Moms of high maintenance babies

Lelo2006 · January 2014

Does a part of you ever wish that your pregnant/non-mom friends might someday end up with a high maintenance baby? (Or even mom friends if they've had super easy babies).

I feel like people without babies can be such know-it-alls about babies.

Flame away...

PrimRoseMama · January 2014

I've had this thought. Lucky DS is night & Day from the high maintenance drama llama that is my adorable DD.

Stina2012 · January 2014

Nope. I wonder how single Moms handle little nuts like our babies. I mean, without DH I'd go insane. And you guys, you guys keep me somewhat sane.

Stina2012 · January 2014

maryannespier said:

Nope. I wonder how single Moms handle little nuts like our babies. I mean, without DH I'd go insane. And you guys, you guys keep me somewhat sane.
I've been sending bottle vibes to Riley!

Thank you!

I cried with DH last night about my day. It felt good to get it out. And the bath helped. We're doing no more bottles from me and letting DH/DC do bottles.

I do keep feeling like a failure because of how much being a Mom tries my patience. But I personally feel I'm in extraordinary circumstances, that's it's not me it's the situation. And then I realize the situation is my baby. My sweet little baby and I feel guilty. I don't have going back to work guilt. I have "my patience is completely depleted and this little nugget just needs love" guilt. DH asked if I wanted to talk to someone, but I don't know if that would help. I need like patience classes or exercises.

Lelo2006 · January 2014

lizabethann06 said:
YES. Omg yes.

Or moms with easy babies, I would get irrationally frustrated hearing them make all these judgments or " I will never..."

Yeah. It's easy to say " I will never " when you have an easy baby.

The worst was when people said stuff like " Well I'm really relaxed so it figures my baby would be too." Um no. You can be a relaxed person and still have a high maintenance baby. You can be an anxious person and have a low maintenance baby.

All of this! One of my friends is pregnant and a while ago I was talking to her about how James was taking 32 minute naps and it was frustrating. She was like, "well, have you tried white noise?"

Also, my brother had the easiest baby ever. Would fall asleep on his own for naps in the rock n play at 3 months old. When I told my sister in law that James would only nap on me, she said, "is there anywhere else he will nap? You need to find where he will nap and then you can have some time for yourself." She is seriously the sweetest person ever & meant well but I was like OMGGGG!!!!!

Lelo2006 · January 2014

lizabethann06 said:

maryannespier said:
I wish my mom would have one.

I mean not really but I don't think she gets it.
I think our parents just forget over time. My mom is really good- 2 of her 4 were high maintenance and she remembers- but my dad has selective memory and swears we were all low maintenance. It's so frustrating sometimes.

It's not like I'm forgetting the first 6 months and how tough they are, but he's so much fun right now that it's easy for me to see how it was all worth it. Not sure I will ever forget months of him screaming while I tried for hours to get him to sleep. In my darkest moments, I realized how someone with less patience than I have could consider shaking a baby. Beforehand, I had no idea.

Stina2012 · January 2014

Lelo2006 said:

I wish my mom would have one. I mean not really but I don't think she gets it.
I think our parents just forget over time. My mom is really good- 2 of her 4 were high maintenance and she remembers- but my dad has selective memory and swears we were all low maintenance. It's so frustrating sometimes.
It's not like I'm forgetting the first 6 months and how tough they are, but he's so much fun right now that it's easy for me to see how it was all worth it. Not sure I will ever forget months of him screaming while I tried for hours to get him to sleep. In my darkest moments, I realized how someone with less patience than I have could consider shaking a baby. Beforehand, I had no idea.

I am terrified of shaken baby stuff. Which is good because I have a very strict put her down and walk away policy. I leave her in the crib with her mobile that runs for 5 minutes, she won't cry and it lets me unwind. I also have to stop doing whatever is causing the stress and try something different. Naps and bottles cause that stress for me.

