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Family help after birth with husband deployed

dwnsldedwnslde member
in Military Families
My husband will be deployed during the arrival of our second child. Our son will be 3 and he's wonderful, I also have friends ready and willing to take him while I am in the hospital delivering. My mom and MIL have both offered to fly out to help when baby arrives, though we all know that baby could arrive whenever. I am curious what those of you have done when husband was deployed during the arrival of second child. 

When our son was born we wanted to have visitors come two weeks after arrival because we wanted to get into our own routine and bond before anyone else came in. I loved it and it was one of the best recommendations for us. I am semi feeling similarly with this child, though it will definitely be different because I will have a three year old and no husband around, I worry that after family leaves that it will be a shock to the system. Granted family being around will lighten the initial shock, but I feel like I have a really good support system. I also know that this baby could be completely different from our first one. I am trying to think of all the things that could go "wrong," but I am also thinking of my sanity. I will have almost equal amounts of time pre and post baby arrival of the deployment to get through. I may be fine with either mother coming, or I may want them out. My mom is more hands off and I can be more direct with her, my MIL is more type-A, hands on but some times gets stressful. We planned this pregnancy knowing that husband would be deployed at the time of the birth. 

I hope this makes sense and would love ideas from this board since you would have a better idea than another board. 

Thanks!
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Re: Family help after birth with husband deployed

  • Carnation77Carnation77 member
    I can't imagine coming from the hospital to take care of both a newborn and 3 year old with no one else there.  I think it would be good to plan for your mom and MIL to take turns coming after the birth.  It might also be good to have the 3 year old established in some sort of child care setting - at least part time - before the new LO arrives in case you need to use childcare to give yourself a little reprieve from caring for two children.  It's hard to know what your delivery or the new baby are going to be like - best to plan for the worst.
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  • happylady07happylady07 member
    My husband is deploying in a couple months and our son will be almost 3 when the new baby arrives. I will absolutely be having my mom come stay for a while to help with my son, she is great with him, and was wonderful about cooking and cleaning for me after our first was born (I had a rough recovery from my first delivery). My parents live within driving distance though this time, so travel logistics aren't that difficult. Last pregnancy we were across the country and my parents came out to visit a week before my due date, mom stayed for a month, dad had to return to work before my son decided to make his appearance. She was a lifesaver.

    My MIL will be off work when this baby arrives (summer, she works for a school district), so she may come out to help as well, I'll try to stagger my visitors to get the most help out of them ;)

    I am all about the help, I get along great with my mom and my MIL, so the biggest question is when will they plan their visits!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • catdwg83catdwg83 member
    Our situation was different- my husband deployed 6 days after our second was born. I was all alone with a 20 month old & a newborn baby. My family is not helpful at all, so I definitely did not want them coming. I think that when you have another child already it becomes very important to have some kind of "help" which is more of entertaining the older toddler. 
    I hired a mother's helper for a few hours a week to take the toddler out to the playground or to play outside while I caught up on chores or sleep. It was imperative to have activities for my older one because otherwise its just frustrating for everyone. We would all get stir crazy without some fresh air or a change of scenery. If it were me, I would decide whether or not the visitors would be helpful & have them come accordingly, but still have someone to come to occupy the older one regardless.
    DS1- Jan 2011
    DS2- Sept 2012
    M/C- Sept 2011

    2u2!
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