Having a newborn and a 1 year old this May :) Questions about how to handle it, and my birth plan?

JEPRHA · January 2014

Our first child was born last year on May 12 (Mothers day) our second child is due on May 7th of this year, and I was wondering if any of you ladies had any helpful tips or advice on how to handle taking care of two children that are that close in age. The firstborn is a girl, and the second baby is a boy. I was also wondering, what you ladies thought about having our daughter in the delivery room with us while I'm laboring, as well as during the birth. I'm not getting an epidural, there's no chance of that happening, I got one with our daughters birth and have regretted it ever since. My mother is going to be watching our daughter while we're in the hospital, and I want my daughter there to be my focal point to help me through the pain, but I don not want my mother there. Mainly because she was there while I was in labor with my daughter, and she, my sister, her fiance, my best friend, sister in law and father in law - who I had never wanted to be there at all, but showed up anyway - all were in the waiting room while I was pushing. After 10 minutes of waiting my sister decided to go stand outside the door and see if she could hear anything. So she goes and listens at the door, and I had only had to push for not even 10 minutes before our daughter was born, so my sister, hearing the baby cry, ran back, grabbed my mom, and they both immediately barged into the delivery room, and I was still completely exposed, the doctor still stitching me up, I had 2 small tears, and I cannot even tell you how much their barging in upset me. It would've been nice to have had at least 5 minutes with just our little new family before everyone started intruding. So, anyways, I want my daughter there but not my mom, we also want to wait until the cord stops pulsing before we cut it, we're not doing the hepatitis B or Vitamin K shot either, we are waiting until we've had time to bond with our son before they put the silver nitrate in his eyes, only get an IV if it is necessary, and I want to be able to walk around during labor, and try different methods for pain relief. We have certified nurse midwife this time, not an OB, and I my second question is how did you get your nurses and your doctor to actually listen to you and comply with the wishes of your birth plan?

sschwege · January 2014

Have you checked with your hospital regarding their rules about children in the delivery room? Having your daughter there might not even be allowed. If they actually allow it, I think you have to ask yourself why it is so important that she be there? I could see an older child who would remember it or if you were having a HB, but that just seems like a huge production and for what? If your hospital allows it and you decide this is what you want to do you have to have a support person for your daughter. You are going to want your SO to be able to focus on you. You need someone there who can feed your daughter, help her sleep, change diapers, entertain her, etc and also someone who can take her from the room if she becomes frightened.

To answer your question I wrote up a birth plan and brought it to one of my prenatal appointments. Went over it with my MWs and sort of figured out what wouldn't be a problem and what might be a problem. With my second the only request that I had which could have been a problem was how I wanted to be monitored (I wanted 20 min continuous in triage and after that monitoring with a doppler every 15 min or so. They wanted me to do 20 min of continuous every two hours.) I asked my MW what was involved when declining the extra monitoring. She just told me to tell the nurse or MW what I want, they would write 'decline' on my chart and that was that.

Also having people in the room who are supportive, who can speak up for you when you may not be able to advocate for yourself. The triage nurse wanted me to lay down to be monitored and I requested to stand next to the bed. She started to give me a hard time about it, so my mom stepped right in and politely encouraged the nurse to try it with me standing, she even helped the nurse put the monitors around me.

Finally, I think you really have to figure out what's important and what perhaps you can let go. Sure you could refuse anything and everything, but who wants to labor in an environment where you are constantly battling the staff? My hospital did not recommend a saline lock, but if they did that as standard practice I would have gone along with it. Not a hill I'm willing to die on, but obviously monitoring was important to me so I was willing to push back on that.

sschwege · January 2014

Also check out the 2 under 2 board, they should have some helpful advice for you!

TheBorg7of9 · January 2014

I think she would be frightened. Also, a delivery room is not baby proofed and it would be a pain to keep her out of trouble.

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Having a newborn and a 1 year old this May :) Questions about how to handle it, and my birth plan?

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