TTC #2 Opinions please!

sarahjeri · January 2014

How did you decide to go on from having just one child to having more?

I am having such a tough time with the decision to try to have another baby or not. I feel like I wanted a baby (now my daughter) SO BADLY, it consumed me and my life... and now, I just don't feel this all consuming passion to have a second child. I feel like if it happened that would be awesome, but if it didn't that would be okay too... Which would be great IF I was able to get pregnant naturally and could just let fate or whatever decide, but I can't or I wouldn't be here (we used DEIVF to conceive our daughter).

I could really use some thoughts on this.... Any opinions positive or negative would be really appreciated.

TJ1979 · January 2014

I got the baby fever real bad. I just knew that I had to have another. If I get that feeling again after #2, we will go the foster/adoption route.
GL with your decision. Only you can know when your family feels complete.

nawlinsgrl · January 2014

Our decision was pretty much made for us, since I was a few months past 39 when we had DD. I asked my RE when to try for #2, given this situation, and she told me ASAP.

DD was born in June, and by November, I was cycling. I especially wanted to try again soon, because I didn't think we'd be lucky enough to conceive on the first try (IVF) again, to the point that I didn't even tell our friends we were cycling (we were open the first time and they knew we'd be cycling within a year of DD's birth). We were fortunate to get pregnant again that time though, and are 2U2.

It's been a little hectic, as expected, but as we approach the 6 month mark, I feel like things are starting to get easier. I think once they're both walking and can really play together, I'll be even happier.

Mrs.AmyDylan · January 2014

Ugh, I'm kind of in the questioning #2 or more stage. I'm so incredibly happy finally having a child. I'm so scared to mess that happy up with seeking treatment.

One issue that does warrant a decision in the near future is that I turned 35 a month and a half ago. We have no frosties. We are unexplained, and my cycle has been different since J was born (no mid-cycle bleeding, ovulation pain, loads of CM), so there is a chance that we could get pregnant on our own.

I guess for me, I really enjoyed having siblings. I especially like having them as an adult. I want J to have that, but I also know that shouldn't be the only reason we go for more children.

I'm willing to go one more round with IVF. However, I don't think I can do it until this time next year. I need a break, I haven't slept in a year and a half. I also want to see if we can get a miracle BFP.

Good luck!

mnj05 · January 2014

We have been discussing this lately. We know we want more than one, always have. I'm starting to get baby fever again so we're trying on our own for now (highly unlikely to produce anything considering DH's MFI and me not ovulating); we will seek treatments again towards the end of this year.

We have always pictured our family with more than one child and although IF has been rough, it hasn't changed that picture for us. I think it's a matter of what you're comfortable with doing to conceive if you have to do treatments again. I also ask myself, if IF weren't a factor, would the thought of more than one be harder to grasp?

Eve_Angelique · January 2014

I've always known that I would like more than one, I did feel amazingly blessed once we had # 1, but once he turned 1 I knew that I was ready to think about having another. I currently think I will want to go for 3, but I also think we'll have to wait and see how life is with two.

CallMeAl · January 2014

We had a lot of discussions and settled on trying one IVF cycle. We wanted to give a second child a shot, but had our most recent IVF failed, we had agreed to move on as a one child family. We wanted a second child, but needed boundaries to know that our financial and emotional lives weren't going to get sucked too far into the IF black hole. Good luck!

PrettyAccountant · January 2014

I would love a second or even a third but to get my LO, it took 4 IVF cycles and a FET. Like you, it was all consuming and ruled every minute of my life. The thought of doing that again is hard but then I think of JJ and I know it was all worth it. Clearly I'm torn. JJ is almost 6 months and since I had a c section I can't get pg before a year so I have 6 months to think about it.

luvboston · January 2014

Three weeks after LO was born I was ready for another, I felt such victory when she was born that I had battled if and won that I knew I could do it again. I proved all the nay Sayers wrong and therefore couldn't wait to do it again!
However I was in pain from my leg and after LO left the nicu we struggled with her reflux that I thought we would need to wait until she was stable. However after we got that under control I was all in for another LO.

However I need to lose the weight I gained with LO and get myself in tip top shape again and that is a battle. And from this weeks wondfo debacle and my reaction I don't think I am yet there emotionally, I need to slay dragons when I go to get pg and get pg. When the one year mark comes for LO bday I know I will be ready!

I think when you feel what you felt when LO was born when you think of having another you are ready.

MoFree · January 2014

When DD was born I did not feel my family was complete. I conceived twins but lost one at 9 weeks gestation. I also gave birth prematurely and had a c/s and feel that next time I want to be able to do it right. That certainly is not my primary motivation for having a second child, just extra incentive.
I underwent an unsuccessful FET in December and an planning to transfer my two remaining frosties in February. If that cycle is not successful I will probably take a little time off to gear myself physically and emotionally for a fresh cycle. There is practically zero chance of natural conception due to severe MFI. Since I am going to be 37 in the summer, AMA is also becoming a factor although my RE tells me I have many fertile years left.
Only you and your DH can decide when your family is complete or when enough treatment is enough. Best wishes with your decision.

chicagobride_07 · January 2014

We will be doing an FET for #2 sometime this spring. I am going to my RE later this week to discuss timing and other specifics. I had DD this past June. I am older, over 40, which is why we are doing this so soon. If I was younger, I'd probably wait a couple of years. We have 4 frosties, so 2 chances at FET. If this doesn't work, we will not seek further treatments.

Mnerani · January 2014

I think it's normal not to CRAVE a second baby the way you did a first baby. When TTC DS, I was obsessed, and I was totally distraught about the thought of never having a child. When we decided to TFAS, it wasn't all-consuming. In fact, when our first IUI cycle was canceled in Dec, we decided not to pursue treatment for awhile. Whereas when TTC #1, I definitely wouldn't have voluntarily decided to take a break.

For us, we've always known we wanted 2 or 3, so it wasn't really a question of "if" but "when."

GL with your upcoming decisions.

sarahjeri · January 2014

Thank you so much for your thoughts on this. Hearing what other people have to say really helps make a decision.
@mnj05 THANK YOU. Your question... "if IF weren't a factor, would the thought of more than one be harder to grasp?" made a serious impact on my way of thinking. Mostly because my answer is no. We would go on to have more. Absolutely because it would be easy. This is the perfect question. I go back and forth every minute it seems about TTC#2 or not, but my husband has always wanted 2. Just last night I said, "well, if we're going to try for 2 we might as well have 3 or 4!" Not really, but your question is just completely right. It shouldn't matter, the IVF, etc. shouldn't be a factor. It wasn't before when we were willing to do anything to get our DD, so why should it be this time.

mnj05 · January 2014

That is how I have to think to press forward sometimes. We've got so many things stacked against us to conceive without treatments and at this point, the only thing I'm willing to budge on is time. I wanted my kids 2 years apart, but that may not happen. I am determined to let time be the only thing IF dictates.

I'm glad my question helped you feel better about what you want to do. It's almost daunting to even think about getting pregnant again with this ugly IF monster in our faces.

sarahjeri · February 2014

@mjn05 Everything about TTC#2 is scary. We are deciding if we want to try again or not. The outcome if it works out great is wonderful, but it's a lot to go through.

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