Sad :(

JBDamonM · January 2014

So I had a lengthy conversation with my OB while I drove into work this morning and she wants to go forward with a LEEP

I knew this was coming, I have been pushing back for several months now, but her points were: it'll be two years this spring since the issue started (although not consecutive since for some reason both paps I had while pregnant were clean). she doesn't want to not be aggressive enough now, have me get pregnant and have a bigger problem develop (i.e. cancer)....

I am hoping I am over reacting but I am so upset about this. I am hoping it's PMS playing into the need to cry so much and that my freaking shorter cycles will continue so I get my period next week and can get this stupid thing done.

Last night when I got her voicemail I was upset because I worried it would keep me from getting pregnant again and/or leave me with too much scar tissue for another vaginal delivery when the time comes. She eased both of those fears - and look at that, a silver lining to IVF - that they bi-pass my cervix to get me pregnant but she also told me I had to wait several months before getting pregnant. And THAT of all things is what I am sad about. That's how f-ed I am in the head. I didn't plan on an FET until August, but foolishly planned on temping and OPK's next month to take a shot at it (pun intended) between now and then. And now that it looks like that's off the table, I'm upset? For some reason it stings so much to know that the book is pretty much closed on ever getting pregnant naturally, even though realistically it closed two years ago and I've always been fine with it (maybe b/c it wasn't my issue that closed it?)....And yes, I know I could give it a go for a couple months and hold off on the FET but that seems even more pointless given the fact that I am 34 and DH is almost 39.... It's time to complete the family.

And just to rub salt in my wounds. I'm SO happy I signed for the Health Care Savings Account (i.e. high deducdible plan) this year. I'm so sick and tired of being a slave to endless medical bills.

Happy Thursday

ccam · January 2014

I'm so sorry about your news

I think it's totally normal to be upset. We went through this right before TTC, and were told we'd have to hold off. It was heartbreaking. (This was also when we naively thought we'd get pregnant naturally in a few months...hahaha...) We ended up not having to hold off as much as we thought we would though - I want to say 6 weeks? And she said it should have no effect on future pregnancies or delivering. I would just plan it for as soon as possible and get it over with! Huge hugs to you!

JBDamonM · January 2014

Thanks @ccam - I have a message into Dr. N (Uconn) as well because I want to hear his reccomendations on how long I need to wait.

I was confused too beacuse the first time I talked to my OB about this I thought she said I would only have to wait a month?

How painful was it?

amd1982 · January 2014

I am so sorry you're going through this. I had a culposcopy and a LEEP years ago (before my TTC years) yet I remember being frustrated and scared about my future with fertility, etc. And I think you're completely justified in being angry, sad and upset about having to wait at the shot to TTC on your own over the next few months due to the LEEP. there's nothing i can probably say to make you feel better. all i can say is the LEEP is not too bad, and the good news is that like your OB said, they bypass your cervix during the IVF process. but again, you deserve to feel exactly how you feel. IF puts this ticking time bomb into our heads that makes months and days drag on and on. i wish you the very best in your procedure and your recovery, and look forward to hearing how things progress with TTC #2.

TJ1979 · January 2014

Big hugs hon. I understand you being upset. Take your time and be upset about it. It's important to take care of yourself though, even though it screws up your plans. You need to be around to take care of those LOs!
GL with the procedure and I hope it has no effect on future plans.

mcgeeva · January 2014

I'm sorry! That is a lot to take in

I don't have advice on fets only have had a leep done once. But I hope it all works out when you all move forward with it.

ccam · January 2014

JBDamonM said:

Thanks @ccam - I have a message into Dr. N (Uconn) as well because I want to hear his reccomendations on how long I need to wait.

I was confused too beacuse the first time I talked to my OB about this I thought she said I would only have to wait a month?

How painful was it?

I think it's smart to put a call into them. They have a different perspective on things and that's always helpful.

