Parenting Check-In

ATXmommas · January 2014

Good morning!

Tell us how things went with your little one this week (and remind us of his/her age). Also, please bring up any parenting questions that you would like input on or just use this space to vent frustrations, brag on your little one, etc.!

QOTW: What is one perception you had of parenting before you had children that has changed since your little one was born?

JGY · January 2014

Good Morning!

Gabe the Babe is almost 10 months old (this week).

We had an okay week. Once we got meds for his most recent ear infection, and then got more meds when he decided to develop a reaction to the first one, things got a lot better. On Friday, S and I looked at each other and said "Let's just go ahead with the tubes." So I will schedule that this week.

Friday night S and I actually had a night out. We went to a movie and then dinner, and it was awesome. This weekend was really nice with Gabe. Swimming lessons were great, as usual, and then he took such a long nap that I was able to make my complicated supper club dish while he slept. I was nervous about being able to get it done, so that was awesome. Sunday we went to the Children's Museum before my rehearsal (it's free on the 3rd Sunday of the month, and is 1 block from where we needed to be anyway). We had a blast. Then we were spontaneous after rehearsal and stopped by to see some friends who are TTC. It was great to see them and to be able to talk, but my heart aches for their TTC journey.

Parenting questions ... hmmmm... I guess I'm curious to hear how much the pumping Moms out there are able to produce. Anyone care to share how many times a day you pump and what the output is? I know everyone's different, but I'd love some perspective. And this is really a question for Moms who work outside the home. I'd have no expectation that a new Mom trying to nurse her child and pump as well would have a large output.

QOTW: I might chime back in later with something more profound, but I really thought I'd be able to get more stuff done while Gabe napped. Seriously, I thought my home projects would all be complete and I'd be half-way through a large quilting project by now or something. No such luck. I can barely get through the day to day chores before that kiddo is slapping the crib rails and demanding to be let out of his cage!

ATXmommas · January 2014

Ash is 2 months old tomorrow! We had a good week - I've been a mom on the go lately! We've been going to lunch dates and mommy meet-ups and running lots of errands. I remember just a few weeks ago, I wondered how I was ever going to feel comfortable running around town with my baby, but I think I've officially gotten the hang of it.

Our first choice daycare told us that they may not have a spot for us until June, so I made an appointment to meet with the director of our second choice last Friday. After speaking with the director, I feel much more comfortable (though my heart still breaks that we're going to have to start daycare in 4 short weeks). The director did say that I could go ahead and start dropping him off for an hour or two just to get him used to it, so I think I'm going to take advantage of that sometime soon.

We have 2-month appt on Friday, so we'll have an official weight check then. Since our last official weight check, we've been monitoring his weight by putting him on our scale with us. From what I can discern, he's gaining well. I actually put a 0-3 onsie on him today and it's not huge on him!

@JGY - great question - it's actually along the lines of my question. So, I believe my supply is sufficient. Ash is content after nursing and he's gaining well. However, I'm not able to pump that much at a time. I give him a bottle of expressed milk every 3 days or so to keep him accustomed to the bottle. When I pump in lieu of nursing, I only pump about 1.5oz (1oz from right, .5oz from left). I have gotten close to 2oz on a couple of occasions, but only get 1.5oz usually. So, now I'm freaking out about how I'm going to be able to pump enough to send to daycare. Especially when he first starts as I expect my pumping output may increase when I'm nursing less and pumping more when I actually start to work again. I posted this scenario on the Kelly Mom Mother-to-Mother support group on FB and it was suggested that since Ash is still eating every 2 hours during the day, i may just produce less more frequently. Even so, I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to swing this. Any insight?

