husband missing delivery anxiety.

Arangia · January 2014

My husband is a truck driver and leaves the state Sunday night and doesn't get home until around 5am on Wednesday morning, then works locally Thursday and Friday. With our son he got home on Wednesday (I was only 36w6d) and I went into labor that night, had him just past midnight on Thursday so it worked out great for my husband to be there.

This time around I'm now 36w4d and am just starting to really stress out about the possibility of him missing it. Because he is responsible for a truck and the delivery he absolutely cannot just turn around and come back. My sister is my birth coach so it's not like if he's not there I will be completely alone, but I definitely want him there!

If labor starts on Tuesday night I at least face the possibility that he'd get home as early as possible and hopefully not miss everything, but if labor starts on Monday morning we are just screwed.

I know military families face this all the time and this certainly isn't as bad as the dad not meeting baby until they are a year or older some times, but it doesn't change the fact that I really want him there.

Anyone else in the same boat of having to worry if dh will miss out??

bb90 · January 2014

My due date is February 24th and my husband has to be in Missouri for BOLC by the 1st of March. That gives me four days if I'm over due and two weeks prior to my due date he has drill 5.5 hours away so I'm definitely nervous.

Madelyn0713 · January 2014

I'm in the same boat. My husband is a college head coach and is in season now. He will be on the road with his team starting in two weeks. He's basically gone Wednesday (sometimes Thursday) morning through Monday morning every week - except for the day after my due date - that's when they leave for a 13 day spring break trip to Southern California. He's still traveling to all of his games and when I go into labor, if he's gone, he will do his best to get on the first flight back. So there's a decent chance he won't be here/will miss it. I'm pretty stressed out about it. Especially considering we just moved here so we have no close friends or family to rely on so I'm not going through it alone.

oscarkat · January 2014

I've got no experience to share, but wanted to say that I really feel for you. I'd be nervous and worried about him missing it too. Fingers crossed that things work out for you!

ShePersisted · January 2014

No direct experience but when my mom went into labor my dad was stuck driving to the hospital due to very bad rains. In India rains pretty much flood streets making it impossible to move. I am told he was stuck in his car and could not get going. My mother was finally given a c-sec due to no progress and my dad arrived just a little after my birth. He was drenched in monsoon street water so they would not let him hold me until he showered or something like that.

I know it's hard but it's good that you at least have your sister and are not alone. Unfortunately it's hard to prefix when baby will be ready so I would say the best you can do is keep FXd and hope that it's at a time when he can be there.

kella0708 · January 2014

(((Hugs)))

I'm in the same position as well. DH is stationed for training in DC and West Virginia until March 4th. He comes up to NYC as often as he can but there is a very real possibility he will not be here when I go into labor. We are hoping if that is the case he can make it up here before the LO is born.

I'm glad you have your sister for support. Hopefully you will go into labor while he is home!!

snowwhite1979 · January 2014

I feel for you! My husband is waaaay out of town for court in different cities twice this week - today and Friday. I'm on my own today but my parents are in on Friday. I don't have an alternate birth coach, but I do have a plan for DD to be picked up, etc.

I'm worried about my DH not being there, but I also feel like I could do it without him if I have to. I kind of dread my parents being involved if it happens Friday but we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

I'm glad you have your sister there for support. I guess I would add that worrying about it won't change when that baby comes, so try not to stress about it too much for your own mental well-being. And since this is round two for you, you probably have a better grasp on what's actually going to happen when you head to L&D. Good luck, and I really hope baby comes when DH is home!

MoxyByProxy · January 2014

My dh works for a barge company and is gone for 30-34 days and then home for about the same amt of time.

We knew early on we needed a "plan" if we wanted him to be here. He's home now but if LO decides to come late or his work calls him in at the minimum allotted time home (26 days) he will miss it.

With his job.. even the best laid plans get effed up. I know thats totally unhelpful but you still have time to maybe get a more solid plan worked out?

lisalixia727 · January 2014

I feel for you. My husband doesn't have a job so his mother insists that it's more important for a man to focus on finding a job than caring for his pregnant wife, so she moved in with me and sent my husband away months ago, he will miss the birth and everything, I fought for it but he is used to do whatever she asks him to do. It's a pretty screwed up relationship those two

Soap1 · January 2014

My husband is a pilot and often finds himself in different cities or states, so I feel your pain! And I have a history of very fast labors. It's stressful!

PeachLove25 · January 2014

lisalixia727 said:
I feel for you. My husband doesn't have a job so his mother insists that it's more important for a man to focus on finding a job than caring for his pregnant wife, so she moved in with me and sent my husband away months ago, he will miss the birth and everything, I fought for it but he is used to do whatever she asks him to do. It's a pretty screwed up relationship those two

Huh??? If he doesn't have a job then where is he that he wouldn't be able to be at the birth. I'm so confused.

cauliflowereyes · January 2014

I'm fortunate to have my DH around for the birth for sure, but I can kind of feel a bit of your anxiety because my sister and mom are in Mexico from now until shortly before LO is officially due. This kid is measuring nice and beefy, and my OB has mentioned many times that an early arrival wouldn't surprise him.

