Donating embryos, thoughts?

ladybug2785 · January 2014

My DH and I did IVF back in 2012. We were so lucky that it worked the first time, and we now have an almost 2 year old son. We just did a FET and again, are lucky it worked on the first try and I'm due in August.

Now we have 2 frozen embryos stored and we feel our family is complete. I would rather give them a chance at life than donate them to science or just store them indefinitely. But I'm struggling with this decision. We wouldn't do anything until this pregnancy is done and the baby is born, just in case something were to happen. But I really want to donate our remaining embryos if everything goes well.

It's just the thought that if they were used and were successful, I'd want to know and I'd want to know if a birth resulted. But it's also the thought that they are my biological children, and I'm scared they will show up at my door one day and say you gave us to strangers and we've had a horrible life.

Our hearts are still leaning towards this choice, especially since we had to use donor sperm and DH said, without that man we wouldn't have a family. Now it's our chance to give that same opportunity to a couple who wants a family.

What are your thoughts on this?

liz4paws · January 2014

We're expecting our first child thanks to the unbelievably amazing gift of embryo donation. We "adopted" two batches from two different donor families, and have had an incredible relationship built with both. I never dreamed our painful path of infertility would result in these wonderful relationships and I wouldn't change it for the world.

We love our baby just as much as if it were our genetic child. The path that took us to this place is, without question, the way it was meant to be for us all along. I hope our donors feel the same way, and I really do believe they do.

I think it's totally normal to ask the questions that you are asking yourself. But I think if you find the right recipient couple, you will just know it and it will feel right. Whatever situation you'd like to have (open relationship, semi-open, or completely anonymous) you can have. There are plenty of recipients out there who would definitely work for whatever you're looking for.

I truly applaud you for considering this. It's such an incredible gift to a couple, and to these future children. I obviously am a huge supporter and have become very knowledgeable about it in the past couple of years so if you have any questions, feel free to PM me! I put together a "where to get started with embryo adoption" link on my blog which is aimed mostly at recipients, but you can learn a lot as a donor as well. Its the embryo adoption badge in my siggy.

Well, I've said a mouthful but I can't tell you enough how grateful I am there are people like you.

ladybug2785 · January 2014

Thank you so much for the information. I had no idea where to really start. Our RE clinic just does anonymous donations, but DH and I were more for embryo adoption. I'm reading your blog now, and it is very helpful.

liz4paws · January 2014

NoraLee86 said:

Thank you so much for the information. I had no idea where to really start. Our RE clinic just does anonymous donations, but DH and I were more for embryo adoption. I'm reading your blog now, and it is very helpful.

It's obviously a topic I love to talk about. ;-) So I'm not just saying this, if there is anything I can do to help answer questions, please let me know! I orchestrated both of our "adoptions" myself and learned so much in the process. One thing that you might be interested in is that many times the donors can request for reimbursement of storage fees for a year or so from the recipients. It's pretty typical and it's really whatever the donor/recipient agree upon. So not only should there be no cost to you, you may even be reimbursed for some prior costs to some degree. Obviously this is not payment for the embryos, but might help as you think about it.

Good luck with whatever you decide! I'm here to help however I can! And in fact I started a private EA/ED group on facebook where ladies some of the ladies are actively looking to adopt. We even have a few donors on there. If/when you felt ready, I could help get the word out to contact you. Or you are welcome to join our group. Just let me know!

ladybug2785 · January 2014

Thank you so much, I feel so much better after researching the links on your blog.

I'll definitely keep in touch. We are due in August, so plan to start looking into EA in September. I'll keep your blog bookmarked and contact you if I have any questions.

Thanks against and I wish you a happy and healthy 9 (well a little less now

) months!

liz4paws · January 2014

NoraLee86 said:

Thank you so much, I feel so much better after researching the links on your blog.

I'll definitely keep in touch. We are due in August, so plan to start looking into EA in September. I'll keep your blog bookmarked and contact you if I have any questions.

Thanks against and I wish you a happy and healthy 9 (well a little less now ) months!

I'm due in Aug too!

Congrats to you, and thanks so much!

cc+mm · January 2014

I am currently 12 weeks pregnant after using DEggs and also due in August. We currently have 18 frozen embryos (a benefit to using a healthily and fertile 27 year old donor) and plan on donating after we feel we have completed our family. Since I am 40 now, and high risk ( type 2 diabetic), this may be our only pregnancy. If we tried again, or not, I'm pretty sure we will have embryos remaining in storage. As soon as I realized donation was an option, it was the only option I felt was right for us.

After losing my ovaries because of cancer and going through chemo, I can not put into words how excited I was when my gyn oncologist told us he completed supported trying for a DEgg IVF pregnancy. We were very lucky that our insurance paid for the IVF cycle including meds, and that we only paid donor fees and co-pays. Knowing that not everyone is as fortunate, all I could think about is making another couple as happy and lucky as our donor made us.

However, I know that donation is not right for everyone. I can only tell you that for my DH and me, it is the only option we considered. I personally feel the need to "pay it forward" since we were so lucky in getting where we are now and will hopefully be in August :-)

liz4paws · January 2014

cc+mm said:

I am currently 12 weeks pregnant after using DEggs and also due in August. We currently have 18 frozen embryos (a benefit to using a healthily and fertile 27 year old donor) and plan on donating after we feel we have completed our family. Since I am 40 now, and high risk ( type 2 diabetic), this may be our only pregnancy. If we tried again, or not, I'm pretty sure we will have embryos remaining in storage. As soon as I realized donation was an option, it was the only option I felt was right for us.
After losing my ovaries because of cancer and going through chemo, I can not put into words how excited I was when my gyn oncologist told us he completed supported trying for a DEgg IVF pregnancy. We were very lucky that our insurance paid for the IVF cycle including meds, and that we only paid donor fees and co-pays. Knowing that not everyone is as fortunate, all I could think about is making another couple as happy and lucky as our donor made us.
However, I know that donation is not right for everyone. I can only tell you that for my DH and me, it is the only option we considered. I personally feel the need to "pay it forward" since we were so lucky in getting where we are now and will hopefully be in August :-)

My heart just grows so big whenever I read of people like you who are willing to pay it forward!

[Deleted User] · January 2014

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LittleLady77 · January 2014

Everyone has given you wonderful info so far. We will also be donating our remaining 9 embryos. While the decision was easy for me it was not or my husband. He too felt they were "his kids" but after talking about it and realizing embryos are just DNA, blueprints if you will, he too is on board. The children will be made of the flesh and blood of their birth mom, raised by their birth parents and be very different had they grown up with you. That idea helped him. Yes, they may show up one day and want to know what you are like but they won't want a relationship like your children have with you.

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