NKF312 · January 2014

lizabethann06 said:

YES. Omg yes. Or moms with easy babies, I would get irrationally frustrated hearing them make all these judgments or " I will never..." Yeah. It's easy to say " I will never " when you have an easy baby. The worst was when people said stuff like " Well I'm really relaxed so it figures my baby would be too." Um no. You can be a relaxed person and still have a high maintenance baby. You can be an anxious person and have a low maintenance baby.

Funny the things I used to judge, and now just shrug my shoulders at.. Example : dh and I seen a toddler with a leash the other day.. Prebaby we'd both be all wtf, now dh says "would you ever use one on dd" , me:" if she was a runner" dh: "true."

shara3333 · January 2014

I have a fairly easy baby, though it's all relative I'm sure and I SAH so for me that makes some things easier knowing I don't have to go to work. I've still had my moments of frustration trying to soothe to no avail, give a bottle to no avail, feed solids, etc.... Though those aren't everyday occurrences, so again I know I'm pretty lucky. I still find myself thinking "just you wait" to some of my friends that haven't been pregnant/don't have kids when they say certain things. I haven't actually been the person that SAYS "just you wait" to them because I hated if that was said to me....but I think it. Hard.

[Deleted User] · January 2014

My grandmother needs to have a baby. Apparently the 6 she had didn't teach her anything She's always telling me to put Haddock down, tells me he's a "hip baby", that he's spoiled. I gave him a kiss the other day and she was like...yep I can see why he is the way he is, he's spoiled. Huh?

pgermain11 · January 2014

No. I don't wish anyone would have a difficult baby, but I do wish at least some sleep issues - bahaha! I can't stand hearing, "oh my baby has always slept thru the night" -- you're a fucking liar. My sister insists her kid slept from the beginning perfectly oh and that she would put 2 baby food jars and cereal in their bottles when they were 6 weeks old and that's why they slept..... HARD eye roll. My youngest nephew is 5.

thegoodpotato · January 2014

Oy, my mom would come over and my house would be a mess, and she would exclaim over the state of things (I grew up in an 1950's old-fashioned never-ever-ever dirty or things out of place home). She would ask what I did all day, and I'd tell her that I was mostly walking around rocking the baby or holding her because she was crying.

She was always saying things like "well, we didn't hold our babies all the time; our jobs were in the home and to do the chores, not sit on our arses rocking babies".

Then I left A with her for a good part of a day while we toured one of DH's friends around the Island. I got back, and my mom was like, "it's not normal for a baby to cry like this! Does she do this all the time!? I had to hold her and rock her the whole time you were gone!"

Vindication. Sweet, sweet, vindication.

Lelo2006 · January 2014

shara3333 said:
I have a fairly easy baby, though it's all relative I'm sure and I SAH so for me that makes some things easier knowing I don't have to go to work. I've still had my moments of frustration trying to soothe to no avail, give a bottle to no avail, feed solids, etc.... Though those aren't everyday occurrences, so again I know I'm pretty lucky. I still find myself thinking "just you wait" to some of my friends that haven't been pregnant/don't have kids when they say certain things. I haven't actually been the person that SAYS "just you wait" to them because I hated if that was said to me....but I think it. Hard.

It's kind of funny to listen to first time moms talk about their plans for when they have babies. I was 100% the same way before I had mine, but people just expect things to be super easy by a certain point. It's hard to not say just you wait! But you have to just let people figure it out.

WifeyLovesHubs · January 2014

This is one of the reasons I love TB. You can find someone in a similar situation and know you aren't alone. I totally get that every baby is different, and I hate to admit that pre baby I was one if those idiots that thought, DH and I are really laid back, hopefully baby will follow our lead. Yeah...no!

Just yesterday I went to my friend's engagement lunch and sat with a bunch of women who were pro co sleeping, had high maintenance babies, and a few even had bottle refusers. All of them were a little older and their kids were in school and the kids were all normal now

It was so refreshing to be able to talk about how hard it is, and my experience so far without wondering if I'm secretly being judged for not trying something else. People who haven't experienced it, just don't get it. But how could they? Ya know?

