Yeah, no. Step down. You just can't be a good maid of honor and mom to a newborn and recovering from childbirth all in the same day.
Tell her you'll do your best to make it. Get a few cheap jersey knit tops and skirts (easier to nurse in) in sizes ranging from your prepregancy size to much larger and include a maternity type version. (I got pregnant at size 6. With hyperemesis and not really gaining weight during my pregnancy, I was size 12 two weeks post partum.)
If you feel okay after birth and baby is healthy, fly down for the ceremony and bring a babysitter. Nurse in your simple outfit, have babysitter hang out in the car with baby, and go watch the ceremony and snap a photo. Then go home. Buy a flight last minute. It's pricey but better than paying early and not using it.
OP, here's the thing - I attended my BIL's wedding at three weeks PP and I left my son overnight with my mom and it was fine (and I had had a c-section) but you know when I made that decision? THAT DAY. Yes, babies can fly - it's not physically impossible but in the case of adoption it's necessary, not optional. You aren't going to want to expose your unvaccinated child to the disgusting air of a plane. You just won't. However, it also isn't smart to think of leaving the baby at home. Like other people said, babies need visits often at first and, god forbid there was an issue, would you honestly feel comfortable being a flight away from your new baby? Sorry to say but, like someone else said, just wait. I don't think parents have a definite timeline for when they'll feel ok leaving their child but every part of this plan is up in the air so there's just no way to say this will work. It really isn't going to.
This is so ridiculous I don't know why I'm responding again, but:
1. I find it humorous that you are concerned with the effect switching between formula and BM, but not the effect it has on the child for Mommy to fly far away and miss the critical bonding period. It is critical, whether you think it's overblown or not.
2. If the wedding isn't about partying, why would you be pumping rather than breastfeeding the day of the wedding?
3. All this jazz would take away from the bride's day. You will respond that she is totally stoked for you and completely wants you there. But that day should be all about the bride and it wouldn't be fair to her. The MOH has a ton of responsibilities and a swollen, bleeding, leaking, emotional girl is not the person to do it.
4. I hate to "wait and see" you. But, wait and see. No matter what you say now, there's no way you want to be at that wedding immediately after birth.
This! All of this!! Being an FTM myself and having a 9 week old baby I speak from very recent experiences. Everything I said in my original post is true.... your ability to predict the outcome of your birth experience, babies health after delivery, and your level of competence is 0!! No one here know exactly how things will go down for you, and neither do you! I can guarantee you a few things though:
1. You will have bags under your eyes
2. Your clothes will not fit right
3. You will be bleeding like a stuffed pig
4. You will be very emotional (good and bad)
5. You will miss your baby (the bonding thing is not overblown). Your hormones make this a medical fact!!
6. Switching to FF from BF will not harm your baby ( I am a supplementing mommy). Just check with your Pediatrician to ensure that everything is ok first
7. In order to establish your milk supply you will have to pump every 2-3 hours (this takes at least 30 min (assuming you are using a double electric pump). This also means bringing a cooler with you to the wedding to keep your BM safe. This is SOOOO important in the beginning!! I cannot stress that enough.
8. The pads you will be wearing closely resemble diapers (not cute, and they sound funny when you walk! Super cute when walking down the aisle!)
9. You will be EXHAUSTED! I am not talking the kind of tired you feel after a late night out and early morning up, I'm talking so tired you can't remember if you brushed your teeth, or put on pants before you left the house kind of tired.
10. Your life will become all about the baby!
I would seriously consider backing out of the MOH role... maybe you can make it to the wedding as a guest, but backing out at the last minute because you think you can swing it now makes you the asshole. Don't ever assume that everything is going to go smoothly, hope for the best and prepare for the worst! Hopefully everything goes smoothly for you.
This is so ridiculous I don't know why I'm responding again, but:
1. I find it humorous that you are concerned with the effect switching between formula and BM, but not the effect it has on the child for Mommy to fly far away and miss the critical bonding period. It is critical, whether you think it's overblown or not.
2. If the wedding isn't about partying, why would you be pumping rather than breastfeeding the day of the wedding?
3. All this jazz would take away from the bride's day. You will respond that she is totally stoked for you and completely wants you there. But that day should be all about the bride and it wouldn't be fair to her. The MOH has a ton of responsibilities and a swollen, bleeding, leaking, emotional girl is not the person to do it.
4. I hate to "wait and see" you. But, wait and see. No matter what you say now, there's no way you want to be at that wedding immediately after birth.
This! All of this!! Being an FTM myself and having a 9 week old baby I speak from very recent experiences. Everything I said in my original post is true.... your ability to predict the outcome of your birth experience, babies health after delivery, and your level of competence is 0!! No one here know exactly how things will go down for you, and neither do you! I can guarantee you a few things though:
1. You will have bags under your eyes
2. Your clothes will not fit right
3. You will be bleeding like a stuffed pig
4. You will be very emotional (good and bad)
5. You will miss your baby (the bonding thing is not overblown). Your hormones make this a medical fact!!
6. Switching to FF from BF will not harm your baby ( I am a supplementing mommy). Just check with your Pediatrician to ensure that everything is ok first
7. In order to establish your milk supply you will have to pump every 2-3 hours (this takes at least 30 min (assuming you are using a double electric pump). This also means bringing a cooler with you to the wedding to keep your BM safe. This is SOOOO important in the beginning!! I cannot stress that enough.
8. The pads you will be wearing closely resemble diapers (not cute, and they sound funny when you walk! Super cute when walking down the aisle!)
9. You will be EXHAUSTED! I am not talking the kind of tired you feel after a late night out and early morning up, I'm talking so tired you can't remember if you brushed your teeth, or put on pants before you left the house kind of tired.
