Signing Off (birth story and pics!)

Olliepoppet · January 2014

Hey everyone! I know I haven't posted in quite a while...the last two months have been insane and I've been without a way to post during them. Our little man, Killian Garrett, is here and miraculously thriving despite all of the odds stacked against him. Thank you all so much for the encouragement you gave me while trying to navigate doctors and make it through bedrest. It was greatly appreciated!

To recap, I lost my first son after 8 days in the NICU back in 2011; he was born at 24 weeks gestation due to incompetent cervix. I abrupted while on hospital bedrest with him and was put under general anesthesia for an emergency c-section.

When we conceived again, I had to transfer practices due to insurance changes. My new doctor had an absolute nightmare trying to get my medical records transferred in whole. She ended up with an incomplete picture of what happened last time. That, coupled with a few other factors that clouded the certainty of my IC diagnoses, left her and my MFM uncomfortable with the idea of placing a preventative cerclage. Instead I was seen for an ultrasound every two weeks.

Between my 16 and 18 week ultrasound, I went from 4.5 centimeters of cervix to "no discernable cervical length." I was sent to Vanderbilt, where I received an emergency cerclage.

That cerclage held for 4.5 weeks. During that time, I had a UTI and a yeast infection, and had to fight my MFM to be seen weekly, the way the hospital wanted me to be. I finally insisted, and she scheduled an appointment on Dec. 2 "just for your peace of mind."

I knew that morning that something was wrong and had been for a couple of days, but both my MFM and my OB felt that I was just "particularly sensitive to the stitch material." If the cerclage failed, they explained, there WOULD be bleeding. Outside of that, unless my water broke, nothing was the matter.

I went in for the "this crazy lady is paranoid" ultrasound, and was promptly admitted to the hospital. They could only find half of the stitch, my cervical length was gone again, and I was 4 cm dilated, all at 22 weeks. We would later discover that I was one in a million...the stitch didn't tear so much as my cervix "melted" (their words, not mine). In the end it didn't matter that my cerclage was placed as an emergency...it was determined that a traditional cerclage wouldn't work any better, and that I might not even be a good candidate for a trans-abdominal cerclage.

We spent a few scary hours on a contraction monitor while waiting to see if Vanderbilt felt I should be transferred to them. The attending doctor came in, saw for herself that I wasn't having contraction, and gave us some good news: Vanderbilt was now accepting certain 23 week babies into the NICU on a case by case basis. They felt that our son may be a candidate, and suggested I be transferred.

Once there, the round of ultrasounds and interviews began. We were told a lot of things that left us breathless: for one, the doctor Maury Regional had contacted had been opening her mouth to tell them to send me home until I either went into labor or made it to 24 weeks, when she overheard one of the Fellows at the desk talk about a former 23 weeker who had just graduated from the NICU. She had no idea that they had started accepting babies that premature.

Once we got there, we had to have an interview with neonatology to make sure that we understood what we were getting ourselves into if we asked them to try and save our son. Once they were sure we didn't have any unrealistic expectations, they did a growth and anatomy scan to determine how big Killian was. The results came back with him measuring in the 90th percentile. It looked like we were good to go. I would stay on hospital bedrest as long as I could, and then they would do everything in their power to keep Killian alive.

But just 5 days in, at 23/4, we discovered I had an infection. I was wheeled over to L&D, where the doctor informed me that they WOULD be inducing,and that our chances of someday taking our little boy home had gone from "less than 30%" to "basically 0." The doctor told me he didn't want to do continuous heart monitoring because he didn't want to rush me into another c-section when "the baby isn't likely to be born alive."

I was told that the full neonatal team would still be there, just in case, I was hooked up to a monitor to listen to the heartbeat "one last time," and then started on pitocin. While we waited for labor to kick in, the nurse and two doctors did everything they could to make precious memories out of what looked to be a horrifically painful event. They encouraged us to play comforting music, they dimmed the lights, and we were told that they would put my son directly onto my chest and that my husband and I could cut the cord. They asked us about our birth plan, and if there was anything they could do for us to make this experience as special as possible.

