can we afford to have a baby??

cpaige86 · January 2014

My fiance and I (getting married in 4 months) have been talking a lot about whether we can afford to have a baby. We both absolutely want to have a child, but we are terrified of the costs. Both of our priorities are to spend quality time with our child, give our child a high quality education, and live in a safe area. We live in the DC area and can't seem to figure out the best option, housing and schooling wise.

If we live in the District of Columbia itself, we'd have to send our child to private school, since the public schools are famously terrible. If we live in Maryland or Virginia, we'd be able to take advantage of great public schools, but we don't know where we'd get the money for a down payment on a house out there (it's much more expensive than DC itself).

We make about $160k between the two of us, are 27 and 28 years old, and are planning on trying to conceive in about 4-5 years.

It makes me emotionally sick to think about not having a child. We are honestly looking to just have one, but can't figure out a responsible way of doing it. My fiance keeps saying that he can't figure out a way to make enough money to feel comfortable supporting a kid and not working so much that he won't feel like a good father because he won't be around enough.

ANY advice you'd have for us would be so helpful!! I'm just completely at my wit's end and am not willing to just give up on my lifelong dream of being a mother this easily.

Thank you!! I'm sorry it's so long!

PS: Another issue we're dealing with is that he has MS (a seemingly mild case, but who knows what will happen down the line). That means I have to keep my very secure government job in case he can't work down the line, but it also means he has to earn the bulk of our income because I'll never make very much money.

CRich15 · January 2014

My husband and I make around $95k a year combined and have two kids in daycare and one still in diapers. It's most certainly do able and I believe you will be able to do it comfortably. We average around $1100 daycare a month and have been paying that since 2011 with no end in site as we are thinking about having #3 right when our oldest starts school next year. My husband and I wanted to wait until we got our degrees and settled a little more but the more we thought and talked about it we were wondering why we were waiting since its something we wanted to badly. Best of luck to you and your fiancé!

CRich15 · January 2014

My husband and I make around $95k a year combined and have two kids in daycare and one still in diapers. It's most certainly do able and I believe you will be able to do it comfortably. We average around $1100 daycare a month and have been paying that since 2011 with no end in site as we are thinking about having #3 right when our oldest starts school next year. My husband and I wanted to wait until we got our degrees and settled a little more but the more we thought and talked about it we were wondering why we were waiting since its something we wanted to badly. Best of luck to you and your fiancé!

orangecrush32 · January 2014

My husband and I make nowhere near what you and your husband make and we are doing fine with one baby. We're looking to buy a house and thinking of number two. Babies are expensive sure, but if it's something you want badly enough you figure out a way to make it work.

24karat · January 2014

fredalina said:
Yes, you can afford it. People have kids making half what you do. Hell, 1/8, not advocating that, but yes, even in DC I think you can make it work.

Each month save what daycare costs, which is probably $1500-2000/a month, and in no time you'll have a down payment and be used to living on less.

This. Cost of living and family situations can differ but, with responsible choices and budgeting, it can work. We are in our late 20's, live in New England, have three children, and own a house on less than $60,000 annually. A large part of this being possible is that we don't need daycare and only had our mortgage to pay off when we started TTC. It's tight, but we make it work.

Decide what needs to be in place (set dollar amount in savings, paying off debt, owning a house, etc) before TTC and be on the same page with your partner about the timing and budget.

ks3pink · January 2014

I definitely live in a lower cost of living area than you but DH and I only make around $75000 a year together and have three kids and a house and two car payments! Money is very tight as our house and our twins came at the same time which was a lot of expense at once but we make it work. If you want it badly enough you will find a way. Good luck!

FemShep · January 2014

Of course you can afford to have a child! Most people have children on much less.

Start by taking a very hard look at your budget. Mint has some great tools for tracking your spending. Cut down discretionary spending, and do as PP suggested-try to put $1500-$2000 per month in a savings account to get an idea of what having a baby can do to your budget. You'll see what tradeoffs you need to make as well as start building a nice nest egg.

First-time homeowners can be eligible for special mortgage programs, so you may not need a full 20% down payment. Look into what options you may have and also check with your HR rep to see if you're eligible for any special benefits as a government employee.

You said that you wanted to prioritize a great education and quality time with your LO. The good news is that these things don't necessarily require $. One of the biggest indicators of educational quality is parental involvement with the school and your child's education. While your involvement won't make a terrible school into a good one, you'll be able to help move a good education to great. And spending quality time with your LO doesn't require you to spend lots of money. Being a great parent is something you can do, in small increments of time, every day. Just spending time with your LO, doing things together, is the best gift you can give.

Good luck!

kcisthebombdotcom · January 2014

I'm surprised everyone here is blindly agreeing based on a single number. in some places in the country that's a modest middle class income where houses will run you in the high six figures. I can tell you my sil makes that with two kids but can't manage to save and lives paycheck to paycheck because she underestimated how expensive kids are, has more house than she could afford and loads of consumer debt while we make a little over a third of that in a similar col area and we are comfortable with money leftover for savings/fun. my advice would be to meet with a financial advisor who could look at the bigger picture and help you see if you're where you should be with future investments/emergency savings and help you devise a plan to get there if you're not. gl.

SmileyJay · January 2014

Everyone has their own comfort zone. If you are honestly planning to wait for 4-5 years, you need to just work in baby steps.

You need to maximize your income if you feel you don't make enough. There is no such thing as a stable job, much less a stable government job no matter what your boss may have lead you to believe. Offices get shut down all the time. If you can find a reliable job that makes more money, that should be the goal instead of just feeling like you have to stay put.

