Update - Fertility Specialist & Weaning

Toni79 · January 2014

I'll try to keep this concise. But I have issues with being concise, as you can tell by this post (and likely some of my other posts!) LOL!

So a few weeks ago I posted that I finally got up the nerve to call my Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE), AKA Fertility Specialist. We wanted to meet with him to answer some questions and see what he'd suggest for TTC # 2. We met with him this week and it went really well. Answered all our questions.

Breif Background: Back in 2010, we were dx Unexplained Infertility. We had 3 failed IUIs, and 2 failed IVFs(one fresh and one frozen). We were sucessfull on our third IVF (2 fresh embryos transfered). We still have 3 frozen embies.

My RE suggested going straight to IVF for a couple of reasons:

Because we had so many failed treatments previously (IUIs and IVFs).
Because we already have 3 frozen embies available. And a frozen transfer is less stress on my body than a fresh IVF cycle.
Because of our ages (I'm 34 and DH is 40). Not super old, but no spring chick either!

I wanted to know how long he'd suggest trying on our own before persuing treatments. He said about 4 months (for reasons 1 and 3 above). I was surprised. I would have thought he'd suggest 6 months. I don't know why I thought that?

Then came up the topic of weaning. Here is where I get emotional ... like really emotional! I was reluctant to bring it up. He hadn't, and we were wrapping up. I guess he assumed with an almost 18 month old, she was weaned. So I reluctantly brought it up. He basically said that I needed to be completely weaned for 1 cycle before completing the day 3 bloodwork, baseline ultrasounds, etc. I guess that's better than what some of you mentioned previously - that you had to be weaned for 3 cycles before starting. So it really was not a surprise that I had to be weaned. I felt ok when we left.

BUT then we get in the car and DH says someting about how I can wean DD in a month. And I just started to bawl! I'm so torn. On one hand if DD woke up tomorrow and had no interest in BFing ever again, I'd be sad, but glad it was over and over on her terms. But on the other hand, I'm also ready to plan for another LO. I don't want them 5 years apart in age! But then I think about what if we're not sucessful and we don't have another LO ... DD could be my one and only chance to BF, and I don't really want to end it if she's not ready.

Gosh! This sounds like I'm a crazy women who is only BF for "me". But that's not the case. DD is very much still attached to BF at certain times of the day, and I really hate to take that away from her. Espchally since it is "our" special time together.

DD is down to 3 BFs a day. First thing in the am before DC, when I pick her up from DC, and at bedtime. And I feel like they are all "justified" times. I wake her at 5:45 during the week to take her to DC (on weekends she sleeps to 6:45-7:00). So I feel bad for waking her so early, and I feel like that morning BF kind of eases her into being woken up so early. When I pick her up from DC, she's been there for 11 hrs, and we miss each other. She greets me with smiles and signing "milk" immediatly when I get there. Then at bedtime, I feel like it relaxes her and helps her fall asleep. I should also mentin that its only been about 2.5 months since she cut out her last MOTN session! So you can see how long she holds onto sessions!

I just don't know what to do! DH understands, and told me its up to me. But I still feel the pressure.

I'm going to start by trying to eliminate the session when I pick her up from DC. I think that's a good place to start. Sometimes I can say to her "let's wait until we get home". But even if she stops asking, she'll ask as soon as we get home! Any suggestions? How do you do "don't offer / don't refuse" and negotiate "later" at the same time? I mean, she'll ask several times when I pick her up from DC, and I just keep saying "when we get home". But then aren't I technically "refusing" at that time?

Sorry so long ... I've got alot on my mind!

vvvvvfee · January 2014

sorry, no advice, just my sympathy- that sounds like a really tough decision! i also work f/t and DS is also really into breastfeeding so i totally understand where you're coming from.

Jeffreysmom24 · January 2014

Sorry you are in this situation. I was faced with a similar situation last year bc I knew we wanted to start TTC again and I hadn't gotten my period back yet. I loved nursing but because of my age, I also knew the clock was ticking to have another. I decided to stop nursing, got my period the following month but still not pregnant. When I was trying to decide, someone gave me good advice which was to ask myself whether I would regret stopping nursing if I didn't get pregnant again in my desired timeframe. For me, because we really want another baby and because of our ages, it was worth giving it everything we had. Anyway, I know it is a really tough decision. Good luck with everything!

Toni79 · January 2014

@weefee - Thanks! I'm glad I'm not the only one out there with a milkaholic toddler! Espchally working FT I think its hard for people to wrap thier heads around how I'm "still" BFing!

@Jeffreysmom24 - If you don't mind me prying ... how old are you both? How long have you been trying for # 2? Sorry, normally I'd look in people's siggies for this background info! My AF returned 9 months PP. It skipped a month, but has been regular since 11 months PP. We stopped preventing (using condoms) at 9/10 months PP. But I've only been charting the last 2 cycles. So we haven't been preventing for about 8 months. You said "ask myself whether I would regret stopping nursing if I didn't get pregnant again in my desired timeframe." Yes, honestly, I think if I stopped BF and either didn't get pregnant after x amount of time or if I NEVER got pregnant, I think I would regret cutting it short with DD.

Maizey06 · January 2014

I know how are you feeling. When I went off BCP in 2010 I never got my period. I ended up doing IUI. On my 3rd attempt I was very lucky and get pregnant with DD. At DD's first birthday I still did not have my period so I decided to start weaning because we wanted to start down the road of TTC (I am 35 and DH is 41).

I had the exact same feelings as you, if DD is going to be my only baby did I want to stop nursing when we both still liked it so much. I did the don't offer, don't refuse method and it worked for us. There would be nights where she did not want it and then I would be so upset. DH being a guy did not understand why I said I wanted to wean her yet got upset when she did not want to nurse.

I got it down to just morning and night by October and actually got my first period without meds since 1999. I eventually got it down to just morning (and on only one side) which is where we are at right now. We are TTC now.

DD used to nurse the minute we got home from picking her up. I was able to distract her with books, toys or food. Also, when it was nicer we would go for a short walk with our dog. Not that we were using it anymore but I had to hide our Boppy since she associated that with milk and would want to nurse if she saw it.

I suggest trying to drop the after work/daycare session and see how it goes. If it is too emotional for you, don't stress about it and then try again in a month. Enjoy the time with her. Also, every time you reach a milestone of dropping a session, treat yourself to something - a pedicure, a cupcake, etc. to cheer you up.

Good luck!

Toni79 · January 2014

Thanks @Maizey06! I seriously got teary eyed reading your reply! I get teary eyed everytime I think about weaning her. I'm sure its not just the emotions about weaning, but also knowing that the emotional roller coaster of IVF is around the corner. I am really not looking forward to going through all the ups and downs of potentially multiple IVFs AND having a grumpy toddler due to trying to wean!

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