What do your parents/ILs judge most?

apollonia10 · January 2014

When DS gets frustrated, I'll let him cry for a little bit and figure things out. I'll comfort him, and distract him, but if he's flipping out about not getting to play with my glasses, he just gets to flip out about that.

My MIL is constantly saying "We NEVER let our babies cry." Apparently they never put them down because they'd cry, and they always got exactly what they wanted. When DS cries about something she absolutely can't stand it and wants to give him what he wants. Both DH and I assure her that it's good for him to learn disappointment at this age, but I know she judges hardcore.

What do you get judged for?

sarahandeddiejune212008 · January 2014

Bedsharing and BFING, especially past 12 months. My mom FF, so she has no clue how exhausting and time consuming BFING is.

FIL is just uncomfortable with seeing a tiny bit of my boob. Overall he is very supportive of my parenting and even tells my SILS they should be more like me.

britbratjf · January 2014

I think my dad judged me a bit for BFing for a year. My mom only lasted a week with me & the FF only my brother & sister. But he never outright said it, just always asked if I was still BFing. My mom & IL's have never commented on anything regarding my parenting.

DeniseRN · January 2014

sarahandeddiejune212008 said:
Bedsharing and BFING, especially past 12 months. My mom FF, so she has no clue how exhausting and time consuming BFING is.

FIL is just uncomfortable with seeing a tiny bit of my boob. Overall he is very supportive of my parenting and even tells my SILS they should be more like me.

The BFing and bed sharing once Hunter wakes at 3am.This is my second kid and I'm much more confident so IDAF if they side eye me

SallySunrise · January 2014

Food choices. Which is ironic because my parents are both WAY overweight and on about a billion meds for problems caused by their weight, and DH and I are healthy weights, active, no chronic health problems, and hardly ever get sick. They roll their eyes anytime we talk about "healthy" food choices.

apollonia10 · January 2014

Oh, I forgot about the BFing. My MIL swore by formula and kept (politely) asking me when I was going to start DS on formula. I never nursed around her, but the idea was enough to make her uncomfortable. "How do you know if he's had enough??" He stops eating, that's how.

Also TV. My ILs must think I'm some crazy hippie because they keep asking when DS is allowed to watch TV. He doesn't like TV, and even if he did, do you really think he'd enjoy watching a 3 hour football game?

apollonia10 · January 2014

@kitchencolors - it always drives me crazy how people assuming being at home with a baby/toddler isn't mentally stimulating. I work a few hours a day from home and find myself just staring at my work sometimes because I'm exhausted. My brain does not need more stimulation!

OkieMama · January 2014

BFing. Especially after 12 months. Really bad now that I'm KU.

aylafsu88 · January 2014

Not to much but they do judge about food. For some reason they just do not get that LO Is a picky eater. They always make comments about how we limit her food choices, we should offer her more etc. I get annoyed by it and have even offered LO food that they suggest. I get giddy inside when she refuses it or spits it out on their floor when I told them 1,000 times that she will not eat it.

nesenotes · January 2014

MIL judges everything. No socks, she's going to die of pneumonia, I have the balls to let her walk barefoot on my wood floors and not put a sweater on her in 80° weather. I also didn't buy her an I pad or expose her to movies and so I suck. Oh and the schedule! Oh do I get shit for the schedule! But she can side eye all she wants. I DGAF and let her know it.

With my parents the only side eye I got was from my mom about rear facing. She thinks I'm doing emery an injustice.

My dad thinks I'm too much of a helicopter parent because I make her hold my hand when we walk. He wants her to follow side by side.

Thank god we don't see grandparents very often. We see MIL like once a month maybe and my dad about once a month and my mom only a few times a year. So I don't have to deal with them too much.

nesenotes · January 2014

Oh and the hair!! God help me if her hair is in her eyes. It bugs the hell out of both my mom and MIL.

nesenotes · January 2014

kitchencolors said:
Staying at home and being happy with it. I'm negotiating with a former boss to do some part time work for him and MIL keeps telling DH how great it will be for me to "actually get to use my brain". She asked me last night if I was excited to start being able to have a chance to use my brain once in a while... I just said "I'm willing to do work because I will get paid, but I have no need for additional mental stimulation, I'm very satisfied being home with DD." I didn't mean to be a bitch, but it's just ridiculous.

My dad has this theory as well. SAHM = bump on a log to him. He keeps asking me when I'll go back to work. Or if I can get involved in MH's business. I just smile and ignore.

ashcole28 · January 2014

SO's mother swears everytime DS throws a fit he's hungry! She acts like I starve him because I don't give him food everytime he doesn't get his way. I will even tell her he's not hungry he's just mad she will give him food anyway and he just looks at it. Ugh!

sarahandeddiejune212008 · January 2014

DeniseRN said:

sarahandeddiejune212008 said:
Bedsharing and BFING, especially past 12 months. My mom FF, so she has no clue how exhausting and time consuming BFING is.