They were very slow to increase the pitocin I received, and it wasn't bad at all, even going natural - they started it at 7 am. The attending MFM broke my water at around 11, and I began pushing. I had a brief moment of "OMG what the hell was I thinking, going without meds?" as he crowned, but at 11:29 a.m, Killian slid into the world screaming at the top of his tiny, tiny lungs.

Things changed after that! There was no holding him, no cutting the cord. This baby they thought might be still born was pink and loud and squirmy and very, very much alive. The 7 man neonatal team jumped straight in, whisking him to a station at the side of the room where they immediately got him intubated. The look on the lead neonatologists face when she came over to tell us that his apgar scores were 8 and 8 and that they would be taking him to the NICU now was absolutely priceless...her eyes were huge and she was grinning almost as widely as we were.

Killian has had a few more hurdles since then - a bowel perforation which almost required emergency surgery but which ended up healing beautifully with just the drain they put in to "buy us time." He ended up pushing the drain out on his own, and x-rays revealed no sign of further damage. He has brain bleeds, including a grade 4 on the right side, but it, too, is resolving itself, and not only is it not as big as they first believed it would be, the blood has drained successfully without intervention and it left all of his brain tissue intact. We don't know how well that part of his brain will function, but the damage isn't as bad as they first suspected it would be.

Right now we're struggling to come off the vent; he's recovering from a lung infection, but his lungs and brain are working fine...he needs the vent because of damage to his throat caused by the vent during one of the 3 times he self-extubated (he's strong and feisty and SNEAKY!) but they have a plan to address that issue, too. After almost 7 weeks in the NICU, the doctors are starting to talk about "when you go home" instead of "IF you go home." they assigned him a hospital case manager who sends weekly reports to his pediatrician for "WHEN" he's discharged, and we've been told that after we get off the vent, our main concern will just be to continue growing. We're good at that; he was 1 lb 10 oz at birth, dropped to 1 lb 4 oz at his lowest, and as of this morning is a whopping 2 lb 8 oz! If he doesn't get sick again, we could go home in as little as two more months.

We are so very, very grateful for our little miracle. We have a long road ahead of us still, but just to still have this precious baby we were so sure was lost to us is a feeling I cannot properly describe.

happymommy0902 · January 2014

What a beautiful story. Congratulations! My prayers are with you and your precious miracle. That, was definitely a God thing!

tracint · January 2014

I'm so sorry it's been a rough journey. But everyday with your little miracle baby is a blessing. Lots of thoughts and prayers going your way that Baby Killian will be home with you soon. btw he's adorable. Congratulations. Best wishes.

Ylvelill · January 2014

That brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing your story

congratulation on your little fighter. May life bring your all tons of happiness!

mcgeeva · January 2014

Wow this story brought me to tears! What a strong little one you have! Sounds like he was meant to be and meant to be here fighting with you guys. I hope he has a fast recovery and heads home soon!

MissChanandlerBong · January 2014

Wow, I got chills reading that! I wasn't around when you were posting before, but congratulations on your miracle baby! My daughter was born at 23w4d and we experienced many of the same thing you have, right down to self-extubating (these feisty kids!). Respiratory issues were definitely our biggest hurdle. We got all the way down to the nasal cannula before she got pneumonia, had a partially collapsed lung, and we basically started all over with intubation and even the oscillator/jet vent. Anyway, I just want to say that even if you encounter setbacks, your little guy is such a fighter and has already come so far! I hope the rest of your stay is uneventful and you all get to go home soon - there's no better feeling! Best of luck!

LolaX2 · January 2014

Wow what a story! You and your LO have been through so much already. He sounds like such a strong little fighter! So sorry for all that you have had to deal with and continue to deal with. Congratulations on such a a great little fighter and hope his/yor journey is smooth from here out!

mrsmullins11 · January 2014

Oh my goodness! Thank you for sharing your story. I will keep Mr. Killian and his parents in my T&P. Congratulations! He is an absolute doll (and quite a trooper)!