Things my ____ says...

MrsGraham06 · January 2014

I need some entertainment, these are usually good.

This can be a friend, relative, child, SO, etc...

MrsGraham06 · January 2014

I was talking to my OB before discharge. I got a post-partum tubal ligation done, and she said "Your ovaries and tubes were beautiful! Perfect! I almost hated cutting your tubes!"

Honestly, I never thought I'd hear THOSE words!

peanutmuse · January 2014

Things my mother says (talking about a co-worker whom she saw out at a restaurant recently):

"I saw Murray and he was in his gay gear."

Unknown · January 2014

This content has been removed.

RedSaffron · January 2014

SO was so tired yesterday that he wanted to say, "my shoulder hurts and I'm hungry" but he combined it together by saying "my shoulder is hungry.." lol!

casholmes · January 2014

My DH when the doctor said I was 1cm dilated "That means the baby's coming really soon right?"

You should have seen his face when I said some people are dilated for weeks before the baby decides to come.

brideandbreve · January 2014

There's a bakery in Charlottesville, VA, and this bakery has a lemon-drop cupcake that supposedly induces labor in pregnant women. Logically, I know that it's bullshit. Babies come when they're ready, not because their mother OD'ed on cupcakes or pineapple or eggplant parm. Emotionally, though, I am not only craving lemony-goodness, but I'm ready to have this baby.

All that being said, DH and I have talked casually - in humorous tones - about going to Charlottesville this weekend to buy some of these cupcakes.

I looked at DH's cell phone this morning (just being nosy), and his mom sent him a text message basically saying, "It would be really stupid to go all the way to Charlottesville to get cupcakes. I don't think the almost 2 hour drive is worth it. What a waste."

Um, I love you, but don't even play with me, woman, especially when you've been up my husband's ass all week about, "Is brideandbreve having contractions? Is she dilated? When's my granddaughter coming? OMG, I want my grand-baby now!" If my SIL was pregnant and wanted labor cupcakes, my MIL would be the person leading the caravan to Charlottesville.

brideandbreve · January 2014

KaitiMac said:

Things my fetus says: "Due date? Fuck you. This uterus is comfortable."

Ugh, why must our uteruses be so fucking hospitable?!

MJOJwedding · January 2014

@brideandbreve - um, now I'm thinking about a roadtrip to Charlottesville for those cupcakes! I hadn't heard about them, but Charlottesville is less than 2 hours from me. Hmmmmm...

Katiedjdj · January 2014

Things my 'other birth club' says....on a website that cannot be named.

"Hi Ladies!
I'm 38w preg..ive got cravings for ice cubes and cold water..i can't help it..
I want to find out it its safe for the baby..he won't get a cold or somthing
I'm asking becuz sumone told me the baby can get pnemonia if I eat ice."

Words fail me.

brideandbreve · January 2014

Katiedjdj said:

Things my 'other birth club' says....on a website that cannot be named. "Hi Ladies! I'm 38w preg..ive got cravings for ice cubes and cold water..i can't help it.. I want to find out it its safe for the baby..he won't get a cold or somthing I'm asking becuz sumone told me the baby can get pnemonia if I eat ice." Words fail me.

OMG. I'm not even going to mince words anymore: That broad is stupid.

growingmybun · January 2014

The LC: "you have beautiful nipples." Wow, thanks. I'm kind of flattered.

berenely · January 2014

DH tried to tell me today that I could use bag balm on my nips instead of lanolin. I explained to him that one of the reasons that won't work is because baby would be ingesting it. His reasoning? "It works for cows."

Thank you for comparing your 38 week pregnant wife to a large, milk-producing bovine. Score one for DH.

MJOJwedding · January 2014

jessicabcairns said:

New nurse I haven't seen before, "okay so since you seem to be stuck at 2cm, why don't you try siting on the ball, it will help widen your pelvis" DH: "when did you go from 4cm back down to 2cm?"

Wait, what?? Did the new nurse actually examine you? I'm confused!

pennstated912 · January 2014

jessicabcairns said:
New nurse I haven't seen before, "okay so since you seem to be stuck at 2cm, why don't you try siting on the ball, it will help widen your pelvis"

DH: "when did you go from 4cm back down to 2cm?"

I saw a new doctor last week. She checked me and said that I was 1.5cm dilated and 40% effaced. I was like, "Umm, last appointment I was 60%. Has my cervix decided against having the baby?"

pennstated912 · January 2014

jessicabcairns said:
New nurse I haven't seen before, "okay so since you seem to be stuck at 2cm, why don't you try siting on the ball, it will help widen your pelvis"

DH: "when did you go from 4cm back down to 2cm?"

I saw a new doctor last week. She checked me and said that I was 1.5cm dilated and 40% effaced. I was like, "Umm, last appointment I was 60%. Has my cervix decided against having the baby?"

Kc101212 · January 2014

brideandbreve said:
There's a bakery in Charlottesville, VA, and this bakery has a lemon-drop cupcake that supposedly induces labor in pregnant women. Logically, I know that it's bullshit. Babies come when they're ready, not because their mother OD'ed on cupcakes or pineapple or eggplant parm. Emotionally, though, I am not only craving lemony-goodness, but I'm ready to have this baby.

All that being said, DH and I have talked casually - in humorous tones - about going to Charlottesville this weekend to buy some of these cupcakes.