Have you had a colposcopy with biopsies? That was 10 times more painful for me. You are numb for the LEEP. Just make sure you are completely numb for it because I wasn't at first, and that freakin' hurt!! But once I was numb, it was fine. I was crampy afterwards.

itsmevkb · January 2014

I had a LEEP done last year after finding out I had stage 0 cervical cancer and yes, I found it stressful and I am still worried about the possible effect it may have on a future FET and possibly pregnancy. Of course, for me, the LEEP was better than having the hysterectomy my doctor first suggested. I was told to wait until I had a normal pap test to either ttc or do the FET. My first done after the Leep came back abnormal (ugh) but the second one thankfully came back normal. I am praying that the one I should get in May comes back normal since then I can push forward and do the FET this summer.

I think it's normal to be upset to have a decision made for you. I am 42 and realistically basically done ttc on my own but to be told I might need a hysterectomy really upset me. I want to stop trying to conceive on my own terms, not because I have cancer and not because I have to have a part of my body taken out.

I hope the procedure goes well for you. Mine was relatively painless but I'll warn you, they give you a shot of ephinephrine (adrenaline) which makes your heart race like crazy. I've never felt anything like that. It wasn't painful, but it was the weirdest wave/rush of energy going through my body. Oh, and way TMI, you bleed what appears to be coffee grounds after. Gross but totally normal.

If you have questions, or even just want to talk or vent, let me know as we are in similar situations.

pb_bride · January 2014

HUGS!

JBDamonM · January 2014

ccam said:

JBDamonM said:

Thanks @ccam - I have a message into Dr. N (Uconn) as well because I want to hear his reccomendations on how long I need to wait.

I was confused too beacuse the first time I talked to my OB about this I thought she said I would only have to wait a month?

How painful was it?

I think it's smart to put a call into them. They have a different perspective on things and that's always helpful.

Have you had a colposcopy with biopsies? That was 10 times more painful for me. You are numb for the LEEP. Just make sure you are completely numb for it because I wasn't at first, and that freakin' hurt!! But once I was numb, it was fine. I was crampy afterwards.

I have had 3 colpo's. The two that I had pre child birth did not bother me AT ALL. The one that I had post baby - hurt like a mofo.

I just keep telling myself - nothing can be worse than the HSG.

The big thing thing I want insight on from Dr. N is how long I have to wait to be treated....I'm too much of a planner....I need a finish line.....I hate that I operate this way.

JBDamonM · January 2014

itsmevkb said:

I had a LEEP done last year after finding out I had stage 0 cervical cancer and yes, I found it stressful and I am still worried about the possible effect it may have on a future FET and possibly pregnancy. Of course, for me, the LEEP was better than having the hysterectomy my doctor first suggested. I was told to wait until I had a normal pap test to either ttc or do the FET. My first done after the Leep came back abnormal (ugh) but the second one thankfully came back normal. I am praying that the one I should get in May comes back normal since then I can push forward and do the FET this summer.

I think it's normal to be upset to have a decision made for you. I am 42 and realistically basically done ttc on my own but to be told I might need a hysterectomy really upset me. I want to stop trying to conceive on my own terms, not because I have cancer and not because I have to have a part of my body taken out.

I hope the procedure goes well for you. Mine was relatively painless but I'll warn you, they give you a shot of ephinephrine (adrenaline) which makes your heart race like crazy. I've never felt anything like that. It wasn't painful, but it was the weirdest wave/rush of energy going through my body. Oh, and way TMI, you bleed what appears to be coffee grounds after. Gross but totally normal.

If you have questions, or even just want to talk or vent, let me know as we are in similar situations.

Thanks @itsmevkb. My mom had a hysterectomy at 31 because she kept having bad, irregular paps. I"m thankful medical technology has come far enough where that's not an immediate go to.

Question for you - how long before they did your repeat pap? THat's the one thing I forgot to ask my OB this morning.

itsmevkb · January 2014

I had my first repeat 3 months later and now I go back every six months for two years. Fun times.

JBDamonM · January 2014

itsmevkb said:

I had my first repeat 3 months later and now I go back every six months for two years. Fun times.

