Hi,
our little daughter is now 4 1/2 months old and has so far been sleeping in our room in a bassinet. We feel it's time to move her to her bedroom and crib and train her to sleep through the night.
Currently she wakes up 2 times a night to feed. There was one day recently she slept for 8 hours. She sleeps swaddled and with a paci. But at her daycare, they don't swaddle. At daycare most of her naps are 30 min long.
In the last 3 days we have left her cry to sleep and she goes down in max 30 minutes. But still swaddles and with paci. And we want to start sleep training in her room next week, but have some questions.
- We are thinking of cutting swaddle and paci and make it a clean break. We think that if she has the paci, will wake up without a paci and not be able to soothe helself. Thoughts?
- How do we know she is not really hungry if she wakes up crying in the middle of the night? We just ignore and let her cry?
- As far as setting a schedule, let's say we need to wake her at 6am every day so Mom can feed her and give her to me so I can get her ready for daycare and mom can go to work. We need to maintain the schedule on weekends and holidays as well?
I really appreciate your input.
Thanks
Re: Sleep training questions
That's pretty harsh.
1.) if you want them on a schedule stick to the schedule
2.)dim the lights before bedtime and make sure the room had a lamp or a dimmer for the main light so they dont wake up to total brightness.
3.) if you do go to your child you should go while they first cry ( sounds like a wining cry ) so they once again dont wake up completely from crying so hard or tire themselves out or getting a soar throat.
4.) try your best not to talk to much during night feeds or diaper change...(i try to hum or put a soft lullaby on)
These tips help me with my lil girl toni going from sleeping with me (no cosleeper) to her crib
p.s. my family is the kind of family that doesnt let babies "self soothe" but my in-laws do and they do try to enforce it on my new family... so please be nice to people you dont know how they live there lives. NO one would like being criticized as a parent
When my LO wakes up in the motn I wait for a couple minutes, usually he goes right back to sleep. He always wakes up between 2am and 3am to eat, and again between 5:30am and 6am. So I get up with him twice a night. This is normal and I won't try to train him to sttn because I can't train him to not be hungry.
Please make sure that whatever you decide to do you are keeping your daughter's well being in mind, and not just trying to get more sleep for yourself. Waking up twice is awesome and some moms are dealing with way more wake ups than that!
- We are thinking of cutting swaddle and paci and make it a clean break. We think that if she has the paci, will wake up without a paci and not be able to soothe helself. Thoughts? Then why did you give her the paci in the first place? In a few months she'll be able to find it in the crib herself. In the meantime, maybe just go in there and retrieve it once she's asleep and it falls out? You already gave it to her so I think it's kind of mean to take it away all of a sudden. You could try slowly encouraging her to suck her hand/thumb during the day and see if she starts to take to that instead of the paci. Also, if you're going to eventually cut both swaddling and the paci, and move her to the crib, you might try doing just one at a time.
- How do we know she is not really hungry if she wakes up crying in the middle of the night? We just ignore and let her cry? If you can pat her, rock her, or walk her to sleep then she's not hungry. If that doesn't work and she takes a feeding then she's hungry. Babies change all the time. Just because she doesn't need to feed in the middle of the night one week doesn't mean she won't be in a growth spurt and need to feed the next night. I'm not sure if your daughter is BF or FF. If BF, then she will probably make a beeline to the breast with her head and that's a sure sign she's hungry or just needs the comfort of the breast (which is still valid).
- As far as setting a schedule, let's say we need to wake her at 6am every day so Mom can feed her and give her to me so I can get her ready for daycare and mom can go to work. We need to maintain the schedule on weekends and holidays as well?
I try to keep DS on the same schedule whether it's during the week or weekend. It kind of sucks getting up early but it works out so much better in the end. However, my son loves being on a schedule. Some kids don't need it.
One thing I will answer, though, is your question of how to tell if your baby is hungry or not. What we do for my LO is when she cries, my DH would go in and rock her for about 10-15 minutes. If hungry, her cries would eventually intensify or she just wouldn't go down. About half the time she went down with him rocking her. Now, when she wakes, I can hear her stir but she's able to put herself back down so I know when she wakes and cries it's due to hunger.