QOTW: Well, I definitely didn't think I would have this much trouble with BF. The nursing has always gone well (besides the initial pain, which seems to be normal for many people in the early weeks). Ash has always latched well and nursed well. It's just my output that has been so frustrating. Also, I always imagined that I would have a chubby baby. I discussed this a lot when I was pregnant - I assumed my baby would be 8lbs+ because I was 8.15 at birth and my nieces/nephews were all above 9lbs. When I realized around 28 weeks that I was likely not going to have a "big" baby, I was really surprised and had to start adjusting my expectations. Even after he was born, I had irrational thoughts wondering what i did wrong during pregnancy to have a smaller baby (7.3 is small in my mind). I'm still having to adjust my perception of what a "healthy" baby looks like - at least for now, Ash does not have cushy baby rolls. He's gaining well and growing longer, but he's a thin, petite baby. I have to remind myself that he's perfect the way he is and he doesn't have to be a fat baby to be healthy. Anyway, sometimes it's hard to adjust to reality when it doesn't match up to the fantasy you have in your head, which is why I posed this question. Wondering how other people have adjusted.

JGY · January 2014

@ATXmommas I really freaked out about how I was going to swing sending milk to daycare on the first day when I seemingly wasn't able to build up a stash while nursing him at home during maternity leave. I kept bringing this up with anyone who would listen, and always got the same answer, which was: It's unreasonable to think that you will be able to build up a stash of milk for your child, while actively breastfeeding (unless you have an oversupply, obviously). You won't be able to begin pumping enough milk for your child's daily needs, until you are seperated from your child and pumping in lieu of breastfeeding.

It was very true for me.

So, basically, I pumped whatever I could, and when I could, in advance of daycare and stashed it away and had JUST ENOUGH to send to daycare for that first day. My dreams of a freezer full of breast milk just weren't realistic and I was basically pumping each day for Gabe's meals for the following day. Eventually over time I built up a bit of a stash, but it took months.

Does that help ease your mind at all?

ATXmommas · January 2014

@JGY - yes, it does. I'm thinking about setting up an appt with a LC (a different one than before) to evaluate my pumping to make sure that everything looks good. Maybe that's unnecessary, but it might give me more peace of mind. I do have some milk frozen that will hopefully help in the beginning. What rule of thumb did you use in determine how much to send? 1oz/hr? Did you send extra frozen just in case?

JGY · January 2014

@ATXmommas - firstly, nothing is unnecessary that's going to help you feel better about your breastfeeding relationship. Nothing! You are advocating for your child, and it's absolutely the right thing to do if it will give you peace of mind.

Okay, on to the next ... so we had a transition period of sorts, where we were lucky enough to have family fly in and help us out with Gabe between when I had to go back to work and when we were able to get him into daycare. I would make a number of bottles in advance and they would feed him on demand. Anything left over was just given the next day. It worked out really well and we had an instant glimpse into how much he would eat per day.

A suggestion for you, perhaps you could experiment on a weekend day assuming you both are home (before he goes to daycare)? Give him bottles instead of nursing that day, and then you pump? That should give you an idea of how much he will want and how often. And it also might give you some of that peace of mind you seek about being able to pump enough to keep up with him. I know it's hard to not nurse him when you're right there, but it might be worth if for you to help transition.

Let me know how things go!

mwagner25 · January 2014

Hello all,

I am hoping Oliver takes a good nap while I check in and eat lunch. Oliver is 7.5 weeks. We are still having sleep issues. We had two okay nights (meaning I got 2 stretches that were 2.5-3 hours with the rest of the night him sleeping 1-1.5 hours at a time), then last night we were back to him waking every 1-1.5 hours. At about 3:30 I threw in the towel and had L take a shift and give him a pumped bottle. At night he makes this grunting/motor noise.... And we can't figure out why. It's on the nights that he sleeps poorly. It is not hunger or dirty diaper and we have tried gas drops without any change. I am thinking maybe he is trying to soothe himself and get back to sleep? At first he will grunt and go back to sleep but then will get frustrated and it gets louder and louder, then cue crying, then I try and rock, sway, ect back to sleep. He will be in a deep sleep and I put him back in the RnP and maybe 15 minutes later the noises start again. We are trying everything swaddle, pacifier, we had a swing come in the mail today, put down drowsy, and today is "crib day." I am putting him down in his crib for every nap, rather than hold him, since we don't bed share I think it isn't fair for me to expect him to sleep well at night not being held when I hold him so much during the day for his naps.