UGH. I hear ya though - I have been on a 4 month cylce since being pregnant. I feel like I am at the OB ALL the time.

itsmevkb · January 2014

What drives me batty about the re-paps is that my office has a policy of if the test is normal they just sent you a letter in 2-4 weeks saying hey, it's normal. So, I sit around jumping every time my phone rings for a week after the test wondering if that's my doctor calling because I know if they call that means the test wasn't normal. I HATE it. I just want them to call me either way, good or bad, and but my mind at ease but nooooo, god forbid they help a girl out here.

ccam · January 2014

itsmevkb said:

What drives me batty about the re-paps is that my office has a policy of if the test is normal they just sent you a letter in 2-4 weeks saying hey, it's normal. So, I sit around jumping every time my phone rings for a week after the test wondering if that's my doctor calling because I know if they call that means the test wasn't normal. I HATE it. I just want them to call me either way, good or bad, and but my mind at ease but nooooo, god forbid they help a girl out here.

Ugh... I hated that!!! I ended up having a pretty good relationship with my Dr after going through all of this stuff and seeing her so often that she started calling me with good or bad results, it was so nice of her to go above and beyond.

mdiblasi10 · January 2014

I'm sorry @JBDamonM

Big hugs!

JBDamonM · January 2014

ccam said:

itsmevkb said:

What drives me batty about the re-paps is that my office has a policy of if the test is normal they just sent you a letter in 2-4 weeks saying hey, it's normal. So, I sit around jumping every time my phone rings for a week after the test wondering if that's my doctor calling because I know if they call that means the test wasn't normal. I HATE it. I just want them to call me either way, good or bad, and but my mind at ease but nooooo, god forbid they help a girl out here.
Ugh... I hated that!!! I ended up having a pretty good relationship with my Dr after going through all of this stuff and seeing her so often that she started calling me with good or bad results, it was so nice of her to go above and beyond.

My dr. is the same way. I tell her every time I see her that I would like a phone call either way and she's really good about following up with me. She also stayed on the phone with me for over 10 minutes this morning discussing things and answering ALL of my questions - and even offered to refer me to the oncology team and have them review all of my files if it made me more comfortable. I'm very grateful for my OB. She's wonderful. She also listened to me when I knew something was wrong when we were TTC and started the testing process after only 6 months rather than making me wait a year.

.@itsmevkb - I would never have the patience for that nonsense!

imoverit · January 2014

Hugs mama.

Dragonfly1226 · January 2014

I am so sorry that it isn't better news hon. IF takes so much away from us so it is understandable that now your planned chance to try on your own has been taken away. On the bright side, it looks like you will be able to go ahead with your FET as planned, right? Sending tons of thoughts and prayers that the LEEP is successful. (((Hugs)))

kaf7 · January 2014

I don't have any words of wisdom but I do send hugs. It's never fun to have plans change like that or for those reasons. And that IF mind clock that seems to speed up and slow down at the worst times is the worst.

Mayzie15 · January 2014

I'm sorry for your news

. Hoping you can get some clarification and that you won't have to wait as long as you think.

JBDamonM · January 2014

So this was just the start of my day. I also got to sit on a team conference call discussing next weeks senior leadership meeting, in which I am the only one not invited..... Then my demo called to tell me how they reviewed my pathology report and that I need to come in to have the entire spot on my leg removed. Really???? And that call had to come TODAY? So I come home, prepared to wallow for the evening. And my husband tells me I am LUCKY. Lucky that they are catching these things. While there is a little truth to that wtf???? That's really what you say to your clearly distraught wife? This escalated into a huge argument when I asked him why he could not just comfort me and told him he was like my mom in that regard. Honestly so stupid. Such a ridiculous hurtful fight and I HATE arguing in front of Molly

now I'm even more sad.

...........

Mrs.AmyDylan · January 2014

Ack! Days like today are for Monday's. I'm sorry about your LEEP and the spot. Heck, when it rains, it pours. I hope some fun this weekend helps with the sads.

jmorta04 · January 2014

So sorry that things are piling up all at once. Thinking of you and sending hugs!

itsmevkb · January 2014

Holy bad day batman! Lucky would be having the tests all come out normal. Big hugs.

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