10. Your life will become all about the baby!
I would seriously consider backing out of the MOH role... maybe you can make it to the wedding as a guest, but backing out at the last minute because you think you can swing it now makes you the asshole. Don't ever assume that everything is going to go smoothly, hope for the best and prepare for the worst! Hopefully everything goes smoothly for you.
LOL, I enjoyed this. Very true!! It is possible you could be a guest, if the baby is early perhaps, but MOH is asking a lot. For all the reasons above. I was a guest at a wedding when I was 6w pp and that was tough enough and the baby had to come with. In the evenings he ate every hour... I am sure you're friend would understand, I mean I sure hope she would! All the best for the rest of your pregnancy!
OPs made a lot of good points, but I'm still gonna throw my two cents out there.
Before L showed up, I made plans with some friends to go see The Hobbit. The plan was, 6 weeks after my due date, MIL would be here, so I was going to leave L at home with her and DH and go to the theatre next to my house. I would only be out for 3 hours.
L ended up being 2 weeks late, so she was 4 weeks old when I was supposed to go to the theatre. Well, come 4 weeks old, I felt like I could never leave her. She cluster fed, a lot. I can't let down for the pump, so if I don't breast feed, then my supply goes down (and I have supply issues to start with, so reducing my supply is really bad for me). Taking a shower, doing my hair, and putting in clothes were all things that were still a challenge at 4 weeks PP.
I didn't make it to the theatre. I had no clue what I was in for.
Yes, some people adjust faster than others, but you don't know which one you'll be. I've wanted to be a mom my whole life, I did all the research, I did all the preparations, I was more excited than anyone I knew - I'm flexible, laid back, and extremely adaptable in every area of my life before now. I thought adjusting to baby would be easy and fun. It has been a very difficult adjustment for me! So you never know what you're in for.
Another thing to think about is the "baby blues." Again, it is impossible to predict how they will affect you. I have no issues with PPD, but the baby blues hit me like a ton of bricks. For the first 3 weeks after L was born, I was VERY weepy. Anything could set me off. But what was the main trigger was seeing friends. Seriously, whenever anyone came over to visit, I was a sobbing mess within minutes. I could feel how much my life and my relationships had changed. It was pure hormones, I had no control. I actually had to stop having visitors until my hormones regulated back out.
Attempting to do a wedding 2.5 weeks after my due date would have 99% likely ended up on me not going, despite my best efforts. And on the 1% chance I did make it, I would just be a blubbering, exhausted, ball of emotions who sat in the corner and wasn't into the celebration at all. (My best friend got engaged days before L was born, and as excited as I am for her, honestly I didn't have the capacity to deal with any extra emotions.)
On the other hand, I was in a wedding a couple years ago where the MOH had a 1-week-old. Her parents came with us to all the events to hold the baby, and she would just go off to breast feed whenever she needed. But, this was her second child (so she knew what to expect), she didn't have to travel for the wedding, and there was complete understanding between the MOH and the bride that the MOH might not be there, and the bride was OK if she didn't show up.
And as PPs said, if you decide to try to make it, buy a maternity dress if possible. Your body will NOT be back to it's former glory. You will most likely still look 4-5 months pregnant.
I would respectfully decline to be a MOH. I would send her a nice video, maybe she can even play it during reception? You can make a collage of their baby pics and family members wishing them well. It can keep you busy during your pregnancy and you will feel like you did something even if you couldn't attend the event. I would also see if someone can videotape the ceremony on their phone and send it to you for instant gratification so at least you see it right away.
The timing here sucks but I would choose bonding and resting with my LO over a wedding EVERYTIME.
Your OB is smoking crack cocaine if she thinks that it would be A-Ok for you to fly two weeks pp. Dude. I was still wearing the diaper pads and mesh undies two weeks pp. I stunk to high heavens, even with a fresh shower and deodorant. My incision killed when I stood for more than 20 minutes. I developed post pardum hypertension and my OB basically put me on bed rest when I saw her for my two week visit. Most importantly, I DID NOT want to leave my baby. Oh and she didn't want to leave me. For the first three weeks I'd say, she was a total mommas girl and cried whenever daddy or her grandparents held her for more than 5 minutes. And I couldn't breastfeed (I pumped) because she didn't latch (she was born with a heart defect that had her at Children's Hospital for the first 10 days of her life and they started her on a bottle since it would be easier on her heart). On top of all of that, I'm dealing with PPD/PPA.
I get that you REALLY want to be there, but those first two weeks or month really, are so crazy important. I feel like I didn't get to bond with my daughter as well as most moms since she was in the hospital for so long and I was with her everyday and didn't leave the hospital until she was discharged.
I'm pretty sure your friend would be understanding if you backed out now instead if a month or even closer to her wedding. Please reconsider, for your baby's sake, your sake, and your friends sake.
I stunk to high heavens, even with a fresh shower and deodorant.
THIS. How could I have forgotten about this? I developed nasty night sweats and horrible BO for several weeks after my LO arrived. NOTHING helped it either. After my hormones leveled out I was back to normal, but walking down the aisle smelling like that? Hell no.
I think I read in a later post that this is a kid free wedding. So your BFF wouldn't make an exception to the rule for your newborn? For the ceremony only? That seems unreasonable, since you are flying with a newborn in your post partum haze and all.
I think you should bow out as MOH. Bow out of being part of the wedding party! Consider going as a guest to the ceremony only, with your newborn in tow, then go home. But then there's the issue of taking a newborn on the plane with lots of germs...
I'm unsure if I will be able to make a local wedding, as a guest, 4 weeks after delivery, so I feel like your plan is a stretch. I plan on EBF so I can't imagine being away from baby an entire evening. Might bring her, ceremony only.
I think your BFF will understand, please bow out before it's too late. As my husband likes to say "with a baby, the game done changed!" Delivery is one of those life changers!