You also need to lessen your expenses. I don't know what you are spending on but there has to be a lot of waste there. The average household income for DC is $63K, which is almost double the national average. Still, you make over 3 times that! So maybe you have tons of student debt or credit debt, I am not sure. Or maybe your spending is just out of control or you decided to rent a very luxurious apartment. At just 20% of your annual income that would be an apartment of almost $3K per month. I just looked online and that is definitely the high end for DC. All I am saying is there must be some waste in your spending that you can cut out to save more or put towards children.

Examine your budget, cut costs, and reevaluate. Save money for a down payment. Ask others you work with where they decided to live and how. This is really the best way to know what really works for others.

5 years is a LONG time. A really really long time. Just taking baby steps now will definitely get you ready for kids by then. If you have a child in 5 years, it will still be 5 years before you have to worry about the public school situation. So much in life will be different by then. Your husband's health, job situations, etc. so you really can't plan like you are trying to. It sucks, I am a planner too and wish I knew what the future holds. You need to just work on saving money right now.

Irishcurls · January 2014

I lived in the DC area for about 6 years--yes home ownership is daunting there, but I wouldn't let that preclude me from having children. If you're a GS, that's stable, like you said. Some departments offer childcare services, if that's an option? We had friends choose to own in VA (townhouse in Franconia) instead of where they were renting in Silver Spring because of the tax differences. Housing prices are higher (though some parts of SS are building enormous new homes) but in the long run they decided it was better for them in NOVA. But basically all of MOCO has good schools and the commute into the city is so easy--we'd live in N. Bethesda if/when we go back, but we won't be buying. I worked in Gaithersburg and coworkers owned lovely homes.

Basically, at any income level, the budgeting is the same. Get together and write down all your expenses (be honest!) and see what you're left with. Maybe start aggressively now and skip a vacation or date nights for awhile and snowball that into a savings account specifically for childcare, etc. In 4-5 years, you should be able to save quite a bit, especially with a goal in mind. You don't have to have it all at the same time--save more aggressively for the downpayment for 3 years, baby for 2. Or vice versa. It's definitely possible.

Ducktale · January 2014

It's really difficult to answer just based on income because we don't know your expenses. As you've seen, cost of living varies tremendously. We don't know if you have debt. My best advice is track every dollar you spend and then agree upon a monthly budget. Find out how much you would pay for a mortgage/PMI/taxes/insurance, daycare, increased health insurance premiums, etc. Make sure you have that much to spare in your budget. If you don't , take a hard look at where you can cut back or aggressively pay off debt. Practice living on this baby budget and put the extra in the meantime towards an emergency fund. There's a great money matters board on The Nest that might be a good resource for you,

Helenahhandbasket · January 2014

Op, you have gotten a lot of good advice, so I don't have much to add.

Since you aren't planning on children for another 4-5 years, I think you are in a great position to start putting some of the suggestions into practice. GL!

Irishcurls · January 2014

fredalina said:

I'm surprised everyone here is blindly agreeing based on a single number. in some places in the country that's a modest middle class income where houses will run you in the high six figures. I can tell you my sil makes that with two kids but can't manage to save and lives paycheck to paycheck because she underestimated how expensive kids are, has more house than she could afford and loads of consumer debt while we make a little over a third of that in a similar col area and we are comfortable with money leftover for savings/fun. my advice would be to meet with a financial advisor who could look at the bigger picture and help you see if you're where you should be with future investments/emergency savings and help you devise a plan to get there if you're not. gl.
In five years a motivated couple can make tons of changes to debt and income to absolutely have a child on that income, even if they have lots of student loans or whatever. I think it's ridiculous to think otherwise.

I completely agree, having thought about this a little more. Honestly, DH and I have only been together 5 years this July (ok so 4.5 years) and by January 2015 we'll have paid off $35K in debt (car and student loans) and opened three investment accounts and we make about 50K less than OP (most of that time in DC, the last 18 months in Boston. High COLA). Prioritize your life, kwim?

eta cause numbers are hard.

dragossoul84 · January 2014

I live in Frederick MD DH commutes to DC for work everyday we bought a foreclosure for 113k and rehabbed everything furnace to flooring to adding a second bathroom for 30k. We live in a great community the school's are good and we manage on one income.

VTR780 · January 2014

I totally sympathize with you. I live in nyc so I know that while by most standards your combined income is awesome-- cost of living can be a total downer. That being said since you have time before you ttc I'm sure you can do it! You may have to make some changes and sacrifices but I think that if you want a child you will find a balance and find a way to make it work in a way that makes sense for you and your husband. In a perfect world we would stay in the city forever and send our kids to private school at 40k a year but that's just not going to happen!! ...When the time comes I think we would be happier in a walk up in brooklyn with a family than just the two of us but getting to continue living in the city and indulging in all it has to offer. I'm not saying to give up your requirements you listed (which are totally reasonable btw) but be flexible. Happy doesn't mean perfect. And of course like everyone's said before me make a saving plan, get insurance and start cutting expenses!!

mmille19 · January 2014

Virginia is expensive but I really dont see why you cant afford to live here on that income. I live in Virginia and DH and I can make it work on about half that. We have a small apartment but who cares. We are currently putting all our extra money towards debt before we have a baby. We are going without a lot now so we can get rid of our truck payment and student loans and set us up for a better future. I think you need to evaluate your budget and see where you can cut cost. If you want it bad enough (on that salary) you will make it work.

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