would you name your baby

EmbracingChange · December 2013

After someone who died?

My brother died in 2008 when he was 15. He was running track at school, had a heart attack, and died right in front of his entire class. It's been 5 years, but there are a lot of people's feelings to take into account. I don't know yet what we are having, but I've been at a loss for girl names. Yesterday I woke from a dream in which I was feeding a six monthish baby girl in a high chair and I stroked her hair and said, "Devin is such a pretty girl." Then I woke up. I told DH about it and he said that maybe that's what my subconscious wants and we should ask my mother how she would feel about it. This is our second child since his passing and we've tnever considered it before. I love his name, but it feels awkward to name a fresh new baby after someone who met such a tragic end.

I love him dearly though. I have seven siblings and he was always my favorite. That sounds jerkish, but I have a complicated family situation.

kjohnson1002 · December 2013

I know a lot of people who name their children after someone who has passed, more as a memorial. I don't think it is unheard of.

kellyjayne · December 2013

My mom passed away in March, and if we have a girl we will be using her name for the middle name. I don't know if I would be able to use her name for the first name because it may be painful for me, but I don't think there is anything wrong with it, at all.

Veittobe · December 2013

I think it would be really nice. I think Devin is a good name. And if you decide you are uncomfortable with using it as a first name, maybe a middle name would be easier? I agree with your DH about asking your Mom would she would feel about it. But also, give yourself some time to digest the idea and see how you feel about it first. Sometimes dreams can make a big impact on us and after we give it some time it feels less dramatic. But I would see nothing wrong at all with it if you decided to go that route. Good luck!

supgabs · December 2013

It's not uncommon to namea child after a deceased loved one.

Very sorry to hear about your brother's passing.

MrsCase1 · December 2013

People have been naming babies after the deceased for, well, forever. I think it is fine so long as it doesn't distress your mother.

P.S. Nothing wrong with having a preferred sibling.

lifeisbetteronthered · December 2013

DD is named after my mom, who passed 2 years before she was born. I spoke about it with my dad who knew it would be tough to hear the name again (it's not super common), but that mom would have been honored. We actually use a nickname based on her mn, but I hope that as she gets older, having her Grandma's name will help her feel closer to my mom, even though she never go to meet her. We have had only positive feedback from mon's family and friends.

flerlgirl · December 2013

I think it would be a lovely tribute to his memory

chickpea912 · December 2013

It is Jewish tradition to name after a deceased relative - in fact, it is frowned upon to name after a living relative. At least for Jews from Europe - Jews from North Africa and the Middle East actually have the opposite tradition.

My daughter is named after my husband's late father and my late grandfather. This new baby will likely be named after husband's late grandmother and my other late grandfather.

EmbracingChange · December 2013

We always used to say that we'd never name a child after a family member or have a Jr. We'd say "people need their own names, not to be living in someone else's shadow". DH hates the idea of a Jr, but he chose Ryan's name after his own very much alive brother and a gun which is what his father named him after. I named the girl so I let him name the boy. So doing this means I have to confront two issues, our family's pain and the change in my way of thinking. It just seems right though.

MrsAMB07 · December 2013

So sorry to hear about the loss of your brother.

I have a friend whose brother died suddenly. He was troubled and she wanted to honor her brother, but had mixed feelings about passing along the baggage that might come with the name, giving the baby his own name, etc. She and her husband decided to give the baby his first and middle name initials, but with different names. I liked that compromise. It was personal, and they knew the meaning, but it wasn't outright the same, so the baby could still be an "individual."

Otherwise, I'd use the name as a middle name, but not as a first name, if it were me.

ElTrain5 · December 2013

I think in general it's a pretty normal thing to do. But it depends on how the other members of your family are dealing with it. If everyone has made some amount of peace with it, then I would say go for it, but if, let's say, your mom or someone really close to you still has a difficult time talking about him, and bringing up that memory again and again would be really difficult, then I would say take that into consideration.

Luna C · December 2013

I think it's a lovely tribute, and I don't see how someone could see it as anything but that.