I'm hesitant to come back in here because what I'm about to say is going to sound like I'm encouraging the OP (I'm not lol). I still adamantly maintain that planning to attend this wedding isn't going to work but I also disagree that everything people are telling you is the way it's going to be. There are no guarantees that any new mother is going to feel physically good OR bad, emotional OR normal, obsessed with the baby OR roll with it, exhausted OR perky...the list goes on and on. I think that's just the point though - no one should have to convince her that she WILL be a wreck. The chance that she possibly could be is reason enough, even though she may end up feeling fine.
For me, it's more the logistics that aren't going to work. Regardless of how a new mom physically feels, caring for that new baby is the #1 priority so even if you, OP, feel comfortable peacing out for a lunch with friends at 2 days PP (rock on), you really need to understand that keeping your baby close to their doctor and YOU with them, is your #1 priority.
@Cupcakesandquilts THE PERI BOTTLE!! How could I have forgotten about that!! So lovely! The witch hazel pads and pain spray, stool softeners and motrin!! You're gonna need a whole other bag just for your lady bits stuff!! I also recommend wet wipes, regular toilet paper just doesn't do the trick sometimes!!
OP I just had my 3rd baby 6 weeks ago. I'd consider myself a veteran by now. I am not even willing to travel an hour away with my LO to my SIL's house because it's too exhausting to even think about this early.
I didn't see anyone mention this but as a FTM your probably going to go through some sort of PPD (which even in its mildest form will wreak havoc on you). With my first, I think I spent the first 2-3 weeks crying everyday because breastfeeding was going horribly, I ended up having a c-section, I had no idea how to take care of a newborn, I was constantly exhausted and in pain, etc.
No matter how confident you feel about going to this wedding, I KNOW that will change when the time comes. I think you need to do the responsible thing and give your friend plenty of notice about this.
If you were to go to this wedding, you'd have to worry about how you're feeling physically and emotionally, PP bleeding, your breasts painfully engorging and leaking (because as a MOH you won't have time to stop and pump), how your baby is doing without you, etc.
I promise you're going to be a different person than you are right now.
Thanks for the insight/advice all. Much appreciated.
The bride is well aware that I might have to back out last minute, but wants to leave the door open should I/the baby be feeling alright.
I guess I'll just play it by ear.
Thanks again!
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I'm going to preface this by saying that I have not read ALL of the other comments, so sorry if I'm repeating some stuff. Also, I'm putting aside any opinions I may have about if you should or shouldn't go to the wedding. But, based on my personal experience with my LO who is now 8 weeks old, it could be a disaster.
I was really emotional for a couple of weeks after LO was born due to hormones crashing. In my head, breastfeeding was going to be this magical thing that worked out well and it was a nightmare for us. Around the time you'd be going to the wedding I was making the decision to FF and it was emotionally difficult and we were starting a whole new thing that I was not prepared for. Two weeks postpartum my body was far from recovered enough to fly. I only had a second degree tear and that part of my body is still sensitive, nevermind if I would have had a c-section. I guess I'm just saying to think about the unexpected.
As far as FF and BF, lots of people have to supplement but they usually do it because they HAVE to, like their body or LO isn't doing something correctly. A baby could refuse a bottle, so there is no guarantee that they're going to take it. Then, if they do, they could refuse the breast.
I understand that you committed to your friend. But, you said you committed before you got pregnant, your situation has changed and I'd hope that if you're an honored enough friend to be in her wedding that she would understand that your situation has changed if you end up not going.
1) I'm aware the baby may be late; hence the reason I asked about the logistics involved with traveling with a one OR two week old. I included one, under the assumption that the baby could be born late.
2) My OBGYN said that flying with a newborn is a non-issue. She herself flew a week after giving birth. In fact, when I brought up this whole scenario at my first appointment, her reaction was "Oh that won't be a problem. You can definitely make it, provided you deliver close to your due date."
That being said, I know it can be done. Whether or not I want it to be done is another matter altogether.
3) I appreciate all of your feedback, but am still looking for an answer as to whether one can switch between formula and breast milk or if there's a medical danger in doing so. Anyone who can shed light on that would be much appreciated!
@Sing2phins My best friend set her date 6 months ago, so suffice to say, I agreed to be maid of honor long before I ever got pregnant.
I would find a new OB/GYN. What doctor would encourage you to take your newborn, that has a weak immune system on and airplane? Do you have any idea how many times my DH gets sick after a business trip? Just about every time.
My OBGYN is Ivy-league educated and is well very respected in her field. I understand why you would be hesitant to bring a newborn on a plane, but that doesn't mean that she's wrong in her convictions. We have multiple women in this very thread that admitted to flying within weeks of delivery and they were all fine. So yes, while I'm sure there are things that can go wrong, I'm also sure that it's a doable thing.
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Oooo!!! I can't believe I forgot this. The 2 week growth spurt! Basically, LO will be surgically attached to your nipples. Have you heard of cluster feeding? Google it. It can go on for days and you'll feel lucky to even get a shower. Pumping will be nearly impossible. You will feel completely tapped out.
I really hope that you save yourself and LO the trouble of going through all of this and spare someone who is purportedly your BFF the hassle of either replacing you last minute or catering to your many needs on what should be her day. I get the impression that you're going to ignore all of this advice and plan on going.
I've always planned on going. This thread was to see what the best course of action would be out of all the options. It seems taking the baby would definitely be most desirable and I'll look into whether driving or flying would be best. If something is to go wrong and I can't make it, so be it. But if things go smoothly, I'll at least have a plan in place and be prepared to go.
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Even if you are blessed and bounce back from childbirth like nothing ever happened, taking a baby that is a few weeks old that far away for a wedding where LO won't be the center of your attention is not the best thing for your baby. It's selfish. Also, if you decide to drive do you realize how long that drive is? From MA to FL is a 3-4 day drive with older children and just stopping for meals and overnight. This whole thing is selfish.