On a good note I have like @ATXmommas found a new freedom in getting out of the house and running errands. Although after bad nights, I am too tired to run around town.

@JGY and @ ATXMommas, good discussion on pumping. I am worried about this when I return to work in a few weeks also. I have still not been able to space out feelings much more than every 2 hours, around the clock. When I feed, he gets 1 breast for usually about 10-15 minutes to try and get him all the hind milk I can to keep him full. I offer the second breast but he rarely takes it. When I pump I get 4 oz from the full breast and 2 oz from the empty breast. This seems like a lot but he will take a 4 oz bottle when he gets a pumped bottle. When I return to work the most frequently I will be able to pump is every 4 hours. He eats soo much I don't know how I will keep up. And I will have to go back to 12 hour shifts again. Ugh I am dreading returning to work.

mwagner25 · January 2014

I already caved ... He is sleeping in my arms now instead of his crib.

at least he is sleeping well being cuddled. Someday this whole sleep in thing will click and I will actually get sleep, right?

newmompeanut · January 2014

When I was at home on maternity leave and N would go to her dad's house overnight I would pump, but I never pumped before or after nursing her. I always used a milk saver. Have you guys heard of these things? It was literally my saving grace for milk collection!! (https://www.mymilkies.com/milksaver) It's about $20 and it's this thing that goes in your bra on the side that you're not nursing and it collects the milk that leaks out. By using this milk saver I was able to save up quite a bit without having to pump before or after nursing. So maybe that's an option.

When I went back to work at 10 weeks post postpartum and was pumping I was producing about 6-9 ounces every pumping session and I'd pump about every 2.5 hours. I'd typically have about 24 ounces a day and at that time N was only drinking about 15 (i think?). Slowly but surely I was able to stock up and not feel scared that daycare would run out during the middle of the day!

mwagner25, my friend is a nurse and works 12 hour shifts. She said it was really helpful to try to get to work early enough to pump right before her shift started and then she'd stay a little late and pump right after too. Maybe that will help?

Jazibel · January 2014

Kaden is 18 months!! I can't believe it really, how time flies....

I am currently redirecting his chalk drawing efforts from the linen closet door to his chalk board easel... Unsuccessfully it seems ;-)

We've had a good week. We're continuing to learn the ins & outs of having a toddler. He's brilliant, and active and funny and so cute. But also demanding and loud and emotional and sometimes reckless. It's definitely a balancing act. This is probably a funny parenting philosophy to have - but I kind of compare it to having very active dog/puppy (as I've had in the past). Lots of exercise and fresh air seem to give him the room to wear himself out making for better sleep and a better mood ;-)

I appreciate the topic too. I'm not BFing right now but plan too with #2. And pumping, having enough milk, etc. had me stressed when I went back to work briefly this past Spring (and K had started some solids at the time). With #2 I plan on working much sooner (6-10 weeks or so).

My plan is to try and build a supply right from the start by pumping after each feeding. I realize this could lead to an oversupply, but since I will keep pumping for a while, I think it shoukd be ok. (I hope I don't eat these words later....) :-). Of course all if this may change, I have plans to discuss it further here on this board and with our midwife/ lactation specialist.

clairmeij · January 2014

@newmompeanut - I have milk envy

I produce between 1.5 - 3.5 oz per session. The most I have ever produced in one session is 6 oz, but that really was a one off. Since I am only producing around 12 OZ a day and that just about covers what I need to send to daycare, a friend has been donating me excess milk - she had a baby 10 days before I did. Its a slippery slope though, I know that by not stimulating my breasts by having the baby just nurse until I product more, I risk my milk supply diminishing, but I also can't send my baby to daycare without milk. The la leche league lady that I spoke to was pretty unrealistic - she asked whether the daycare could bring him to me for nursing - um, that's beyond the call of duty for any daycare, and I would imagine a very rare situation for a nursing mother to be in.

