charge of all decision making" and leave him out. He is just as much a parent as you are. Talk to him and really listen to his concerns.

This exactly

lafsalot · February 2014

Thank you ladies!
DH and I have talked about it and we don't want her in our bed - although this week we all had a touch of tummy flu and he gave up our bed so she and I could rest easily, although I didn't, I hurt no matter how I tried to sleep.
We have the nursery set so I can sleep next to her... I am in bed and she her crib.... Feeding is more of a challenge this way but I'm hoping to just get her used to her space, otherwise I'm moving to the guest room with her because I hate the mattress in the nursery... It's too soft for an infant and for me.

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