Another thing I remind myself is that it all evens out in a few years. What some babies are doing early, some will do later, but for the most part, it all gets done eventually...

pgermain11 · January 2014

Lelo2006 said:

I have a fairly easy baby, though it's all relative I'm sure and I SAH so for me that makes some things easier knowing I don't have to go to work. I've still had my moments of frustration trying to soothe to no avail, give a bottle to no avail, feed solids, etc.... Though those aren't everyday occurrences, so again I know I'm pretty lucky. I still find myself thinking "just you wait" to some of my friends that haven't been pregnant/don't have kids when they say certain things. I haven't actually been the person that SAYS "just you wait" to them because I hated if that was said to me....but I think it. Hard.
It's kind of funny to listen to first time moms talk about their plans for when they have babies. I was 100% the same way before I had mine, but people just expect things to be super easy by a certain point. It's hard to not say just you wait! But you have to just let people figure it out.

I actually found that a lot of the "just you wait"s I got from people didn't really apply to me. For instance, I can't tell you how many people kept telling us that we wouldn't be able to do anything any more, no traveling, no going out, blah blah blah. Of course we don't do it as frequently as we did before, but by no means are we not able to do anything. For the most part, our lives have managed to stay pretty much the same. I think the one thing that has been hit is that when we do go out, we come home early, but other than that - we still go out, we still travel (and yes I mean with the baby). I kind of like that I can say I still do these things everyone told me I wouldn't be able to do.

Other ones were - I wasn't going to even have time to pee or that my baby was going to be screaming her head off during teething. She's actually really tolerant of teething it seems and I pee all the time, she's fine in the pack-n-play. A LOT of people tried to make it seem like my life was over and it hasn't been over and it doesn't look like it's going to be over anytime soon.

ljs4117 · January 2014

My baby is very calm but DH's cousin has had two very high maintenance babies (one is now 4 and one is 4 or 5 months). I hate to hear all of the things that our family says when they're not around. For instance how they're spoiling her and how "when the baby starts staying over at *MY* house, that won't fly." They constantly criticize the mom for letting the baby nurse on demand even when that means she has to sit there for hours straight as a human pacifier. I get so mad... I'm constantly (politely) defending her actions and wishing difficult babies on them. She's doing the best she can and is being an awesome mom. I can't imagine being in that woman's shoes.. I had enough trouble handling my low maintenance baby. In my eyes she's wonder-mom!

People can be jerks..

dliz87 · January 2014

I can't wait for a certain someone in DH's family to have kids so she understands how difficult it is to travel with them (or without them!) a month, 6 weeks, 3 months PP. She made it out to be no big deal when she asked me to do those things.

Caitable25 · January 2014

Lelo2006 said:

YES. Omg yes. Or moms with easy babies, I would get irrationally frustrated hearing them make all these judgments or " I will never..." Yeah. It's easy to say " I will never " when you have an easy baby. The worst was when people said stuff like " Well I'm really relaxed so it figures my baby would be too." Um no. You can be a relaxed person and still have a high maintenance baby. You can be an anxious person and have a low maintenance baby.
All of this! One of my friends is pregnant and a while ago I was talking to her about how James was taking 32 minute naps and it was frustrating. She was like, "well, have you tried white noise?" Also, my brother had the easiest baby ever. Would fall asleep on his own for naps in the rock n play at 3 months old. When I told my sister in law that James would only nap on me, she said, "is there anywhere else he will nap? You need to find where he will nap and then you can have some time for yourself." She is seriously the sweetest person ever & meant well but I was like OMGGGG!!!!!

I just burst out laughing at the "have you tried white noise" comment. AH so thats what we have all been forgetting!!!!!!!!!