ATXmommas · January 2014

@JGY - thank you for the suggestions and encouragement! And, also I'm glad you came to a conclusion about the tubes. I remember you saying that you were concerned about him fasting. When Ash was in the hospital at 2.5 weeks it tore my heart apart not being able to nurse my baby, most especially when he was screaming from hunger. My mom said something that resonated with me - while I may never forget how horrible I felt for my child, he thankfully will have no memory of it.

@mwagner25 - I have nap troubles with Ash during the day, but fortunately he sleeps well at night (3 and 4 hour stretches). If I get him to sleep in my arms and put him down in the bouncer, swing, or car seat, he's good for 10-15 minutes before he starts crying again. I think one if the reasons that I like being out with him is that he tends to nap better. If we're out, it means he is in the car (which usually puts him to sleep), in the stroller, or in the carrier. I think the gentle movement helps him. But, I can see how it's hard to get out when you are so tired.

Is there a reason you can only pump every 4 hours at work? I know employers are required to allow nursing mothers to pump, but not sure what the rules are in regards to if they can restrict the number/time spent pumping. I am the furthest thing away from an expert on all this, but it seems like you would want to mimic his eating patterns as much as possible.

@jrtmom - your pumping story definitely gives me hope!!! Thank you for sharing! And, I was totally against cosleeping as well. I work for the state child welfare agency that puts a lot of money into a safe sleep campaign. But when my baby was actually here, it made so much sense to me and is what works for us.

@newmompeanut - that milk saver is a really neat product. I haven't leaked a drop ever. Also, sounds you were a great producer!

@jazibel - I love your analogy of wearing out a dog! If I may, you may not want to pump so much. When I was trying to regain supply and put done weight on Ash, I was pumping 6-7x per day in addition to nursing and it was really stressful. There were other things going on that we're making me anxious, though. Also, I've learned from kellymom that it isn't necessary or recommended to have a large stash - maybe a couple days worth is all you need. One of the KM admins told me that giving frozen milk in lieu of pumping that amount will have the same impact on supply as supplementing. So, if I sent Ash to DC with 8oz of fresh milk and 2oz of frozen milk, but I only pumped 8oz that day, my body won't get the message that I need to produce 10oz. Sorry if im sharing things you already know! You are an experienced mother and I'm sure you know what works best for you. I've just been learning so much and am eager to share.

ATXmommas · January 2014

@clairmeij - we were posting at the same time. How many times do you pump per day? How much does A take? Has it changed over time? That recommendation from the LLL leader is way absurd and out-of-touch to me.

By the way, my boy is a nursing fiend today!!! Which is why I have so much time to bump today.

Jazibel · January 2014

@ATXmommas - you bring up several good points - Thank you :-) I'm definitely a novice when it comes to pumping. For the first six months I only pumped sporadically with Kaden to have enough milk for EV if I ran out to the store, etc. When I started work in February I had only a couple of bottles of frozen milk and had a lot of trouble producing when I was pumping at work: I was cold sitting with my shirt off, or open or draped over my shoulder, and kind of ill at ease even though I was alone. Occasionally people would knock on my door (though I had a sign) and disrupt the process. And on top of it, there always seemed something "more pressing" that needed my immediate attention other than pumping. I only worked for a couple of months so it wasn't really enough time to implement solutions, or for co-workers to get used to my schedule. But it left me really terrified about going back to work later this year. I will say that I know plenty of women that happily and successfully pump at work. And I hope to do things differently this time. All of this is to say - I have no idea what I'm doing ;-) And I'm super appreciative of everyone sharing their wisdom here.