If you think a particular person like your mom might be be too sensitive about it still, maybe slightly changing the name so it's not an exact duplicate?

LKHoffa · December 2013

I am thinking of doing this. The person I would name my son after was a cousin/best friend, and he had so many wonderful traits that I would love our son to have too! My relationship w my cousin was so joyful, and I would want that joy to continue with our child. I never thought about it as a morbid memorial. However, I would ask my aunt and uncle if they were ok with us using the name before we did because it may be very hard for them.

lellymine · December 2013

Absolutely. If this is a girl we're looking at giving her my grandmother's name as her middle name

RaisingABuzz · December 2013

I love the idea of naming your baby after your brother, but I understand how it might be hard for family. My 18 year old sister passed away 2 years ago in a car accident. I am trying to figure our how I can honor her in naming our little one. We couldn't, however, name our daughter Tami because I think my mom would cry every time she said it. My mom still turns down pictures when she comes to our house because it's too hard for her. Everyone grieves differently. You have time to talk to your mom and finalize a name. Maybe using Devin as a middle name would be better.

lclark79 · December 2013

So sorry for your loss. I think it's fine to name your baby after someone who is deceased. My grandmother passed away right before we told everyone that I was pregnant. So we used her maiden name as my daughter's middle name to remember her.

hscoggins · December 2013

So sorry for your tragic loss. I personally think it would be an honor to your brother and symbolic of how much you love him.

My H and I agreed that if our LO was a boy we would name him after my late grandfather because he was an inspiration and represented such a happy time in my life.

chickpea912 · December 2013

I should clarify - our children are named for relatives who are deceased, but while some will take the exact name of the person being honored, we don't. My daughter is Michal Kalanit - Michal for Michael, and Kalanit for Bobby Kahn - my grandfather's middle name.

So there are different ways to honor someone if you don't want to use the exact name. I tend to lean towards using the same letter (in Hebrew or in English) or to use the meaning behind a name to make the connection to someone.

wtfisup · December 2013

My brother also died in a car accident. We didn't want our child to have te name of anyone in the family. There are so many ways to honor a person, but I want my child detached from the lives before. My brother is a sacred person in my life; my child will be as we. But I don't want that connection.

lscal20 · December 2013

I think it's nice and your brother would have appreciated it. You could use his name for the first or middle name

curlylocks3 · December 2013

I think it can be a great way to honor someone's memory and at the same time I understand not feeling comfortable with it. H has long said he wanted to name a child after his sibling who died of SIDS- and I have always said I would never be comfortable with this. I think I'd feel differently if it had been a different cause of death but with SIDS I just can't.
So I think it depends on comfort level- for you, your H and the rest of your family who will always grieve the loss of your brother.

temursgirl · December 2013

We are considering my grandfather's name if we have a boy. He passed away many years ago, though, so I'm confident it won't be painful for anyone. I would be much more hesitant to name a child after a living relative. It seems like it would lead to comparisons and expectations. But these are very personal decisions and every situation is different.

babygabe614 · December 2013

I think it's a sign of respect to name your child after someone close to you who has passed. I think it's pretty common practice to do this, as well.

If we have a boy, his middle name will be William, after DH's grandfather who died about 4 years ago. If we have a girl, we are considering having her middle name be Colleen, after DH's mother who passed away when DH was 15.

SecondTimeinMSU · December 2013

My sister and BIL were going to name my nephew originally after his brother that had passed. They eventually decided using the whole name might be too painful for BIL so instead they just used his first name for my nephew's middle name. It really is whatever you feel most comfortable with.

Mztwilson · December 2013

Naming a child after a loved one who has passed IMO is a great way to honor their memory.

kbellizio3 · December 2013

I'd say talk to your mom first and make the decision from there. I think it's a lovely tribute. If we have a daughter her middle name will be Julia after my maternal grandmother who died 3 weeks before I got engaged, but some names we picked would go better with Julianna, but i cant imagine not honoring her in some way. If we have a son his middle name will be Kuser which is the last name of DHs grandfather who he loved very dearly and had many fond memories of. I did talk to my mom about using Julia/Julianna and she loved it.

kcartwright12 · December 2013

I think that would be a wonderful way of remembering and honoring your brother. Just let your family know your reason/thoughts, but I think that would be very special.