If the baby isn't the center of my attention for a few hours, I think s/he'll be okay.
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Jenniferurs -- I may be speaking for many of the people on this feed, but I would be very interested in what you end up doing. Not what you plan to do, but what you did and how it went once all is said and done. Good luck.
Can't figure out the signature thing, so here's the short, short version.....first daughter born on November 10, 2013. She was conceived through the magic of IVF after 2+ years of TTC.
No one wants to hear your birth story on the bride's day, but you will tell it.
No baby should be exposed to germs and taken away from their doctor and mother in the critical early weeks, but you plan on doing it.
No swollen feet want to be squashed into heels, no squishy tummy wants to fit into a non-maternity bridesmaid dress, but you will wear it.
This is a terrible plan. Read the responses. Everyone is telling you it's a terrible plan.
Are you married? The last thing I would want to deal with the week of my wedding is a MOH bowing out. The bride has enough to deal with beyond a "maybe I'll be there" MOH.
Stop being so selfish and gracefully now out.
Or don't. But please come back in seven months and tell me how I was right. I love hearing that.
Lol, whatever you say doll.
I won't be telling my birth story at the wedding. Who wants to hear or even tell that???
I've spoken to many moms who traveled within weeks of giving birth and had no issues. My doctor says it's completely fine. So you can have your own personal opinion on it and I respect it, but it's not the end all be all and it doesn't make me selfish for listening to my doctor instead of you.
Who said the bridesmaid dress will be non-maternity? And I'm free to wear whatever shoes I'd like under my long gown.
No, I'm not married. My wedding is in 50 days. And if my MOH had to bow out the week of the wedding, nothing would change. I wouldn't be replacing her (don't even go over to The Knot board with such thoughts) and would have someone else lift the train of my dress and hold my bouquet. It's not a huge deal. Which is precisely why my best friend WANTS me to continue to plan on being there, even if it means I may have to back out at the last minute. This is HER wish. She's not going to replace me either way and she has a second maid of honor to do the things I will not be able to. At the end of the day, she just wants her best friend of 20 years to be there with her, the same way she'll be there with me in 50 days, and I want the same thing. Nothing "selfish" about it.
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The last time I was MOH for my BFF of more than 20 years myself and two others had to h help her go pee every time she went to the bathroom. Holding her dress up, my good she was gorgeous in her dress, but that thing was heavy!
I don't think I sat all day except for in the car to the reception. I cried giving my toast. I cried when her groom sat down to the piano and played and sang to her during the ceremony, and I'm not an overly emotional person. But u two weeks PP, I cried at everything. Everything. The bride won't need your water works.
Two weeks PP walking was a challenge, I could not sit up in bed without rolling over and doing weird stunts, I could not pick lo up the right w way (I can't imagine bending over to gather a heavy wedding gown from the floor!), I literally shrank daily but nothing fit right except for maternity jeans with a full panel, I turned wrong getting onto the bed and either pulled a muscle badly or popped internal stitches holding my abs together about one week PP, the sweats oh the sweats, the crying, the leaky boobs, I barely wanted to leave lo for an hour let alone a day or two...I'll say it, your coworker who went back to work after delivery has no soul. No woman I've ever met can leave their newborn that long without being a wreck. Even those who want a break seem to have a coexisting guilt for wanting it. I was still on antibiotics for ten days PP then we got thrush...I bbledfor the better part of 8 weeks then got a period/AF that lasted a week...
I could probably go on.
But if you were my BFF no way in hell would I let you be my MOH even thinking you might back out. The bride deserves the respect of a full time MOH and if her wedding was so important to you, you should have held off getting knocked up a few months.and even then you could deliver early and have baby in the NICU.
Long story short, bow out.
I'm getting married in 50 days. Do you honestly think this was planned?
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No one wants to hear your birth story on the bride's day, but you will tell it.
No baby should be exposed to germs and taken away from their doctor and mother in the critical early weeks, but you plan on doing it.
No swollen feet want to be squashed into heels, no squishy tummy wants to fit into a non-maternity bridesmaid dress, but you will wear it.
This is a terrible plan. Read the responses. Everyone is telling you it's a terrible plan.
Are you married? The last thing I would want to deal with the week of my wedding is a MOH bowing out. The bride has enough to deal with beyond a "maybe I'll be there" MOH.
Stop being so selfish and gracefully now out.
Or don't. But please come back in seven months and tell me how I was right. I love hearing that.
Lol, whatever you say doll.
I won't be telling my birth story at the wedding. Who wants to hear or even tell that???
I've spoken to many moms who traveled within weeks of giving birth and had no issues. My doctor says it's completely fine. So you can have your own personal opinion on it and I respect it, but it's not the end all be all and it doesn't make me selfish for listening to my doctor instead of you.
Who said the bridesmaid dress will be non-maternity? And I'm free to wear whatever shoes I'd like under my long gown.
No, I'm not married. My wedding is in 50 days. And if my MOH had to bow out the week of the wedding, nothing would change. I wouldn't be replacing her (don't even go over to The Knot board with such thoughts) and would have someone else lift the train of my dress and hold my bouquet. It's not a huge deal. Which is precisely why my best friend WANTS me to continue to plan on being there, even if it means I may have to back out at the last minute. This is HER wish. She's not going to replace me either way and she has a second maid of honor to do the things I will not be able to. At the end of the day, she just wants her best friend of 20 years to be there with her, the same way she'll be there with me in 50 days, and I want the same thing. Nothing "selfish" about it.
Speaking to women who travel within weeks of giving birth is nice, but her wedding is two wks after your edd. Few, very few FTM give birth on that day. So, as my @CFox18 pointed out, you may well still be in the hospital.
And your friends not replacing you? She already has someone lined up for your duties if you nbowout, so you ARE replaced.