I have to agree logically that it makes sense to not "confuse" my body by creating a supply and demand issue by utilizing too much frozen milk. I think I'll check out kellymom in the coming weeks/months and see if I can put together a plan.

When I was pumping Kaden was 7-8 months and consuming about 15oz I think. I never had a supply problem when nursing, but when pumping it was hard to keep up. I ended up pumping at night after he went to sleep to come up with enough milk for the next day.

OMG - until I started writing this post I didn't realize quite how much anxiety I have around this issue!!. Gulp...

ATXmommas · January 2014

@jazibel - this is a stressful topic! Glad to have a supportive group here. And KM is an awesome resource. Some of you may want to check out the FB group as well - KellyMom Mother-to-Mother Breastfeeding Support. It is moderated by some very knowledgeable people. @mwagner25 - they also answer a lot of sleep related questions.

Jazibel · January 2014

@ATXmommas - thank you recommendation I'll check out the FB group too :-)

ATXmommas · January 2014

herbabymama said:

I guess something I didn't expect was ecological breast feeding as I've learned it is called. Feeding on demand which means I'm feeding her all the time for nourishment, comforting, and to go to sleep. I actually love it so I'm not complaining, but she needs me more than K and that has been a theme. Maybe we will give a bottle soon but I'm reluctant. Probably should do it before 2 months.

I have never heard this the term, "ecological breastfeeding." I'm in the same boat, though some days (yesterday) it is more constant than others. For the past 45 minutes, Ash has been on the boob mostly napping, sometimes sucking. Our time is running out in some respect with us being able to hang out all day every day, so I'm offering it up as much as he wants while I can.

Good luck with your appointments. Will be thinking about you as you and K figure out future steps. And sucks about AF!

JGY · January 2014

@stringy813 - Wow, I can relate to so much of what you wrote. The mid-night noises, the leg slamming while asleep, the awesome stretch around 3-4 months and then the regression. Argh.

About swimming lessons, that's a GREAT question. For the first lesson, S was there too and I thought "Thank god, I could never do this alone!" Until the following week when she couldn't be there. Here a few things I found that worked:

1. Only bring what you absolutely need, and pack it in the smallest bag possible.

2. Don't worry about getting yourself out of your bathing suit. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, and you can change at home. So ...

3. Wear pants with an elastic waist. Wear a zip-up sweatshirt. Basically, easy on/easy off.

4. Strap that kiddo onto the changing table in the locker room and take advantage of that time! Bring your clothes over there with you, and pull them on while she's immobile. (this was the only way I got my bathing suit off and underwear on last week)

5. Accept help. I don't know about where you're going, but we're at the local YWCA and there are approximately 1, 254 old women in there, all of whom miss having grandbabies and would be willing to hold your child for you if need be.

6. PEE BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE, EVEN IF YOU DON'T THINK YOU NEED TO GO! This is the one thing that is virtually impossible to get done whlie you're there.

That's all the survival tips I can think of right now, if I remember any more I'll PM you.

Jazibel · January 2014

herbabymama said:

Again checking in late but so grateful for the advice that is on here! You guys are awesome. I'll try to add to it but you have really covered a lot. Our updates are as follows: Baby C is 6 weeks today! Finally over the colds we had and baby C can breathe normally while bfing. Whew, that was stressful. She is still spitting up occasionally but I've determined she is a "happy spitter" after reading in Dr Sears book and asking my La Leche League mamas. (I joined La Leche League in Santa Cruz in hopes of meeting other L moms @Jazibel let me know if you ever want to go! Lots of questions and answers were about pumping last time!) I went to OB to see about my mysterious bleeding that came back after I thought I was completely healed from my c section. It turns out it was my PERIOD! I was shocked because I'm bfing a ton (read: constantly!) and didn't think I would even have to consider it for a long while. OB said it was about right that it was 5 weeks after birth, and about 7 percent of women experience return of AF in first 6 months. It doesn't mean that I'm ovulating necessarily, and we are still determining if it will be safe for me to get KU again due to my complicated birth, surgery on my cervix, and potential issue of incompetent cervix. My OB wants me to wait at least a year before trying anyway. We have a WTF appt with RE today to see if I am ovulating, to talk about our frozen embies, and the potential of me or K carrying in the future. Lots to think about. QOTD: parenting has been full of surprises so far! I guess something I didn't expect was ecological breast feeding as I've learned it is called. Feeding on demand which means I'm feeding her all the time for nourishment, comforting, and to go to sleep. I actually love it so I'm not complaining, but she needs me more than K and that has been a theme. Maybe we will give a bottle soon but I'm reluctant. Probably should do it before 2 months.