EmbracingChange · December 2013

joules235 said:

Absolutely! I'm sorry about your brother. I lost my younger brother 3.5 years ago, he was 20. His middle name was James so my DD is Sonia James. James is also the first name of my Grandfather, who is still alive. I think its a wonderful way to honor a relative who has passed away.

Losing a sibling is something else, isn't it? You expect to eventually lose a grandparent or parent, but losing a sibling is a direct hit to your own mortality. I'm sorry for your loss as well. I've found that the loss jumps up and confronts you when you least expect it. Mind's usually when I'm doing something that he can't, like naming babies.

We have decided to use his name as our girl name, now we have to find a middle name that speaks to us.

MrsRage · December 2013

Actually I think our family expects us to name the baby after a relative (we have plenty to choose from between all the granparents that passed). However, I feel like it's a lose/lose situation because no matter what one side if the parents will be upset with our choices. So we are just picking names that we like even if they won't be in honor if anyone and the parents will just have to deal.

noryang · December 2013

I wouldn't. I would be worried that the child could feel burdened with memories of the one who had past. So it feels really wrong to me. I prefer to give a child their own name. But if it feels like the right name to you - then maybe it is right for your child and your family.

EmbracingChange · December 2013

@MrsRage - I feel you on that one. Our kids have two parents, 8 grandparents, 10 great grandparents, and one great great grandmother. I also have 2 foster parents we visit.

All of my mom and step dad's kids have J or D names as do they. All of DH's mothers family have S or T names. It gets confusing enough for the kids as it is.

EmbracingChange · January 2014

My mother likes to call me to rehash my childhood and her failures when she's been drinking. So, I've been on a 2 hour crazy train. She told me tonight that although she welcomed the idea before, that it didn't really feel right and she didn't know if she could handle it. She left off with a "there can only be one...." Knowing that my mother is at her most honest when she has knocked back a few, I'm going back to the drawing board. He was her son and son trumps sibling IMO. So I don't mind following her wishes. I won't let her make any more suggestions though, seriously, she asked me to name may baby Josie tonight. Josie? NMS!

hollygb22 · January 2014

i personally like it. I also like girl names with a masculine edge. i think its a great way to honor your brother

jckeown89 · January 2014

I am sorry to hear about your brother. :-( In my mind, naming your child after your brother would be like a tribute to him. I understand a lot of people's feelings do need to be taken into account, though. Definitely would ask your mom.

robbinrl · January 2014

I'm so sorry about your brother. I would definitely consider it and think Devin is a cute girl's name. I like your hubby's idea of asking your mom about it. Maybe if it doesn't feel right to be a first name, you could use it for the middle?

zipscheer07 · January 2014

My sister died in 2002 when she was 5. Her name was Alexis Lee. When we found out we were having a daughter I knew right away I wanted to remember my sister and have my daughter growing up knowing her aunt. We decided to name my daughter after my sister. My DD name is Anya Alexis Lee and my parents were so touched that we included her in that special moment. trust me, I know its hard but I believe that is a great way to carry on your loved ones. My daughter will never go a day without knowing who her aunt was and know how special it was to get the opportunity to name a special person after her! I believe your husband was right. It was a sign

Good luck in your decision!

Kinipela7 · January 2014

Sorry to hear about your brother. It's pretty common to name someone after a loved one who has died. We are naming our daughter after DH's mom who died of breast cancer several years ago.

Dharmatron · January 2014

I'm sorry for your loss. I think naming your child after your brother is a beautiful way to honor his memory. I know a girl named Devann and I've always thought she had a cute name.

Lindsleigh77 · January 2014

I personally think its a loving tribute to a loved one. If we have a girl (find out tomorrow) I will definitely be using my late mothers name Jill as the middle name. I am so sorry for your loss

EmbracingChange · January 2014

I don't know how to do an update... My mother suddenly vetoed it last night after being on board since it was proposed.

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