IVF/FET - starting when you're not sure you're "ready"?

pblge · January 2014

*Loss mentioned*

So I took my first BCP for IVF #2 today, and I also got the genetic tests back from the m/c from IVF #1. Maybe it's just the timing, but I was a wreck all day today, and I started wondering if I'm crazy to do IVF #2 so soon. The doctor said it doesn't matter at all, and that there was no clinical reason to wait. The two reasons I have to go ahead are based on the clinic schedules (there's another doctor I'm trying to avoid, and he's in charge of IVF cases a lot in spring and early summer) and some professional ones that are hard to explain, but my boss gave me some extra time to pursue this, and this window will close in May.

My worry is that if I'm not feeling "ready" the stress hormones or whatever will make it less likely to work. I'm also not sure I'm up to doing everything that I did last time--no alcohol, super clean eating, etc. As the Brits would say I can't be arsed to do all that right now, and maybe that matters and maybe it doesn't.

I'm not really sure what my question is here, but I'm just wondering what others' thoughts on this topic are.

ttc23 · January 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have not been in your situation but I suppose there are two choices with three potential outcomes; you delay the cycle and don't get pregnant this time, you go ahead with the cycle and get pregnant or you go ahead with the cycle and don't get pregnant. After 3 cycles myself of ultraclean eating, no alcohol and no caffeine without a positive I have to stay I'm starting to feel skeptical that lifestyle factors play such a big role when I see people with far less healthy lifestyles getting pregnant at the drop of a hat. I would say do what feels right to you knowing that most people feel some stress before and during an IVF cycle anyway just because of the process. If you do go ahead with the cycle I think just do what you can in terms of lifestyle choices without beating yourself up to much. Best of luck

RunCC37 · January 2014

First, I am so sorry for your loss. I have never experienced one myself, I've never been pregnant, but I feel like each failed IVF cycle had its own grief cycle that I had to work through. After the first one, I was ready to get back in there immediately. The second one took more time, but now I'm on the BCPs. For me, I felt better as soon as there was a plan in which I could invest hope.

There is no harm in starting your BCPs, and if you change your mind or need more time, you could always take more active pills. ((hugs))

missmarypoppins · January 2014

I'm sorry for your loss.
I'm thinking that just because you're stressed today or tomorrow doesn't mean you'll be stressed all cycle. For me, I've been incredibly stressed while on bcps and stimming coming up seems so exciting.
And a little stress won't really hurt your chances. You don't have to be perfect to get a bfp. Just remember to take a little time for yourself here and there. Get a manicure, take a bath, go for a walk. Maybe it'll help with the stress.
Good luck this cycle, FX for you.

MrsZ816 · January 2014

I'm sorry for your loss. I know I almost jumped the gun on ivf after my loss last year. I was desperate to be pregnant again but still doubting if I was ready to cycle again. And then I went for my day three bloodwork to start stims and had a breakdown/panic attack. Soo I decided to listen to that doubt and wait. IF is a huge emotional roller coaster and no one is ever really ready so you need to trust your gut instinct.

violetmarie61516 · January 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with pp. I think that everyone is so stressed already that it doesn't make much of a difference. The level of stress is already so high with IF that it doesn't change at that point. I also think that moving forward being 100% not ready is OK as long as you know you are not 100% with not ready. Follow your heart and do what you think is best for you. If you do decide to wait, it's only bcp. I think that you may have a change of heart once you are further into the cycle though.

pblge · January 2014

Thanks, ladies. *hugs* This is very helpful. I'm definitely feeling a bit wobbly, but I figure I can hang out on BCP while I decide. I could see how the panic attack would help decide! I have the trial transfer next week, so perhaps that will be a test.

I also forgot to mention one of the big things I did last cycle that I just can't bring myself to restart: acupuncture. It supposedly helps, but there were times that the thought of more needles poking me just made me want to curl up and cry. I also diligently moxa'ed my stomach every other night from transfer until I found out the heartbeat had stopped--it became a sweet little ritual. I saved all the ashes and planned to put it in a pretty little bottle somewhere in the nursery, but it all ended up in the trash can. My acupuncturist is a big believer is moxabustion, but I'm just not sure I can do it now. I feel a so disillusioned by everything I did last time.

It's interesting that you ladies don't put a lot of stock in the stress thing. I've wondered about that a lot, and especially wondered if stress relief is the only reason why things like acupuncture seem to have an effect.

RunCC37 · January 2014

If the acupuncture or moxa (going to look that up!!) create anxiety, then don't do it! Does stress affect the outcome of all this? Who knows. It seems every doctor and professional has a different opinion. But stress affects our quality of life, and definitely affects us more than we know. So if you can do (or not do) something to alleviate stress, then you should take care of yourself and go for it!

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