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July 2013 Moms
salsa131
member
SAHM battling depression (Update)
salsa131
member
Formerly known as kmgarner25
Hi everyone,
Shortly after my son was born I had a bad experience with PPD. My OBGYN put me on 100 mg of Zoloft and I was mostly fine after the medication went into effect. Lately though, I have been very depressed. I am very grateful to have the chance to stay home with my son while he is little, but it can be very, very isolating. I am only 23 years old, so the vast majority of my college friends cannot relate to me now. I only have a few good friends that stuck through my side throughout the pregnancy. I’ve become the kind of person who stays in pajamas and rarely leaves the apartment. It seems as if the only human contact I’ve been getting lately is from my SO and son, of course. My SO suggests that I take a trip to the park, go to the library, or go get coffee. I know these are all good ideas, but I rarely have the motivation to leave the apartment most days, and I keep making excuses not to leave.
I feel that after months, my depression has suddenly gotten worse. I want to connect with other people, and make a group of friends, whether they are other stay-at-home moms or not. I’m also hesitant to try to meet other stay-at-home moms because of my age. I worry that they’ll judge me for having a child so young, when most of them are probably several years older than me. I live just outside of Atlanta, so there are lots of things to do. I just am so tired that by the end of the day all I want to do is watch Netflix. I want to better myself for my son because I know it isn’t good for him to see his mother depressed.
I am not in contact with the majority of my family because they disagree with my lifestyle choices. I was not married to my SO when I got pregnant and am now living with him without being married. Our relationship has come a very long way since I first got pregnant, but I don’t think either one of us are entirely ready for marriage just yet. I am certainly not against marriage, and we’re working towards it, but neither one of us want to rush things. Everything is going very well between us, but my relationship with my parents is at its possible worst. They are Southern Baptists and are very opinionated with their beliefs. In the past they have been very emotionally abusive. My son has been called a bastard and some of my cousins mock him for not being circumcised. My grandmother still asks when I am going to circumcise him. I love my family very much, but I feel at this point all they do is bring negativity into my life because I do not follow their rules. I am close with my younger sister, but she is still in high school so she cannot visit. My parents refuse to visit me, and they have asked me several times not to return during my visits. My dad has said that he wishes my grandparents were dead so that they didn’t have to see me living in sin and ruining my life. My grandmother has expressed that desire as well. I’m so sorry for the long rant, and not giving much support to others lately. I just wanted to know if any other SAHM have felt depression from being cooped up, and how to meet people in a new city when you’re a SAHM. Thanks for all the support everyone has given me over the past year.
P.S. Sorry, there really is no organization. This is just one long ramble.
Update.
I want to thank you all for your sweet words and support. July 2013 has such an awesome group of mothers and I'm so glad I found this board. I came to the Bump as a frightened college student dealing with an unplanned pregnancy her last semester, and this board helped me through hard times and gave me excellent advice. It's amazing what a walk can do to your spirits. As many of you suggested, I strolled my LO to get the mail and then went to the store yesterday. I felt so much better afterwards. I realize that I'll have to make baby steps, but I really like the idea of making a list of things to do each day. I feel so blessed to have this group.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: SAHM battling depression (Update)
Some of the things that I've done when I'm feeling down (I'm a sahm):
-I think about how lucky I am to spend this time with him. I try to put away the phone and just be with him, taking in all the milestones he's achieving
-signing up for classes! I find that if I have nothing to do that day, chances are I won't leave the house and then I'll feel depressed and useless. If I have somewhere to be (that I paid for!) I will make it a point to go.
-Hired a babysitter to come for a few hours a week. That way I can spend a few hours being myself; exercising, reading, etc.
-Going for walks and getting some sunshine.
I try to get out and interact as much as possible. Make sure that you're eating & drinking enough over the course of the day. I find that somedays I am so focused on the baby's needs that I forget to take care of myself and by the end of the day, I'm feeling super hungry, low, and depressed.
Feel better, mama. We are here for you.
If you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me and I will give you my number. I'm always around to talk!
It's important to set up a support system of people you can interact with. I tried going to parks/ museums with my daughter when I started staying home. It was better than staying home, but definitely not as fun if you don't have another adult to talk with.
I am so sorry about how your family is treating u. Considering how they are being, I understand why you are afraid to be judged at a mothers club, but I don't think you should worry. Go and try to make friends! Moms are there to support each other!
I hope happier times are coming your way soon!
makeup even if I'm staying in. It helps lift my mood.
Hugs! I hope you feel better soon!!
Gymboree is a good option.
Meetup.com has great groups.
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Monster Truck (It's a GIRL!) is due 19/02/2015!
Things that helped me:
1. Routine. It is hard for me to stick to things, but establishing a routine helped so much. I started by drinking a hot cup of something every morning- water and lemon, tea, coffee, didn't matter.
2. I left the house every day. Some days it was easier to do this than others. I took a walk with DS or left something as simple as a vegetable for dinner to pick up from the store.
3. I made baby food. This gave me something to do and made me feel like I had a "job".
4. I left time for myself. During DS's second nap I would watch tv, read, nap with him, whatever I wanted.
The other comments here are really good; finding someone to talk to irl is really important.
Sending you hugs.
1. If you aren't still on meds, call and get some. PPD can occur at anytime in the year following birth.
2. I would look into finding a counslor to talk to, it can be helpful for anyone and especially when you don't have friends and family in the same place in life/ as suPport.
3. I'm sorry about your family. It is so hard when you love people who should love and support you and don't support you. Please know you aren't the only one who doesn't have a supportive family.
4.Look at local hospitals and dr. Groups to see oif they offer new mom groups. My area has 2 that offer 1 hour weekly meetings that are a great way to meet other moms with babies the same age. Other places to check: library/storytime, meet up groups online (it took me several attempts but then I found a group in my area), barnes and noble story times, free or cheap Park district/town/private baby actvities. Baby massage classes.
I'm sorry you are having. Atough time. Big hugs!
I do want to say sorry that your family is treating you like that instead of being supportive. But if they're just causing you grief and heartache it's probably best to cut them out for now as bad as that sounds. Hopefully they'll eventually open their closed minds and see what they're missing out on.
Also I'm glad you're reaching out and realize there's a problem. Recognizing that is great and I hope you can get whatever help and support you need. Even if it's just support from this group, that's a beginning and we're here for you. Hugs.
D 2.20.2011 & Z 7.16.2013
I've found seeing a counsellor to be somewhat helpful, but not as amazing as I was hoping. I do find getting out helps. Like others have said, take it slow and set small goals. I try to have "something" for Hunter and I to do everyday, whether it's just a walk or meeting a friend for lunch.
I've dealt with emotional abuse in my past, and it's so hard to get past that. I still constantly beat myself up and think that I'm not good enough or not doing things right.
L: 7/12/13
C: 5/11/15
E: 3/7/17
Due 11/10/18
I am a SAHM and find myself battling depression and loneliness as well. I have found that the one thing I NEED is to give myself a routine. That means that every day after she goes down for her morning nap I go clean up my room and get dressed. Just putting on "real" clothes tends to make me feel more motivated all day. I also seek out organized activities that get us out of the house. Our local library has free baby play classes and I bring her to all of those. If there's nothing going on that day I will at least go to the grocery store or bundle up and bring her to the park for a walk. I feel horrible if I stay in my house all day. I know it's hard but push yourself to get out of the house as much as possible - it's great for you and your LO.
F15 Siggy Challenge: What You're Looking Forward to Most After Baby Arrives: BELLY SLEEPING!
L: 7/12/13
C: 5/11/15
E: 3/7/17
Due 11/10/18