Baby C - 08.23.13
We did a lot of trial and error in finding a sleep routine. With figuring out LOs preferences, we were able to get to STTN at 4 weeks, but we know that's a combination of his preferences and our routine.... Not everyone is so lucky.
I hope the baby's mom is better informed on this topic.
DS born 9/3/13; DD born 7/22/15; LO due 5/28/18
FS (age 5) and FD (age 2) to become AS/AD very soon!
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
Yes, these boards can be a source of great comfort & advice. However, we aren't here to blow smoke up your skirt & mindlessly agree with a method that is not recommended for this age.
So yes, you got flamed & rightfully so. I call BS on your "research" because had you actually done any you would know that Ferber himself recommends waiting until 6 months.
Also, this is a key regression month. You have to ride it out but CIO at this point is not training baby to sleep by herself or self soothe. You are robbing her of any way to do that. Instead, you are teaching her that she is left alone & that you won't pick her up when she is crying for you.
That can breed mistrust. Baby has to believe you will come back & address her needs. At this stage being held, reassured & cuddled when she is upset is a legitimate need. Don't ignore that.
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If you wanted somebody to train you should have gotten a puppy not a baby!
I agree that you're getting hated on rather strongly here. But like you said, you didn't make it clear that you go in every few minutes to comfort. 30 minutes straight just seems upsetting. We started CIO and it hasn't gone past 10 minutes. When we've tried everything...made sure he wasn't hungry, diaper was clean, felt loved...some times the only option is to let them work it out. I don't want him getting in the habit of having to be held or rocked to fall asleep. Made that mistake with my oldest. If you're checking in on them and letting them know you're still there, just not picking them up, I don't see anything wrong with it.
I have to say that two times a night is amazing and I wish I had that! My LO currently wakes up every 2 hours...I don't mind, simply because my DS was never a good sleeper either and still wakes up at 2 1/2. I see it as our special one on one time
But give her a break people! We can't all act like we love being sleep deprived. It sucks...yes it's something that comes with the territory but still...try to be somewhat understanding!
Imagine if you were immobile, scared, had no idea if someone you loved would EVER come back to save you? You might be hungry, tired or just plain lonely. You don't have any way to "work it out". The panic sets in. Ugly cry for 10 minutes. Try it. Like, snot out your nose-- screaming cry. Now imagine your small baby experiencing that.
THAT is why I dislike CIO. You are taking your adult abilities & forcing them onto a small baby that has no where near the same experiences & expectations you do. Pick up the kid.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
Just because you feel that way & it's your opinion doesn't make it a correct opinion. Each baby is different. A high maintenance baby that needs to be held & soothed is just the baby's temperament. Having a baby like that CIO is just shooting yourself in the foot.
Just like you can't control a baby that doesn't need those things, you can't "spoil" one into needing them. It's just a case of different babies needing different things.
You are assuming you have more control than you really do. That is, in effect, placing blame on the mother that is very much misplaced. It's not fair to mother or baby (or yourself) to place that much weight on a situation that is totally beyond anyone's control. That's why I take issue, respectfully, with you talking in absolutes.
Example: My daughter required being held to sleep & still requires a lot of cuddles/soothing to go to bed. Even at age 2. This is her temperament. Nothing I did or didn't do caused it. It's just what she needs to feel secure. I am & was simply meeting her *needs*.
My son, on the other hand, requires to be fed, clean & held for just five minutes. I can put him down drowsy & he's cool. It's just his needs are different.
You can never go wrong advising a mother to meet her baby's needs. You can go wrong advising a mother to do a catch all solution. It might have worked for you to CIO-- but OP's situation is different.
She is robbing her four month old of all the comfort items that might aid in self soothing. To top it off, she is attempting to half-ass her attention to his need to be held. Obviously, it's not working. So, instead of sticking to your guns & claiming we are all big meanie heads-- why not entertain the idea that she should wait until 6 months & revisit CIO later?
Seems like a more reasonable solution, yes?
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards: