Babysitting question

elittler · January 2014

So I have a cousin who requested I babysit her kids this weekend so she can gamble with her husband and friend for her birthday. I told her yes, that we could make it work and would love to watch her two kiddos.

Well, a little backstory first. This cousin lives an hour away (there and back) and insists that we babysit at her house (because it's more convenient for her and the kids have all their toys there) and it's an overnight thing. This cousin always cancels on me. Without fail , every time. She would offer to watch my dd when she was a baby so I could commute to school (an hour one way) for my senior year of college but again, I'd have to drive to her house - adding two hours to my already two hour commute. Because she was unwilling to meet me halfway or anywhere at all. And most times she'd cancel with some bogus excuse only to tell me later she actually had a play date. She pulls shit like this all the time. And she gets upset that we don't see her family more often, but we are on a tight budget and I can't waste gas driving up there daily/weekly for a play date. Especially when I feel like she never wants to come visit us.

Anyway, ff to now. My daughter has a cold, and now I'm coming down with it. It's not a bad one, I think I'm just being made more uncomfortable due to my pregnancy. I told her we are still on to babysit, but now I want to just have her bring the kids down here. They only really play on their iPads and I already have a hard time sleeping in my own bed, not to mention my dd has been having a hard time sleeping at other peoples houses and we will be up all night with her.

Sorry if that's confusing, and kudos if you made it through! So what do I do, and how do I approach it? Is it okay to say that I would rather have the kids at my own house, or would that be rude? My husband will say that I just want to have her see what it's like to have to make the drive and it'd be my way of paying her back for always flaking out, but I'm really just uncomfortable in my body right now and don't want to spend the night at someone else's house.

Lakirat · January 2014

You should have her bring the kids over to your place. She's lucky you still offered to babysit while your daughter is sick. You are doing her a favor so she can go out and party for her friend's birthday. The least she can do is drop off her kids.

Sareynoo · January 2014

You shouldn't drive there if you don't have the extra $$ for gas! It might not be a good idea to take DD away from home when she's sick, it's added stress to her. You're doing more than I would, after canceling a few times then insisting that you travel and not meet half way, I would be done doing her any favors.

owlcup · January 2014

If she wants a babysitter and you are still willing to do it, she needs to bring the kids to you. They will survive one night without their toys.

Plus you and your DD are sick which makes traveling and staying somewhere besides home suck even more!

elittler · January 2014

Sareynoo said:
You shouldn't drive there if you don't have the extra $$ for gas! It might not be a good idea to take DD away from home when she's sick, it's added stress to her. You're doing more than I would, after canceling a few times then insisting that you travel and not meet half way, I would be done doing her any favors.

This is exactly how I feel about it. After the last time she canceled on me for a play date (when I had CLASS!) we never asked her for any babysitting. We only agreed to this because she was going to watch my daughter while my husband and I went out for our wedding anniversary. Well, then she cancelled because she wasn't feeling well. Which could mean anything given her history of bailing.

Did I mention that my husband would be coming with to babysit? That was how she presented it to me - that we could all go and spend the night. It's just not convenient for me at all, and it'll wind up being all day Saturday and Sunday despite it being presented as an overnight only deal. I have stuff to do for my own family!

jshrop · January 2014

Umm. She can bring them to your house or find another babysitter. Why should you go out of your way when you are doing her a favor?

cMichelle0423 · January 2014

If she wants a night out with her husband THAT bad, she can deal and bring the kids to you. You're the one doing her a favor. Not everything has to be on her terms. Especially if you're sick and pregnant. If she has an issue with any of this, then politely ask her to find someone else. There's no reason to make you stress over a problem she's creating when your clearly still willing to help.

elittler · January 2014

You're all right. My husband thinks that maybe we should just do it her way to "keep the peace" because she is known for making things into a bigger deal. I have canceled on her once - with a legit reason - in the past few years after agreeing to do something and it turned into a "you seem to be in a pissy and bitchy mood" or "why are you mad at me" ordeal.

I guess I'm just nervous about the backlash for changing plans, even if I have a good reason to. And there will be backlash because she will be forced to go out of HER way to bring the kids to us. I'm not one for confrontation to begin with.

momof5sept18 · January 2014

She needs to bring the kids to you or find a new babysitter. Don't go out of your way for someone who won't go out of their way for you. When you wanted/needed her to babysit you drove your DD to her. Now the tables are turned, so she can bring her kids to you. No halfway. Let her make the whole drive. Fair's fair.

And I doubt it'll be a confrontation because she'll be worried if she runs her mouth that you will decide not to babysit last minute. The cards are in your favor this time.

Good luck!

babygabe614 · January 2014

I agree with all the PP's. You have done more than enough to accommodate her in the past, and she should be thanking you for the offer to babysit and frankly she should have offered to bring her kids to your house to begin with since you're giving up a whole weekend to do her a favor, it sounds like. If she stomps her foot about having to be flexible for once, tell her to find a new sitter. This woman is an adult, right? A parent - with kids? Then she should be able to handle being told "no" once in a while. Sorry you are dealing with someone like that - yikes.

flerlgirl · January 2014

Ditto PPs. She can come to you or she can find a new sitter.

elittler · January 2014

So my sweetie of a husband is very much against changing the plans last minute. He says that I am "flaking" out on her if I have her bring the kids here, and that it will make me no better than my crazy cousin (who, by the way is twice my age. I'm 22, she's in her 40s). He's insisting that we keep the plans the same, but insist that they get back at a reasonable time Sunday so we can make it to church.

THEN he tells me that he'd be more supportive of me if I just canceled outright. Ummmm what the hell is wrong with you?