Hilaboo86 · January 2014

Yes I do. I'll be honest. It's like they give advice and have no idea. Also the moms with low maintenance babies too!

ljs4117 · January 2014

Silv3rlining said:

I don't wish a high maintenance baby on anyone. I have a fairly easy tempered baby but he has his moments/days/nights. When he is having particularly fussy days I thank God he's not like that everyday (I'd be bald I'm sure). When LO was still less than 3 months I got an evap line on a hpt and my best friend (who was pregnant at the time) couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to be pregnant right away. (They planned to tryagain right away after their baby was born) i wanted to say "we'll see if that's how you feel once you have a newborn at home, etc" but I didn't, I bit my tongue and was encouraging saying that's great for them. (But still expressed my concerns why I wasn't ready). Now at 3.5 weeks old they have one of the highest maintenance babies I've ever heard of. (Not sure their ttc plan now). I feel horrible that their baby is so high maintenence. All I do is pray a ton for them and the baby. (Long story shirt - he's a very colicky baby, has an upper lip tie, won't latch, she's barely pumping an ounce with hospital grade pump and additional sessions, she had c/s - baby keeps kicking her incision, won't sleep unless he's held,etc etc)

Ugh.. that sounds so crappy for her. I wouldn't wish a difficult baby on any FTM either. I can overlook the stupid comments because I know they're said in ignorance. I do get mad, however, when the comment is made by someone who has btdt. Those women are jerks.

ljs4117 · January 2014

@silv3rlining - That is really terrible. You know, maybe once her LO is a bit older he will be a really tame, sweet toddler/child? Not that it helps too much right now..

NKF312 · January 2014

Asbromle said:

My grandmother needs to have a baby. Apparently the 6 she had didn't teach her anything She's always telling me to put Haddock down, tells me he's a "hip baby", that he's spoiled. I gave him a kiss the other day and she was like...yep I can see why he is the way he is, he's spoiled. Huh?

Ugh I constantly hear I'm spoiling her, and if she is crying( she has bad mommy separation anxiety) " just let her cry" umm no... She needs comfort and I'm giving it

EagleWife · January 2014

So many hugs to all of the mamas. Lelo, I have to chuckle when you say 32 minute naps, because that's what most of our naps are. It's nutty. I'm not sure if LO is 100% high maintenance, but she's sure as hell not "easy". It's glorious if we wake up only 3x a night.

I also eye roll at the people who complain about one night with two wake ups. "Oh noooos!" I just want to tell them to stfu.

Also, the people who say someone is "spoiling" a baby: wtf does that mean? Milk spoils. Eggs spoil. Babies do not spoil. They can be hurt by neglect, but she sure as hell isn't going to be a bad person because I kiss and snuggle and hold her. Wtf.

She's a tiny helpless human who has no fccking (to quote lizabethann) idea what the hell is going on or why anyone has any expectations of her.

Bleh. I don't wish a hm baby on anyone, because it will be hard on the baby too, if the parents don't have the patience to roll with the punches.

shara3333 · January 2014

I apparently was a colicky baby. So sorry mom and dad!!!

Lelo2006 · January 2014

mainerocks said:

maryannespier said:

I wish my mom would have one.

I mean not really but I don't think she gets it.

Conversely, I was a high maintenance baby and now I give my mother all my sympathies. I seriously cannot stop thanking her and sympathizing with her now that karma has come back to bite me! :-P

My sister and I were ridiculously easy babies. I've actually only talked to my mom about my difficulties once, and she told me maybe I should call the pediatrician or hire a nurse/baby sitter to come help me. I was like... Uhh. Thanks. Then she handed the phone to my dad, who said "you just have to wean him off you." He was 8 weeks old at the time. Very helpful, parents.

I don't really talk about how difficult it has been irl at all, unless it's with other moms of difficult babies. I love you ladies!

grapeskittles4lyfe · January 2014

maryannespier said:

I wish my mom would have one. I mean not really but I don't think she gets it.

(Yeah, quote box. Sigh).

Absolutely! According to my mom, I STTN at 2 weeks, found her nipple like 2 seconds after being born, drank like a frat pledge and was just generally the easiest baby around. She attributes this to.... her not drinking coffee while pregnant and during BF.

When LO fusses, her first comment is ALWAYS "well you didn't do that". Real helpful, mom. It was real helpful the first time you said it, 5 months ago, and it's just as helpful now.

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