I'm kinda sad that my family is so far away while I'm so freakin' pregnant, lol! I mean, I hope they enjoy Mexico... Goodness knows that Canada is rough this time of year... but I'll be happy if they get back in time!

PeachLove25 · January 2014

lisalixia727 said:
I feel for you. My husband doesn't have a job so his mother insists that it's more important for a man to focus on finding a job than caring for his pregnant wife, so she moved in with me and sent my husband away months ago, he will miss the birth and everything, I fought for it but he is used to do whatever she asks him to do. It's a pretty screwed up relationship those two

cauliflowereyes · January 2014

Omg the wat lady x2!

halfthetree · January 2014

OP I totally get your anxiety. My DH is out of town Monday to Friday (I'm moving there with our son after the baby is born), so it is very likely I will go into labour solo. Can you hire a doula by any chance? I have one, and having her support has been a huge relief. With her I know that at least I won't be doing it solo.
It's not the same as dad being there, but it could help ease some fears?

Arangia · January 2014

We did talk about a doula for a while but my sister will be there, and although dh is really helpful, my sister is by far the birth coach lol.

The other part of the stress is just that if it's next week, my older three kids (adopted with my ex husband) will be home and I do not have a very good plan for what to do with them as far as school and over nights are concerned. My ex is absolutely horrible and a major douche bag so there is no working with him on a reasonable solution.

Just really hope the baby comes sometime between Wednesday and Sunday, this week, or two weeks from now, lol. No pressure Mother Nature but I've got plans! hahahaha.

I did tell my husband to pretty much brace himself for absolutely nothing getting done on Mondays or Tuesdays while he's gone. That I was going to make it a point to kick back on the sofa and totally relax. I can't do laundry or any cleaning without having a couple hours of contractions afterwards, and I don't want to trigger labor by trying to pick up the millionth lego and trying to get the last lonely socks out of the bottom of the washing machine.

adeleon829 · January 2014

Sorry lady!!! I know your pain. My Husband is military though and I knew he would miss the birth and it really upset me while I was pregnant, But honesty there was so much going on when you about to deliver, my husband not being there really didn't cross my mind all that much I was more worried about getting the baby out safely!!!! It'll be okay!!! But I hope for the best for you!

lisalixia727 · January 2014

The irony here is there is no logic to this whole situation, my MIL has been in charge of husband' life forever, I didn't realize that much until recently. I've been the bread winner and things has been okay since I provide him a good life and take care of the house, until I got pregnant and MIL stepped in to take over coz she cannot stand to see my husband taking care of me at home, she's jealous of me because my husband loves me very much. My husband is working for his brother now, for free, in a different city, she wins.

PeachLove25 · January 2014

lisalixia727 said:
The irony here is there is no logic to this whole situation, my MIL has been in charge of husband' life forever, I didn't realize that much until recently. I've been the bread winner and things has been okay since I provide him a good life and take care of the house, until I got pregnant and MIL stepped in to take over coz she cannot stand to see my husband taking care of me at home, she's jealous of me because my husband loves me very much. My husband is working for his brother now, for free, in a different city, she wins.

Huh?!?!
How old are you/DH? Why do you let this woman make your decisions AND live with you???? Why would you husband work for free??

RondackHiker · January 2014

lisalixia727 said:
The irony here is there is no logic to this whole situation, my MIL has been in charge of husband' life forever, I didn't realize that much until recently. I've been the bread winner and things has been okay since I provide him a good life and take care of the house, until I got pregnant and MIL stepped in to take over coz she cannot stand to see my husband taking care of me at home, she's jealous of me because my husband loves me very much. My husband is working for his brother now, for free, in a different city, she wins.

If your MIL can send your dh away to work for free, then he doesn't love you as much as he says. I don't see how he could hear his mom say "leave your pregnant wife and go work for free" and he'd agree.

Where are you? Where is your husband? Why can't your husband find work near you?

If you're the breadwinner, find a place of your own and support yourself. I wouldn't stay with someone who'd abandon me because mommy said so.

notreal2 · January 2014

OP, I hope all works out for you. It sounds like even though you know it's a possibility he won't be there, you have a good outlook on it.

lisalixia727, yeah, it sounds like your MIL loves your BIL, since she sent your husband away to provide your BIL free labour. You're the breadwinner, that means you pay for the house/have your name on the lease, right? Kick that bossy bitch out of your home.

Arangia · January 2014

I'd kick the mil out.

cbear47 · January 2014

@arangia- sounds like you at least have a handle on your stressful situation. I'm sorry you're dealing with the very real chance of your H not physically being there during your labor. ((Hugs))

@lisalixia727- I feel like you need your own post. Intro and tell your story.

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