Am I just hormonal or is my MIL crazy (long vent sorry)

Re: Am I just hormonal or is my MIL crazy (long vent sorry)

• dunvilles member

  January 2014

  Have your OB be the "heavy". Make sure your H is at the appointment too.

  
  
  
  
  
  

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• coffeyandyogapants member

  January 2014

  Im the same way as you, i hate surprises, and I have never heard of showers needing to be a surprise? It is nice that she was trying to throw you a surprise shower though. But that is an akward situation being ad its so far away. I guess i think you are justified to be upset that she acted that way about it fir sure.

  

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• byrdr2 member

  January 2014

  He will be taking to me the OB tomorrow so I'm def going to be asking in front of him for that reason. My MIL is just the type where everything needs to be about her no matter who it's really supposed to be about. She did this at our wedding too. My SIL tells me to ignore her but its hard when no matter what we all do or go together she makes a big scene. Yesterday she wanted to have a picture printed of our baby bed and bedding and put on the gift table so everyone knows how much they have bought is. But when my DH told her No she got mad and i ended up seeing her take her phone around and was showing people. I just rolled my eyes and went on having fun lol

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• coffeyandyogapants member

  January 2014

  That is a good point, does your husband come to your defense? Or does he just let her tslk to you this way?

  

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• jpoindahouse member

  January 2014

  I clicked on this thread wanting to be objective and to see a rational explanation for your MILs behavior. But I just can't. Here's what I think

  1. You are well within your rights to know when your shower is happening. Especially since you have a hectic work schedule. You need to plan. Also, if you hate surprises, well then you shouldn't have to be surprised.

  2. 38 weeks is pretty late to be having a shower that is over two hours away. I agree that you should run this one by your doctor.

  That said, if your doctor oks it, then it might be best to go in an effort to keep the peace. If your doctor says "no" then she is going to have to move either the location of the shower or date of the shower (until after the baby is born).

  I'm surprised that anyone is arguing with you over this and I'm sorry that they are stressing you out.

   

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• jpoindahouse member

  January 2014

  byrdr2 said:

  He will be taking to me the OB tomorrow so I'm def going to be asking in front of him for that reason. My MIL is just the type where everything needs to be about her no matter who it's really supposed to be about. She did this at our wedding too. My SIL tells me to ignore her but its hard when no matter what we all do or go together she makes a big scene. Yesterday she wanted to have a picture printed of our baby bed and bedding and put on the gift table so everyone knows how much they have bought is. But when my DH told her No she got mad and i ended up seeing her take her phone around and was showing people. I just rolled my eyes and went on having fun lol

  Wait she was using her phone to show people at your shower the price tag for the gifts she bought you? Or am I misunderstanding that? If she was trying to show off what she spent on you then that is just....wow.

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• goobermom member

  January 2014 edited January 2014

  I completely agree with what PP have said.  It sounds to me like your MIL is at the very least being very inconsiderate and rude...and you could possibly be putting yourself and your LO in jeopardy by traveling so far (and in such a stressful situation) at this stage in your pregnancy.   I hope that your DH will back you up and take a firm stance with his mom if needed.  Good luck at your Dr. appt tomorrow!

  
  

  EDIT: corrected spelling

  

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• byrdr2 member

  January 2014

  Going to try to answer all of these in one response. Yes my husband does support me but I don't think he realizes how exhausted I am on my days off now but I think he is catching on I can't just go, go, go like I usually do. He didnt hear how she talked to me but after talking to my SIL he wasn't that shocked because he has his own set of issues with her. He constantly brings her marriage issues to him and he finally told her not to call or talk to him again until she decides to be the parent and him the child even though he is 35. As far as if the Dr tells me I can go I will. I will be beyond exhausted considering I have to work 2-10pm the night before, then go to 2 bb games with my DD then drive over 2 hours to go to a shower I will honestly know no one prob at. I know ill be beyond tired but ill do that and told DH I have no issues as along as Dr said I can. And for the picture she was showing off the pic of the bed and bedding that we have set up already and then discussing how much she paid. Ugh. And thanks girls for helping me not think I'm just crazy and hormonal. Lol

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• BB0214 member

  January 2014

  You are not crazy or hormonal. Honestly, who throws a shower for someone without consulting about a date. 38 weeks is awfully late for a shower.
  I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

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• RondackHiker member

  January 2014

  Can you clarify how your husband is supporting you, but doesn't get that it's too far to travel?
  