I looked at DH's cell phone this morning (just being nosy), and his mom sent him a text message basically saying, "It would be really stupid to go all the way to Charlottesville to get cupcakes. I don't think the almost 2 hour drive is worth it. What a waste."

Um, I love you, but don't even play with me, woman, especially when you've been up my husband's ass all week about, "Is brideandbreve having contractions? Is she dilated? When's my granddaughter coming? OMG, I want my grand-baby now!" If my SIL was pregnant and wanted labor cupcakes, my MIL would be the person leading the caravan to Charlottesville.

I'm two hours from Charlottesville too, and I'd totally make the drive for those cupcakes right now.

Kc101212 · January 2014

brideandbreve said:
There's a bakery in Charlottesville, VA, and this bakery has a lemon-drop cupcake that supposedly induces labor in pregnant women. Logically, I know that it's bullshit. Babies come when they're ready, not because their mother OD'ed on cupcakes or pineapple or eggplant parm. Emotionally, though, I am not only craving lemony-goodness, but I'm ready to have this baby.

All that being said, DH and I have talked casually - in humorous tones - about going to Charlottesville this weekend to buy some of these cupcakes.

I looked at DH's cell phone this morning (just being nosy), and his mom sent him a text message basically saying, "It would be really stupid to go all the way to Charlottesville to get cupcakes. I don't think the almost 2 hour drive is worth it. What a waste."

Um, I love you, but don't even play with me, woman, especially when you've been up my husband's ass all week about, "Is brideandbreve having contractions? Is she dilated? When's my granddaughter coming? OMG, I want my grand-baby now!" If my SIL was pregnant and wanted labor cupcakes, my MIL would be the person leading the caravan to Charlottesville.

I'm two hours from Charlottesville too, and I'd totally make the drive for those cupcakes right now.

CeeJC121013 · January 2014

My ob at my post partum follow up appointment (while his fingers are up my hoohaa examining me) "wow! It's like you never even had a baby!"

Umm... Flattering. But so, so awkward.

agunnet · January 2014

brideandbreve said:
There's a bakery in Charlottesville, VA, and this bakery has a lemon-drop cupcake that supposedly induces labor in pregnant women. Logically, I know that it's bullshit. Babies come when they're ready, not because their mother OD'ed on cupcakes or pineapple or eggplant parm. Emotionally, though, I am not only craving lemony-goodness, but I'm ready to have this baby.

All that being said, DH and I have talked casually - in humorous tones - about going to Charlottesville this weekend to buy some of these cupcakes.

I looked at DH's cell phone this morning (just being nosy), and his mom sent him a text message basically saying, "It would be really stupid to go all the way to Charlottesville to get cupcakes. I don't think the almost 2 hour drive is worth it. What a waste."

Um, I love you, but don't even play with me, woman, especially when you've been up my husband's ass all week about, "Is brideandbreve having contractions? Is she dilated? When's my granddaughter coming? OMG, I want my grand-baby now!" If my SIL was pregnant and wanted labor cupcakes, my MIL would be the person leading the caravan to Charlottesville.

I live in Charlottesville and have eaten 12 of these damn cupcakes over the past two weeks. I'm still pregnant...They don't work! But they are delicious.

notthecheat · January 2014

DH whenever LO cries and he is the one holding her: "She doesn't like me." And he is totally serious. No matter how many times I explain that babies just cry and point out all the other people (including myself) who were holding her when she started to cry.

notthecheat · January 2014

Lo was cluster feeding while DH was waiting to hold her. On her third or fourth time on the boob, DH asks her "aren't you done yet?"

LO goes: "uh uh"

joynalanson · January 2014

LO has my cheeks, big and round. DH loves them and does the same thing to both of us- kissing and pinching. Because of our lip balms I'm afraid all te kissing is leading to a lil breakout on his cheeks, so I told DH he may have to stop. He looked so longingly at LO's cheeks and said "but they're so juicy!" it was like he was told he couldn't eat ice cream anymore while at a sundae buffet.

casholmes · January 2014

Oh my god my MIL had a lot today when we were talking about circumcision. The best ones:

"Well 99% of the boy population is circumcised anyway" <-- Sure they are
"If you don't get it done then they'll scream every time they get an erection when they're men" <--- um what
"Even the Jewish people do it now" <-- Well...yeah duh.. (she thought the Jewish religion was against it?)
"He'll have to get it done when he's like 12 if you don't do it when he's born" <--- what are you TALKING about?

For the record, we are getting LO circumcised, so I'm not sure why she felt the need to 'convince' me?

sehudson821 · January 2014

My MIL said yesterday, "oh look the baby has hairy cheeks like you!" I guess I should look into cheek waxing...I was unaware I had a hairy face!!! Thanks for that boost of confidence, MIL!

jhjocelyn · January 2014

DH at 2am after 3 hours of me nursing-changing-cuddling-nursing nonstop (while he was off on his own). "If you think she's asleep (in my arms), you shouldn't be crying so loud" ...to his credit, he did console me after putting her in her bed...

MrsGraham06 · January 2014

DD (almost 3 YO) - "mommy, what's the froggy?"
Me: What?
DD: The froggy - that thing! It goes ribbit ribbit

Me: Oh, it's called a breast pump.
...

So, now she calls the breast pump the froggy. DS1 used to call it beh-bump.

hopeful808 · January 2014

My OB at my 40W2D appt this morning. "Put your heels in the stirrups and scoot down to the edge of the table so we can see if anything fun is happening."

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