Intro

I'm a FTM with a 4 month old daughter. After taking off 4 months with her I just returned back to work Jan 15. I never really considered being a SAHM because I worked hard for my career and enjoy work especially the challenge and the social aspect. I really dreaded going back and after a week of crying I really didn't think I was going to make it. The anticipation of leaving was worse than actually doing it but there are definitely some challenges.

We live in NYC and have a nanny. So far so good with that. I really like her and spent a week and a half with her and the baby and really like her way with my LO. I always assumed my mom would watch my child but since we are still in the city and not sure what we plan to do my parents are staying put in OH which makes complete sense but still makes me sad. So for now things feel pretty good even though it wasn't my dream scenario. 

 I'm looking forward to reading and participating here because I'm finding emotionally this is a bit tougher than I thought. I'm feeling a lot of guilt and though my daughter is adjusting fine during the day she is very attached at night and comfort nurses for hours in the evening and wakes up at night again. I'm trying to be patient because along with 4 month wakeful I realize this is a big adjustment for her too. I guess these are things I didn't really think about when deciding to go back.

I know we will get through this and find a routine but at the minute it just doesn't feel like my life. I had left her for a day here and there so I'm sort of still in that mind set and need to settle into this being our new normal.