Go as a guest. Even a maternity dress won't necessarily fit right (hope you have a tailor on hand) because your boobs grow and belly deflates.
I need shut up and wait to see what really happens for you, but I think you're down right delusional.
She's always had two MOH's. This wasn't something she concocted so as to replace me in my possible absence. It's been this way since she got engaged 7 months ago. If it turned out I couldn't make it, she wouldn't be adding anyone else to the bridal party, so there's no point in not waiting to see what I'm capable of.
And yes, I will have a tailor on hand.
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If she's really your BFF, she would understand why you would bow out now. However, you're being selfish and want to make this trip, so you're placing the blame on her.
GROW UP.
Yes, the wedding IS about the bride and her wishes, but newborn trumps BFF...or at least it should.
Your BFF is having a child free wedding but her MOH is pregnant? Interesting.
OP it sounds like you've already talked to other mother's and your Ivy league doctor so why did you come here? I really am curious.
I couldn't poop for a week so I certainly wasn't leaving my house
I actually have two OBGYNs. I had moved recently, so it was necessary to get a new one. When I asked them both the question, they both responded so casually that I didn't want to ask too many follow up questions at the risk of looking like an overly paranoid FTM. And before anyone else suggests that my first OBGYN must also be an idiot, he was the chief of surgery at one of the best hospitals down here, before starting his own practice. So I don't think he's a complete moron.
That being said, their answers were so flippant that I thought it must have been a dumb question to begin with. So I didn't push the issue. Still, I wasn't as convinced as they that it was feasible, so I decided to come here. In the wake of your responses, I reached out to 3 women who recently gave birth to see what their experiences were like and their experiences were much different from the majority here. No crying/emotional spells. No sweating. Minor bleeding, but they just wore period pads and were fine. They were out and about within a week of giving birth and a few even took vacations with their newborns after 2-3 weeks.
Again, everyone is different. I'm not assuming I'm going to be as lucky as they. But if I am, I'd like to be prepared with some kind of plan. And if I'm not, I'll address it at that time. But my MOH would like me to at least try to be there, so that's exactly what I'm going to do. Whether it actually happens or not, we'll see. I don't doubt that a million things could arise to keep me from going, but that doesn't mean I won't plan optimistically until then.
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If she's really your BFF, she would understand why you would bow out now. However, you're being selfish and want to make this trip, so you're placing the blame on her.
GROW UP.
Yes, the wedding IS about the bride and her wishes, but newborn trumps BFF...or at least it should.
I'm not "blaming" anything on anyone. I've said multiple times that I want to be there for it. I was just addressing other people's concerns that she wouldn't want me to back out at the last minute and explaining that she would rather I do that if I had to than back out now and not even try.
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Your BFF is having a child free wedding but her MOH is pregnant? Interesting.
OP it sounds like you've already talked to other mother's and your Ivy league doctor so why did you come here? I really am curious.
I couldn't poop for a week so I certainly wasn't leaving my house
I actually have two OBGYNs. I had moved recently, so it was necessary to get a new one. When I asked them both the question, they both responded so casually that I didn't want to ask too many follow up questions at the risk of looking like an overly paranoid FTM. And before anyone else suggests that my first OBGYN must also be an idiot, he was the chief of surgery at one of the best hospitals down here, before starting his own practice. So I don't think he's a complete moron.
That being said, their answers were so flippant that I thought it must have been a dumb question to begin with. So I didn't push the issue. Still, I wasn't as convinced as they that it was feasible, so I decided to come here. In the wake of your responses, I reached out to 3 women who recently gave birth to see what their experiences were like and their experiences were much different from the majority here. No crying/emotional spells. No sweating. Minor bleeding, but they just wore period pads and were fine. They were out and about within a week of giving birth and a few even took vacations with their newborns after 2-3 weeks.
Again, everyone is different. I'm not assuming I'm going to be as lucky as they. But if I am, I'd like to be prepared with some kind of plan. And if I'm not, I'll address it at that time. But my MOH would like me to at least try to be there, so that's exactly what I'm going to do. Whether it actually happens or not, we'll see. I don't doubt that a million things could arise to keep me from going, but that doesn't mean I won't plan optimistically until then.
I call bullshit, especially on no crying spells and minimal bleeding. Certainly you can go "out and about" with a NB, but that's like, to lunch and to Target, not a fucking days-long trip from Florida to New Jersey.
But whatever. You're clearly going to do whatever the fuck you want, regardless of the advice of well more than "three women who recently gave birth," so you know, go with God and all that.
I don't know why you're calling bullshit, just because their experience was different from yours. Again, that's not to say that my experience will be more like theirs than yours, but it's possible. I spoke to the one girl every day after she gave birth (I'm the godmother to her baby girl) and she was never emotional. Just happy. Everyone's different.
And no, out and about wasn't just to Target. It was to Myrtle Beach 2 weeks after for one girl. And Miami (from NY) after 3 weeks for another.
Again, everybody is different. There's no telling what side of the spectrum I may fall on. Thanks to this thread, I have a better idea what one side of the spectrum is like and can prepare myself (and my friend) accordingly. So I thank you all again for your insight/advice. I'll continue to plan for the best, but prepare for the worst and your insight has helped me to develop a better course of action.
I'm being featured in a new pregnancy/motherhood blog during the month of October, so if you ever wanted to know more about my pregnancy, birth, and motherhood experiences than anyone ever should, check out my posts in the link below!
If she's really your BFF, she would understand why you would bow out now. However, you're being selfish and want to make this trip, so you're placing the blame on her.
GROW UP.
Yes, the wedding IS about the bride and her wishes, but newborn trumps BFF...or at least it should.