Definitely - would love too!! :-) I'll send you a message and we can set something up. I'm nervous about the drought we're having, but trying to enjoy the beautiful weather all the same. It'd be nice to visit Santa Cruz.

mwagner25 · January 2014

@stringy813, it's good to know that we aren't the only ones with a noisy LO at night. Maybe he will stop at some point like your LO did. I am hoping we get to 3 hour night stretches soon. Every night I think, this COULD be the night that he sleeps 3-4 hours. Hasn't happened yet, but I have hope.

clairmeij · January 2014

Baby A is seven months old next week. I honestly can't believe how time has flown! He is cuter and has more personality every day! We are so fortunate to have a really easy baby. He only fusses if he needs something - diaper, food, etc. He sleeps well - most nights he sleeps from 8 for at least 8 hours. The nights that he wakes up I know its because of my production. Honestly, I really treasure those night time nursing sessions now, he is so easily distracted during the day that he rarely nurses for more than 10 minutes total. I suppose because I know that the end is in sight too, so I am really relishing that special baby cuddle time. Ladies - it goes by far too quickly! He's scooting and making some moves towards crawling now, although he's going backwards and not really moving his legs haha. He kind of pushes himself backwards along the kitchen floor, then gets very upset that his toys aren't following him on his travels. He can high five - and often does it with his whole body, which is hilarious.

With regards to pumping, I pump one side and nurse one side in the morning when I wake up. I pump as soon as I get to work, again around mid day, and once more late afternoon. I pump and/or nurse as soon as I get home, and then again around 8 pm (we have started sending him to bed with donor milk since I am not making enough in the evenings to satisfy him. I know that this isn't good for my supply, so I pump religiously at this time) and then I pump again around 10 - just before I go to bed. For a while I was pumping if I woke up in the middle of the night, but with as little sleep as I already get, it just wasn't sustainable for me, I was a wreck. As it is, some days I feel like I am 'barely there' mentally with the lack of sleep.

QOTD - I learned that many of my very strong opinions and plans can and will change suddenly with parenting, and I'm learning to be OK with that. Honestly, I think its mellowing me out. From my emergency C section to having trouble with milk supply to not being able to cloth diaper the way that we wanted to, I've learned that I am not always supposed to be in control, and sometimes that is honestly refreshing for a control freak like me. This kid has brought me so much!

Thanks to all of you for the wonderful support, advice and general warmth on this board. I just love you all. In a creepy internet way

Mystjava · January 2014

I-) .. correct term would be lack of sleep! But as previous posters said about eco feeding, that's so me! Even at three and three quarters year old LO, he's still nursing during the night. I only nurse at bedtime, during early am and after he wakes up. I am still trying to get him to quit completely so that's my biggest struggle and I really don't want to say "no" yet. He does seek comfort, but doesn't nurse, at the numm (his word for the girls).
Other than that.. we've been doing recognizing letters in the alphabet and trying to write them. He's big on "hands-on" but my partner isn't and she's not used it my approach with our LO. What I mean is that I have to make contact with our LO to communicate with him. Instead, my partner tends to shout. Brrrrrrr... ( more later.)

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