FIL is just uncomfortable with seeing a tiny bit of my boob. Overall he is very supportive of my parenting and even tells my SILS they should be more like me.
The BFing and bed sharing once Hunter wakes at 3am.This is my second kid and I'm much more confident so IDAF if they side eye me

I could care less what anyone thinks. It works for us. I think my mom feels guilty that she didn't try to BF. I was spitting up so much formula that they switched me to whole milk at 3 months. I think she wonders what would have happened if she BF.

sarahandeddiejune212008 · January 2014

I forgot about RFing. I got so much grief about keeping DD#1 RFing until 22 months. They were sure her legs were uncomfortable and she would break them if we were in an accident.

zyas · January 2014

We're pretty lucky as they seem to support us on our choices. Although I bet they all secretly side eye me sometimes when I try to feed her mostly organic stuff.

zyas · January 2014

bellaxanthe said:
Where do I start with my MIL? The biggest and most hurtful when when she was telling everyone that I was starving my child because I was trying to BF (and was supplementing anyway bitch). What clothes I put her in aren't pink enough, aren't warm enough, aren't her style (yes she has said this). She is sick all the time because I send her to daycare for too long of a day (Lady your son gets home at 3 he could pick her up early but chooses to wait an hour! I work until 5 and have an hour commute). I'm too stringent with what I feed her. I caued her to have CF. Um no dipshit she's a carrier and neither myself for your son was tested so it could be either one of us. That I stay too strict on a schedule about bedtimes. Sigh.

Yikes, I'm sorry your MIL is such a pain. Hopefully you don't have to see her too often...

potatoe6 · January 2014

MIL is great she never really judges or provided advice, she might just say what she did when DH was a baby but more in what were we thinking, glad he survived.

My mom is another story, one time I am babying her too much another I don't give her enough attention, plus don get me started on when she found out we were having dd.

snickersforeveryone · January 2014

MIL judges everything and is passive aggressive about it. I don't feed her enough or often enough, I don't change her diaper as much as I should, should have breast fed longer, and my personal favorite, if she is ever diagnosed with autism, it will be my fault.

My parents think we're crazy to be so strict about sleep stuff. My dad takes hours to put her to bed because he HAS to pick her back up if she makes so much as a squeak of protest when he puts her in the crib. He's just slept holding her in the recliner multiple times. When I'd put Em down and she'd cry, Mom would say, "oh poor baby" over and over, like her heart was breaking for my poor neglected baby. Mom also thinks we are way too overprotective. Those are the only things my parents and I have butted heads on though, so I count us lucky.

Barefoot84 · January 2014

My parents: Rear-facing (they started asking at eight months when we were going to turn her around), covering her in a blanket in the car and not putting her in her puffy suit, cosleeping when she's sick or if she wakes during the night wanting our presence, not doing CIO and having an 18 month old that doesn't always sleep through the night, rocking her to sleep, or staying in her room till she falls asleep.

My MIL: Not helping her out when she wants something she can get herself, i.e. if she raises her arms for me to help her unto the couch, when she can climb on by herself, or if she wants her sippy cup that's on the other side of the room, when she can go get it herself. She said she would always get their kids what they wanted. Result, I felt like a maid to my H for years, and we're still struggling with related issues.

versed · January 2014

My mom judges: 1) still BFing DS1. She tries to distract him or offer him food whenever he asks to nurse. (2) self-feeding. We did BLW so DS1 has been self-feeding since 6m. She bought him jars at first. Now she wants to feed him. (3) still RFing. (4) bed sharing with DS1 as long as we did. (4) that I nurse or DH rocks DS1 to sleep.

My MIL judges anything I do that's different than she did or I'd different than her other DIL does: (1) her babies needed cereal in their bottles. (2) DIL lets her girls CIO. (3) her kids survived with puffy coats in their car seats! (4) I don't give my son enough juice (none) or treats. And pretty much anything we do that's different than her is a personal attack on her

apollonia10 · January 2014

hijoi said:
After reading through these, I'm thinking the "mommy wars" are not contemporary moms and their decisions, but generational. Wow.

I was thinking the same thing. I feel like having babies was the only thing women were "allowed" to be experts in for so many years that the advice just comes spilling out of them. I kind of get it - I learned so much about having a baby that I have to stop myself from giving unsolicited advice to other moms. That knowledge just kind of sticks around once your kids are older. Discretion goes a long way!

reinedecajun · January 2014

andreab7412 said:
Well the il's only see us maybe once a year now so I guess nothing? They have seen Gage twice since he was 6 months old.

Same here

kinda sucks. Even thought they are bsc.

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