I'm not "blaming" anything on anyone. I've said multiple times that I want to be there for it. I was just addressing other people's concerns that she wouldn't want me to back out at the last minute and explaining that she would rather I do that if I had to than back out now and not even try.
Thanks for confirming how selfish you are. You're choosing what you and your BFF want over what's best for your child.
So, go ahead and play this the way you want...you're going to anyways. It's going to make you feel better saying you tried, even if you don't go, so just do it already and quit making excuses. Gah.
If she's really your BFF, she would understand why you would bow out now. However, you're being selfish and want to make this trip, so you're placing the blame on her.
GROW UP.
Yes, the wedding IS about the bride and her wishes, but newborn trumps BFF...or at least it should.
I'm not "blaming" anything on anyone. I've said multiple times that I want to be there for it. I was just addressing other people's concerns that she wouldn't want me to back out at the last minute and explaining that she would rather I do that if I had to than back out now and not even try.
Thanks for confirming how selfish you are. You're choosing what you and your BFF want over what's best for your child.
So, go ahead and play this the way you want...you're going to anyways. It's going to make you feel better saying you tried, even if you don't go, so just do it already and quit making excuses. Gah.
Who's making excuses? I've said the same thing all along. I want to be there. She wants me to be there. I will try to be there if possible. I haven't made a single excuse.
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You asked for everyone's advice but now you're saying you've a always had every intention of doing it anyway? ChiAmy? Is that you?
I was asking for advice to see what the best course of action would be. Leave the baby with my mom and supplement with formula? Bring baby with via plane? Bring baby with via car? The advice in this thread has been extremely helpful in deciding which course was best, so thank you again.
I'm being featured in a new pregnancy/motherhood blog during the month of October, so if you ever wanted to know more about my pregnancy, birth, and motherhood experiences than anyone ever should, check out my posts in the link below!
I think most of us are trying to say all of the above are unrealistic. It's for sure possible for you to go, but don't expect it to be a good time. And breast feeding might not be fun after leaving babe that early. But it could all work out, sounds like your going to do it anyway. I don't know why you asked.
I'm being featured in a new pregnancy/motherhood blog during the month of October, so if you ever wanted to know more about my pregnancy, birth, and motherhood experiences than anyone ever should, check out my posts in the link below!
If she's really your BFF, she would understand why you would bow out now. However, you're being selfish and want to make this trip, so you're placing the blame on her.
GROW UP.
Yes, the wedding IS about the bride and her wishes, but newborn trumps BFF...or at least it should.
I'm not "blaming" anything on anyone. I've said multiple times that I want to be there for it. I was just addressing other people's concerns that she wouldn't want me to back out at the last minute and explaining that she would rather I do that if I had to than back out now and not even try.
Thanks for confirming how selfish you are. You're choosing what you and your BFF want over what's best for your child.
So, go ahead and play this the way you want...you're going to anyways. It's going to make you feel better saying you tried, even if you don't go, so just do it already and quit making excuses. Gah.
Who's making excuses? I've said the same thing all along. I want to be there. She wants me to be there. I will try to be there if possible. I haven't made a single excuse.
YOU are making excuses about why you're going, even when the majority of the bumpies are telling you it's a bad idea. I guess those 3 IRL people have all the answers.
...and I'm done with this thread, so you win. I deal with people every day that act like you and I'm choosing to be done with the online version.
I have an awesome baby as far as crying etc. My birth was free from complications, and I still think you're nuts for thinking about doing this. Seriously, you have no idea what you are in for. Don't do it.
Stupid post won't let me add to it. I wanted to say OP that it seems like you realize that anything, literally anything can happen at the end of your pregnancy and you've taken away some valuable information from this cluster fuck of a thread. That's a good thing IMO.
Absolutely. I'm by no means claiming that I will be able to go. My doctors seem to think I will. Some of my friends seem to think I will. But after reading this thread, I'm definitely no longer convinced. Like I said, I'll play it by ear and see how I'm feeling and if the baby is healthy and adjusting well. IF that's the case, I'll attempt to go. Otherwise, I'll bow out.
If I've taken anything from this thread it's that all experiences are different and wildly unpredictable, so I'll do what I can and hope she understands either way.
I'm being featured in a new pregnancy/motherhood blog during the month of October, so if you ever wanted to know more about my pregnancy, birth, and motherhood experiences than anyone ever should, check out my posts in the link below!
Oh the postpartum rhoids! There's not enough witch hazel in the world to make those tolerable on a flight. And the idea of caring for lady bits in an airplane bathroom or public restrooms period for that matter . . . < shudders in horror >.
I hope these three IRL ladies know what a disservice they have done you by sugarcoating their early postpartum days. The benefits of TB over your IRL ladies is that these Bumpies will tell you the dirty truth about bleeding, rhoids, raging hormones, tearing, cramping, stitches, stool softeners, leaky boobs, chapped nipples, swelling, delirious fatigue, constipation, etc. without fear of embarrassment or fear of scaring you with the gory details.
You're not just seeing one polarized end of the spectrum here, OP. You are seeing very typical accounts of postpartum life. It is a blessing but it is no picnic and certainly not the time to put unnecessary travel stress on yourself or your LO. I encourage you to lurk more on the boards of those with recent newborns and read the posts. You will get a better idea of the things in store for you.
I'm being featured in a new pregnancy/motherhood blog during the month of October, so if you ever wanted to know more about my pregnancy, birth, and motherhood experiences than anyone ever should, check out my posts in the link below!
In addition to all the horrific bodily changes you are going to have to contend with PP, I just want to offer some information about what you can expect when you finally have to go # 2.
Even if you are taking stool softeners, which you certainly want to, you WILL be constipated. Not a little bit, like you will feel as though you are delivering an alien baby out of your ass kind of constipated. If you tore and had any stitches at all, it's fucking terrifying!!
I'd love to know how you plan on dealing with that on a roadtrip or a flight.
