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Blended Families
Off again. SD not moving back.
Just got off the phone with her. Apparently there is still girlfriend drama with the former ex Iowa boyfriend, soon to be boyfriend again. We'll call him Mike. Mike is trying to get rid of the girlfriend, and buy SD a ticket here. Girlfriend apparently found out and cut the bank funds off. There is more essentially SD told us "I don't need that drama." and told Mike "nevermind". I told her I think that's smart and very mature of her.
She is going to stay in Texas, live with her mom, work, save money until summer, apply again for school and go to college there.
DH tells her that I have already bought a ton of presents for her and they are all wrapped under the tree. What should we do with them? She didn't believe him. DH told him, "You are the only one J has gotten all of her shopping done for, we were looking forward to you being here." And we were. I've been throwing myself into the holiday spirit and I enjoyed shopping for her. Most of it is clothes she desperately needs. So I talked to her about it. I'm returning most of it. Sending her some, and the fun little stuff I was going to put in her stocking and go get her some gift certificates to her favorite clothing stores.
We also talked more about college and it was a good talk. I gave her a pep talk and told her to work like hell, get some scholarships and do all you can and call when you need advice and help. She's going to use her mom's tax return. her step dad is also disabled, and there is something there as far as financial help that she can get too that she's looking into. She'll get more thru her mom's situation and taxes than she will us.
Girls - you are going to laugh at me, but I was ready for her to get here, and I'm disappointed now. I was in the right, postive frame of mind and I was ready to start out on a good foot. I also fear she won't get to college if she stays down there. And then there is the Josh factor. She'll have to deal with him. He gets out of jail next week I guess.
But, she's met another boy - a cowboy like "daddy". Has a job, a nice truck and is a gentleman. God I hope so....I told her to not get caught up in the boys. Make herself #1, and the good guys who really love her will allow her to do that and support whatever she wants to do.
It's weird. I'll admit I'm kind of relieved, but I'm sitting here thinking - crap. Is this really what's best? Will she be okay? Then I think, she'll change her mind again. And when she does...I'll be even more ready for her. I'll have more time to resolve some stuff and the problems we had with her will be even more in the past.
So maybe this is best.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Off again. SD not moving back.
I totally understand your thoughts, wanting her out of your hair and yet wanting her close enough to keep an eye on and to help. The mixed emotions are hard to deal with. My SD actually stopped by the other day and it was the first nice time with her in honestly over a year, no drama and she stayed for probably close to an hour to play with DS which is nice...I don't know if she knows he is now saying her name when he sees her picture!
But, I definintely worry about your SD's dependence on men and going from one to the next so quickly. My SD is doing the same thing, her boyfriend (the one she had through all the drama) helped her with the car and insurance (she paid most but he helped) and only a month after getting a car she was talking to a new guy and her and the boyfriened broke up and there was major drama involving the police...I don't know the whole story which is best. What these girls need is time alone to figure out who they are, who they want to be and how to get there!
Good luck and I am so happy for you that you have been in a good frame of mind.
In response to the comments:
Littlejen & Marry - I worry too about her dependence on boys, but I told her -make yourself number one, quit worrying about the boys, the good ones who treat you right will come to you if you take care of yourself. And Mary - young cowboys can be bad boys. Especially if he's in rough stock rodeo. I've seen my share and I've avoided them because they tend to be wild. If I had met DH when he was younger, I would have had nothing to do with him. He's one of those bad boys who have matured. But...with that said, I know there are some nice,young cowboys who do have manners. I hope he's one of them.
J&A - I am returning some of the presents because they are winter clothes that she does not have, but will not need or wear in Texas. She needed all that stuff badly up here had she moved here. So I'm getting her gift certificates to her favorite stores - AE, Hollister, PacSun...and I'm sending some of the things like the stocking stuffers, and the tanks and tops I know she can and will wear. She will still be spoiled.
I'm still nervous for her. All I can do is advise her and hope for the best. DH misses her, but I think he feels the same way I do. Kind of relieved we won't have to go thru the stress she will surely put on us, but worried about her too. We just want her to be happy. She's an adult, she needs to make her own choices. And when she changes her mind, she knows she still can come here - one more time.
This is what I love about you mary. You are forever the optimist! Thank you for thinking positively for my SD. I would love that for her too. And the pessimist in me says...I fear that is what SD is wishing for too. Someone to sweep her off her feet and take care of her, and as wonderful as that may be...she needs to learn to take care of herself too. Oy. I will continue to hope for the best.
I do read Ree's website. Religiously! I love it! And what's frightening is she and I have some similarities. DH and I met in a very, very similar way. I can totally relate to her too in her life, her cooking, her art, her (stable) family, the whole cowboy thing. It's almost frightentng.
I really feel for your SD, as I was the girl who had the crazy drug dealer boyfriend at that age (actually a little older so I should have known better). I came from an amazing family, but I was such a drama queen b!tch that I could not see that he was ruining my life. I got my act together though, and here I am married, working (craptastic job, but it will get better), nice home, and wonderful family. I know that everyone in my life was worried that I was going to end barefoot and pregnant living on welfare in a dump somewhere-and they were right to be worried, because a few changes in the course of events and I would have been there.
I see a lot of similarities with my younger self and your SD, and I know that she can turn it around!
ETA- I don't want to see her swept off her feet either. But hopefully this is someone who will treat her well, and she will realize that she deserves that. Hopefully it will be a confidence builder, and maybe teach her a few things about the world around her.