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Silly Little Baby Shower Drama

iamelphabaiamelphaba member
in 3rd Trimester
Hi ladies.  I'm new here and hope you can help me out.

I think I just became "the bad guy".

I have a friend who lives next door.  She's quite a bit younger than me, but I've sort of taken a big sister role (I'm 35 and she's 19-20).  I'm going to call her Jane.  She and her husband, "John" are expecting their second baby.  Their son is almost 2.  This time, they're having a girl.

A few weeks ago, she was complaining about not having any support and no one throwing her a shower.  So, I offered.

We talked about a nice fun going "all out girly" party.  I asked her to get a guest list together and even include out of town guests because I had ideas of ways they could be part of the shower long distance.  I've been planning like crazy... so excited. 

I didn't have a shower for my daughter, but I had a work shower for my son.  So, the thought of going ALL OUT on gifts, favors and decorations was seriously making me giddy.

I told her she should talk to John about watching their son so that she could have no worries during the shower.

Today, John told me that there would be guys at the shower because his Senior Chief said so.

I told him it was going to be a girls only event because that's how I understood it.

Then, I talked to Jane.  She said that John's Senior Chief was making it a mandatory event for everyone at the clinic where John works.  This means that the majority of the guests will be guys around 20 years old.  She said more guests meant more gifts, so she was all for it.

I didn't know what to do.  That wasn't what I signed up for.  I have NO IDEA how to throw a baby shower for a baby girl when most of the guests are male... and not fathers or even husbands.  Also, since a lot of them are 19-20, it's not like I can just send the guys to the backyard for drinking games or stuff like that.  We're talking maybe 8-9 ladies and 15ish boys.

I backed out.  I know that is AWFUL of me, but this is just a COMPLETELY different party than what I signed up for.

Now I get the feeling that they're trash talking me to everyone.  I'm not sure how to act around them.

What do I do to make it up to them?
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Re: Silly Little Baby Shower Drama

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  • SparkySharkySparkySharky member
    msspeedymarie said:

    If John's boss wants to dictate who is invited, John's boss should throw the shower. That is ridiculous!

    Seconded.
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  • Avion22Avion22 member
    The husband's boss has no right to dictate the guest list of a party YOU are throwing.   That's just ridiculous.

    I think it's fine that you backed out.  Any way you can throw a party for her that the husband's boss won't find out about?  Like host it at your house?   
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  • rainydayluckrainydayluck member
    Cut ties. I tried to take a similar role with a younger person who turned out to be immature and greedy. It was for the best just to cut ties. It sounds like it would be better off in the long run if you didn't do things for her, she sounds like she's just using you.

    You are absolutely in the right for backing out of a gift grabby "mandatory" second shower. Who cares if they are talking trash? You are the mature one (right?), blow them off. You don't owe them jack sh!t.

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  • Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member
    You did absolutely nothing wrong.  I am also calling BS on his boss making it mandatory.  I have a feeling they are scamming you so they can get more stuff.

    Kudos to you for standing your ground and not letting yourself be taken advantage of.  

    She is no friend and while things might be awkward, you are better off with this person out of your life.  Trust me,  if she learns that she can manipulate and con you once, she will keep doing it.  
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  • RebeccaY1RebeccaY1 member
    I probably would have backed out too.  If there is any drama about it I'd just say that the chief has no right to dictate how a party you're throwing will go.  He can throw the shower if he wants it to be all guys.
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  • dglvrk2dglvrk2 member
    Totally agree with PP's.  I'm 39 weeks pregnant with DD#2.  After two rounds of baby showers (this time it's notably smaller than the last time and it's more relaxing!!!) I've learned to be completely gracious with what people offer.  She sounds immature......I'd take a break from her. She'll come back to you if the friendship is meant to be.  
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  • Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member
    Yeah, I highly, highly doubt his boss is making everyone go to a random coworker's baby shower that they were never invited too.  Highly doubt.  She is lying to you.  

    If she is trash talking you,  it is only so as to get sympathy and con another poor sap into throwing her a baby shower.  
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  • shashonieshashonie member
    Hi,

    I mostly post on the due date board, but while reading your post I tried to find the place where you should feel awful. Not only did you do nothing wrong but the mother, father and boss put you in an awkward situation. You tried your best for a second time around mother and it got crazy. Don't feel bad.
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  • HNRomanceHNRomance member
    I'm not sure I agree. If you committed to it then I don't think you should back out but at the same time it's not cool for them to let someone else dictate the guest list. If they have been trash-talking instead of dealing with it in an adult way then I think you ARE off the hook at this point but it depends on how important the relationship is to you. I think I would have let her know you couldn't handle that many and suggested the husband throw a diaper party for the dudes...might be too late at this point.
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  • jackson290721jackson290721 member
    If my baby shower consisted of a bunch of Hs forced coworkers, I wouldn't have even shown up. Ew.
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  • NerdyLucyNerdyLucy member
    HNRomance said:
    I'm not sure I agree. If you committed to it then I don't think you should back out

    My concern is that what she committed to was NOT the party that was going to actually happen.


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  • shepherdblueshepherdblue member
    Yeah... that's super weird. I wanted my shower to be co-ed too (as my husband jokingly put it, "If I'm not invited to my own baby's shower, then YOU can raise her YOURSELF!"), but we were up front about that with my aunt who wanted to throw the shower, and she was completely fine with it. But springing that up on you last-minute is definitely not nice, especially since the boss could have easily thrown a second separate shower if he was so passionate about it. Now personally, I'm a total spineless pushover, so I would have probably caved in and hosted it anyway. But I don't think I would have made changes to my original plans. I would have just kept it as girly as all get-out and made the guys play ridiculously embarrassing shower games. Serves them right! ;-)
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