Since this hasn't been brought up yet, you can have bowel incontinence postpartum, too. I had an easy delivery, med free, and an easy recovery but I farted uncontrollably for weeks and had to be within feet of a bathroom in case I needed to poop - LO was sunny side up and my MW said his position stretched rectal muscles. Super fun.
Six years of infertility and loss, four IUIs, one IVF and one very awesome little boy born via med-free birth 10.24.13.
Stupid post won't let me add to it. I wanted to say OP that it seems like you realize that anything, literally anything can happen at the end of your pregnancy and you've taken away some valuable information from this cluster fuck of a thread. That's a good thing IMO.
Absolutely. I'm by no means claiming that I will be able to go. My doctors seem to think I will. Some of my friends seem to think I will. But after reading this thread, I'm definitely no longer convinced. Like I said, I'll play it by ear and see how I'm feeling and if the baby is healthy and adjusting well. IF that's the case, I'll attempt to go. Otherwise, I'll bow out.
If I've taken anything from this thread it's that all experiences are different and wildly unpredictable, so I'll do what I can and hope she understands either way.
Everyone has different experiences but every single person here has told you that they were not up to being in a wedding 16 days PP. Only your three mystery friends say otherwise.
Hope your friend understands? You realize how selfish this is to upset the wedding the week of the wedding? Your friend may tell you she understands either way but I guarantee you it will upset her when you bow out on such short notice.
No, not every single woman said that. One woman said she felt fine 2 weeks postpartum and traveled home for the holidays (albeit by car). Another said she flew from Kansas City to Charlotte after 2 1/2 weeks with baby and that all were fine. And another said that she was at a wedding 3 weeks PP and left her baby with her mom overnight and all were fine. So no, not every single woman in this thread commented the same way.
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Re: Out of state wedding 2 weeks after due date
Tell her you'll do your best to make it. Get a few cheap jersey knit tops and skirts (easier to nurse in) in sizes ranging from your prepregancy size to much larger and include a maternity type version. (I got pregnant at size 6. With hyperemesis and not really gaining weight during my pregnancy, I was size 12 two weeks post partum.)
If you feel okay after birth and baby is healthy, fly down for the ceremony and bring a babysitter. Nurse in your simple outfit, have babysitter hang out in the car with baby, and go watch the ceremony and snap a photo. Then go home. Buy a flight last minute. It's pricey but better than paying early and not using it.
Before L showed up, I made plans with some friends to go see The Hobbit. The plan was, 6 weeks after my due date, MIL would be here, so I was going to leave L at home with her and DH and go to the theatre next to my house. I would only be out for 3 hours.
L ended up being 2 weeks late, so she was 4 weeks old when I was supposed to go to the theatre. Well, come 4 weeks old, I felt like I could never leave her. She cluster fed, a lot. I can't let down for the pump, so if I don't breast feed, then my supply goes down (and I have supply issues to start with, so reducing my supply is really bad for me). Taking a shower, doing my hair, and putting in clothes were all things that were still a challenge at 4 weeks PP.
I didn't make it to the theatre. I had no clue what I was in for.
Yes, some people adjust faster than others, but you don't know which one you'll be. I've wanted to be a mom my whole life, I did all the research, I did all the preparations, I was more excited than anyone I knew - I'm flexible, laid back, and extremely adaptable in every area of my life before now. I thought adjusting to baby would be easy and fun. It has been a very difficult adjustment for me! So you never know what you're in for.
Another thing to think about is the "baby blues." Again, it is impossible to predict how they will affect you. I have no issues with PPD, but the baby blues hit me like a ton of bricks. For the first 3 weeks after L was born, I was VERY weepy. Anything could set me off. But what was the main trigger was seeing friends. Seriously, whenever anyone came over to visit, I was a sobbing mess within minutes. I could feel how much my life and my relationships had changed. It was pure hormones, I had no control. I actually had to stop having visitors until my hormones regulated back out.
Attempting to do a wedding 2.5 weeks after my due date would have 99% likely ended up on me not going, despite my best efforts. And on the 1% chance I did make it, I would just be a blubbering, exhausted, ball of emotions who sat in the corner and wasn't into the celebration at all. (My best friend got engaged days before L was born, and as excited as I am for her, honestly I didn't have the capacity to deal with any extra emotions.)
On the other hand, I was in a wedding a couple years ago where the MOH had a 1-week-old. Her parents came with us to all the events to hold the baby, and she would just go off to breast feed whenever she needed. But, this was her second child (so she knew what to expect), she didn't have to travel for the wedding, and there was complete understanding between the MOH and the bride that the MOH might not be there, and the bride was OK if she didn't show up.
And as PPs said, if you decide to try to make it, buy a maternity dress if possible. Your body will NOT be back to it's former glory. You will most likely still look 4-5 months pregnant.
The timing here sucks but I would choose bonding and resting with my LO over a wedding EVERYTIME.
I get that you REALLY want to be there, but those first two weeks or month really, are so crazy important. I feel like I didn't get to bond with my daughter as well as most moms since she was in the hospital for so long and I was with her everyday and didn't leave the hospital until she was discharged.
I'm pretty sure your friend would be understanding if you backed out now instead if a month or even closer to her wedding. Please reconsider, for your baby's sake, your sake, and your friends sake.
I didn't see anyone mention this but as a FTM your probably going to go through some sort of PPD (which even in its mildest form will wreak havoc on you). With my first, I think I spent the first 2-3 weeks crying everyday because breastfeeding was going horribly, I ended up having a c-section, I had no idea how to take care of a newborn, I was constantly exhausted and in pain, etc.
No matter how confident you feel about going to this wedding, I KNOW that will change when the time comes. I think you need to do the responsible thing and give your friend plenty of notice about this.
