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Need advice on what to tell SD

blondii428blondii428 member
in Blended Families
I need some insight on what (if anything) I could tell my 5 year old SD about the latest drama BM is trying to stir up.

Backstory: DH and BM had SD when they were only 19. When she was still a baby they broke up and BM moved back in with her parents. They didn't go to court to work out a CO and agreed that DH could pick her up every afternoon and bring her back before bedtime. About a year ago BM who was already BSC really went off the deep end, and she moved an hour away to be with her abusive ex-felon boyfriend who is twice her age. She brought SD with her and told DH he could come get her EOW. Lots of partying and physical fighting went on between BM and her BF, and once DH heard about it he decided it was time to go get a lawyer. BM agreed that SD would be better off living with us so she agreed to seeing her EOW.

This has worked for the last few months, but this past weekend she fed SD a lot of unecessary propaganda. She told her that it's Daddy's fault that she doesn't get to see her much and that the papers he made wher sign were "stupid" and "a joke." Now SD has a really bad attitude towards us and keeps repeating what Mommy told her.

I am so stuck on what I can say or do. It's probably none of my business and maybe it isn't my place to talk to her about it. But anyone have ideas on how DH could handle this?

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Re: Need advice on what to tell SD

  • +just+j++just+j+ member
    Keep moving forward with custody. Your husband should talk to his daughter and say that her mother is really upset because she misses her little girl very much. Let her know that you love her and that it may be confusing and upsetting to her, but that her being with you more is best.
    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member
    BM is clearly upset because after five years of no CO she has lost complete control, custody, and say. Does she pay child support?
    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • blondii428blondii428 member
    edited January 2014
    Nope no CS, she quit her job when she moved with her BF and has no desire to get one. When her and DH met to come up with the agreement he agreed to not collecting any from her since she has no money. She lives in BF's house even though we just found out he's in jail right now so I'm not sure how she is surviving.

      photo b2867ff1-04fd-412f-991f-a3e09638ec0f_zps4503f4a7.jpg 

    image

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  • misscarter87misscarter87 member
    I understand how u feel SD is 7yrs old she doesnt live with us but she comes every other wkend when she is here thats all she says and repeats everything BM tells her i simply had to have a nice talk with her the other day and explain everything so she could get a true better understanding of thing and i let her know that me and her dad both love her and she is always welcomed her to spend time with her little sister (me & dh have a 13mnth old together)
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  • twister22twister22 member
    If SD is being disrespectful, then tell her "I know you're upset but that's not an appropriate way to talk to me. Daddy and I love you very much, and we're making sure that you're being taken care of." Be loving to her, and make sure your home has structure and stability. Make sure she gets one on one time with DH; my DS is 5 and he and my DH go play putt putt together once a week.
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