  Because to me, supporting would mean he wouldn't be questioning your reluctance to go. Instead it seems like he wants you to go... How is that supportive?

  
  

  
  

   

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• gateship member

  January 2014

  I don't know what your doctor is like but mine forbid me from going an hour+ away from the hospital at 30 weeks (granted, I had been having a ton of contractions and had been to L&D several times already). I have the feeling that your doc will say it isn't such a good idea (however, maybe make sure you phrase the way you ask the question so that she/he knows that you are worried about driving that far). 
  

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• byrdr2 member

  January 2014

  I honestly think my DH doesn't think before he speaks. I have talked to him more this evening while at work in between calls and then he talked to his brother too and I guess now he is understanding where I coming from. I guess maybe how I was explaining it didnt make sense to him?? He said he didn't want to make his mom mad but def doesn't wanna make me mad. I said well then try to see it from my aspect because with this being my 4th child labor could go quick. He agreed that he will just go with whatever dr says and if I don't feel like going we won't go. My DH seems to understand more via text lately than n person. I guess it makes him think more before responding.

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• RondackHiker member

  January 2014

  broccoli's_girl said:

  I'm trying to give your husband the benefit of the doubt. Like maybe because this is his first he just doesn't understand why such a long car ride is a bad idea, but he still shouldn't have a problem seeing that she should have given you warning, she should have checked to see if you were free (seriously who does that?), and she shouldn't have planned it so far away at 38 weeks.

  Yeah... I'm not really trying.
  
  If I told my dh that his mom scheduled a surprise party for me 2.5 hours away on a day when our child had two games, he'd say, "guess she should have checked our schedule. She'll get over it." He wouldn't worry about making her mad.
  
  If I told him that his mom was upset and wanted me to drive 2.5 hours at 38 weeks, he'd tell me to stay home and ignore her.
  
  If I told him she was rude, he'd roll his eyes and say he was sorry I had to deal with that, and address it with her if needed.
  
  Your MIL did all of these at ONCE and he hesitates about making her mad? He's torn because he doesn't want either of you to be mad?
  
  She's very much in the wrong to schedule a surprise party without knowing your schedule, be upset with you that you can't make it, and expect you to travel so far at 38 weeks.
  
  I would NOT miss my DD's games for this. No matter what the doctor said.
  

  
  

  
  

   

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• byrdr2 member

  January 2014

  Def not missing either game. I already missed 2 this month because of work and other had a bad flu bug. My DH honestly didn't even know my DD's ball schedule and did try to have her move date but she threw a fit. At this point he said he is hoping the Dr says I can't go because he didnt know bout the shower either till yesterday. Needless to say I think we have our issues resolved and he is realizing he needs to trust what I say considering this isn't my 1st child and know my bodies limits. He even did all the laundry and cleaned our room while I was at work. Yep he's sucking up but I'm so not complaining lol.
  
  He's evidently been into it with his mother as well today bout all this so we will see how this week goes. As far as I'm concerned I could go without talking or seeing her until after baby is born. My DH said he's not telling her until I'm bout to push because she freaking asked earlier today to b n the delivery room. Thank God he told her absolutely NO!!! Ugh I think I have a monster-in-law at this point. Please pray for patience for me!!!

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• ziggy903 member

  January 2014

  I'm with @dreamingbabies- don't ask. Just blame the doctor.
  
  When she throws a fit, your husband needs to be the one defending you.

  
  
  

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• BB0214 member

  January 2014

  Sounds like your MIL is the one being crazy and hormonal.

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• RondackHiker member

  January 2014

  ziggy903 said:

  I'm with @dreamingbabies- don't ask. Just blame the doctor.
  
  When she throws a fit, your husband needs to be the one defending you.

  
  And it shouldn't be "don't blame her! Be mad at the doctor!" It should include the line "you should have checked her schedule and made sure ahead of time. We could have told you she wouldn't make it."

  
  

  
  

   

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