If you were to go to this wedding, you'd have to worry about how you're feeling physically and emotionally, PP bleeding, your breasts painfully engorging and leaking (because as a MOH you won't have time to stop and pump), how your baby is doing without you, etc.
I promise you're going to be a different person than you are right now.
The bride is well aware that I might have to back out last minute, but wants to leave the door open should I/the baby be feeling alright.
I guess I'll just play it by ear.
Thanks again!
I was really emotional for a couple of weeks after LO was born due to hormones crashing. In my head, breastfeeding was going to be this magical thing that worked out well and it was a nightmare for us. Around the time you'd be going to the wedding I was making the decision to FF and it was emotionally difficult and we were starting a whole new thing that I was not prepared for. Two weeks postpartum my body was far from recovered enough to fly. I only had a second degree tear and that part of my body is still sensitive, nevermind if I would have had a c-section. I guess I'm just saying to think about the unexpected.
As far as FF and BF, lots of people have to supplement but they usually do it because they HAVE to, like their body or LO isn't doing something correctly. A baby could refuse a bottle, so there is no guarantee that they're going to take it. Then, if they do, they could refuse the breast.
I understand that you committed to your friend. But, you said you committed before you got pregnant, your situation has changed and I'd hope that if you're an honored enough friend to be in her wedding that she would understand that your situation has changed if you end up not going.
I would find a new OB/GYN. What doctor would encourage you to take your newborn, that has a weak immune system on and airplane? Do you have any idea how many times my DH gets sick after a business trip? Just about every time.
My OBGYN is Ivy-league educated and is well very respected in her field. I understand why you would be hesitant to bring a newborn on a plane, but that doesn't mean that she's wrong in her convictions. We have multiple women in this very thread that admitted to flying within weeks of delivery and they were all fine. So yes, while I'm sure there are things that can go wrong, I'm also sure that it's a doable thing.
I won't be telling my birth story at the wedding. Who wants to hear or even tell that???
I've spoken to many moms who traveled within weeks of giving birth and had no issues. My doctor says it's completely fine. So you can have your own personal opinion on it and I respect it, but it's not the end all be all and it doesn't make me selfish for listening to my doctor instead of you.
Who said the bridesmaid dress will be non-maternity? And I'm free to wear whatever shoes I'd like under my long gown.
No, I'm not married. My wedding is in 50 days. And if my MOH had to bow out the week of the wedding, nothing would change. I wouldn't be replacing her (don't even go over to The Knot board with such thoughts) and would have someone else lift the train of my dress and hold my bouquet. It's not a huge deal. Which is precisely why my best friend WANTS me to continue to plan on being there, even if it means I may have to back out at the last minute. This is HER wish. She's not going to replace me either way and she has a second maid of honor to do the things I will not be able to. At the end of the day, she just wants her best friend of 20 years to be there with her, the same way she'll be there with me in 50 days, and I want the same thing. Nothing "selfish" about it.
She's always had two MOH's. This wasn't something she concocted so as to replace me in my possible absence. It's been this way since she got engaged 7 months ago. If it turned out I couldn't make it, she wouldn't be adding anyone else to the bridal party, so there's no point in not waiting to see what I'm capable of.
And yes, I will have a tailor on hand.
If she's really your BFF, she would understand why you would bow out now. However, you're being selfish and want to make this trip, so you're placing the blame on her.
GROW UP.
Yes, the wedding IS about the bride and her wishes, but newborn trumps BFF...or at least it should.
That being said, their answers were so flippant that I thought it must have been a dumb question to begin with. So I didn't push the issue. Still, I wasn't as convinced as they that it was feasible, so I decided to come here. In the wake of your responses, I reached out to 3 women who recently gave birth to see what their experiences were like and their experiences were much different from the majority here. No crying/emotional spells. No sweating. Minor bleeding, but they just wore period pads and were fine. They were out and about within a week of giving birth and a few even took vacations with their newborns after 2-3 weeks.
Again, everyone is different. I'm not assuming I'm going to be as lucky as they. But if I am, I'd like to be prepared with some kind of plan. And if I'm not, I'll address it at that time. But my MOH would like me to at least try to be there, so that's exactly what I'm going to do. Whether it actually happens or not, we'll see. I don't doubt that a million things could arise to keep me from going, but that doesn't mean I won't plan optimistically until then.
But whatever. You're clearly going to do whatever the fuck you want, regardless of the advice of well more than "three women who recently gave birth," so you know, go with God and all that.
I don't know why you're calling bullshit, just because their experience was different from yours. Again, that's not to say that my experience will be more like theirs than yours, but it's possible. I spoke to the one girl every day after she gave birth (I'm the godmother to her baby girl) and she was never emotional. Just happy. Everyone's different.
And no, out and about wasn't just to Target. It was to Myrtle Beach 2 weeks after for one girl. And Miami (from NY) after 3 weeks for another.
Again, everybody is different. There's no telling what side of the spectrum I may fall on. Thanks to this thread, I have a better idea what one side of the spectrum is like and can prepare myself (and my friend) accordingly. So I thank you all again for your insight/advice. I'll continue to plan for the best, but prepare for the worst and your insight has helped me to develop a better course of action.
So, go ahead and play this the way you want...you're going to anyways. It's going to make you feel better saying you tried, even if you don't go, so just do it already and quit making excuses. Gah.
...and I'm done with this thread, so you win. I deal with people every day that act like you and I'm choosing to be done with the online version.
If I've taken anything from this thread it's that all experiences are different and wildly unpredictable, so I'll do what I can and hope she understands either way.
Even if you are taking stool softeners, which you certainly want to, you WILL be constipated. Not a little bit, like you will feel as though you are delivering an alien baby out of your ass kind of constipated. If you tore and had any stitches at all, it's fucking terrifying!!
I'd love to know how you plan on dealing with that on a roadtrip or a flight.